So for those of you who've been patiently waiting....here's the tale:
It was over 10 years ago, and the Broward County courthouse was abuzz with the sordid details of the sickest murder case in quite awhile. It seems there was this man, who I believe was a Miami cop, who came up to Ft Lauderdale and picked up a prostitute. I guess part of the role-playing that he intended to do was to have the hooker handcuffed and then drive her back to his place. Well, apparently at some point during the ride back with him she got scared (or so the story went) and actually jumped out of the vehicle. Her timing could not have been worse. Apparently just as she lept from the car, she hit a guardrail and was killed. And just to make matters worse, her handcuffed arms were severed from her body after catching on the guardrail (look, I know the story so far hasn't been a million laughs, okay?). It was just a horrible crime. So the clerk who was in court with the case, the lovely and vivacious Ana (at that point in our office--hands down the best looking woman in the place), who would come in and give us the latest update on the sensational case.
So she's in the middle of the description when up walks Eva. Now Eva, very nice woman--but not the sharpest tool in the shed. Eva had moved from Germany as a teenager and had retained that Ahnuld-esque accent. So up walks Eva, who asks what we are talking about. It was at this moment that the stars aligned, the heavens parted....and the stage was set for one of the greatest practical jokes (albeit one about a sick topic) in the history of my office.
"You didn't hear about the trial?" I asked Eva.
"Vat trial?" she replies.
"The murder trial that poor Ana is doing." (I look at Ana, who quickly takes on a very serious looking expression)
"Is it bad?"
"Bad? Didn't you hear?"
"No...vat happened."
"Well, in this case, the murder victim was thrown out of a car and had her arms torn off. It was horrible."
"Oh mein Got! Tat's terrible!"
"Yep....and did you hear the worst part?"
(I should mention that at this point--all the people standing around us, for reasons that I couldn't tell you, take on a very solemn expression, jumping right in on it.)
"Vat?"
"Well....apparently the state attorney was having trouble getting the witness to identify the victim. So they had to bring in......the arms."
"Da arms? They had to bring in da arms?"
"Yep....and what was worse...in order to identify the women, they had to admit the arms into evidence.....so that meant....Ana (lowering my eyes, shaking my head), had to.....mark the arms into evidence."
"SHE HAD TO MAK DA ARMS! SHE HAD TO MAK DA ARMS! Oh mein Got! Dat's horrible! Oh no, I can't believe it......"
At this point, poor Eva walks (no, actually RUNS) out of the office while the rest of us are looking at one another, really not believing that she had bought the story.
So later that afternoon, my boss Dino tells me that since Eva could sometimes be a tad (just a tad) naive....that I needed to tell her that it was all a joke. So later that day, Eva comes down to the office and I go over to her. Now, part of the magic of this story is that Eva learned the language (English I mean), by watching television as a kid--so sometimes she'll say something that seemingly makes no sense, or come up with a combination that doesn't quite belong together, because she has to recall something that she saw on television. So I go up to her:
"Eva...did you hear what happened?"
"Vat?"
"In Ana's trial.....the evidence was stolen!"
"It was vat? Stolen?"
"Yep....they stole the arms!"
"THEY STOLE DA ARMS!! THEY STOLE DA ARMS!"
"That's right....and do you know what they're calling it?"
"Vat?"
"And.....armed robbery."
Okay, first of all...it was a bad joke. But you had to see the expression on her face as she looked around the office and realized that she had been duped. She looks back at me...a little mad....a little embarassed....and says...
"Oh you.....you....are....a.....MONKEY!"
I'm not sure what I did that makes me a monkey, but it was funny. Eva still works there. Maybe one day I'll give my story about going to her wedding, which in its own way was quite the experience. A groom wearing boots---with spurs. No lie.
Later,
Jeff
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