Thursday, July 22, 2004

I just thought about that as I posted...the Little River Band...geez, excuse me for listening to that right as I pulled into the driveway tonight!  What a freakin day.  Double docket city.  235 cases processed in one day.  I'm getting to old for this shit.  I've actually earned a paycheck this week.  Ya know how you have some weeks where you pretty much are just skating on by, and other weeks where your actually sorta busting your hump?  Well, this week was the latter.  It was like every freak in the world showed up in court this week.  Just in case your reading this and have no idea what I do--I work at the Broward County Courthouse (our motto:  "Crime...its a growth industry!") located in the heart of Ft Lauderdale, Florida (motto:  "maybe this year we'll count ALL the votes").  I work in the misdemeanor division, which as one judge was known to say, truly is the people's court.  The people's court if the people are as loopy as an old coot.  Every day its something.  I swear to God my biggest regret in all my year's in the courthouse (well, other than all the marriages, but hey...that's another story for another day) is that I didn't start keeping a diary from the first day I got there.  It'd be a surefire bestseller, because there is no way America would believe half the shit that happens there.  Anyway, the week started off with an assault & trespassing case.  It seems that the defendant was checking out some of her husband's emails to a co-worker (and don't I just know the danger of doing THAT!!  Again, another story for another time dear reader--when we get to know each other slightly better) and began to suspect that her hub was doing more than grading test scores at the school he worked at.  So the defendant, in a move that showed an incredible lack of sense, goes down to the school to find the husband, who she can't locate...and goes (Hello Leonard Nimoy!) "In Search of...." the OTHER WOMAN....she then confronts the woman, who is also a teacher and quite frankly not good looking enough to get into any sort of trouble over and decides to give her the old "ceast and desist" routine.  Ya know...stay the hell away from my man!  Words are passed....and as the defendant is leaving the classroom (oh, I didn't mention that this took place in a classroom?  At least she had the good sense to wait for the kids toleave before the confrontation took place---oh, and did I forget to tell you that the defendant brought her two children with her??!!!???  Folks, I can't make this shit up!) and reaches into her purse (allegedly---naturally), pulls out a small handgun, looks down at her kids, then back to the woman and says...."Mommy knows how to use this...doesn't she?"  How did this story not end up on Springer?  So the jury acquits her on the assault, figuring I guess that they never actually proved that there was a gun, since the defendant took the stand and denied that, but found her guilty of the trespassing.  That's whats known as splitting the baby.  Probation, anger management and no contact.  And she's still with her husband!  Whoa baby, I bet that's a fun marriage.  Tuesday brings us the woman who's charged with obstructing a police investigation by blocking a police officer from arresting her son.  The judge asks the woman if she's ready to go to trial, even though the state attorney has offered to drop the charges if the woman does some community service or makes a donation to charity.  The judge tries to explain to the woman the consequences of going to trial (and losing), at which point the defendant begins wailing and crying in a performance worthy of the legendary Meryl Streep that...."they beat me!!  I didn't do anything wrong!!"  It was so over the top it was all I could do to keep from laughing.  She then goes out into the hallway to talk about it with her attorney, and begins to scream and cry AGAIN!  She finally agrees to make a donation to a charity and then the state will drop the case.  Smells like the state attorney didn't have a great case to me.  Wednesday brings us to the case of the week...maybe the case of the year.  It was known as "the trashman case".  At least, that's what the judge next door called it.  My poor judge.  She tried her damndest to get someone else to take this case, but no such luck.  So we spend the day on a fucking code violation case because this goof either can't or won't clean up his damn yard.  Ridiculous.  And the photos were a real pleasure to look at.  Broken down cars, old refrigerators, boats, trash, rugs....all that and about four dogs!  We've had this joker in my division for going on 8 years now.  So he gets convicted, no surprise considering his attorney had NOTHING to work with (his defense for his client?  "One man's trash is another man's treasure ladies and gentlemen."  I almost had a Pepsi come through my nose when he offered that little gem.) and as the judge is sentencing him, he's still friggin negotiating!!  And she's trying to tell him that all anyone wants for him to do is to just clean up his damn yard!  And still, he's complaining about his back, and oh yeah his wife needs to be hospitalized because she's mentally unstable, and oh yeah what he really wants is to donate all his stuff to charity......etc etc etc.  They should just bulldoze the stinkin house.  Today brought us the joy and pleasure of a double docket.  65 arraignments in the morning and 150 cases up for trial status in the afternoon.  Just a little stressful.  We must've plead out over 30 cases today.  If I didn't have carpal tunnel syndrome after today, I'll never have it.  We had some guy who complained about the plea offer the state attorney made regarding his case.  He was charged with battery for hitting his ex-girlfriend.  I read the police report and it looked like it could've been a borderline sexual battery or rape.  This asshole is complaining about being offered 30 days in jail....and I'm thinking he should be glad that he's not looking at 10 to 15 years.  Rapists.  Scumbags of the highest order.  Tomorrow is strictly catchup day for me.  No court thank God.  Judge is off to a family reunion in Indiana.  Bring in some CD's to play, mark some files...nice easy day if all goes right.

Cubbies won today!!  Two in a row.  Greg Maddux is now 2 wins away from getting number 300.  (Oh, by the way dear reader---this is where I begin to talk sports--remember, I'm a multi-faceted guy)  Zambrano got a 5 game suspension for being a knucklehead the other night and throwing at Jim Edmunds (is it wrong to throw at a St Louis Cardinal?  I mean..really?) and LaTroy Hawkins got 3 games for going postal at an umpire.

I've caught two movies this week:  Jerry Seinfeld-Comedian....and American Splendor...reviews coming this weekend.

Later,

Jeff