7/11/07--The Police concert....last night in Miami

So last evening my wife and I joined our friends Jason & Kim Olivia as we went to the stadium formerly known as Joe Robbie to see the reunion tour of The Police.  Here, my own unique review of last evening's show:

The concert itself was due to start at around 7pm.  However, since we knew that there were going to be two "opening acts" (including one that featured the 19 yr old son of Sting--uh, no thanks) we all figured that we would just show up in time for the headline act to come on stage.  Well, since my wife wasn't going to be home until around 6:30 to 6:45ish anyway, I thought that would work out fine.  So she gets home and we even decided to stop and get a quick bite to eat at the old Steak & Shake.  Good Lord, in the parking lot we even saw a car with a license plate that read: 
Jeff & Kim

I kid you not.  Anyway, we head down to the stadium and we're making nice time and figure that we'll get into our seats with approximately 30 minutes to spare before the main event would start....so much for planning.  Well it just so happened that some major roadwork was starting on the turnpike right after the concert, and because of that, and for I suppose reasons having to do with the way the stadium was being configured for the concert...the entire east parking lot--ya know, the one that has the DIRECT access to the turnpike--is not open.  Nope, instead we have to exit onto University Drive.  What a terrific idea.  In hell.   So the wait to get off the exit ramp onto University took maybe.....35 minutes.  Now all of a sudden our window of extra time has been reduced to almost nothing...but finally we are able to make our way into the stadium parking lot....that is, the parking lot that is being used.  The one that, naturally, is furtherest away from the stadium.  So as we're making our way in, along with all the rest of the cars....I'm thinking that I'm glad I remembered and stopped at an ATM on the way, because I know that for baseball games the parking is usually around $10....and its maybe $20 for Dolphins games.  Tonight?

$30 for parking.  I kid you not.

And then....to make it even more sweet....we're so late at this point that our parking spot?  About 15 yards from the afore-mentioned University Drive.  The night is young, but I'm getting a bad vibe.

So we hastily make our way to the stadium sowe can at least be in our seats before the show starts.  Well....that was until we heard the opening chords of "Message in a Bottle". 

DOH!!

Kim says..."hey, I think the show is starting".  Naaah, says I...I'm sure its just them playing and old CD or something to warm up the crowd before the show starts.
Yeah...that's the ticket.  So as we're into the stadium we realize that our seats, the ones that our friends Jason & Kim are in....are, ya know....on the OTHER SIDE of the stadium.  Perfect.  So we walk quickly through the mass of humanity and drunken idiots (and why are they in line when the concert has JUST started??) and make our way to our seats...upper deck mind you....we see our friends waving at us and we take a seat.
And the wave of heat and stifling humidity suddenly hit us.  And we look down at the stage....which seems to be located approximately 2 miles from where we are sitting.
I knew it should've been a tipoff when I saw the guy selling binoculars as we were getting to our seats.  And hey....that guy Sting looks just like an ant!  Or maybe its an ant on the seat in front of me...I can't tell.
So now we're seated and we're ready to be entertained....well, at least I'M ready to be entertained...as I suspect that Kim is only along for the ride, and may not be the biggest Police fan in the world ("Ya know, I have never liked that song 'Roxanne'.").  And about every 3rd song or so, Kim would lean over and go..."what song is this?".....and I'd wait for a couple of notes to kick in--hey, it has been over 20 years since they were in concert--and then tell her whether it was a really big song ("Don't Stand So Close to Me") or maybe one that wasn't so big ("Walking in Your Footsteps").  And of course, the first thing that everyone notices is that the acoustics....well....let's just say they are not good.  We're in an open air stadium....but since the Dolphins have a couple of jumbotrons in either endzone at the top of the stadium, the music is bouncing off the giant screens and reverbing back.....so, during "Roxanne", Sting would sing out "Rox....anne"
and before he could get to the next line...about two seconds later you would hear the echo coming off the jumbotron ("Rox...anne").  It was tremendously annoying, especially as we considered what we paid for our seats--but of course, we were made slightly happier by the knowledge that we at least hadn't paid what the idiots who were on the stadium floor had supposedly paid for their seats (south Florida rumor:  $1,000).
Let's get back to the intolerable heat.  Now mind you, this is during the evening.  I don't even want to think how anyone managed to enjoy either of the two opening acts who played while the sun was still in the sky.  Good lord, the EMT's must have been working overtime.  Oh, and the genius who was sitting right behind Jason?  The one who kept talking on his cellphone and screaming at his son?
"STAY OFF THE PHONE BRIAN!!  I MEAN IT!!"

Yeah, good times alright.  Oh, and then there was the fact that, despite the horrible accoustics and all.....was the fact that you could understand none of the mindless patter that Sting would interject between songs.  He seriously sounded like a guy having a conversation with someone in the drive-thru line at Burger King.  That is one kick ass sound system ladies and gentlemen.  Oh, and the trio of guys in the next row over who sparked up a cheeb?  I thought I was going to get a freakin contact high.  Dude, you're like 50 yrs old...get the monkey off your back, ya know?

Don't get me wrong...there were a few highlights.  They did a really nice "Invisible Sun", and "King of Pain" sounded great...but on the 2nd encore as they launched into an extended dance version of "Every Breath You Take"....we all headed for the exits.
Only good thing about being parked so close to the road?  We got out of the stadium area in like 5 minutes...back in our car...and the blessed-as-if-by-God-himself air conditioning.  Now, my wife....I love her for a lot of reasons.  The woman is a saint, and not just because she puts up with me.  She almost NEVER curses.  But as we got into the car, she looks at me and says:

"Start the car and put on the f'n air conditioning."

Yeah, it was a little warm.

Tickets for The Police in Miami at Joe Robbie Stadium:  $100
Parking a mile away:  $30
Escaping the end of the show and starting the car up (with air conditioning):  Priceless

In the immortal words of Comic Book Guy:

Worst concert....ever.


Later,
Jeff