So I had to take Kellie to her band recital for the all-state band competition. I found myself wondering just how uncomfortable the ride might be. So, soon after we got into the car, I set the pace.
"So, how'd school go today."
"Okay."
"Tell your friends about the little incident last night?"
"Yes."
"And what did they have to say about it?"
"They just said....'oh'."
"Aha....yeah, that's about what I expected from them."
I had a long talk with her. I told her that what really troubled me about the whole scenario was that I knew that someone had talked her into doing the whole thing. She is someone who lives in fear of not being accepted by her peers. She's afraid of being labeled as "not cool" or a "geek". So I'm sure that someone at school told her that if she wanted to be cool, she should create a little webpage for herself. And she did.
And then I told her that I worried what would happen if in a couple of years she went on a date and a boy put her in a similar situation--telling her that if she didn't do something that maybe she wasn't comfortable doing that he would tell everyone in school that she wasn't "cool" and so then she wold cave in to the pressure and end up making a big mistake at far too early an age. I'm sure she had to be cringing as her Dad had this conversation with her. And then I told her how unhappy I was that someone she knew--a boy she regarded as a "friend"--had called her a whore. That it was a vile, nasty word that I never wanted to hear in regard to my daughter, my wife, my mother, my sister or any of my nieces--and that she should advise the young man who had said that to her that under no circumstances should he EVER call her that again. She seemed okay with the conversation and listened to what I had to say. A couple of days later I relayed the conversation to my sister and my parents.
My sister and mother told me that I had done the right thing and that they were proud of the way that I had handled it.
My father just looked at me and nodded his approval of the way I handled it.
In that special mysterious ways that only fathers and sons can understand....that meant more to me than any words he could have said. It was that nod that seem to say---"your learning". It was a nod that seem to say that now he realizes that maybe, just maybe.....I was listening to all those talks he had with me....that maybe a little of it sunk in.
Well....maybe a little.
Later,
Jeff
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Monday, January 16, 2006
1/16/06---Adventures in parenting 101---room 3, down the hall
So the other night, I need to print something out from the computer. I didn't feel like dealing with the possibility of getting the IM's and all that, so I decided to do something that I almost NEVER do anymore--I went online via internet explorer. I can't even think of the last time I did that. So I get online, and go to type the name of the website I was looking for in the spacebar and I accidentally do a typo. I hit the down arrow to see where my mistake was made and.....lo and behold did I find something of interest.
I saw all these visits to a website called "Myspace.com". Now, what's particularly interesting about that is that a few months ago I told my daughter--my lovely 13 year old daughter--that I had read some things about that website that made me inclined to believe that perhaps it wasn't the place for a 13 year old. And so I hit one of the sites that had been visited and pulled up a webpage for an "18 year old" boy. That was followed by another one for an "18 year old" girl....who looked very familar. I then went down and examined some of the other links and got to one that was for someone called "Blondie 819". Now that immediately struck me as interesting because my daughter's birthday is August 19th. And so I pulled up the webpage.........
My first thought was what my method of killing her was going to be. She had gone onto this website without permission, as a matter of fact--after being told DIRECTLY NOT to go on the website...and not only that, she went and posted her own site on there.
I perused her webpage some more and discovered, much to my own surprise, that my daughter was in fact NOT 13 years old, but 16! Well, she must be...it says so right there on her webpage! I read some of the rather clever messages that her friends had sent to her, complete with some rather....hmmm...."selective" language. Now, truth be told, I'm probably the LAST person on earth to ever criticize someone for salty language, but I wish she would at least wait until she gets into high school before she starts swearing like a sailor.
I went onto one more webpage and saw another face I recognized, as it was one of the boys from her tae kwon do class. As I scrolled down his page, I couldn't help but notice that he had gotten a message from my daughter. She wrote to him regarding an incident that had happened recently in class and referred to it.
"I still remember that day in class when you called me a whore."
That's pretty tough words to hear in connection with your 13 year old daughter.
Kim came through the door with the kids and as they went into the bedrooms to change and get ready for dinner I called Kim over to show her what I had found. I mentioned the "myspace.com" site again, and she remarked that the topic had just come up the day before when they were visiting the kids cousin. She had asked Kellie about it and said that Kellie had "been evasive" in her answer. I began to bait my hook.
We sat down for dinner and I asked the kids how their day was. We made some small talk and I asked Andy if he remembered a story that I had told him from almost a year ago--about a girl right here in the town we lived in, who had posted a profile on her computer, lying about her age and who met a man who had responded and ended up getting raped in the parking lot of a Barnes & Noble. He didn't remember it and I'm sure had no idea why in the world I was even bringing it up.
I asked Andy if he remembered what the worst thing you could do in our family.
"Lie," he answered.
That's right I said. Then I looked at Kellie and asked her the same question.
"Lie," she said.
That's also right Kellie....
"Or should I just call you.....'Blondie 819'?"
It was one of those rare moments in parenting. You have your child not only in a lie--but in a BIG LIE. The look on her face, if the situation hadn't been so relatively serious, would have been almost humorous. But it wasn't. She was trapped and there was no exit strategy--not for the President in Iraq, not for Kellie at the dinner table.
Some rare political humor from your favorite writer. Thank you, thank you very much.
I asked her what in the world she had been thinking. Did she know the type of people who visited those webpages, looking for children to prey upon? Did ever once think that maybe there was a reason I didn't want her on there? I began speaking and found myself becoming more and more angry. I didn't want to begin screaming and yelling and losing my temper....so I got up and walked away from the table.
I told Kellie that she had lost her computer priviledges for the next 6 months....and no allowance...and no television (OUCH!). All things considered, I thought I was pretty easy on her.
She went to bed early that night, saying there was "nothing to do". Its amazing the impact that television has had on this generation. I thought my generation was addicted.
We're not even close compared to today's children. Its literally like a drug.
She came out and said good night to me, which sort of surprised me. When Kim came and sat down next to me I asked her if she had coaxed Kellie to say good night or if she had done it on her own. She told me that Kellie said that I wasn't talking to her, so Kim had to "coax her a little bit". Kim then reminded me that the following evening I had to drive Kellie to her band practice.
That was going to be one long, quiet ride, I thought to myself.
Part 2 later.
Later,
Jeff
I saw all these visits to a website called "Myspace.com". Now, what's particularly interesting about that is that a few months ago I told my daughter--my lovely 13 year old daughter--that I had read some things about that website that made me inclined to believe that perhaps it wasn't the place for a 13 year old. And so I hit one of the sites that had been visited and pulled up a webpage for an "18 year old" boy. That was followed by another one for an "18 year old" girl....who looked very familar. I then went down and examined some of the other links and got to one that was for someone called "Blondie 819". Now that immediately struck me as interesting because my daughter's birthday is August 19th. And so I pulled up the webpage.........
My first thought was what my method of killing her was going to be. She had gone onto this website without permission, as a matter of fact--after being told DIRECTLY NOT to go on the website...and not only that, she went and posted her own site on there.
I perused her webpage some more and discovered, much to my own surprise, that my daughter was in fact NOT 13 years old, but 16! Well, she must be...it says so right there on her webpage! I read some of the rather clever messages that her friends had sent to her, complete with some rather....hmmm...."selective" language. Now, truth be told, I'm probably the LAST person on earth to ever criticize someone for salty language, but I wish she would at least wait until she gets into high school before she starts swearing like a sailor.
I went onto one more webpage and saw another face I recognized, as it was one of the boys from her tae kwon do class. As I scrolled down his page, I couldn't help but notice that he had gotten a message from my daughter. She wrote to him regarding an incident that had happened recently in class and referred to it.
"I still remember that day in class when you called me a whore."
That's pretty tough words to hear in connection with your 13 year old daughter.
Kim came through the door with the kids and as they went into the bedrooms to change and get ready for dinner I called Kim over to show her what I had found. I mentioned the "myspace.com" site again, and she remarked that the topic had just come up the day before when they were visiting the kids cousin. She had asked Kellie about it and said that Kellie had "been evasive" in her answer. I began to bait my hook.
We sat down for dinner and I asked the kids how their day was. We made some small talk and I asked Andy if he remembered a story that I had told him from almost a year ago--about a girl right here in the town we lived in, who had posted a profile on her computer, lying about her age and who met a man who had responded and ended up getting raped in the parking lot of a Barnes & Noble. He didn't remember it and I'm sure had no idea why in the world I was even bringing it up.
I asked Andy if he remembered what the worst thing you could do in our family.
"Lie," he answered.
That's right I said. Then I looked at Kellie and asked her the same question.
"Lie," she said.
That's also right Kellie....
"Or should I just call you.....'Blondie 819'?"
It was one of those rare moments in parenting. You have your child not only in a lie--but in a BIG LIE. The look on her face, if the situation hadn't been so relatively serious, would have been almost humorous. But it wasn't. She was trapped and there was no exit strategy--not for the President in Iraq, not for Kellie at the dinner table.
Some rare political humor from your favorite writer. Thank you, thank you very much.
I asked her what in the world she had been thinking. Did she know the type of people who visited those webpages, looking for children to prey upon? Did ever once think that maybe there was a reason I didn't want her on there? I began speaking and found myself becoming more and more angry. I didn't want to begin screaming and yelling and losing my temper....so I got up and walked away from the table.
I told Kellie that she had lost her computer priviledges for the next 6 months....and no allowance...and no television (OUCH!). All things considered, I thought I was pretty easy on her.
She went to bed early that night, saying there was "nothing to do". Its amazing the impact that television has had on this generation. I thought my generation was addicted.
We're not even close compared to today's children. Its literally like a drug.
She came out and said good night to me, which sort of surprised me. When Kim came and sat down next to me I asked her if she had coaxed Kellie to say good night or if she had done it on her own. She told me that Kellie said that I wasn't talking to her, so Kim had to "coax her a little bit". Kim then reminded me that the following evening I had to drive Kellie to her band practice.
That was going to be one long, quiet ride, I thought to myself.
Part 2 later.
Later,
Jeff
Sunday, January 8, 2006
1/8/06--a special anniversary....and Midnight's "extra" help?
Today is the one year anniversary of the death of Misty, the dog that I had with my ex-wife Kelly. I thought a lot about my Misty, and this evening I spoke to Kelly, who for the first time since Misty's death spoke to me about what happened that day. It was a sad day for her, and was very sad for me when I heard about it later on. I felt better finally being able to hear about what happened at the end of her life---strange as that might sound. She was one special dog.
Misty 1990-2005 RIP
Now, onto news of a happier nature, I realized that I have not in fact reported on news of my "dubba bubba", my Mr. Man, my Mr. Shifty......Midnight the Wonder Dog.
Kim went in for a followup visit with the surgeon this past Thursday, and the doctor happily reported that Midnight continues to make a swift recovery from his surgery.
Even better, the pathologist reports that the tissue surrounding Midnight's tumor was cancer free!!! I was very relieved. The doctor did suggest however, that we visit with an oncologist so that it could be determined if Midnight needs any sort of chemo (yes, as I said before....they do have doggie chemo). Even though the tissue was cancer free, the doctor was somewhat concerned about the size of the tumor and the fact that the cancer inside the tumor was said to have been an "aggressive" nature. He said that it would be better to visit the oncologist than to do nothing, and have another tumor appear within a few months. I visit the oncologist on Friday of this week. Hopefully all will go well.
You know, over the years, one of the things that my family--and in particular, my mother's family, believe in is that sometimes....things happen that you just can't explain.
My grandmother Corene was a woman who believed that strange things that happened usually had some sort of divine meeting. A picture frame falling off the wall meant someone was about to die. If your ear was burning, it meant someone was talking about you. If your nose was itching, you were about to kiss a fool.....things like that, and many others. Which made what happened to me the other night even more interesting. Here's what happened:
This past Monday, Kim realized that it had been 10 days since Midnight's surgery, and we still had not heard from the pathologist regard the results that were done on Midnight's tumor and the tissue surrounding it. She said that she was going to call the surgeon that day and leave a message to remind him, and hoped that perhaps he would call and asked them to have some sort of answer before Midnight's scheduled appointment on Thursday. So that night, when I went to sleep....I had a very interesting dream. In my dream, Kim came to me and told me that the doctor had called, and said that the test results showed that Midnight was cancer free. I was so happy that I cried in the dream. I then told Kim that I had told so many people about Midnight and what was happening with him that there were a number of people that I had to call with the news. As a matter of fact, I had programmed the phone numbers of all the people that I had to call in my cellphone! I had to share the news immediately and hit a programmed phone number without even knowing who I was calling. A voice said hello.
"Hi its Jeff," I said, "who's this?"
"Its Dolly."
"Hey Dolly," I said to my friend from work, "I wanted to call you with the news about Midnight. The doctor said that he is cancer free! Isn't that great?"
"Yes it is honey, I'm very happy for you."
I hung up the phone and began making more phone calls to others that were concerned about Midnight---but the first person I spoke to was my friend Dolly from work.
The only thing is....my friend Dolly from work died about 2 years ago.
So maybe, just maybe....Midnight had someone upstairs looking out for him.
I'll take whatever help I can get.
Later,
Jeff
Misty 1990-2005 RIP
Now, onto news of a happier nature, I realized that I have not in fact reported on news of my "dubba bubba", my Mr. Man, my Mr. Shifty......Midnight the Wonder Dog.
Kim went in for a followup visit with the surgeon this past Thursday, and the doctor happily reported that Midnight continues to make a swift recovery from his surgery.
Even better, the pathologist reports that the tissue surrounding Midnight's tumor was cancer free!!! I was very relieved. The doctor did suggest however, that we visit with an oncologist so that it could be determined if Midnight needs any sort of chemo (yes, as I said before....they do have doggie chemo). Even though the tissue was cancer free, the doctor was somewhat concerned about the size of the tumor and the fact that the cancer inside the tumor was said to have been an "aggressive" nature. He said that it would be better to visit the oncologist than to do nothing, and have another tumor appear within a few months. I visit the oncologist on Friday of this week. Hopefully all will go well.
You know, over the years, one of the things that my family--and in particular, my mother's family, believe in is that sometimes....things happen that you just can't explain.
My grandmother Corene was a woman who believed that strange things that happened usually had some sort of divine meeting. A picture frame falling off the wall meant someone was about to die. If your ear was burning, it meant someone was talking about you. If your nose was itching, you were about to kiss a fool.....things like that, and many others. Which made what happened to me the other night even more interesting. Here's what happened:
This past Monday, Kim realized that it had been 10 days since Midnight's surgery, and we still had not heard from the pathologist regard the results that were done on Midnight's tumor and the tissue surrounding it. She said that she was going to call the surgeon that day and leave a message to remind him, and hoped that perhaps he would call and asked them to have some sort of answer before Midnight's scheduled appointment on Thursday. So that night, when I went to sleep....I had a very interesting dream. In my dream, Kim came to me and told me that the doctor had called, and said that the test results showed that Midnight was cancer free. I was so happy that I cried in the dream. I then told Kim that I had told so many people about Midnight and what was happening with him that there were a number of people that I had to call with the news. As a matter of fact, I had programmed the phone numbers of all the people that I had to call in my cellphone! I had to share the news immediately and hit a programmed phone number without even knowing who I was calling. A voice said hello.
"Hi its Jeff," I said, "who's this?"
"Its Dolly."
"Hey Dolly," I said to my friend from work, "I wanted to call you with the news about Midnight. The doctor said that he is cancer free! Isn't that great?"
"Yes it is honey, I'm very happy for you."
I hung up the phone and began making more phone calls to others that were concerned about Midnight---but the first person I spoke to was my friend Dolly from work.
The only thing is....my friend Dolly from work died about 2 years ago.
So maybe, just maybe....Midnight had someone upstairs looking out for him.
I'll take whatever help I can get.
Later,
Jeff
Thursday, January 5, 2006
1/5/06---A title game for the ages
Last nights USC-Texas game was truly an amazing game. So many great athletes running all over the field at warp speed.
Leinhart, Bush & Lendale White--tremendous games.
Vince Young--50 years they'll be talking about his performance. Un-freakin-believeable. He's like some sort of mutant, and Lord knows I hope he declares for the NFL draft. Now....all that being said....after the game was over, and even Pete Carroll is gracious in defeat, showing rare class for him....they stick a microphone in front of Matt "I Got an 'A' in Dancing 101" Leinhart says:
Greatest of All Time!*
"I still think we're a better team."
–Matt Leinart, loser.
Leinhart, Bush & Lendale White--tremendous games.
Vince Young--50 years they'll be talking about his performance. Un-freakin-believeable. He's like some sort of mutant, and Lord knows I hope he declares for the NFL draft. Now....all that being said....after the game was over, and even Pete Carroll is gracious in defeat, showing rare class for him....they stick a microphone in front of Matt "I Got an 'A' in Dancing 101" Leinhart says:
Greatest of All Time!*
"I still think we're a better team."
–Matt Leinart, loser.
Tuesday, January 3, 2006
1/3/06---Alright, alright....here are my thoughts
Well...it wasn't pretty. I will remind you what Jimmy Johnson once said:
Speed kills.
And Ohio State's speed just killed us. Here's what I wrote to a friend of mine last night, who asked me for my thoughts on the game:
Well, I was pretty good. I didn't start to scream obscenities at the television until midway through the 4th quarter.
Here's what I noticed:
1) Our defensive backfield, with the exception of Tom Zbikowski, was HORRIBLE. I don't mean Notre Dame horrible....I mean Division 1AA horrible. If I see that freaking Chinedum Ndukwe bite on a play action fake one more time while playing safety--I will scream.
Wooden & Richardson both played the game like they were scared to death of Ginn & Holmes....maybe they should've been.
2) 3rd and long. Every single long distance touchdown that the Buckeyes scored. EVERY one....came after the Buckeyes had converted a 3rd and long. That's either great play by the Buckeye offense or horrible play by the Irish defense.
3) Tressel is a pretty damn good coach. I don't know if Charlie is going to be slightly humbled by this game, but the Ohio State defense had the Irish offense bumfuzzled on more than one play. AJ Hawk is a freakin stallion. I would be pretty damn happy if my Vikings somehow managed to draft him.
4) I think the whole thing with Hawk & Brady's sister may have rattled Brady more than he let on. He looked out of sorts the whole game, besides the very good Buckeyes defense.
My wife wanted to know if it was like the Brady Bunch episode where Marcia dated the QB from the other team and then found out it was only because he wanted to steal Greg's playbook. Hmm....Brady Bunch......Brady Quinn.......could be!
I'll write you more later....I should've known the team was doomed when I realized I was still reading Gerry Faust's autobiography....very bad kharma.
Amazon.com: Gerry Faust: The Golden Dream: Books
Later,
Jeff
Speed kills.
And Ohio State's speed just killed us. Here's what I wrote to a friend of mine last night, who asked me for my thoughts on the game:
Well, I was pretty good. I didn't start to scream obscenities at the television until midway through the 4th quarter.
Here's what I noticed:
1) Our defensive backfield, with the exception of Tom Zbikowski, was HORRIBLE. I don't mean Notre Dame horrible....I mean Division 1AA horrible. If I see that freaking Chinedum Ndukwe bite on a play action fake one more time while playing safety--I will scream.
Wooden & Richardson both played the game like they were scared to death of Ginn & Holmes....maybe they should've been.
2) 3rd and long. Every single long distance touchdown that the Buckeyes scored. EVERY one....came after the Buckeyes had converted a 3rd and long. That's either great play by the Buckeye offense or horrible play by the Irish defense.
3) Tressel is a pretty damn good coach. I don't know if Charlie is going to be slightly humbled by this game, but the Ohio State defense had the Irish offense bumfuzzled on more than one play. AJ Hawk is a freakin stallion. I would be pretty damn happy if my Vikings somehow managed to draft him.
4) I think the whole thing with Hawk & Brady's sister may have rattled Brady more than he let on. He looked out of sorts the whole game, besides the very good Buckeyes defense.
My wife wanted to know if it was like the Brady Bunch episode where Marcia dated the QB from the other team and then found out it was only because he wanted to steal Greg's playbook. Hmm....Brady Bunch......Brady Quinn.......could be!
I'll write you more later....I should've known the team was doomed when I realized I was still reading Gerry Faust's autobiography....very bad kharma.
Amazon.com: Gerry Faust: The Golden Dream: Books
Later,
Jeff
Monday, January 2, 2006
1/2/06--Gameday...Fiesta Bowl
Well, after a few weeks of yapping.....and of countless mentions in the media that Brady Quinn's sister is dating Ohio State LB AJ Hawk (she couldn't find someone better looking to date?)....and the strategic matchup possiblities of watching Charlie Weis and Jim Tressell matching wits.....folks, its time to just play ball.
My thoughts?
Notre Dame-31
Ohio State-27
Later,
Jeff
My thoughts?
Notre Dame-31
Ohio State-27
Later,
Jeff
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