10/23/04--Let me tell you about my birthday

Hey...its Oct 23rd!!  My big bro's birthday!  That would make you......OMAN!!!
Not the big 5-0...it can't be!  Yikes man...its time to start thinking about that condo on the beach and eating the early bird special down at Shoney's!!  Happy Day big brother!

Now then...let me tell you about MY birthday.  It was....truly a disaster.  Where shall I start?  Well, let's see...how about the fact that the wife and I overslept by an hour and a half???  Nothing like being woken up with the following...
"Oh my God!!  It's 10 minutes to 7.  You gotta get up!"
That's a better wakeup call than any shower or cup of Joe, I don't mind telling ya.
So then, as I'm in the shower, she tells me she's taking the kids to the bus-stop.  With me so far?  A couple of minutes later, I'm getting dressed, doing the math to see if there is anyway on God's green earth that I will still make it to work ontime....
when I hear the wife come in and announce that they had missed the bus and that I needed to take them to school.  Ahem....
AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!
With much composure and understand (you really don't believe that, do ya?) I headed out the door and began my own version of the Daytona 500 with the kids in the backseat (buckled in naturally).  Mind you, I had now left the house and not one person had wished me a happy birthday.  But that's okay, I'll get over it I'm sure.
And I'm actually making pretty good time until I hit the dreaded I-595//Flamingo Rd intersection.  Holy cripes.  The line to get on//off the interestate had to be about half a mile long and everyone had decided that there was nothing to be in a hurray about.
Let me say it again.....ahem....
AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!
So finally I get off the interstate and I have exactly ONE block to travel before I'm in front of their school.  Whoops, hold on...that's exactly how long the line is to get into the school parking lot!!  And then you have those freakin weasels who like to drive all the way to the front of the line and then cut the line.  MAN!  Does that ever piss me off!  So after enough time seemingly for the icebergs to melt, I pulled into one of the parking lots at the kids school....at which point Kellie told me that I should've pulled into another parking lot.
Let's just say....the look I give her will probably stay with her for a few years.
So after reminding herwhat a long walk it is back home, I dropped them off and began the "sprint" to work.  HA!  A likely story.  About this time my wife calls me to wish me happy birthday, and quite honestly I wasn't in the best mood to receive her wishes and pretty much sorta told her that.  What a husband, huh?  Just before I get to work, the phone rings again and its my sister calling with birthday wishes, which I accept with a little bit better spirit.  I told her of what had happened so far and she suggested that I remind my boss that it was my birthday.  What a great idea!!
So I walk into the office, around 8:35ish...and say to my boss.
"Well, I'm officially here."
"Okay....why don't we just call it 30 minutes on your time sheet."
"Um...alright.  But my sister told me to mention that I haven't been late in 5 years and that it was, ya know....my birthday and all."
He let a slight smirk come over his face.
"Why don't we just call this your one free pass."
Excellent!  Maybe my day was taking a turn for the better.  Uh....not.  So I have a pretty nice day at work, with lots of nice wishes from all my friends at work....even though a CERTAIN someone walked right past my desk with not even so much as a 'have a happy birthday'.  Is it me?  I mean....am I wrong for thinking it was pretty bitchy of her not to even say that?  Whatever.
So afterwards, I'm off to one of Kellie's football games.  It was their homecoming game so all the parents of the players and cheerleaders get brought onto the field and introduced....yada yada.
So as their introducing all the parents, Kim informs me that one of the teachers had called her at work.  Now that's what I call timing on her part.
She informs me that young Mr. P.B. had turned in a notebook assignment just a little short of the info that he needed.
Oh, do tell, I inquire.
"Well, his notebook was supposed to have 25 assignments from the last few weeks in it...Andy's did not."
"How many did he have in it when he turned it in?"
"Um....two."
"TWO?"
"Yep.  He was missing 23 assignments."
TWENTY THREE ASSIGNMENTS!!!  Now remember dear reader....this was on my birthday.  What did I do to deserve this?  Had I lead some wicked former life?
Surely that must explain this happening on my birthday, along with the Cubs failure to get into a World Series, the Vikings inability to get back to the Super Bowl for almost 30 years and Notre Dame's unbelieveable performance since they shitcanned Lou Holtz.  What the hell could I have done in that past life??  But I digress.....
So then Kim decides that we need to go get Andy and have me take him home so that he can begin working on the missing work, since the teacher offered to let him turn in the work the next day if he could complete it.  So we drag him off the field at band practice, basically with the hope that it would get maximum exposure with his fellow band geeks, and informed him about the missing 23 assignments. 
As we were walking to get him his books, he begins bopping along, and tells his mom that the people from different colleges had been at the school had been there that day.  I pretty much exploded at that point, telling him that this was a bad time to be telling us about his college choices, since he was in danger of failing one of his GOOD classes.  I was not happy and wanted him to know it.  I told him that what I couldn't figure out was how exactly he had expected to get away with this.  The school basically contacts you if the kid farts in the wrong direction.  Missing 23 assignments is a really, REALLY sure way of having your parents contacted.  He offered no answers, other than pretty much being lazy.  So he and I made that long ride home, and when he got home, he proceeded to begin working on the missing 23 assignments.  And he continued to work.  Until 12:30am the next day.  I waited until after midnight, because I wanted to make sure my birthday was finally over.  I can't handle many more days like this one.
Gee, I can't wait until next year.

Later,
Jeff