Many years ago, the legendary rock artist//freaky stoner//all around weird guy but for some reason highly respected rock star Frank Zappa was the host of Saturday Night Live. It wasn't the best episode of alltime. As a matter of fact, it was probably an episode that is better remembered by the cast for all the good smoke that was being passed around that particular week. But there was one great moment during that show--a skit called "A Night on Freak Mountain", where Frank portrays a "normal guy" (??) who ends up stopping at this roadside inn that is full of freaks of all types. It was actually pretty funny.
So last night, Kim & I decided to head to the brand new Hard Rock Hotel & Casino here in lovely Broward County, Florida. Joining us were her friend Amanda & her husband Will, and my buddy the Cable Guy and his wife Mary. This was also a pretty big evening because it would feature the dreaded Kellie Poe-Bowdren's first working assignment--babysitting for Amanda & Will's son Calvin. We read Kellie the riot act about responsibility, etc etc etc. She proclaimed her self ready, willing & mature. (Ahem) We picked up Amanda & Will and headed towards the casino, where we would hook up with the Cable Guy & Mary.
We decide, based on stories that we've heard from people who have been there, to just go ahead and valet park our car. Good move. The parking lot is made to handle....oh, I don't know....like....40,000 cars. I mean, its just insane how big the parking lot is. And the even crazier thing is--its ALWAYS full. Yep, pretty obvious that the good folks of Florida want nothing to do with gambling or casinos, huh??
Now this casino is slightly similar to Cesar's Palace for all you gamblers who have been to Vegas. Built around the casino is this huge plaza with shopping, restaurants, clubs and more. We hit the casino around 7:45pm and got a load of the usual cacophony (triple word score) of light & sound. We walked out into the plaza and met up with the Cable Guy & Mary and the six of us decided first to find a restaurant that didn't have a wait of over 2 hours. Seriously.
The shortest wait for any restaurant--and mind you, its still early--was 45 minutes so we put our name there, a jazz club called Jazziz. Then, we walked back over to another club, which is like a piano bar with two guys up doing the whole schtick with the bawdy songs and all that. So we've just sat down and ordered a round of drinks, the two pianists sit down and start playing......and our restaurant beeper went off. We really didn't want to leave. But, we were also really, really hungry. So we made our way back to the jazz club, where we took our seats in the dining room with an only-slightly-obstructed-view-of-the-stage. Whatever. So the band takes the stage, and their playing this sort of jazz//funk//Cuban//salsa mix, which is fine, except of course--they weren't speaking a word of English. What, were we in little Havana? The name of the band was...no kidding here....Pollo. Which is spanish for "chicken". Interesting name for a band. Their first song was translated as "chicken & corn". Then the guy is introducing the 3rd song and says the name is something like..."beef". I was like.....why is this guy singing about food so much?
Anyway, I got some popcorn shrimp as an appetizer and it was excellent. They didn't put as much breading on it (thank God!) and it was lightly covered with a Chiptole (spelling?) sauce. Very tasty. Then I ordered the New Orleans style chicken gumbo. Oh my God. This was unbelieveably good. It was so good that I didn't even worry about the OTHER stuff in the gumbo that I didn't eat, like okra & the bell peppers. I didn't even care--man, it was good. (Just call me Mr. Food).
Besides the band to pay attention too....we got another show. Right in front of us, there was a guy sitting with two women. Hmm. Let's just say that we began to suspect that these two ladies weren't....uh....amateurs. They were dressed, ya know, rather....uh....how shall I put it? Uh...slutty. And both of them were taking turns making out with the guy. Like the title said---a night on Freak Mountain.
And the six of us at our table are just sort of sitting there, trying to decide if we should be outraged or perversely fascinated. I finally told Kim & Amanda.....if the two women started making out with EACH OTHER....all bets were off. Luckily, at least for the ladies WE were with....that never happened. So after our dinner, we went back to the piano bar, which by now, was absolutely mobbed. We all decided that we had to return again just to hang out for the evening and listen to the show.
We walked around the plaza some more, and luckily it was a beautiful night, doing a little window shopping and people watching--which was almost as much fun as being in the piano bar, don't kid yourself--just like on Freak Mountain......before finally calling it a night just before midnight. Cable Guy & Mary went back into the casino, but left before spending too much money.
Do entirely I'm sure, to the fact that Mary was there. Ahem. Kim & I, along with Amanda & Will headed back home, wondering along the way whether we'd find Kellie Poe-Bowdren fast asleep at her post.
Surprisingly, she wasn't. She had stayed awake her first night as a babysitter. When we had left to go to the casino, Amanda had informed Kellie that Calvin had gone to sleep, so at least she wouldn't be bothered with a tired, cranky baby.
So I looked at Kellie....and asked her:
"So...how'd your evening go?"
"Okay....kinda boring."
"How many times did you check in on Calvin?"
"None."
"None? You never checked on him?"
"Um....I was supposed to check on him?"
The free enterprise system continues to grow strong in these United States.
Later,
Jeff
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