3 dogs + Christmas tree=Angry phone call from wife

So I decided that this year I wanted a REAL tree--we had a few years worth the plastic kind, and I just felt like it was time to go back to the old real mccoy.  So Kim picked it up at the old Home Depot--since it was a rare day that I was actually working to, ya know, the end of the day and all--and when I got home, there it was, propped up against the garage door.  Kim informed me that the base of the tree needed to be trimmed up and made even.  It was at that point that I ruggedly threw off my shirt, worked up a good sweat, put on a headband, popped a little chaw in the side of my mouth--just a pinch tween my cheek and gum--and started up the old chainsaw.

The electric chainsaw, but that doesn't really matter, does it?

Yep, there's nothing to make you feel quite so manly as a deadly object in your hands while your sawing wood.  I tell ya what, I felt like I had just took some steriods or something....felt like maybe I should start ordering Kim to get me a beer and have my dinner on the table, hot and waiting for me when I was done!  But, I digress.

So I straightened out the tree with a limited amount of cursing involved (no--really, its true) and we took it into the house.  We positioned the tree in the corner by our front window and Kim of course had to straighten it "just so" (woman thing) and then the various insundry lights---and then of course remembered that someone had to go under the tree and plug it in.  Guess who "someone" was?  I gotta tell ya, "back in the day" I was quite the limber one at getting under trees come holiday time, but time has, uh....hmm...made me just a little less limber.

Okay, fatter!  There, I said it--are you happy?

Anyway, I'm dragging my fat ass across the tile floor (thank God we got rid of those carpets or I would've had a nasty burn!) trying to stick the freakin plug in the socket, while branches are smacking me across the face and that miserable tree sap--you know, the kind that NEVER ever comes off--is dripping on my arms and mixing with the hair and....yeech.  Anyway, I got the damn thing plugged in.  Shockingly, the wife was satisfied, which is amazing because usually, as stated before, it has to be "just this way" or "just that way" and I have to adjust here or there.  I'm confident that at least 63% of all divorces are a result of women finding some inperfection in their husband not putting something--lamps,trees, curtains--in "just the right spot".

The wife is worried about the dogs smelling the "live" tree and thinking that....ya know, I got a little business to transact and here's a real live bush right here in the house!  I'm more worried about the dogs running to the window the first time another dog comes, oh, I dunno....within 3/4 of a mile from our house and they run to the window to let that dog know that by God, this is our house!  Its OUR territory!  Get your miserable purebred behind away from our yard!  These are the things I imagine my dogs are saying to the other dogs as they pass by.  I'm worried, but I bluff the wife by telling her that everything will be okay.

Hmm.

So the beloved Midnight, as I may have mentioned, has this unusual habit of rubbing his butt up against the bushes in the back yard.  God knows why, its just his thing.  Which is what may have been the reason for the phone call I got about 3pm yesterday afternoon at work.

"Hello."
"Well, I just got home," Kim said.  "Guess what's all over the floor?"

I don't know exactly why, but the first thing I thought of was that Midnight had gotten sick or something.  Other guys think about their wives, or the children--I think about what might be wrong with my dog.  Hey, its who I am, its what I do.

"I dunno....what?"
"The CHRISTMAS TREE!  Its all over the floor and the ornaments and balls are broken and scattered everywhere!"

She was kind of upset...not a "mad" type of upset...more of a "distressed" type.  I couldn't help wonder if I should prepare myself for the "I told you we shouldn't get a real Christmas tree" speech.

"Uh, honey....I'm really sorry.  We'll go out tonight and get a fake tree and some new ornaments if you want.  I shouldn't have suggested the real tree."
"No, I'll clean up here and see what's still okay to use."

So I hung up with her, and imagined the carnage that the dogs had wrought at home.
Of course, no one was suspecting that it could've been those damn cats....but that's another story for another time.  I got home and you couldn't even tell there had been an incident.  Kim had pretty much calmed down.  Lord knows if it had been me that discovered it, the mess would've still been there, I'd still been screaming or complaining
and the dogs would've been hiding somewhere in the house.

But luckily for them, and me....Kim got home first....and handled it calmly.

Marriage....its all about keeping that fine balance.  The calm one, and the emotional one.
Its who we are----its what we do.

Later,
Jeff