2/21/08---A rough couple of weeks

Unfortunately, I've had a rough couple of weeks---hence the lack of an entry.

I'm very sad to inform those of you who may have heard me mention him that my nephew Matthew Karie-Fenton passed away a couple of weeks ago after a long and courageous bout with skin cancer.  The melanoma was not picked up until very late because it was basically in the middle of Matt's back and he didn't see it.  When his father Mike saw it, he took Matt to the doctor....who told him that it was all ready a stage #4 melanoma.  For those of you who don't know what that means....its not good.

Over the course of the last 8 months or so, Matt went to receive different and varying types of treatment...and anyone who's known anyone who had a type of cancer knows that its a grueling experience on the best of days.  My mother and sister are both breast cancer survivors, and my father survived a bout with Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.
That's 3 out of 5 of my original family.  I won't lie to you...its something that I think about.  So Matt would go to the treatments, taken by either his father or his step-dad Steve..or maybe by his grandmother Mary.  Everyone tried their best to put up a good front and stay positive--but I'm sure it is mentally and emotionally exhausting.
Matt finally lost the fight....or, as his Uncle Brian said so eloquently..."he fought the beast that lived inside of him for as long as he could...until he couldn't fight anymore."

I went to Matthew's funeral and I'm ashamed to say that I was worried.  I was worried because I wasn't sure how my ex-wife's family would react to my presence.  As if they had nothing else in the world to concern themselves with but me being there.
Luckily for me....it took me all of about 4 seconds to get the hell over myself and realize that the day was about Matthew, and not whether or not someone still had lingering bad feelings about me and how my marriage to Matthew's aunt had ended---10 years ago.
Not my best moment.

I went to the casket to pay my respects...and I saw Matthew's Uncle Brian.  Smart ass Brian.  Wise cracking Brian.  That guy wasn't there.  He had been replaced by serious Brian.  Respectful and mourning Brian.  He walked me over to the casket.  The casket was still open so that family members could pay their final respects and place different items (flowers, momentos, etc) in with Matthew.  Itwas the first time I had seen Matthew in almost 6 months....and I was thunderstruck by his appearence.  By what this insidious disease had done to him.  I didn't recognize him.  It has forever altered my memory of him.  When I see Matthew's face now, I won't just see the crazy kid that I knew...I'll see the image of the young man I saw in the casket.   And I will never be able to forget it.

My ex-wife came up to me and greeted me, thanking me for coming.  It was awkward, which wasn't really surprising I guess.  I then made my way over to see Matthew's grandmother, my former mother-in-law.  It was the first time we had seen one another in over 10 years, since Kelly & I seperated.  I went over and paid my respects, unsure still how she might react to me.  I told her how sorry I was about Matthew and gave her a hug.  She couldn't have been more gracious.  I was again upset with myself for wondering how my presence would cause people to react. 

And then Kelly gave the first eulogy to Matthew.  She was almost overcome with emotion a couple of times and I silently tried to give her the strength to finish for Matthew.  She made me very proud by collecting herself and speaking about her nephew.  Kelly's brother Brian then got up and spoke about Matthew and his love for cars.  He was what people my age used to refer to as "a gearhead".  He spoke some words that were written by Matthew's brother Ian.  Their mutual love of cars and racing drew the brothers closer together and Ian wrote that he & Matthew had always wanted, just once, to race one another on a track.  Ian wrote that he realized the night before that they never would because "you crossed the finish line ahead of me".

The service was over and people were beginning to go to head over to the house of Matthew's mother Colleen.  I've known Colleen for almost 25 years.  There are times when she can almost be a stereotype of the fiery Irish woman, quick with her temper and mouth....and yet with a great sense of humor.  So the funeral home is clearing out and I'm waiting directly outside the room where the service was held, waiting to see if she or her husband Steve need me to carry anything back to their house.  I look around and I see that she is by herself...alone with her thoughts.  Its a very personal moment and I almost feel as though I'm intruding just watching.  She walks alone over to the casket that bears the body of her 21 year old son. And she lightly places her hand on the casket.  I had never seen her look so alone.

Matthew Karie-Fenton was 21 years old and will be dearly missed by his family and friends.

Later,
Jeff