Inconsequential things---but to whom?

So yesterday I went to pick up the kids from Tae Kwon Do--Kim hadn't returned from her trip to Orlando.  The teacher was trying to do one of his famous (or infamous, depending on your viewpoint) "fire up the students" speeches.  During the course of the speech, he told the students that the proposed summer camp before the junior Olympics is now "mandatory".  (Keep in mind that MY kids are not going to the junior Olympics).
Now, at this point, Kellie asks what I think is a perfectly legitimate question:

"Are we going to have to pay for the summercamp if its mandatory?"

So the teacher gave a smart ass answer to what I think he perceived as a smart ass question.  I've told the kids before that I will always support them if their instructor hassles them over something NOT Tae Kwon Do related--such as questioning why they would, ya know, want to do HOMEWORK when they could be practicing tae kwon do. 

So when the class is over and the kids get into the car, Kellie launches into a huge cryfest over the fact that the instructor had sort of given her a snappy answer.  I tried to explain to her that I thought he was not responding to the question, which I thought was a perfectly legitimate one, but the point in the class it was asked.  I've told her before not to interrupt him when he's doing a "fire-up" speech, because she's interrupting what is essentially a tirade....and no good is going to come from that.  She continued to cry, and I tried to explain to her that she needed to come up with a way of letting comments roll of her back--instead of allowing them to get to her.  I pointed out that another student was known to pretty much ignore the instructors, and while I didn't want her to go that far, she needed to basically develop some thicker skin.
Just when I thought she was over it, she began to cry again.  I was frustrated.  I asked her why she was so upset about something that a martial arts instructor was saying to her, and yet...when her mother and I told her to straighten up and be mindful of her grades, she seems to be able to shut us off.  She continued to cry and I got more frustrated.  I told her that, in the grand scheme of life, tae kwon do really wasn't that important.

When I got home, I called Kim...who was still driving home.  I told her that I was very frustrated that Kellie was allowing herself to become so upset over what was supposed to be a recreational activity.  Kim listened...which in itself was all she could do, and yet still helped...and said she would talk to Kellie when she got home.

 I asked Andy why he thought his sister got so emotionally unglued by the comments of a tae kwon do instructor, and what I said didn't mean as much.  He thought a moment and then said.....that Kellie sees me getting upset over silly things....or at least, things that she thinks are silly....or maybe, a little inconsequential.

Kellie came out to the living room a few minutes later.  Her brother left the room and she told me that she wanted to apologize for crying.  I told her that she had nothing to apologize for...that I was sorry for losing my temper and telling her that what was upsetting her was inconsequential.

I realized that what had started the whole thing was something that was inconsequential to ME.....not her.  I told her that I believed, in 15 or 20 years, that she would look back and wonder why she had allowed herself to get so worked up over something that she was supposed to be enjoying.  But, I mentioned, sometimes I forget that she's a 14 yr old girl--and 14 yr old girls are prone to bouts of sudden, unexplainable emotional outbursts.  And then I told her....that while I was not there when she was born, that in my heart...I truly was.  She was not my "step" anything.  She was my daughter.  And sometimes, as my daughter....she also saw me become prone to sudden, unexplainable emotional outbursts.

Sometimes what's inconsequential to me, isn't so inconsequential to someone else.

But what is not inconsequential is my daughter and her feelings.

Later,
Jeff