Randy Moss---"Old school afro"

posted 01-12-2005 03:26 PM                      

The "P" word---potential

So the kids report cards arrived the other day.  This was pretty important stuff, because we've been trying to emphasize to Andy the importance of keeping his grades up now that he's in high school, and Kellie's progress reports have been--to say the least--very disappointing.  She had already lost her phone privileges and this would be the day of reckoning, to say nothing of the fact that I told her if her grades continued to be so poor that we wouldn't pay for her to go to a private school anymore.
So I opened Andy's report card first, and he had all A's and two C's.  One of the classes that had a C was biology, which is a class that Andy just hates.  We had already told him earlier in the year--just get through it and next year you can start taking chemistry (which he loves...go figure).  So, he got the C and we were....satisfied if not happy.  However, the troubling thing was the C in the other class and what the teacher wrote in her comments.
"Does not work to full potential."

That one really stuck me.  I asked Andy if he thought it were true.  He sort of hemmed and hawed and really couldn't come up with an answer.

"Does this report card reflect the best work and effort that you are capable of?"
And he thought some more...and then finally admitted......no.
I told him that if it did, he could tell me.  But he again said that the answer was no.
And I reread to him the teachers comment.  And I told him there was a reason that reading this about him bothered me so much.

"Who here tonight did not work to their full potential?"

Andy thought I was talking about Kellie.  But then, ever so slowly, I turned to....

Myself.

I told Andy how that when I was his age there was nothing more that I wanted to do in my life than to be a sportscaster.  Nothing was going to stop me from getting there.  And that somewhere along the line, I missed it.  That while I could sit there and think that if only I had been pushed more by my parents, or if I had gotten help from the school, or if.....what's the old saying?  If "if's and but's were candy and nuts"....and so ultimately what I had planned for myself didn't work out.  Instead, I got a fine job in the clerk's office, making pretty good money, co-workers that I really like....all the while knowing that I had failed myself.  And that I had no one else to blame but myself.  That Ihad more potential than that, but that I "settled" for the career that I had.  And I told Andy that if he ended up working a 9-5 job, with the gift that he's been given from God in his brain....that if didn't end up as a chemist, or an astronomer, or a video games designer...or any one of the many jobs that he thinks he would like to do...ones that would take advantage of his talents.....that he would not be living up to his potential.  And that the day would come when he realized that he had failed himself.....and he would be faced with the saddest two words in the English language.
"What if?"

Kellie's report card was....better.  She didn't get her phone back.  She still has work to do.  We took her out of her two honors classes to see if that will get her back on track.  I told her if her next progress report indicated an improvement--she would get her phone back.
Its all about the tough love folks, tough love.

Later,
Jeff

1/10/04--Moon over Green Bay

So yesterday, in amongst the time that I received the bad news about Misty, my Vikings went to Green Bay to play a playoff game.  The Vikes went into the game with a less than sterling 3-7 record over the last 10 games of the season, not unlike the season before when they...uh...pretty much did the same damn thing.
I was not confident.  They were playing the Packers, who they had lost to twice already this season, both by scores of 34-31 on the last play of the game (AARRGH!!).  Then you had the whole controversy from last weekend where Randy Moss decided to leave the playing field with 2 seconds left on the clock.

Well, in the immortal words of Gomer Pyle..."surprise, surprise, surprise!!"
Somehow head coach Mike Tice pulled a rabbit out of his hat and brought his team into Lambeau Field jacked up and ready to play.  The Vikes jumped out to a 17-0 lead, which is just about the point that I started thinking about the news I had just gotten and really turned the game off.  Well now, at some point, late in the game, with the score at 24-17, the Vikes made an impressive drive down the field towards the Green Bay goalline.  About 30 yds out, QB Duante Culpepper throws a deep pass for Randy Moss, who pulls it in for the touchdown that essentially ended the game and sent the Vikes on to the 2nd round of the playoffs.
Here's where it gets fun:  Moss, ever the petulant child, then goes over by the Green Bay goalpost and SIMULATES (key phrase) mooning the Packer faithful.  There have been some reports that he was wiping his behind on the goalpost, but I really didn't see any evidence of that.
Now, its at about this point in the broadcast that the FOX announcers (that's right--FOX--can you believe it?) to show their outrage to the viewing audience.  Play by play guy Joe Buck begins screaming about what a disgusting display it was by a thug WR (keep in mind this is the same Joe Buck who appears in the Budweiser commercials with egomaniacal football player "Leon"--but I digress).  The guys in the FOX studio, lead by Terry Bradshaw--you remember, the guy who reportedly couldn't spell C..A..T...if you spotted him the "C" and the "A"---begin screaming about the "sanctity of the NFL"   Again, this is the same Terry Bradshaw who up until 3 or 4 years ago wouldn't go to Pittsburgh for team events because he was still having a hissy about being booed by the fans during his career.  And HE'S going to tell Moss to grow up?  Uh....no thank you.  And then my personal favorite:


 Now I've heard everything...Dan Patrick was interviewing Mike Ditka & Michael Irvin about the Moss situation, Irvin actually said:
"No I wouldn't want Randy Moss for my teammate.
As great a player as he is on the field...I'd always have to be cleaning up his messes off the field."


EXCUSE ME??? Michael "COCAINE" Irvin is worrying about a teammate's reputation off the field?
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!
This is the same guy who bought a house in Dallas next to the training facility in Dallas so he and his teammates could bang strippers after practice.
What an idiot. And he has the nerve to say that Moss "doesn't respect the NFL". I guess banging whores and snorting blow was part of the NFL's
"relaxed policy" when Irvin was playing.
And as far as respecting the NFL, I wonder if Iron Mike, total blowhard that he's always been,
thought he was respecting the NFL the 137th time the cameras caught him cursing at one of his players. Oh, I'm sorry--that was just his style.

Look....it was a pretty stupid gesture.  Was it "obscene"?  No.  First of all...it was a "SIMULATED" gesture.  He didn't actually drop trousers.  And of course, then there were the stories that came out AFTERWARDS about the "quaint" little custom that the fans of Lambeau have with the visiting teams that lose in Green Bay:  they wait by the dressing room of the opponents and then MOON the team bus to the losing team, showing the spoils of their "victory".  These are the "respectful" and proud fans of the NFL's penultimate franchise, the Green Bay Packers.  Loads of class, huh?  So...with that knowledge....Moss?  Stupid gesture.  The national outrage?  Way, WAAAAAY overblown.  A better question would have been:
"What in God's name is with Randy's hair?"  Holy cripes!  It was like Sly Stone was out there playing receiver for the Vikes.  And if it was Sly, whew....he was smoking Al Harris all day, wasn't he?
Later,
Jeff

1/9/05--sad news

I got a phone call today with some sad news.  It wasn't a call from who I thought it would be from.  But I got the news.
My Misty girl...my beloved "daughter" for some 6 years is gone.  My ex-wife, the beloved former Mrs Me # 2 faced what I'm sure was a horrible decision and put her down.  I'm told that Misty, now aged 14 yrs, had gotten to the point where she couldn't walk anymore--a fact that made the decision somewhat easier for the ex, who lives in a 2nd floor condo.
Misty first came into my life in 1991, about 6 mos before we got married.  A friend of my future wife's came over to the house holding a little puppy who had been left at the end of a country road with some a few of her brothers and sisters.  Deserted.
The friend managed to get ahold of Misty before she ran away with her siblings, and took her to my ex, who was an easy mark for animals in need.  I remember when she called me to tell me that it looked like we would have our first addition to the family--before we got married (somewhat scandalous I know).  I went over to her house, and took a look at the dog that would play such an intergral part of my life over the next 6 years.
"Big paws," I said.  "This is going to be a big dog."
She was an Australian Shepherd--a breed that I really didn't know that much about.
But what a breed.  What a dog.  Through the next 6 years, with many ups & downs in my personal life...Misty was the one constant in my life.  I could have arguements with my wife...with her family....have a bad day at work....and yet, when I got home, Misty was always there.  I blew off a lot of steam in those days walking Misty around the block.  So Misty was my sounding board for a marriage that was beginning to have some problems.  She heard my concerns, my worries, my frustration....and never once complained about listening to my gripes.  And when I was gone....I'm sure my ex would give her a hug and air her complaints about me to Misty.  And she never complained....and always listened.
My marriage to the former Mrs Me # 2 had its problems.  Maybe we were "never meant to be".  Maybe we should've never gotten together.  But during our 6 years as a couple...we had one shining jewel. 
Our gift to the world for those years was our girl...our daughter...our Misty.

Misty  1991-2005

1/9/05--movie intensive

So I've really been taking advantage of this new deal with Blockbuster--I watched like three movies over a 2 day period--then went and checked out 3 more.  My eyes are beginning to blur.

1) Anchorman--The Legend of Ron Burgundy.  Will Ferrell was a great character performer while he was on Saturday Night Live, and this movie is essentially a 90 minute skit.  Now, that can be good (Blues Bros) or bad (The Coneheads).  Fortunately, this is a good one.  The movie reminds me somewhat of Airplane! in that there are literally so many jokes thrown at the screen over the 90 minutes that, quite honestly, some of them fall flat.  The good news however, is that there are enough that hit the mark that this is a very funny movie.  Ron Burgundy is a local news anchor in San Diego circa 1973, a time when the local news guy dominated the local scene and was a much higher profile gig than it his now.  The problem is that Burgundy is essentially a nitwit, one of those guys who's entire understanding of news is what appears in front of them on the teleprompter (as is displayed in a very funny scene during the film).  Ferrell is joined by Christina Applegate, who is proving her self a very nice little film comedienne, but the best scenes in the movie involve Ferrell and (don't laugh)...his dog.  Its not necessarily a knock on the film to say that some of the funniest lines in the movie go to the dog.  Trust me.  ***3/4
2) Napoleon Dynamite--here's a weird little film.  Napoleon is a nerdy high school kid who lives in a small town in Idaho and who, like a lot of nerdy kids, gets picked on by the bullies and popular kids at his school.  He ends up befriending the new spanish kid in school and helps him in his run for class president.  Along the way, Napoleon has to deal with his even nerdier older brother and his more than just a little strange Uncle Rico, who has an Al Bundy-esque obsession with his football glory days back in 1982.  This film is not for everyone.  There are some genuinely meanspirited characters here, and Napoleon himself isn't the most likeable guy around...but sort of like a fungus--this film kind of grows on you.  Half way through the film I was asking myself why I was sitting through it...but at the end I found myself glad that I had.  There's a really cute scene towards the end of the film where Napoleon has his sort of "coming out" and in its ownway its a really uplifting scene.
One of the things I really enjoyed about the film was the performance of Tina Manjarino, who plays the girl that Napoleon has a crush on.  She is a very good young actress who's someone to watch in the future.  *** (but not for everyone)
3) Shaun of the Dead--I gotta be honest with you.  I'm not a huge fan of zombie films.  Never got into the whole Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead craze.
I did see 28 Days Later, which I thought was a good horror film about zombies.
But I read about Shaun of the Dead and decided to take a chance...especially since it had been describes as a "Zom-Rom-Com", which means it was a "zombie-romantic-comedy".  I figured anything that had those 3 things thrown together had to be at least worth a look.  Some of the zombie stuff is a tad grisly, but the humor stuff is very funny in parts, such as the scene where Shaun and his best friend are trying to fend off the zombies by throwing old records at them--while Shaun is trying to decide which albums he doesn't want to throw:
"Purple Rain?"
"What...are you kidding?  That's a great record!"
"Sign of the Times?"
"Yeah...that's better...throw that one."
Again, this is not a film for everyone.  Some will see the whole zombie part and decide their not interested.  But its a very black comedy about what happens when a virus that is "not of this earth" wipes out a large portion of the population.
"Do you think he'd mind if I took his Jaguar?  I've always wanted to drive it."
In its own warped way, its a pretty good film with some very funny moments.
Especially stick around for the end of the film, which shows what society decided to do with the...um....living dead.  (I wouldn't have guessed a game show, but who knows?)  ***1/2

Later,
Jeff

1/5/05---Back to some movie reviews--briefly

Well, first of all.....I'd like to say thank you very kindly for the positive feedback on my recent article on the beginnings of my relationship with the former Mrs Me # 1.
And oh...don't worry...there is the proverbial "plethora" of information on that topic.
Geez...I was thinking about it today.  All that we've talked about is like that iceberg.
You've only seen the very tip of that resource of storylines.  And man alive---I haven't even started talking about wife # 2!!!  I was wondering today which one of my delightful ex's had a weirder freakin family.  Its a close call...may go down to the wire.

Anyway...I've had the chance recently, courteousy of Blockbuster ("NO MORE LATE FEES"--are you tired of those ad's yet?) to watch a couple of new DVD's.
1) Collateral--boy do I love it when an actor that I'm not particularly fond of takes a chance and hits one out of the park.  Tom Cruise, for years nothing but a pretty boy with a smirk goes totally against type in his latest, by noted stylist//director Michael Mann.  Cruise plays Vincent, who is picked up by cabbie Jamie Foxx one night.
Vincent will be in L.A. for only one evening, and asks Foxx to be his driver for the evening--for a very nice fee of course.  A short while later, Foxx begins to realize that this is no ordinary fare.  Cruise is a hired killer with 5 stops to make and he's going to have to insist that Foxx spends the entire night with him.  Cruise is absolutely mesmirizing, in his greatest performance as Vincent.  He's a coldblooded, nerves of steel killer--and I totally allowed myself to be drawn in.  So many times when you watch Cruise, you watch a film and understand that you are watching "Tom Cruise--movie star" taking on various roles (Jerry Maguire, Vanilla Sky).
This role has him fully realizing the potential that he flashed in "A.I.".  He perhaps has very intelligently come to realize that the pretty boy roles will one day dry up, but there will always be work for a solid actor.  This is the role that shows Cruise reaching for that status, and he grabs it.  Which is not to say that he's not ably supported by Foxx, who quickly is becoming an excellent actor (the recent "Ray").
But this movie is really all about Cruise.  There's a scene in the middle of the film, in the middle of downtown L.A., where Foxx stops his cab.  Bouncing across an intersection during the middle of the night comes a wolf, out looking for a kill.
The scene is classic Michael Mann, and the symbolism of the wolf (Cruise) searching for his victims is not lost on us.   **** 1/2  terrific!

2) The Bourne Supremacy--I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  I totally respect Matt Damon as an actor.  He decided to take on the tougher roles and become an actor, while his old buddy Ben Affleck decided to become a movie star.  Which one do you think will be around Hollywood longer, huh?  Damon returns as former CIA agent Jason Bourne, still trying to put together the details of his past in the dreams that haunt him.  The film opens with Bourne living on the coast of India, trying to find peace of mind with his girlfriend (Franka Potente) when his past comes back to find him--even in this remote location.  Soon he is back on the run, trying to learn why his past and former employers won't leave him alone.  A terrific spy thriller, worthy of the man who wrote it (Robert Ludlum), with Damon in top form and ably supported by the likes of Joan Allen, Brian Cox & Julia Stiles.  You have to figure this franchise will continue--there's plenty of gold to made from it.  ****1/2

Later,
Jeff

1/3/05--Happy Freakin New Year

Ya know...sometimes, this shit writes itself.  Take tonight for example.  I get home late from work, and the wife--huge surprise--asks if I feel like going out for dinner.
Remember that old joke?  What's your wife make for dinner?  RESERVATIONS!
Anyway, we go out to that ultra-ritzy, 5 star restaurant "Wings & Things".  High class living...that's us.  So we go in, to get the cholestral special of the day, and has we're digging into all things horrible for your health, a family of about 7 or 8 come in.
Now, what's funny right away is that....its a mom & dad, one son, and like 4 daughters....the girls are between the ages of 10 & 13.  And shiver me timbers, the girls are giddy looking at......ANDY!  I can safely say, this was a first.  And the whole brood ends up at the table right next to ours (naturally).  Well, the whole thing with the young girls takes a back seat as we listen (unavoidably), to the incredibly insipid and aggravating conversation between the mom & dad.  The waitress comes over (let's remember:  we're at a WINGS joint)....and the mom asks:

"Do the drinks come with our dinner?"
(What?  You think your at a Morrison's here lady?)

Then, the husband tries to order wings, and is trying to order them plain.

"I want them mild."
"You mean the mild sauce?"
"No...ya know....dry."
"You mean plain?"
"That's what I said."

The actual ordering of the meal, no lie....took 15 minutes.  It was like listening to an Abbott & Costello routine.  I told Kim--this waitress better get a good tip.
So then we leave the restaurant...and we walk past the front window...right where the family is sitting.  As I walk by, I turn and notice that all the young girls are burning a hole right through.....ANDY.....with huge smiles on their faces.

"Andy.." I said, "If I'm not mistaken....those young ladies are getting a look at your....bootay.!"
This of course, horrified Kellie, as the thought that ANY girl would find her brother in any way attractive had her gagging....totally.

So today, at work, I had a rather unpleasant run-in with the former Mrs. Me # 1.
I made the horrible mistake--how could I?--of wishing her a Happy New Year.
You woulda thought I told her that she had toilet paper hanging out of her ass for the look I got.  So, at the time, I happened to be chatting with a mutual acquaintence, who I'm sure would rather remain "nameless" (let's call him "Deep Throat").  So she sees Deep talking with me...walks over and starts chatting it up with him, while ignoring me like I'm a zit on the end of her nose that she'd rather not think of.
Well, in the immortal words of Glenn Close....from Fatal Attraction.....

"You don't think.....that I will stand for.....being IGNORED.....do you????"

So, in her honor....I proudly (well, not if my parents are reading this...but otherwise I'm proud)......present a lovely STORY FROM THE FORMER MRS ME # 1.

It was the early months of 1984, and the former was ripe with child--the one from the assistant manager at K-Mart...but I digress---and I had been invited over for the very first dinner with her family.
Family.  Hmm......."family" in the way that a pack of wolves is a "family".
So I get to meet her mother (on husband #4 or #8--depending on which way you chose to look at it) and her stepfather (one front tooth---5'1" and 300lbs and looking GOOD for the ladies), her older brother (the religious nut who always walked around in suits in hope that one day he would become a minister), her younger brother (15 years old and already having unprotected sex with the girl across the street) , her younger sister (the only NORMAL one--including my future wife by the way--in the family.  I felt so bad for her) & her younger stepbrother (slowly developing a twitch from having been slapped around by her mom so much).
It was a good looking clan....sorta like the family from Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
So after dinner, the stepfather and I are sitting at the table....and he's eyeing me.

"So, uh.....lemme ask ya something.  Why exactly are you dating my daughter?"
"Excuse me?"
"Ya know....she's 6 months pregnant.  Why you dating her?"
"Well, obviously not for sex."

True story.

Later,
Jeff