They say its always darkest before the dawn. Such was the case today when I received and email from a friend of mine in Oklahoma, commenting on the performance of my beloved Fighting Irish of Notre Dame this past Saturday evening against a superior USC team.
I read his note with interest, as I respect his opinion, and felt he was looking at things with an objective viewpoint, not as someone who's either a Notre Dame homer (HELLO!) or someone with an axe to grind against the Irish (hello Michael Wilbon & Bob Ryan of ESPN). He mentioned that the Irish looked like they didn't look like they played with emotion, and that Ty looked on the sideline like it just didn't matter.
He contrasted the approach on the sideline between Ty and Arizona coach Mike Stoops, who was fired up during his last game and has approached the upcoming recruiting season with a vigor that, quite obviously, Ty never had.
And I knew he was right. And I probably let out an exasperated sigh, thinking about the state of my football team. Thinking about how I was going to have to half-heartedly support my team for the next couple of years, directed by a coach that I didn't think was capable of doing the job.
I started watching a movie (Valley Girl--1983--Nicholas Cage & Deborah Foreman) and then moseyed over to check on my emails. Imagine my surprise when I noticed an email from my man Jim Davies out in San Diego, absolutely rocking my world with the news that Ty was out! My mood brightened, things seemed better, Deborah Foreman looked hotter.....it was turning into a good day.
Speculation began immediately on ESPN and other shows about who the replacement would be, with most people figuring that Utah's Urban Meyer, a former Irish assistant under Lou Holtz, to be the leader coming out of the gate. Other names tossed out by the talking heads on the leader in sports television included Jon Gruden (Oh mama!), Charlie Weis (offensive coordinator of the NE Pats and an ND grad), Jeff Tedford (head coach at Cal), and even Rick Neuheisel (UGH! please no....we'd be on probation within 3 years)...but clearly most people think this is Meyer's job if he wants it.
And now....we can reflect on the Willingham era. 21-17 over 3 years. Some would say that's not a terrible record. Well, its not horrible. At Stanford. But at Notre Dame....its not just horrible....its inexcusable. Ty Willingham stepped into the job opening left there by the monmentual George O'Leary fiasco---and after, according to reports I've read, Jon Gruden was offered the job--accepted it--and then had the offer revoked by the right Rev Father Monk Malloy, Notre Dame president. Clearly this was one of the darkest moments in ND football history. Notre Dame needed not only to hire a good football coach, they needed to score a PR victory with whomever they hired. Enter Tyrone. Let's not kid ourselves people. Ty Willingham was a nice coach doing a fine job at Stanford, where its not easy to win.
He had just guided his troops to a Rose Bowl berth....he was interested in the job, and....perhaps most importantly, if we're honest.....he was a black man.
Yes, a black man as head football coach at the largest Catholic university in the United States. A black man coaching football at NOTRE DAME.
Point in the PR department: Notre Dame
And yet, there was an unease with the hire. No, not because he was black, as some (Cough--Michael Wilbon!) would have you believe. Because while he had lead the Stanford Cardinal to the Rose Bowl THAT season, there were some rather....hmm...uneven seasons before that. Some inexplicable losses. Some rather inconsistent play. A fine record at Stanford...but would it translate to South Bend??
And yet, the fans accepted him....because, quite frankly, we had been embarrassed during our coaching search. Surprisingly, not every coach in the U.S. appeared ready to load the station wagon and the family and move to a small town in Indiana.
Spring football came and talk was all about this "new...revolutionary" offense that Ty was installing at South Bend. Of course, his returning starter was (gulp) an option QB. And then there was his choice of assistants. One of his offensive line coaches was a coach in the Arena Football League. This didn't exactly seem like the sort of spot on a resume that would lead someone to Notre Dame. Reports began to surface that none of the assistants who followed Ty from Stanford were none as....hmm...shall we say "recruiting dynamos". Recruiting is, afterall, the lifeblood of any college football powerhouse, and as a coach, you're either good at it or you're not. It seemed that Notre Dame was immediately at a disadvantage in recruiting.
The few coaches who seemed to have the accuement for recruiting were forced to work even harder.
So the 2002 finally came, and the beginnings were beyond our wildest thoughts.
The team started at 8-0 and was ranked at # 4 in the country. It was dubbed "Return to Glory". The team seemed well coached, disciplined, organized--things that, well, quite frankly they had NOT seemed under the previous coaching regime.
(Coaching "legend" Bob Davie) Oh sure, there were a few "troubling" signs that the ship was taking on a few leaks--the offense could never seem to really get started.
It was like a car in major need of a tune-up. But that was okay. It was Ty's first year, the defense was playing unbelieveable....we really just needed the offense to be average to win. And then....Boston College rolled into town. BC is viewed by most Notre Dame alums as the "little brother" of the Irish. Some on Notre Dame websites have even taken to calling them "Fredo", as a snide slap--casting them as the slower brother to ND's Michael Corleone. The night before the BC game, at the weekly pep rally, BC students crashed the pep rally and were greeted with signs that read:
"Welcome failed applicants".
I guess its no wonder that Notre Dame is so loathed...so hated...in the greater Boston area (hello Bob Ryan!).
And then the next day, Notre Dame took the field--in green jerseys. And something very odd happened. Instead of firing up the Irish, as it had so many years before during the Joe Montana years, it fired up the Eagles of BC. They took the wearing of the "special jersey" as the ultimate compliment from Notre Dame. Finally, they realized, we were viewed as a special opponent. Finally they weren't just another win on the schedule for ND. They were now someone who the Irish WANTED to play. Someone that they WANTED to beat. They had officially become....a rival.
And the fired up BC players took the field and stunned the # 4 ranked Irish by a 14-7 score. Much like had happened in 1993, when coach Lou Holtz had brought his #1 ranked Irish into their home stadium to meet a BC squad....a highly ranked ND squad had laid the proverbial egg against BC. The hated BC. Fredo. "The Jesuits".
And then the rest of the season began to spiral downward. Willingham's Irish eventually went to the Gator Bowl, but by this point they had been exposed as overachievers and a gifted, athletically superior NC State squad took them to the woodshed by a score of 27-9. And it wasn't that close. During the offseason a book was released called, (no surprise here) "Return to Glory". It was written by Alan Grant, a former defensive back at Stanford who was very friendly with Ty. Perhaps a little too friendly. There seemed to be a sign that....well...maybe the whole return to glory thing might have gone to Ty's head. Maybe he had gotten just a little too wrapped up in being the savior of the most historic college program this country has to offer. Maybe Notre Dame, it appeared, was trying a little too hard to become the "Stanford of the midwest". Ty, who at best had been slightly aloof to the local writers on the South Bend beat, had given Grant unlimited access to the program, and Grant took full advantage, stepping on anyones toes who happened to get into his personal space, and making no friends along the way.
Ty Willingham had committed a fatal mistake in his first season. He gave the students, the administration, the fans......hope. He gave them what they had been looking for all along....just too quickly. If Ty Willingham had gone 5-7 his first season, and then followed it with a 6-5 season...and then gone 9-3....do you really think he would've been fired? Of course not. He made the mistake of succeeding before he was supposed too. So after the 8-0 start, he appeared to be going backwards. We started seeing mistakes that a first years coach's team would make.
Except this was a 3rd year coaches team making dumb mental mistakes. Progress?
How about 13-15 in their last 28 games---after the 8-0 start. Does that signify progress to you? How about losing more games by 20 points in three years than coaches like Bob Davie and Gerry Faust--coaches regarded as "failures" by Notre Dame fans--had combined in 10 years! They had lost to USC, historically their biggest rival, by 31 points in EACH of the past 3 games. They had continued to lose to Boston College. There were nice wins, against Michigan & Tennessee this year. But there were also disturbing losses to FSU & Michigan last year--blowouts.
And these blowouts and disturbing losses were happening at HOME.
Ty Willingham is a very decent man. He can, in the right spot, become a good coach. Just not at NotreDame. Notre Dame is a school steeped in tradition.
They believe that ghosts exist there. There are people who are so caught up in Notre Dame's past that they believe the 3 year myth.
The 3 year myth?
Every Notre Dame coach that has been labeled "great" (fairly or not), has won a national title in his 3rd year.
Knute Rockne, Frank Leahy, Ara Parseghian, Dan Devine, Lou Holtz. Every one of them won a national title--in their 3rd season.
Joe Kuharich, Gerry Faust, Bob Davie, Ty Willingham. Nope.
You figure out which one list has the legends and which one has the also rans.
So why was Ty shown the door? Was he given enough time?
Fair questions. I think the answer is slightly complex. I have a feeling (and this is just my opinion), that Ty was basically told to shake up his staff or face termination.
Ty is known as a man who is loyal, almost stubbornly so, to his coaches and staff.
And, realistically, if you fire 3 or 4 assistants, and bring in newer coaches, how many attractive assistants are going to want to come to what may well be a one year position with a coach that's one thin ice? I think Ty probably refused the request to change his coaching staff and the administration felt they had no choice.
Was 3 years enough time? Well, of course the experts on ESPN (the ones who currently aren't coaching because they were canned by their previous schools for the lousy job they were doing. Ahem) feel that 3 years wasn't enough time. They spout the ridiculous notion Ty hadn't had enough time to "bring in his own recruits". Apparently Jeff Tedford & Urban Meyer didn't need the same time frame before their program started turning around. Why doesn't anyone mention that? Ara Parseghian took the Notre Dame job in 1964 and asked for a 3 year contract, saying..."if I don't get the job done by then, I don't deserve more time". Hello!
Ty did get enough time. For his team to remain as inconsistent as they had been the week before. There was no progression going on. There was no where...literally, where you could point to and say: "that's an example of how the team is improving".
I hate using this as an example...but....
Pete Carroll came to USC....had a rough first year and his squad has IMPROVED in every facet of the game on a yearly basis.
Ty Willingham has not done that, did not do that....and that isreason enough for him to lose the Irish job.
So who's the next coach going to be? Well, certainly all signs point to Urban Meyer, but after all the drama of the last Notre Dame coaching search, who's to say ANYTHING is for certain?
Jeff Bowdren
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
11/30/04--The Lizard Story
Ya know, one of the greatest things about visiting my parents isn't just seeing them, its the stories that come out of the visits. Today, we present:
The Lizard Story.
So on Thanksgiving, my sister is laying down on my parents bed, and I go in and we're talking and then my brother comes in, and before we know it we're all laying there just shooting the shit about the old days. Kim comes walking in and we ask her to go get my mom and have her look at her grown children laying there like we were all still 12 years old or something. She came in and laughed, and I told her all that was missing was for my brother & I to start fighting and then me to complain about it. So she says....since we were all laying there, that she should tell us a story.
And then she told us about....the lizard.
It seems that a few days before my mom had come to bed, and my father was already in bed and my mom looks over on her nightstand and sees this lizard just sitting there. Well naturally, mom sort of freaks out and asks my dad to REMOVE the killer, death dealing lizard. Dad walks over to the other side of the bed and the lizard, clever little bastard that he is....DISAPPEARS! Total Houdini! Well, mom is very disconcerted at this development, and announces that...(drumroll)....she will NOT sleep in the bed until the lizard is captured, tortured, questioned about his true intentions, made to reveal the true whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden, then drawn and quartered and killed.....or thrown out into the backyard, whichever comes first.
So mom goes and sleeps in the guestroom, because of course if she slept, ya know, where she USUALLY sleeps, the lizard would no doubt stalk her in the night and do unspeakable....lizardly things to her! (is that a word?) Well, believe it or not, this goes on for FOUR nights, and my parents head on down to Lowe's to get...the deadly lizard gluetrap. Trully a more heartless device has not been invented. Are you familar with this contraption? Its purpose, if you will allow me, is to trap the lizard by getting its legs or feet caught in the glue UNTIL THEY STARVE TO DEATH! I mean, c'mon! Throw the damn thing in the backyard....or leave it in your house to kill bugs. Anyway, mom & dad, angels of death--lizard branch--that they are, lay in wait until finally, the night came. My dad sees the lizard laying...bold little bastard...on the phone. Just sitting there, probably waiting for a phone call from his agent or girlfriend, but whatever....and my dad shakes the nightstand so that he...(sniff, sniff) FALLS INTO THE GLUE. So by this point in the story, my brother and sister & I are totally enraptured by the story. So we ask our parents the all important question....
"What did you do with the lizard? Did you take him outside and let him go?"
"Well, no....we threw the gluetrap into the trash with him in it."
MURDERERS!!
Anyway, at this point, my dad walks up to my mom like he's Fabio or something and says...
"Mary, how would you like to sleep in your own bed tonight?"
Her hero. And mom had a wonderful night sleep that night. Which is more than I can say for the lizard, who is presently laying in a trashbag somewhere in a landfill in the greater Orlando, Florida area.....wondering what all the fuss was about....and why the phone never rang.
Later,
Jeff
The Lizard Story.
So on Thanksgiving, my sister is laying down on my parents bed, and I go in and we're talking and then my brother comes in, and before we know it we're all laying there just shooting the shit about the old days. Kim comes walking in and we ask her to go get my mom and have her look at her grown children laying there like we were all still 12 years old or something. She came in and laughed, and I told her all that was missing was for my brother & I to start fighting and then me to complain about it. So she says....since we were all laying there, that she should tell us a story.
And then she told us about....the lizard.
It seems that a few days before my mom had come to bed, and my father was already in bed and my mom looks over on her nightstand and sees this lizard just sitting there. Well naturally, mom sort of freaks out and asks my dad to REMOVE the killer, death dealing lizard. Dad walks over to the other side of the bed and the lizard, clever little bastard that he is....DISAPPEARS! Total Houdini! Well, mom is very disconcerted at this development, and announces that...(drumroll)....she will NOT sleep in the bed until the lizard is captured, tortured, questioned about his true intentions, made to reveal the true whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden, then drawn and quartered and killed.....or thrown out into the backyard, whichever comes first.
So mom goes and sleeps in the guestroom, because of course if she slept, ya know, where she USUALLY sleeps, the lizard would no doubt stalk her in the night and do unspeakable....lizardly things to her! (is that a word?) Well, believe it or not, this goes on for FOUR nights, and my parents head on down to Lowe's to get...the deadly lizard gluetrap. Trully a more heartless device has not been invented. Are you familar with this contraption? Its purpose, if you will allow me, is to trap the lizard by getting its legs or feet caught in the glue UNTIL THEY STARVE TO DEATH! I mean, c'mon! Throw the damn thing in the backyard....or leave it in your house to kill bugs. Anyway, mom & dad, angels of death--lizard branch--that they are, lay in wait until finally, the night came. My dad sees the lizard laying...bold little bastard...on the phone. Just sitting there, probably waiting for a phone call from his agent or girlfriend, but whatever....and my dad shakes the nightstand so that he...(sniff, sniff) FALLS INTO THE GLUE. So by this point in the story, my brother and sister & I are totally enraptured by the story. So we ask our parents the all important question....
"What did you do with the lizard? Did you take him outside and let him go?"
"Well, no....we threw the gluetrap into the trash with him in it."
MURDERERS!!
Anyway, at this point, my dad walks up to my mom like he's Fabio or something and says...
"Mary, how would you like to sleep in your own bed tonight?"
Her hero. And mom had a wonderful night sleep that night. Which is more than I can say for the lizard, who is presently laying in a trashbag somewhere in a landfill in the greater Orlando, Florida area.....wondering what all the fuss was about....and why the phone never rang.
Later,
Jeff
Saturday, November 27, 2004
11/27/04--Thanksgiving hangover
Well, I'm back after a very nice Thanksgiving up at my parents. I went north with Kim & the kids, got there a little after noontime, and was very surprised when the door was opened and my brother was standing there. The little sneak. His wife had to work unfortunately, but he made a midnight run down from the panhandle to spend the weekend with my parents and join all of us for a holiday dinner. It was really special.
My sister continues her recovery from cancer, and it was great to see her. At one point she went into my parents room to lay down, and as I joined her to just sit and talk awhile. A few minutes later my brother came in, and it was all three of the kids just laying there talking when my parents came in. I told my mom that all we needed to make it a complete flashback was for Chip & I to start fighting and for me to start complaining to mom (hey, I was the YOUNGER brother!).
Lots of great food---turkey, ham, stuffing, green beans--pumpkin pie, pecan pie, brownies...it was a virtual plethora of good eating (look it up). This made up for the trip up, during which my beloved got herself a speeding ticket while driving through Palm Beach County on I-95. Now, usually we don't take 95 up to my parents, but we were acting on information provided to us by a Mr. Gregory Goode, also known as Mr-Better-Pay-Half-My-Damn-Speeding-Ticket (that's my wife's name for him).
Hey Greg! Appreciate the input buddy! Greg advised us how much better it would be for us to take 95 as opposed to the turnpike, since the turnpike would undoubtably be packed with holiday traffic. UGH! $180 for a ticket! I smell a phone call to some attorney's that I know.
So before we headed home yesterday, we stopped off at WonderWorks, which is a tourist site in Orlando that's primarily for kids that are into science. (hello Andy!)
I thought it was pretty average, but Andy liked it, which was the whole point since it was his birthday. 15 years old. How in the world am I responsible for a 15 yr old?
I mean, most people will tell you I think like a 15 year old....but I digress. After lunch (Pizza Uno from Chicago--that's for you Dennis!), we headed home and last night we hit a movie. Here's an amazing bit of news. When Kim & I began dating over 5 1/2 years ago, we used to go to the theatre by Univ Dr & the Sawgrass Expy. We stopped going there because quite frankly it looked like it had become some sort of teen hangout and the last thing I wanted for some gang member to decide he wanted to smash my car windows in. So we began going to the theatre closer to us, over by the Coral Square Mall. So last night we parked the car, bought our tickets, and noticed how many teenagers were just sitting on the curb, hanging out and doing basically--you know--nothing. Kim had told me that the cops had basically started running all the kids away from the one theatre and now it appeared they had all started coming to the one closer to our house. Then I noticed the security guards walking around outside. Lovely. So we went inside and saw:
1) National Treasure: Okay, let's be honest. This isn't Citizen Kane or the Godfather. Its exactly what it claims to be, which is a big dumb, loud action movie who's premise is that the founding fathers left a vast fortune in gold hidden so the British wouldn't find it and left clues as to its whereabouts all over the country, including (this is a good one) on the back of the Declaration of Independence (and in invisible ink--natch). What follows is a race all over the country to be the first to find the various clues. Nicholas Cage & Harvey Keitel (as a cop!) lead the cast, but are assisted by an extremely old looking Jon Voight (playing Cage's father! Oman!).
Anyway, its really dumb, with tons of holes in the storyline that you could drive a truck through....but its dumb in a fun way. You probably won't remember it an hour after you've watched it, but its a fun ride along the way. ***
Tonight is a watershed night for my Notre Dame Fighting Irish. They play the number 1 ranked USC Trojans and are underdogs by 22 points, which is the largest spread in the HISTORY of this series, which goes back like 75 years. But don't worry, Willingham has the program headed in the right direction (yeah right). Anyway, I'm torn between rooting for my team and sort of secretly hopeing that they get wiped out so that the administration in South Bend realize that they have the WRONG guy leading the program. Either way, should be interesting.
Later,
Jeff
My sister continues her recovery from cancer, and it was great to see her. At one point she went into my parents room to lay down, and as I joined her to just sit and talk awhile. A few minutes later my brother came in, and it was all three of the kids just laying there talking when my parents came in. I told my mom that all we needed to make it a complete flashback was for Chip & I to start fighting and for me to start complaining to mom (hey, I was the YOUNGER brother!).
Lots of great food---turkey, ham, stuffing, green beans--pumpkin pie, pecan pie, brownies...it was a virtual plethora of good eating (look it up). This made up for the trip up, during which my beloved got herself a speeding ticket while driving through Palm Beach County on I-95. Now, usually we don't take 95 up to my parents, but we were acting on information provided to us by a Mr. Gregory Goode, also known as Mr-Better-Pay-Half-My-Damn-Speeding-Ticket (that's my wife's name for him).
Hey Greg! Appreciate the input buddy! Greg advised us how much better it would be for us to take 95 as opposed to the turnpike, since the turnpike would undoubtably be packed with holiday traffic. UGH! $180 for a ticket! I smell a phone call to some attorney's that I know.
So before we headed home yesterday, we stopped off at WonderWorks, which is a tourist site in Orlando that's primarily for kids that are into science. (hello Andy!)
I thought it was pretty average, but Andy liked it, which was the whole point since it was his birthday. 15 years old. How in the world am I responsible for a 15 yr old?
I mean, most people will tell you I think like a 15 year old....but I digress. After lunch (Pizza Uno from Chicago--that's for you Dennis!), we headed home and last night we hit a movie. Here's an amazing bit of news. When Kim & I began dating over 5 1/2 years ago, we used to go to the theatre by Univ Dr & the Sawgrass Expy. We stopped going there because quite frankly it looked like it had become some sort of teen hangout and the last thing I wanted for some gang member to decide he wanted to smash my car windows in. So we began going to the theatre closer to us, over by the Coral Square Mall. So last night we parked the car, bought our tickets, and noticed how many teenagers were just sitting on the curb, hanging out and doing basically--you know--nothing. Kim had told me that the cops had basically started running all the kids away from the one theatre and now it appeared they had all started coming to the one closer to our house. Then I noticed the security guards walking around outside. Lovely. So we went inside and saw:
1) National Treasure: Okay, let's be honest. This isn't Citizen Kane or the Godfather. Its exactly what it claims to be, which is a big dumb, loud action movie who's premise is that the founding fathers left a vast fortune in gold hidden so the British wouldn't find it and left clues as to its whereabouts all over the country, including (this is a good one) on the back of the Declaration of Independence (and in invisible ink--natch). What follows is a race all over the country to be the first to find the various clues. Nicholas Cage & Harvey Keitel (as a cop!) lead the cast, but are assisted by an extremely old looking Jon Voight (playing Cage's father! Oman!).
Anyway, its really dumb, with tons of holes in the storyline that you could drive a truck through....but its dumb in a fun way. You probably won't remember it an hour after you've watched it, but its a fun ride along the way. ***
Tonight is a watershed night for my Notre Dame Fighting Irish. They play the number 1 ranked USC Trojans and are underdogs by 22 points, which is the largest spread in the HISTORY of this series, which goes back like 75 years. But don't worry, Willingham has the program headed in the right direction (yeah right). Anyway, I'm torn between rooting for my team and sort of secretly hopeing that they get wiped out so that the administration in South Bend realize that they have the WRONG guy leading the program. Either way, should be interesting.
Later,
Jeff
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
11/23/04--I'm back after a really bad yesterday
Yesterday...in a word....sucked. I mean, one of the alltime sucky days. So sucky that I've been told to not talk about how bad it sucked. So sucky that I started checking into what my retirement options are.
That sucky.
Well, its been an interesting last couple of days....my Vikings managed, ever so closely, to defeat...the Lions. The Lions, for God's sake! This season is not good for my blood pressure. The Fighting Irish can't decide if their good or they suck, the Vikings have an all-world offense and an all-underworld defense.....get me the Lipitor!
So Kim & I make another run back to our local BestBuy store the other day (their motto: Computer experts---we swear! Really, c'mon you guys...we're not kidding!)
to finally solve the mystery of what in the Sam Hill is wrong with my laptop. You may remember that it was my birthday gift (quick quiz---who remembers what date my birthday was?? Bueller?) and yet....I still haven't been able to use it! Nothing like advancing technology in today's society. So we go in, go to the computer geek department (which is actually what they call it), and we explain to the guy at the window that my laptop is, in fact, NOT working like it should. He promptly comes back and says that his manager says they'll take a look at it.....for $60. Uh, nope.
So we call the manager over, and explain to him that when we had originally purchased the floor model, that we had been told that if we brought the laptop in that they would reformat everything after we did the system restore disc. Now, mind you, we had 3 different versions on exactly HOW to do that system restore, but I digress. So he informs us that it will be $60. I remind him of just how much freakin money I spend in their store and how much I will NOT be spending if they make me spend $60 to get the thing working. He immediately begins his very best double talk, explaining that the reason for the charge is that they would have to...get a load of this one...."have an experienced technician work on your laptop for 3 hours".
Kim immediately pops up with...."Uh, isn't it basically just pushing a button that says 'next....next....next....finish'?" Oh no, he announces.....this is a very major technical situation. What a load of horseshit. So I have them go and get the manager of the laptop department...the guy who had loaded everything into my laptop in the first place. He remembers us, and we explain the situation to him. He says...."so basically what you guys need is do a system restore to get your laptop working."
I said, yep, that's basically it. He kinda looks around and tells me..."if you have us do it, they'll charge you $60. Here's what you do.....go home...push F-10...what for the prompt to come up....and start pushing next."
We took it home and it took us about 45 minutes.
Always trust your computer experts at BestBuy folks.
Later,
Jeff
That sucky.
Well, its been an interesting last couple of days....my Vikings managed, ever so closely, to defeat...the Lions. The Lions, for God's sake! This season is not good for my blood pressure. The Fighting Irish can't decide if their good or they suck, the Vikings have an all-world offense and an all-underworld defense.....get me the Lipitor!
So Kim & I make another run back to our local BestBuy store the other day (their motto: Computer experts---we swear! Really, c'mon you guys...we're not kidding!)
to finally solve the mystery of what in the Sam Hill is wrong with my laptop. You may remember that it was my birthday gift (quick quiz---who remembers what date my birthday was?? Bueller?) and yet....I still haven't been able to use it! Nothing like advancing technology in today's society. So we go in, go to the computer geek department (which is actually what they call it), and we explain to the guy at the window that my laptop is, in fact, NOT working like it should. He promptly comes back and says that his manager says they'll take a look at it.....for $60. Uh, nope.
So we call the manager over, and explain to him that when we had originally purchased the floor model, that we had been told that if we brought the laptop in that they would reformat everything after we did the system restore disc. Now, mind you, we had 3 different versions on exactly HOW to do that system restore, but I digress. So he informs us that it will be $60. I remind him of just how much freakin money I spend in their store and how much I will NOT be spending if they make me spend $60 to get the thing working. He immediately begins his very best double talk, explaining that the reason for the charge is that they would have to...get a load of this one...."have an experienced technician work on your laptop for 3 hours".
Kim immediately pops up with...."Uh, isn't it basically just pushing a button that says 'next....next....next....finish'?" Oh no, he announces.....this is a very major technical situation. What a load of horseshit. So I have them go and get the manager of the laptop department...the guy who had loaded everything into my laptop in the first place. He remembers us, and we explain the situation to him. He says...."so basically what you guys need is do a system restore to get your laptop working."
I said, yep, that's basically it. He kinda looks around and tells me..."if you have us do it, they'll charge you $60. Here's what you do.....go home...push F-10...what for the prompt to come up....and start pushing next."
We took it home and it took us about 45 minutes.
Always trust your computer experts at BestBuy folks.
Later,
Jeff
Saturday, November 20, 2004
11/20/04--Raising kids...screwing with their minds
So last night we went to watch American Heritage play Chaminade-Madonna, mainly because the kids were in the band, but partially because it was supposed to be a good game. And it was...for about 3 quarters of total slobberknocker football.
The game was 0-0 at the end of 3, with both teams defenses really play great football. Then, within the space of about 5 minutes, it was 21-0--Chaminade. I think the Heritage defense just flat got worn down. Anyway, I had a couple of opportunities to screw with the kids...and naturally I took advantage.
So Kim goes to the restroom, and I'm standing around with Kellie....just doing some people watching. So all of a sudden, walking towards us, is a young girl, a teenager and she is....how shall I put this....rather amply endowed in the chestal area. Seizing my moment....the following conversation took place.
"Oh my God!" I said.
"What?" Kellie replied.
"That girl....she has...ya know....HUGE boobs!"
Dramatic pause.
"I do NOT know you."
So then, on the ride home from the game (and after a brief stop at Jaxson's ice cream shop---MMM!) I was talking to Kellie about band stuff and how she had enjoyed playing that night. And Andy comes up with this little gem.
"Well I had fun tonight because we were playing (this is a quote) DRIVING ROCK."
"Say what?" all 3 of us replied.
"Yeah, we were playing DRIVING ROCK music."
"Uh...Andy...the only song you guys played that I recognized was 'Kokomo' by the Beach Boys...that is NOT DRIVING ROCK."
"Well we played this one song called 'Vehicle'."
"Okay...that would be a song about driving. That does not make it a driving rock song. A driving rock song is your Bon Jovi...your Bruce Springsteen...Rolling Stones. 'Kokomo' is not driving rock."
"Oh."
My son...the music fan.
DVD Reviews!!
Continuing my alphabetical look at my DVD collection, I realized that I had skipped one on our last look.
APOCALYSPE NOW--from 1979 comes Francis Ford Coppola's reworking of Joseph Conrad's epic "Heart of Darkness". A stunning, visionary look at the insantity of war and stars Martin Sheen, Robert Duvall & Marlon Brando. Sheen's
Lt. Willard is sent on a mission to find a rogue Colonel Kurtz (Brando) who has established his own private kingdom deep within the jungles of southeast Asia.
His assignment? "Terminate with extreme prejudice". The movieis 153 minutes long....and for about 110 minutes, its an absolute 5-star classic....maybe one of the greatest movies of alltime. However, truthfully speaking, the last 45 minutes are an extremely weird, bizaare series of images and jumbled dialogue by Brando as the crazed jungle leader. Still, this film is a must-see, with lots of great actors in much smaller parts than they would have later in their careers (Laurence Fishburne, Harrison Ford, etc). The helicopter attack on the village is a landmark in film.
****1/2
BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES....the 1946 winner for Best Picture at the Academy Awards, this is a tremendous, if slightly dated, look at soldiers returning from war and the impact it has had on them and their families and loved ones. When watching this movie, you have to understand how incredibly daring some of the subject matter was for its time. Frederic March's Al Stephenson is an alchoholic who has become a stranger to his family. Dana Andrews was never better than as Fred Derry, a war hero who returns to a loveless marriage and no job skills. And finally, Harold Russell is young sailor Homer Parrish, returning home as a physical cripple who has to learn to accept the help of his loved ones. Think about topics like that in the context of 1946. That was pretty heady stuff, especially when you throw in Andrews plotline of a married man drifting into an affair with March's daughter. There's a lot going on here, and even at just under 3 hours, there's not one boring minute. A terrific film, one of my top 20 of alltime. ****3/4
Later,
Jeff
The game was 0-0 at the end of 3, with both teams defenses really play great football. Then, within the space of about 5 minutes, it was 21-0--Chaminade. I think the Heritage defense just flat got worn down. Anyway, I had a couple of opportunities to screw with the kids...and naturally I took advantage.
So Kim goes to the restroom, and I'm standing around with Kellie....just doing some people watching. So all of a sudden, walking towards us, is a young girl, a teenager and she is....how shall I put this....rather amply endowed in the chestal area. Seizing my moment....the following conversation took place.
"Oh my God!" I said.
"What?" Kellie replied.
"That girl....she has...ya know....HUGE boobs!"
Dramatic pause.
"I do NOT know you."
So then, on the ride home from the game (and after a brief stop at Jaxson's ice cream shop---MMM!) I was talking to Kellie about band stuff and how she had enjoyed playing that night. And Andy comes up with this little gem.
"Well I had fun tonight because we were playing (this is a quote) DRIVING ROCK."
"Say what?" all 3 of us replied.
"Yeah, we were playing DRIVING ROCK music."
"Uh...Andy...the only song you guys played that I recognized was 'Kokomo' by the Beach Boys...that is NOT DRIVING ROCK."
"Well we played this one song called 'Vehicle'."
"Okay...that would be a song about driving. That does not make it a driving rock song. A driving rock song is your Bon Jovi...your Bruce Springsteen...Rolling Stones. 'Kokomo' is not driving rock."
"Oh."
My son...the music fan.
DVD Reviews!!
Continuing my alphabetical look at my DVD collection, I realized that I had skipped one on our last look.
APOCALYSPE NOW--from 1979 comes Francis Ford Coppola's reworking of Joseph Conrad's epic "Heart of Darkness". A stunning, visionary look at the insantity of war and stars Martin Sheen, Robert Duvall & Marlon Brando. Sheen's
Lt. Willard is sent on a mission to find a rogue Colonel Kurtz (Brando) who has established his own private kingdom deep within the jungles of southeast Asia.
His assignment? "Terminate with extreme prejudice". The movieis 153 minutes long....and for about 110 minutes, its an absolute 5-star classic....maybe one of the greatest movies of alltime. However, truthfully speaking, the last 45 minutes are an extremely weird, bizaare series of images and jumbled dialogue by Brando as the crazed jungle leader. Still, this film is a must-see, with lots of great actors in much smaller parts than they would have later in their careers (Laurence Fishburne, Harrison Ford, etc). The helicopter attack on the village is a landmark in film.
****1/2
BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES....the 1946 winner for Best Picture at the Academy Awards, this is a tremendous, if slightly dated, look at soldiers returning from war and the impact it has had on them and their families and loved ones. When watching this movie, you have to understand how incredibly daring some of the subject matter was for its time. Frederic March's Al Stephenson is an alchoholic who has become a stranger to his family. Dana Andrews was never better than as Fred Derry, a war hero who returns to a loveless marriage and no job skills. And finally, Harold Russell is young sailor Homer Parrish, returning home as a physical cripple who has to learn to accept the help of his loved ones. Think about topics like that in the context of 1946. That was pretty heady stuff, especially when you throw in Andrews plotline of a married man drifting into an affair with March's daughter. There's a lot going on here, and even at just under 3 hours, there's not one boring minute. A terrific film, one of my top 20 of alltime. ****3/4
Later,
Jeff
Thursday, November 18, 2004
11/18/04--Drama at the courthouse
I guess it was a good thing that I did that double issue last time, huh? Its been a pretty interesting week at work, with tons of drama in the office. Hmm...where shall I start? How about....
1) "Nothing says loving like something in the oven"---no, not me stupid. But the office has recently been hit by the proverbial wave of knocked up chicks. And the really good news? Only ONE is married!! And one of them, a truly classy woman, is now expecting baby # 5...and has never been married (not even ONCE) and every single one of the kids with another father--good to know that our tax dollars are put to good use raising her kids. Then there's the one that found out she was pregnant--right after her divorce was finalized (oh, I do hate when that happens).
My sources tell me that she's trying to keep the pregnancy secret---but...ya know...wearing sweaters only keeps the secret for so long. Ahem.
Speaking of which...I heard a fantastic court story the other day. Get a load of this one......Apparently, a few years ago, one of the people in my office was going thru some pretty tough times at home. Loads of unhappiness and misery (woohoo---its not me, but it could be!) and it got to the point where the person had started wearing the problems on their sleeves by coming into work noticeably distraught. So one day, she's in court....and apparently just starts to emotionally unravel. Well lucky her, she's in court with the one judge in the courthouse who's truly Mr. Warmth and really just does'nt give a shit. So apparently someone calls down to our office and tells them that something is going on and that they need to send a replacement up.
So the replacement gets to the courtroom and the woman is essentially in the fetal position. So figuring that they might be looking at some sort of emotional breakdown, they have the paramedics called. Medical help arrives.....and Mr. Warmth won't let them into the courtroom. Why? He doesn't want the court proceeding interrupted.
Really.
I'm serious.
So the replacement has to drag the hysterical woman out of the courtroom, right in front of the rest of the people there for whatever, so that the paramedics can attend to her.
Naaaa...doesn't sound like anything that might have interrupted court, huh?
Well, the clerk's office had their annual holiday party last week, and...as per usual, it was a total disaster. I'm telling ya, the damn thing is cursed. It might as well be the ghost of Bob Lockwood himself floating around going "booooooooo", like he's on freakin Scooby Doo or some shit. So let's go into the details of the disaster. First of all...for reasons not entirely clear to me (except maybe $$$), they held the party at the Museum of Art--which was hosting the Princess Diana exhibit. That's great if you were dealing with a group of highbrow partygoers. But we're talking about the clerk's office here, where for the majority of employees "highbrow" means getting their Budweiser chilled instead of at room temperature. Anyway, the museum hosts the event--complete with security that keeps telling people...and I quote:
"Step away from the walls--you're getting too close to the walls".
Then, the caterer, who was paid WAAAAAAAAY too much money, starts serving dinner using desert plates. No, really. And when someone wanted a beverage, they would pour the soda into a small up and not give you the can--sort of like on an airline. Which would be fine, except the line of people waiting to be served was around 100. So you would drink your soda, or beer, or whatever---and then go to get another one and have to wait in line for 30 minutes. You might say that a few people were getting peeved. Now, in keeping with another fine clerk's office tradition, the annual holiday party had a $25 charge. (A Christmas party where you had to pay $25---is that a hoot or what? Can you imagine if I charged $25 how great my last reception could've been?) Now making things all that much more interesting is that there were apparently about 30 party crashers who decided to show up without benefit of having paid the admission fee. Which means....go ahead...take a shot....what happened?
Yep, they ran out of food and beverage!!
Everyone....join in with me...."Its the ghost of Bob Lockwood!! WOOOOOOO!"
One of my supervisors showed up and all that they had left to drink was white wine and Diet 7-Up. Man, anything but that and you are just camping out!
So on Monday, as word of the disaster went out, some questions started being raised. Like...why the fuck did we have to pay $25 for a holiday party?? Anyway, after some digging, we met with the party organizer, who explained what happened.
Hey, I felt for her--she was in a no win situation. The biggest problem that I had was that she had only gotten 3 estimates for the location and the caterer. I think she could have gotten a lot more and had it done at someplace other than a museum with a bunch of fussy employees and security guards. Something tells me with all my questions that I'm going to be appointed to the holiday party committee next year.
Oh joy!
So, remember that laptop that my lovely bride bought me for my birthday? Yeah, that one. Well, my man Mike D comes over last night because we STILL have not been able to use the thing---ya know--as it was intended....wireless. Kim had tried to hook the router up, but for some reason was unsuccessful. So Mike comes over, and naturally (the family electronic curse)....it still didn't work. So we called the old 800 line for help....and get a guy who's name...I'm not making this up...was Hashish.
Poor Mike was on the phone with the guy for over an hour, and had to reconfigure all sort of shit, and go back into the Doss mode to install whatever needed to be installed. But it was successful! So then I go over to the laptop, fire it up....and.....
It still didn't work.
I may have to kill myself.
Back to BEST BUY on Saturday. UGH.
Later,
Jeff
Sunday, November 14, 2004
11/14/04--The all too rare---double edition!!
Yes, I'm back....what a shitty weekend. Both ND & the Vikings lose games in the final seconds on field goals.
"Serenity now! Serenity now!"
Anyway, I forgot to mention last week's premiere episode of the Simpson's, which was naturally a classic. They did a great spoof on the movie "From Hell", where Lisa was searching for the "muttonchop murderer" and had to go into an opium den.
The suspect (Homer, natch) starts running away from her, throwing people in front of her to help him escape.
"Please do not throw the addicts!" cries denkeeper Moe.
Hilarious.
They also did a great spoof of the old Raquel Welch classic "Fantastic Voyage", where they shrink the family to go into Mr. Burns body and rescue Maggie (don't ask). That was also some good stuff.
This week, Bart begins to read "Playdude" magazine, and opens his own version of the "Playdude" mansion---complete with a visiting James Caan (just like the real one.) There was also a great movie spoof at the end of this one involving a tollbooth
that finished with Caan saying, "next time I'm just going to fly." ****
I've been watching season # 3 on DVD, and its loaded with great episodes. Included in what I've seen so far are "Flaming Moe's", where Homer helps Moe invent a drink that starts packing them in at Moes--including a visit from Aerosmith!
Do you remember what the secret ingredient was? "Like Father, Like Clown" introduced us to Krusty the Clown's father, Rabbi Krustovski (a hilarious Jackie Mason). Krusty's real first name? Herschel. And the episode where Burns sells the nuclear power plant to a German corporation, lead by a crewcutted, stout German
"who might remind you of that loveable Sgt Schultz". Any espisode that references Hogan's Heroes is alright by me. They were really beginning to hit their stride here, and since season # 4 is coming out on DVD next month, I better hurry and finish.
Finally, I was perusing the new issue of EMPIRE (greatest film review mag on the market) and had a couple of things catch my eye. Their list of:
Top 10 Worst sequels of alltime (let's think about that for a moment):
10) The Matrix Reloaded & Revolutions (so included because the producer insisted that they are basically two halves of one movie---huh?)
9) Alien: Resurrection
8) Trail of the Pink Panther (Peter Sellers is dead--let's make a movie using other characters and outtakes from the other films. OMAN!)
7) Hannibal (maybe the death-by-pig had something to do with it, huh?)
6) Babe: Pig in the City (wouldn't be on my list by a long shot)
5) Superman IV--The Quest for Peace
4) Speed 2 (let's stop the runaway cruiseliner that's doing--12 MPH!!)
3) Jaws: The Revenge (this is the one where the shark FOLLOWS Brody's wife to the Bahamas--no, seriously. It tracks her while she's on vacation.)
2) Highlander 2: The Quickening
1) Batman & Robin (Was it George Clooney as Batman or Arnie as Mr. Freeze?)
And while you're chewing on that list---EMPIRE also offers their own list of top 10 performances of Robert DeNiro (YIKES! You could go 20 deep there)
10) Heat (I would've had this one higher)
9) Greetings (never heard of it actually)
8) Goodfellas (more of a supporting role)
7) Midnight Run (hilariously profane)
6) The Deerhunter (awesome! A personal favorite)
5) Taxi Driver (Reportedly the whole "You talkin to me?"---Improvised by DeNiro)
4) The King of Comedy
3) The Godfather Part II
2) Mean Streets
1) Raging Bull (EMPIRE calls it "possibly the greatest performance ever committed to celluloid")
Their choices for the 5 WORST performances of his career: (no particular order)
Stanley & Iris
Frankenstein
Flawless
Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle
Showtime
Food for thought.
Later,
Jeff
"Serenity now! Serenity now!"
Anyway, I forgot to mention last week's premiere episode of the Simpson's, which was naturally a classic. They did a great spoof on the movie "From Hell", where Lisa was searching for the "muttonchop murderer" and had to go into an opium den.
The suspect (Homer, natch) starts running away from her, throwing people in front of her to help him escape.
"Please do not throw the addicts!" cries denkeeper Moe.
Hilarious.
They also did a great spoof of the old Raquel Welch classic "Fantastic Voyage", where they shrink the family to go into Mr. Burns body and rescue Maggie (don't ask). That was also some good stuff.
This week, Bart begins to read "Playdude" magazine, and opens his own version of the "Playdude" mansion---complete with a visiting James Caan (just like the real one.) There was also a great movie spoof at the end of this one involving a tollbooth
that finished with Caan saying, "next time I'm just going to fly." ****
I've been watching season # 3 on DVD, and its loaded with great episodes. Included in what I've seen so far are "Flaming Moe's", where Homer helps Moe invent a drink that starts packing them in at Moes--including a visit from Aerosmith!
Do you remember what the secret ingredient was? "Like Father, Like Clown" introduced us to Krusty the Clown's father, Rabbi Krustovski (a hilarious Jackie Mason). Krusty's real first name? Herschel. And the episode where Burns sells the nuclear power plant to a German corporation, lead by a crewcutted, stout German
"who might remind you of that loveable Sgt Schultz". Any espisode that references Hogan's Heroes is alright by me. They were really beginning to hit their stride here, and since season # 4 is coming out on DVD next month, I better hurry and finish.
Finally, I was perusing the new issue of EMPIRE (greatest film review mag on the market) and had a couple of things catch my eye. Their list of:
Top 10 Worst sequels of alltime (let's think about that for a moment):
10) The Matrix Reloaded & Revolutions (so included because the producer insisted that they are basically two halves of one movie---huh?)
9) Alien: Resurrection
8) Trail of the Pink Panther (Peter Sellers is dead--let's make a movie using other characters and outtakes from the other films. OMAN!)
7) Hannibal (maybe the death-by-pig had something to do with it, huh?)
6) Babe: Pig in the City (wouldn't be on my list by a long shot)
5) Superman IV--The Quest for Peace
4) Speed 2 (let's stop the runaway cruiseliner that's doing--12 MPH!!)
3) Jaws: The Revenge (this is the one where the shark FOLLOWS Brody's wife to the Bahamas--no, seriously. It tracks her while she's on vacation.)
2) Highlander 2: The Quickening
1) Batman & Robin (Was it George Clooney as Batman or Arnie as Mr. Freeze?)
And while you're chewing on that list---EMPIRE also offers their own list of top 10 performances of Robert DeNiro (YIKES! You could go 20 deep there)
10) Heat (I would've had this one higher)
9) Greetings (never heard of it actually)
8) Goodfellas (more of a supporting role)
7) Midnight Run (hilariously profane)
6) The Deerhunter (awesome! A personal favorite)
5) Taxi Driver (Reportedly the whole "You talkin to me?"---Improvised by DeNiro)
4) The King of Comedy
3) The Godfather Part II
2) Mean Streets
1) Raging Bull (EMPIRE calls it "possibly the greatest performance ever committed to celluloid")
Their choices for the 5 WORST performances of his career: (no particular order)
Stanley & Iris
Frankenstein
Flawless
Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle
Showtime
Food for thought.
Later,
Jeff
11/14/04--Bachelorhood, "The End in South Bend" & a creepier than hell movie
Well, the family went up to 'lando this weekend. Andy had some band competition, something I try and avoid like the plague. Kim figured she would go, take Kellie and kill two birds with one stone by taking them to Universal afterwards. I figured that meant a couple of days of football, boxer shorts, belching and all that sort of good stuff. And ya know what? I realized sometime yesterday a horrible thing. UGH!
I missed my family.
Good Lord....I may actually be maturing. How could this happen to me?
SPORTS ALERT SPORTS ALERT
Well, I watched some good games yesterday, as I got my first chance to watch Boise State (taken to overtime by SAN JOSE STATE!!), a very good Iowa-Minnesota tilt (I still can't figure out how the Goph's lost that one), Auburn put a can of whoop ass on Georgia, and Miami go up to Charlottesville and look impressive in defeating a very good Virginia team. My boy Hugh had written the Canes off for dead.
Speaking of dead, I decided to tape the ND-Pitt game yesterday. It was the Irish's
last home game of the season, and the game between Tennessee & USC. Now as bad as the Irish had looked losing to BC, Purdue & BYU....a victory over a thus far this season very average Pitt team would at a minimum lock us into the Gator Bowl, with a very slight chance of moving up to the Cotton Bowl. Well, screw that.
In keeping with a recent horrible trend, the Irish allowed someone named Tyler Palko, the Pitt QB, to look like the 2nd coming of Dan Marino--the guy threw 5 t.d's against our defense--in our stadium. Now that's bad enough, especially because for once this season our offense actually played a pretty damn good game.
But this may have been the worst officiated game I've ever seen. I mean, they were horrible. There must have been 4 pass interference or holding calls in the last quarter alone. I'm not stupid--I know that ND's defensive backfield isn't exactly the Steelers of the late 70's--but geez Louise---if Pitt hadn't won the game, I'd be wondering why. By the way, for all of you Michael Wilbon fans from ESPN---that now makes Ty Willingham 13-14 in his last 27 games---yep, he's turning the corner.
I actually went out to see a movie last night! Yep, actual theatre new release, the whole nine yards! I went out with my boy Steve Guerra last night and we had planned on seeing Friday Night Lights, the film about high school football in Texas.
Stupid us, you see, when we see a movie advertised in the newspaper at 7:20pm, and then show up at 7:15pm---why would we expect the theatre to actually be showing the film?? Especially when they could bump the film and make room to show SEED OF CHUCKY in another theatre?? UGH! And the freaking old lady at the window actually had the nerve to say..."that's why you should call first".
Hey lady---F you. That's why YOU should check your advertisement. So anyway, faced with not a lot of other films we wanted to see (Seed of Chucky? Puh-leeze.)
I took Steve's recommendation and went to see (no pun intended) "Saw". I have to be careful how I word that. Am I supposed to say I went to see Saw? Or that I saw Saw? Or I went to see, and then saw, Saw? Oman! Anyway:
1) SAW--holy crap, what a creepy movie. Creepy like Seven, or Silence of the Lambs, or maybe The Cell. You wanted to take a shower when you got out of the theatre. Its definitely NOT for everyone (this is the type of movie that my man Dino would HATE). Its not an Oscar caliber effort like Silence, but its not complete crap either. Its a creepy, get under your skin, twisted little movie about a serial killer named Jiggsaw, mainly because of the mind games he plays with his victims. And oh man does he screw with their minds. The stars of the film are Cary Elwes (who appears to have not missed any meals lately--much different than his Princess Bride & Top Gun look) & Danny Glover...naturally playing a cop (does he do ANYTHING else?). Suffice to say, the film involves two men (Elwes is one) who wake up in the dingiest, grimiest bathroom that you've ever seen in your life, both chained to a pipe across the room from one another. They are given clues as to how they can free themselves--but there is a time limit--and there are rules that they must follow. One hell of a creepy ride. Its not horror, its more suspense. And pretty damn good suspense at that. ***3/4
Later,
Jeff
Thursday, November 11, 2004
11/11/04--Veteran's Day....Andy drives us crazy...and movies
Well, before I begin my diatribe...let's everyone take a moment and remember what today is really all about. I'm proud to say that my father and my brother are veterans and their service to our country does nothing but earn my respect. Thank a vet today.
Young Mr. Andrew Poe-Bowdren may drive me to medicate myself. I'm talking of the vicodin or darvocet variety. UGH. THe kid is so naturally intelligent, I mean in a totally brainiac kind of way--but there's something that's not connecting somewhere.
He brings home a report card that has grades that aren't up to his ability. He forgets assignments and reports. I'm not sure if its immaturity, or his own way of rebelling (although I seriously doubt that), or just his brain skipping a beat occasionally.
He does things that absolutely drive you crazy. He had a project early this year that was supposed to be a notebook, turned in for credit that had like 25 assignments that were supposed to be inside. Andy turns in the notebook--with 2 assignments completed. I mean...what the hell are you thinking? And he'll just look at you, like there's nothing going on upstairs--like the fact that he's done something incorrect just is not registering with him. Well, the other night Andy realized that he had a major biology project that was due--according to the school's website it was due the next day, but the paper regarding the project said it wasn't due until the 19th....nice having a consistent information flow, huh? Anyway, we got after Andy again, trying to explain to him just why all his assignments are important and how, now that he's in high school, every grade is going to be evaluated down the road. We've tried yelling, talking calmly, taking things away, offering things as rewards....and the light just does not seem to go on. I'd like to think that its a maturity thing, and that sometime in the near future its all going to become very clear to him. But, in the meantime, I told him last night that his mother and I are done with him not recognizing the importance of these things. We finally gave him an ultimatium. He has until the end of this year to show an improvement in grades and organization or we will not be enrolling him at American Heritage next year. That'll mean that he would be going to public school. I don't know if that will wake him up or not, but at least his mother won't be spending a huge amount of money on an education that he isn't taking advantage of. UGH.
Since it was the holiday, I had a chance to sit home today and watch a movie. I picked a good one. About 20 years ago (!!), director John Hughes made a great movie about the joys, pains & heartaches of going to high school everyday by following one high school sophmore (Molly Ringwald) on her 16th birthday in the wonderful "16 Candles".
Now, 20 years later, Saturday Night Live writer and star Tina Fey has crafted a similar-yet-different story with:
1) Mean Girls--Lindsay Lohan is the star of this film, and here is one of the major differences between this film and 16 Candles. Ringwald was near perfect as the gawky, awkward teenager, blooming from girl to young woman. Lindsay Lohan isn't just hot--she's smoking hot--I mean stripper hot. As a quick aside, she has a set of cans on her that are just screaming Playboy centerfold when her movie career finally begins to tank. Anyway, now that I've got that piece of business out of the way, this is a really good, bitchy comedy about teenagers and high school. I say that because this is not a "high school comedy". This is a movie about the cliques that exist in high school--the backstabbing, the "drama", the whole little "cult of personality" that makes the pretty girl--the one who everyone secretly loathes--the most popular girl in school. This movie was so good it actually included the rarest of all things--a scene where Tim Meadows was actually funny. Think about that! ***1/2
And now, let's go back and continue with a review of my DVD's--once again, in alphabetical order. Starting with:
1) Bad Santa--one of the things that I love about this movie, which stars Billy Bob Thornton, Bernie Mac & the late John Ritter, is that it stays true to its dark soul.
This isn't one of those movies where in the end, someone who's corrupt, vile and evil gets reformed and turns a new leaf. Nope, not our Santa. Thornton stars as the most wicked Santa ever, a con man who uses the holidays with his very own elf (Tony Cox--hilariously profane as always) to steal and rob from department stores.
Let me just say this: this isn't a holiday movie you should watch with your kids. Its lewd, its vulgar, its raunchy...there are scenes where they seem to be throwing every crewd possibility up against the wall just to seewhich ones will stick. And ya know what? Some of them are funny, and some of them aren't. But you have to give credit to the Coen Bros, executive producers of the film, for basically taking the scattergun approach to skewering the Christmas holiday. Some of it doesn't work, but the stuff that does will have you laughing your ass off. ***
2) Bananas--back in 1971, Woody Allen was one funny guy. I mean, he hadn't started looking deep within himself for answers to the mysteries of life like he would later on. He just set out to make silly, funny as hell movies. This is a classic example. Here, Woody play Fielding Mellish (and one thing Woody always had a knack for was coming up with truly ridiculous names for his characters), a product-tester (watch out for a scene demonstrating his job skills) who decides to go on a vacation after being jilted by his girlfriend to the tiny republic of San Marcos--only to be kidnapped by rebel soldiers! Without going into details, Woody ends up becoming the leader of the rebels and the whole thing is just a riot. This movie also features the greatest supporting performance of Howard Cosell's career. ****1/4
Later,
Jeff
Young Mr. Andrew Poe-Bowdren may drive me to medicate myself. I'm talking of the vicodin or darvocet variety. UGH. THe kid is so naturally intelligent, I mean in a totally brainiac kind of way--but there's something that's not connecting somewhere.
He brings home a report card that has grades that aren't up to his ability. He forgets assignments and reports. I'm not sure if its immaturity, or his own way of rebelling (although I seriously doubt that), or just his brain skipping a beat occasionally.
He does things that absolutely drive you crazy. He had a project early this year that was supposed to be a notebook, turned in for credit that had like 25 assignments that were supposed to be inside. Andy turns in the notebook--with 2 assignments completed. I mean...what the hell are you thinking? And he'll just look at you, like there's nothing going on upstairs--like the fact that he's done something incorrect just is not registering with him. Well, the other night Andy realized that he had a major biology project that was due--according to the school's website it was due the next day, but the paper regarding the project said it wasn't due until the 19th....nice having a consistent information flow, huh? Anyway, we got after Andy again, trying to explain to him just why all his assignments are important and how, now that he's in high school, every grade is going to be evaluated down the road. We've tried yelling, talking calmly, taking things away, offering things as rewards....and the light just does not seem to go on. I'd like to think that its a maturity thing, and that sometime in the near future its all going to become very clear to him. But, in the meantime, I told him last night that his mother and I are done with him not recognizing the importance of these things. We finally gave him an ultimatium. He has until the end of this year to show an improvement in grades and organization or we will not be enrolling him at American Heritage next year. That'll mean that he would be going to public school. I don't know if that will wake him up or not, but at least his mother won't be spending a huge amount of money on an education that he isn't taking advantage of. UGH.
Since it was the holiday, I had a chance to sit home today and watch a movie. I picked a good one. About 20 years ago (!!), director John Hughes made a great movie about the joys, pains & heartaches of going to high school everyday by following one high school sophmore (Molly Ringwald) on her 16th birthday in the wonderful "16 Candles".
Now, 20 years later, Saturday Night Live writer and star Tina Fey has crafted a similar-yet-different story with:
1) Mean Girls--Lindsay Lohan is the star of this film, and here is one of the major differences between this film and 16 Candles. Ringwald was near perfect as the gawky, awkward teenager, blooming from girl to young woman. Lindsay Lohan isn't just hot--she's smoking hot--I mean stripper hot. As a quick aside, she has a set of cans on her that are just screaming Playboy centerfold when her movie career finally begins to tank. Anyway, now that I've got that piece of business out of the way, this is a really good, bitchy comedy about teenagers and high school. I say that because this is not a "high school comedy". This is a movie about the cliques that exist in high school--the backstabbing, the "drama", the whole little "cult of personality" that makes the pretty girl--the one who everyone secretly loathes--the most popular girl in school. This movie was so good it actually included the rarest of all things--a scene where Tim Meadows was actually funny. Think about that! ***1/2
And now, let's go back and continue with a review of my DVD's--once again, in alphabetical order. Starting with:
1) Bad Santa--one of the things that I love about this movie, which stars Billy Bob Thornton, Bernie Mac & the late John Ritter, is that it stays true to its dark soul.
This isn't one of those movies where in the end, someone who's corrupt, vile and evil gets reformed and turns a new leaf. Nope, not our Santa. Thornton stars as the most wicked Santa ever, a con man who uses the holidays with his very own elf (Tony Cox--hilariously profane as always) to steal and rob from department stores.
Let me just say this: this isn't a holiday movie you should watch with your kids. Its lewd, its vulgar, its raunchy...there are scenes where they seem to be throwing every crewd possibility up against the wall just to seewhich ones will stick. And ya know what? Some of them are funny, and some of them aren't. But you have to give credit to the Coen Bros, executive producers of the film, for basically taking the scattergun approach to skewering the Christmas holiday. Some of it doesn't work, but the stuff that does will have you laughing your ass off. ***
2) Bananas--back in 1971, Woody Allen was one funny guy. I mean, he hadn't started looking deep within himself for answers to the mysteries of life like he would later on. He just set out to make silly, funny as hell movies. This is a classic example. Here, Woody play Fielding Mellish (and one thing Woody always had a knack for was coming up with truly ridiculous names for his characters), a product-tester (watch out for a scene demonstrating his job skills) who decides to go on a vacation after being jilted by his girlfriend to the tiny republic of San Marcos--only to be kidnapped by rebel soldiers! Without going into details, Woody ends up becoming the leader of the rebels and the whole thing is just a riot. This movie also features the greatest supporting performance of Howard Cosell's career. ****1/4
Later,
Jeff
Tuesday, November 9, 2004
11/9/04---Laying the smack down on the Rock's candy ass
So I leave work early today, mainly because my little pisspot is home sick, and because she actually called me to find out when I was going to come home (a rare honor in my mind). So this afternoon, I cruise the PPV channels and I see:
1) Walking Tall--yep, its a remake of the old classic which featured Joe Don Baker as the ass kicking sheriff of the redneck town that was run by moonshiners. Except, somewhere along the line they sorta played with the storyline here. Now, in this remake, the location is sort of vaguely supposed to be the northwest, and there aren't any more rednecks--which quite honestly is a HUGE disappointment. Now the Rock plays the former special forces soldier who comes back to his hometown and finds things have changed. The old mill where his dad worked has closed down and now the big money earner in town is the casino...and the adult book store that moved in across from where the old hardware store used to be. One of the great things about this movie is how it so desperately keeps dropping all these references to the original movie, wanting badly (apparently) to be paying homage to the film like it was Citizen Kane or something. But it does it so badly, so over the top, that you almost laugh out loud. Like the scene in the courtroom where Rock stands up to defend himself against charges brought against him and he says....
"I remember when living in this town meant something...it meant...it meant you walked tall!"
(Snort) Sorry, I laughed just recalling it. I'm surprised they didn't name one of the characters Joe Don or something--although I did find it cute that the Rock's girlfriend in the movie is named "Danni", which is the name of Rock's real life wife. Subtle.
I watched the Rock's movie before this one...the Rundown...where he had Sean William Scott as his young sidekick and Christopher Walken as the lead villian.
Well, I don't wanna say this movie isn't quite up to that level, but you know going in when you see that Rock's sidekick is played by "Johnny Knoxville"....he of MTV
"Jackass" fame (and I'm proud to say I've never seen a single episode)....that Rock isn't going to be getting any Oscar caliber support here. Lots of explosions, lots of ass kickin, gunfire galore, and one truck sawed in two while searching for contraband. Wow, was this movie horrible. BOMB
However, this movie is so bad, on so many levels....that its almost worth watching.
I just wouldn't recommend actually PAYING for it when you do it.
Later,
Jeff
Monday, November 8, 2004
11/8/04---Returning to my wrestling roots
I actually watched a wrestling PPV last night. I went over to the professor's house, watched some TNA, and realized just how incredibly out of it I was in regards to the first sport (?) to capture my heart in my youth. The show was pretty good, but I was continously amazed as I kept asking either the professor--or the cable guy--or the magnet.....who is this guy? I mean I couldn't tell the heels from the babyfaces and when the guys you recognize are the ones considered the "old farts" in the business...OMAN! Its time to look at what you've become. And I have decided, much to my eternal sadness....that I am no longer a "wrestling fan". I have moved onto the point of now having become a "wrestling historian". Geez is that depressing. But it speaks volumes of how bad the product delivered to mainstream america (ahem--that would be you Mr. McMahon) has become. Its sad when someone comes up to me, knowing how long I've been a fan (34 years!!) and asked me if I had seen this or that from the night before....and having to say: "sorry, I just don't watch it anymore."
Now, ask me about something from the 70's or the 80's--I'm all over that RPM getting free BBQ at Tom Jenkins. But the current scene either doesn't inspire me or interest me enough to care about. I suppose its good for my marriage. It leaves me with more social time with my family and//or friends.
But it makes me sort of sad. Corene, I gave it 34 years. I gave it my best shot.
Interesting football weekend (whoops...sorry! SPORTS ALERT SPORTS ALERT)....Notre Dame managed to go into Knoxville and defeat the Vols. Of course, they defeated them by knocking out their freshman QB, and having them insert a 3rd stringer....and then only winning by 4 points. But, a win's a win a win.
However, this is (to quote my man Jim Davies out in Cali)..."this is the type of win that hurts the program more than it does it good". And by that I'm sure Jim means that this is the type of game that makes people think that Ty Willingham really has turned the corner. UGH! Puh-leeze. Meanwhile, our offense continues to be among the worst I've seen in 31 years following the team--even worse than the Gerry Faust years---CERTAINLY worse than the Bob Davie years (!!) and even worse than the incredibly boring yet efficient Dan Devine last couple of years.
Rumor out of South Bend has Ty being put in the position of finally dumping downright offensive coordinater Bill Diedrick at the end of the season. Lordy let's hope so. And how about those mighty Canes? I guess that move to the ACC wasn't quite the cakewalk they thought, huh?
Now, ask me about something from the 70's or the 80's--I'm all over that RPM getting free BBQ at Tom Jenkins. But the current scene either doesn't inspire me or interest me enough to care about. I suppose its good for my marriage. It leaves me with more social time with my family and//or friends.
But it makes me sort of sad. Corene, I gave it 34 years. I gave it my best shot.
Interesting football weekend (whoops...sorry! SPORTS ALERT SPORTS ALERT)....Notre Dame managed to go into Knoxville and defeat the Vols. Of course, they defeated them by knocking out their freshman QB, and having them insert a 3rd stringer....and then only winning by 4 points. But, a win's a win a win.
However, this is (to quote my man Jim Davies out in Cali)..."this is the type of win that hurts the program more than it does it good". And by that I'm sure Jim means that this is the type of game that makes people think that Ty Willingham really has turned the corner. UGH! Puh-leeze. Meanwhile, our offense continues to be among the worst I've seen in 31 years following the team--even worse than the Gerry Faust years---CERTAINLY worse than the Bob Davie years (!!) and even worse than the incredibly boring yet efficient Dan Devine last couple of years.
Rumor out of South Bend has Ty being put in the position of finally dumping downright offensive coordinater Bill Diedrick at the end of the season. Lordy let's hope so. And how about those mighty Canes? I guess that move to the ACC wasn't quite the cakewalk they thought, huh?
Sunday, November 7, 2004
11/7/04---My baby Ceci ties the knot
It was somewhere in the late 80's, maybe '88 or '89, and my man Dennis Wiley was spending a lot of time down in Rm 130. I mean more time than usual. And it always seemed to occur around 3pm. After some minor investigation I learned that the reason for the Den-Man's sudden interest in the 3pm shift in Rm 130 was a young lady named Jessica. Of course, Dennis was like 25 years old and Jessica was 17 (what a perv!), but I can't argue with his taste, because she was an absolute knockout. Jessica was one of 4 girls who started about the same time, working part-time for the clerks office after school (as in HIGH SCHOOL--just in case Dennis forgot--hehe). There was Jessica, who was hotter than July; Maribelle, who's mom worked in administration and was sort of the "ugly duckling" of the group, very sweet but shy; Adrienna, who was the "party girl" of the group and a habit of showing up to work with a (ahem) hangover; and finally, there was Ceci.
And in Ceci you could see the diamond inside just beginning to show. While Dennis was noticing Jessica, I couldn't help look at Ceci and think of how she was going to end up being the best of the bunch.
I was right.
Yesterday Ceci....my "baby Ceci"...my "Bofeci" married Jorge Nunez. It was a very nice ceremony, with a mass held in Spanish (there were no bad words so I understood basically NOTHING) and a beautiful reception held in North Miami at the old Spanish Monastery. Kim & I sat at a table with Laura & Rene Gonzales, Leslie Taylor and Digna Gonzales & her former husband (and current boyfriend) Joe. We had a wonderful time (although it poured rain) and was able to play a great practical joke on Ana Serrano, who was seated at the next table. I was taking a pic of all the ladies and jokingly told Ana to show some more cleavage. Well she was very embarrassed, apparently thinking I was still married to Kelly, and believing that Kim was going to be upset with HER because of a comment made by ME. Well we just grabbed the ball and ran with it. Kim started flashing her dirty looks, and Ana's sister Lizette would say things like..."Jeff's wife said she wants to talk to you!"...and poor Ana was almost near panic. Finally, Kim walked out onto the dancefloor and took Ana by the arm...."You do realize this is all a big joke on you, don't you?"
Ana then looked over and saw the rest of us laughing....and the look of relief on her face was hilarious. After which she threatened to kill all of us.
And seated at the table with Ana and Lizette? The former "ugly duckling" Maribelle,
now married and transformed into the swan. She's quite a stunner!
But the evening belonged to Ceci, who was a beautiful bride. During the toast to the new couple, Ceci's sister told her new groom...."congratulations Jorge....you struck gold." And Jorge looked at his new wife and said:
"I know."
I'm glad he does. Congratulations and all the best to both of you.
Later,
Jeff
And in Ceci you could see the diamond inside just beginning to show. While Dennis was noticing Jessica, I couldn't help look at Ceci and think of how she was going to end up being the best of the bunch.
I was right.
Yesterday Ceci....my "baby Ceci"...my "Bofeci" married Jorge Nunez. It was a very nice ceremony, with a mass held in Spanish (there were no bad words so I understood basically NOTHING) and a beautiful reception held in North Miami at the old Spanish Monastery. Kim & I sat at a table with Laura & Rene Gonzales, Leslie Taylor and Digna Gonzales & her former husband (and current boyfriend) Joe. We had a wonderful time (although it poured rain) and was able to play a great practical joke on Ana Serrano, who was seated at the next table. I was taking a pic of all the ladies and jokingly told Ana to show some more cleavage. Well she was very embarrassed, apparently thinking I was still married to Kelly, and believing that Kim was going to be upset with HER because of a comment made by ME. Well we just grabbed the ball and ran with it. Kim started flashing her dirty looks, and Ana's sister Lizette would say things like..."Jeff's wife said she wants to talk to you!"...and poor Ana was almost near panic. Finally, Kim walked out onto the dancefloor and took Ana by the arm...."You do realize this is all a big joke on you, don't you?"
Ana then looked over and saw the rest of us laughing....and the look of relief on her face was hilarious. After which she threatened to kill all of us.
And seated at the table with Ana and Lizette? The former "ugly duckling" Maribelle,
now married and transformed into the swan. She's quite a stunner!
But the evening belonged to Ceci, who was a beautiful bride. During the toast to the new couple, Ceci's sister told her new groom...."congratulations Jorge....you struck gold." And Jorge looked at his new wife and said:
"I know."
I'm glad he does. Congratulations and all the best to both of you.
Later,
Jeff
Thursday, November 4, 2004
11/4/04--A Letter to my Father
Dear Dad,
Well I woke up on Wednesday to discover that George Bush had been reelected president. I was disappointed, because I had voted for Kerry. I voted for Kerry not so much because I believed in him, but because I didn't believe in Bush. I'm going to try and explain why.
Its not a "republican" thing....or a "democrat" thing. I have no plans to jump on the "Hillary in '08" bandwagon (puh-leeze!). I have no problem telling anyone who would ask that I would have gladly voted for John McCain if he had been on the ballot as the republican candidate.
I don't trust George Bush. I don't trust what he's become. I don't trust that the republican party has allowed itself to be taken over by the extreme rightwing nuts.
I don't mean honest, conservative church going folks. I mean the ultra right, who use religion as a weapon--who use it to intimidate their opponents. Who claim that anyone who disagrees with the administration is "anti-american".
I worry that my 15 year old son will be draft eligible in a few years. I worry, as someone who uses words and loves to writes, that "freedom of speech" is being looked at completely different than it was 20 years ago. I worry that our president doesn't like people to discuss his past, but felt that his opponents were fair game.
I worry that our president doesn't like to admit when he's made a mistake. Ever.
I worry that our president's family has some ties with the royal family in Saudia Arabia that he doesn't particularly care to discuss. I worry that Iraq will turn into this generations Vietnam.
I know with your personal background that you will always favor a strong military and a strong defense. I respect that. But I worry that some republicans are so vitriolic in their hatred of anything Clinton or related to Clinton that it makes it easy to blame our former president than to question the decisions or strategy of our current one.
I love my country....but I'm worried.
Your loving son,
Jeff
Monday, November 1, 2004
11/1/04---night before...you know what!
Well, its the night before the presidential election and I'm still trying to recover from our big holiday soiree. Compounding all this was getting the kids report cards in the mail the other day and not being...well....terribly happy with the results. Kellie in particular disappointed us quite a bit with a report card that included two "D's" and one "F". Unacceptable!!
She has now lost her phone, her television and her shot at playing basketball with the school team. And I still let her off lighter than I would have her brother. His report card was no great shakes, but at least it didn't feature any D's or F's!
Got a chance to check out a couple of movies over the weekend and here are my thoughts on them....
1) American Wedding--you know, you can always tell when a movie series has hit the end of the road. Sometimes you have that rare occurence when the 2nd part is better than the first (Road Warrior, Alien, Austin Powers, etc), but almost ALWAYS the 3rd one is being made just to cash in on the money making machine and the movie will end up really being terrible. Here's a prime example. American Pie was a really funny look at how embarassing it can be to be a teenager and had some laugh out loud moments, mainly provided by Eugene Levy as the father of one of the characters. The 2nd one in the series, the appropriately title American Pie 2 had a few laughs, but quite obviously wasn't as funny as the first one although it wasn't bad. Now, here in the 3rd one....they've obviously run out of ideas. The other thing that is wrong is that they've taken a very funny, although incredibly obnoxious, and tried to make him the main character of the film. And it fails terribly, just like it would have if the folks from Seinfeld had made a t.v. show about Kramer.
That character was a laugh riot when he was given 5 minutes a week, but if he had his own show he would've been insufferable. In the case of this movie, Sean William Scott's character of Stifler, who is put into a seemingly more revolting situation every film, is made to carry the film and isn't up to the job. Why? Because he's basically a very unlikeable character that we have no emotional investment in---and one that we don't WANT to make that investment in. There are a few cute scenes, but if the 2nd in the series was worth half the laughs of the original, this one is worth half the laughs of the sequel. * 1/2
2) Reservior Dogs--this may be the ultimate "guy's" film. I say that , because in all the years I've been a real film buff, I don't think I've ever met a woman who liked this movie. Its a violent, profane, loud and horribly graphic look at a robbery gone horribly wrong. That being said....its terrific filmmaking. The movie is told from about 5 points of view, all trying to explain (or understand) why the crime went so wrong. Outstanding performances from Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Steve Buscemi,
Christopher Penn, Lawrence Tierney (where'd they dig him up?) and Michael Madsen---who plays a character that it could be argued may be the most despicable person ever to grace celluloid. A wild, violent ride. ****1/4
The DVD is terrific, with a ton of great extras!
Get out there and vote tomorrow!
Later,
Jeff
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