9/21/05---My daughter is driving me crazy!`

Well, its been an interesting week for the lovely Kellie Poe-Bowdren.  It was last Tuesday night when she was sitting around doing homework, when Kim mentioned that she hadn't seen any results from Kellie's vocabulary pop quizes.  I sort of stole a glance up at Kellie and she.....she just had that look on her face, ya know?  The one that says that her mind is racing for an answer and quick.  Unfortunately, her mind, like the rest of her, is only 13 years old and not experienced in the fine art of the lie.
Yet.

"Um, I must have left them at school."
"What's that mean?" I asked, not looking up from my computer.
"Uh, I might have left them in my packback or my locker."
"When was it we were supposed to see your progress report?  Like two weeks ago?"
"I'll have to check at school tomorrow and find them."

And then, we had one of those defining moments of clarity.  Her mother cut right thru the bullshit and cut to the chase.

"Was it a D or an F?"

Kellie's eyes begin moving around the living room, searching for either excuses or support from anyone who happened to be there.  Nope.  None there.

"Um..." her eyes went down to the floor.  "Two D's."
"Aha!  Now we're getting somewhere.  Was it a high D, or a low D?" I asked, with just the right hint of sarcasm mixed with a healthy dose of disgust.
"It was a 69 on one quiz and a 61 on another."
"Hmmm.  So that's pretty close to the old F on one of the tests."

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, I told Kellie that her quiz scores had earned her, until Sunday night, no television....no computer....no phone.

So the event was over, right?  About an hour later Kim asks Kellie to take her band uniform out to the car.  As she's beginning to do this, Kim asks if she can also bring Andy's uniform....since Andy was in the shower.  She gives Kim sort of a snippy answer and Kim asks her again to do it.  Again a snippy response....only a little moreso.  I slide a chair out from my spot at the dinner table and invite Kellie to sit down.  I ask her, in a voice just above a whisper.....if she has a problem.  She indicates that she doesn't, and I then remind her that part of our agreement many months ago for her to remain at her current private school was for her to keep her grades up.  The tuition for the next school was due in January, and that she wasn't quite....."out of the woods" on that issue just yet.
Then....it started.   I noticed that Kellie went to bed, and didn't bother to say goodnight.  Then, in the morning, Kellie began giving me the "silent treatment".  She didn't say good morning....she got in the car in silence, and after being dropped off at the bus stop, said nothing upon exiting. 
Ha!  Little did she know that I was well versed in dealing with such strategy.  I had the benefit, if you can call it that....of having spent almost 9 years of my life with someone who was a certifiable PROFESSIONAL in the silent treatment.  The beloved former Mrs Me # 2 could go a good 4 days without speaking nary a word to me....and then would walk up to me and ask what I wanted for dinner.  That was my cue that whatever hissy fit she had been having was over....and we moved on.
That was my life....NINE YEARS worth.  Hey, what can I say?  I loved her. 
So, getting back to my daughter....when she got out of the car to get on the bus, I started getting mad thinking about her little attitude.  And then I got to work and I was still in a bad mood.  I called Kim and told her that I was going to have a little talk with Kellie that night.
So Kellie gets home and Kim announces that she's ready for my talk with her.  And right in the middle of RockStar INXS!!???!!!!  (Can you believe that J.D. won?  What's up with THAT?)  Ahem...anyway.  I began to discuss certain pertinent details with my child as to the way....(cough)....that it was gonna be.

"Now....let's review a few things here, " I said...in my sternest Larry Bowdren voice.
"What is the worst thing you can do in this house?"
"Lie."
"That's correct.  Now...for the previous two weeks, we've been asking you where your progress report was.  Was there anything that was going to be on it that we needed to be told about....we asked you that.  Remember?"
"Yes."
"And you told us that there were going to be NO SURPRISES.....remember?"
"Yes."
"And another word for what you did is.....what is that word?"
"Lying."
"That's correct.  And you knew that you had those two poor marks on your quizes, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"So let's review.  The worse thing you can do in this house?"
"Lying."
"And by not telling us about the poor quiz results....that's a what?"
"A lie."
"Okay then.  Now then....who was it that did these things?"
"Me."
"That's right.  YOU did it.  And so, after we found out, I punished you by taking away your television, phone and computer privileges for a few nights.  And as far as I was concerned....that was that.  I was done with it.  But you went into your room and you got mad at ME for the mistake that you mad.  So then you come out here and after your mother asks you to do something for her, you get a little bit pissy with her.  Not once, but twice.  So I kinda chew you out a little bit, and that's that.  I'm done with the issue.  But you won't let it die.  You went to bed that night without so much as a good night, got up the next morning and didn't talk to anyone.  Gave the old silent treatment to me.  Your mistake, because quite frankly, I've played that game with a better player than you.  A veteran.  A professional.  But what irritated me was that you were doing that because you were mad for something that YOU had done.  And do you know what that silent treatment got you?  One more night without the television, the phone and the computer.  And if you want to go into your room again tonite, and go to bed without saying good night, and give the old silent treatment tomorrow morning....we can have this very same conversation again tomorrow evening....at which point I'll take away those three things for one more night.  Its up to you.  I'm ready to call it a day.  You made a mistake, got punished, now you have to accept the punishment.  Its up to you really.

Next morning.
"Good morning Jeff!"

I almost caved an let her have the things back a day early, but I didn't.  What a crusty old bastard I am.  And maybe I should've felt a wee bit guilty about it.  And then, Monday night....AFTER DINNER.....Kim held up Kellie's progress report.
The one she decided to show me so that we could "have dinner in peace".
3 B's, 2 B minuses, and one D.  Uh....yours truly was not happy.  And I mentioned that the time had yet to come that she could hide a poor grade from school from us and get away with it.  I know, because Lord knows, her brother tried.  And I mentioned that the party....the one we were planning on allowing she and her brother to have in late October....well.....her portion of the party was in slight jeopardy at this point. 
Next progress report.  Two weeks.  Any D's or F's.....no party.

Ya gotta keep these youngsters in line now a days.

Later,
Jeff