9/28/04---was it really 13 years ago????

Good Lord...it can't have been that long ago, can it?  You see, for those of you "out of the loop"....today would've been 14 years of wedded bliss if I had remained shackled....er, sorry....MARRIED to wife # 2.  Hey, I kid because I care.
What a day it was....9/28/91.  I won't even go into the background of the day (hard at work on the book---sort of)....anyway, I allowed myself to be talked into a wedding during the MIDDLE of football season!!  I mean, c'mon!  Really....who would do such a thing to a man she REALLY loved?  Am I right?  Gimme a show of hands...one, two, three....okay, I think I've proved my point.  Anyway, everything about that big day was a disaster.  I made the brilliant tactical decision to let my future bride take control of the planning of the event---which was interpreted (perhaps correctly) as "I don't give a shit about the whole thing....you do it."
I mean, really people....what the hell do I care what color the invitations are, ya know?  So the stress level was near its zenith as the big day approached, as I lovingly remember having the engagement ring THROWN at me a week before the wedding day.  (Which some people could construe as a warning sign---but you know me...Mr. Danger...Mr. Reckless)  So the soon to be wife made me promise that I wouldn't watch or tape any football games that day (and trust me....there were literally TONS of great matchups that day).  And I kept my promise.....I had my boy John McAdam in New Hampshire tape all of them for me.  Is that "technically" a lie?
I need a ruling on that one, cuz I'm not sure.  Anyway, I knew things were looking bad when one of my ushers walks into the church with a mini-t.v. WATCHING the FSU-Michigan game.  In the church!  This was viewed (no surprisingly) with a negative eye by the future Mrs Me.  So we go thru the ceremony, during which my soon to be father-in-law almost passed out from sheer terror at walking down the aisle with his daughter, and I suppose it wasn't too bad.  Except when it came time for communion, and a church full with about 100 people had maybe 8 people take the wafer of our Lord.....Godless heathens!!   I was mortified.  So then we head for the reception (which my dad got a speeding ticket), and I shoulda known things were heading downhill during our entrance into the reception hall when my now wife starts telling me not to make to big ascene.  I mean....HELLO!!  Its my wedding day!  If I'm not going to make a scene then.....when?  So anyway, pretty much the whole night the wife is trying to reign me in....and I'm just having a good time, ya know?  Well....little do I know at the time....but out in the audience there was apparently a little wager going on.  The betting line on the new Mr. & Mrs. Moi was....get this one!!.....6 months!!  6 months!!  I can 6 months standing on my head!
Believe me, after I found out, I was plenty pissed.  Pissed because I didn't see any of the vig.  I did the time, and got zero kickback!  What a ripoff!  Anyway, it was an interesting reception, especially when the d.j. did the deal where they have all the guys carry the bride around the room, and they go to pick up my bride (all 90 lbs of her) and when they do....her head slams into the disco ball hanging from the ceiling.
She wasn't hurt at all....which of course meant that it was hilarious.
The rest of the evening...after the reception....was even more bizaare, but manners prevent me from going into the details (that and the fact that I'm saving it for the book--trust me, it'll be a bestseller....my life was THAT bizaare).
So anyway, happy would-have-been-anniversary to the former Mrs Me # 2.
I still think about her, hope she's doing okay....think about the terrific dog that we shared that I walked away from....wish her nothing but peace and good things....and am so happy that I'm out of that relationship you can't even imagine.

Later,
jeff