5/30/05---Nancy hates this---MOVIE REVIEWS!!!

Before you ask, if the font on this particular entry looks slightly different...its because....YET AGAIN....I'm having trouble accessing my laptop.  AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!
Anyway, here's what I've seen...at the movies:
1) Love, Actually--this is one of the best romantic comedies I've seen in a long time.  It also has a really good soundtrack also, which is never a bad thing.  Pretty much every big name in British acting is in this film, including....
Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, Liam Neeson, Alan Rickman,
Keira Knightly and many others.  Its a look at the lives and loves of about 15 people, all told in different stories that end up being interrelated at the end of the film.  These include--a married couple who are in the middle of a midlife crisis, a writer who begins to realize that he's falling in love with his Portugese maid--even though neither of them speak each others language, a best man who realizes (too late?) that he is hopelessly in love with the bride to be, and the brand new Prime Minister of England---single and wrapped up in a life of public service--and falling in love with one of his servants.  Its really good stuff with good performances all around.  ****3/4
2) The Longest Yard-It was an "okay" movie...part of the problem with the film, especially when comparing it to the first one is that in the first one, you could at least accept a little bit that Burt Reynolds used to be an athlete (which of course he once was).
I had a real problem watching the movie thinking that Adam Sandler's character was a former athlete, much less a former NFL MVP. The other problem I had with the film was that the warden is played by James Crowell, who is a very fine and underrated actor....but who must be a full head taller than Sandler. In the original, Eddie Albert was either the same height or shorter than Reynolds...in the remake it looks like the warden is the former athlete...not the prisoner.

Now, all that being said...there are several good things about the movie. The guys playing the guards are all good, and as much as I hate to even type these words....Kevin Nash is very funny in his role. Steve Austin is Steve Austin..Michael Irvin is definitely Michael Irvin
(and I'm not neccessarily saying that as a compliment). Burt Reynolds was also very good in the role that was played by the late Michael Conrad in the original.  I'd give it maybe 2 stars. Good popcorn movie that you'll forget about 1/2 hour after its over.

3) Honeymoon in Vegas--I had never seen this movie before and caught it on cable last night.  Actually a pretty cute movie.  Nicholas Cage & Sara Jessica Parker play a young couple who head off to Vegas to get married.  They end up running in to Caan, who somehow sees his deceased former wife when he looks at Parker and decides that he has to steal her away before the wedding takes place.  Cage goes off in pursuit--unknowningly getting derailed by Caan's friends at every turn.  Its all good fun and concludes with a bunch of parachuting Elvis impersanators called "The Flyin Elvis's"....anytime you have people impersanating the King AND parachuting into a casino on the strip...baby, it doesn't get much better than that!  ***1/2

Later,
Jeff

5/29/05--Letter to a judge

So the other day, we had a hearing on a motion to vacate plea.  That means the defendant decided they didn't really like their sentence, and wanted the judge to let them change their mind.  Traditionally, the defendant will send a letter in, or have an attorney draft it in form of a motion, and the judge will consider whether there's a reason to grant the request or not.  I'm telling you this because of a hearing the other day.  The defendant didn't show, so all the judge had to go on was her letter.  I'm going to change a few of the names in the letter....but the rest of the letter is exactly how it was when the judge looked at it...including not only the grammatical mistakes, but also the spelling errors.  I mean really....what the hell do people think of?
Enjoy.

Date:  4/28/2005
Time:  1:39pm
Reason:  Leak of knowledge

Dear Judge Smith
Hello I'm Beverly Gibson.  I was inside your courtroom today.  For assault on law enforce officer.  And I just want to WRITE in tell u that I had leak of knowledge of understanding, no contests.  But I know for a fact that BEVERLY NICOLE GIBSON is not guilty.  So please mam if am no askin for too much.  I would like to re-plea cause I swore am not GUILTY.  And to the Dep Sorry mam but, he owe me apology.  What would I be apologying for because I do not understand.  I never assaultted an Officer Disrespect or stipe an officer.  Then mam I promise to god everything on the report inwhich I had no understandin of why would this man would lie on me like that.  Because the things in which he states is a lie.  I was being cum with them.  I have plenty of scense, and know who have the upper hand when behind bars.  So he got to come at somebody who don't know.  Cuz lord be with me at all times.  And mam he keep me humble so he know in I know.  What the four officers did to me was against my rights.  An not ONE TIME right.  God don't like ugly and isn't please with pretty.  I KNOW TO WRONGS DON'T MAKE IT RIGHT, and YOU CAN'T SQUEEZE WATER OUT OF A ROCK, and NOBODY'S PERFECT.  And I know the BIBLE.  Well Have much respect.  Mam, I don't mind taking this to trail and (if ok with you) because I know am not guilty.  And the lord say he'd fight my battle cuz its not my its the lord.  And I know through him everything is possible.  But thedevil works in many ways.  But we have faith.  And I see mam u are a sweet lady who is blessed.  And you look good for your age.  And you look happy.  That's what I want to be look happy.  Not to many worrys.  I wanted to resolve this case, but not by leaving a big sin, BOLD FACE lie on my record.  I BEVERLY NICOLE GIBSON want to be something in life cause I'm somebody.  And love to make a beautiful big differents and others life.  I want a career, I want to be wealthy.  Mam, please hear my prayer.  I can't afford to have that on my record. Because I don't want any people looking, or thinking, of me the wrong way.  I'm not the one da CRYED wolf.  I'm not a LYIER, or a CROOK, or THAT.  I breath the same air.  Am whatever god think of me.  But am not guilty.

PS
Please Judge Peggy Smith feel my pain.  I do not owe Dep David Little apology.  They beat me mam.  All because of me asking of the restroom.  You can't judge the book by the cover until you open it up in read it.  See what come out of it.  I've been here still wholeing on to his hands.  Having faith, thinking possitive staying humble.
And being patient.
Thank you Judge Smith , may god bless u!!!  have ye self a beautiful year a round
Thank you  My career is NOW ONLINE!! 
P.S. Dep Little I declined that letter! U owe me.  that's a BIG (bout letter) REFUSE w/a sad face!!
Bev Gibson

MOTIVATIN/EDUCATION  TEACH ME THAT, SOMETHING POSITIVE

last but, not least quick question
It I was planning to go to school out of broward county.  It will not be possible Becuz that's why I plea no contests cuz it was said resolve matter.  I'm tryin to build a nice career.  But not with that lie on my record.  And really didn't understand the rights I was givin up.  SORRY!!!


I guess I should have titled it "More tales from the courthouse", but I felt like this deserved a headline all of its own.

Later,
Jeff

5/26/05--Tales of the Courthouse---Magistrates

One of proceedings that happens, everyday, rain or shine at the courthouse is magistrate court.  That's where people get told what their bond amount is, whether they've been charged with drinking in public or murder one.  It used to be held over in the main jail, which made it a lot of fun for various reasons.  Some people who have relatively minor charges might be offered a plea by the judge to time served or something like that.  When it was held in the jail, you were in what basically amounted to an undersized courtroom that was overcrowded---and by overcrowded I mean if you didn't bother to use the old Right Guard that morning--and most of the prisoners did NOT---it was quite a lovely scent in the air.

Back in the day, there used to be one state attorney and one public defender who were assigned to magistrates.  That was their only job.  Of course, it entailed getting there really early, like 4 or 5 a.m., but your work day might be over by 11 in the morning if you had a judge who knew what they were doing.  The state attorney, who's no longer with us (thereby allowing me to tell this story), used to keep a little bottle of courage in his desk drawer in the courtroom.  It was hilarious to watch right before court started this guy throw back a gulp of his....ahem....favorite painkiller.
The public defender was an absolute hoot.  He was sort of this old grizzled guy, and even though he was there to look out for the prisoner's best interests....sometimes they would really get on his nerves.  It was seemingly a daily occurence to hear:

"Shut up and plead no contest!!  I'm here to help you, damn it."

Then after the guy would plead out, the p.d. wouldn't want to talk to him.

The judges never really liked magistrates.  Mainly because the room smelled so bad, but also because it threw their court schedule out of whack all week.  So, after about 5 days of being in court with all these prisoners, they could get sorta loopy also.  Like this one now retired judge, who used to say this to prisoners charged with some sort of lewd behavior charge.

"Look here....don't be 'beatin your meat' in public.  Do that in the privacy of your own home...not out in public in front of all my constituents."

To the prostitutes he would say....

"You are charged with.....pounding the pavement....how do you plea?"

Apparently this one judge had his house broken into at some point, and lost a television set.  He would bring this up whenever he came across someone charged with burglary in magistrate court.

"The charge is burglary!  (of course, he pronounced it 'booglury')  How do I know that you weren't the one who stole my television set?  Raise the bond!"

And then there was the judge (no names) who was in magistrates one day and addressed a defendant who was charged with trespassing and theft.  The defendant was black, the judge was white....and dripping with sarcasm.

"Look judge, I really don't even belong here.....I wasn't trespassing.....I walked by this Chinese restaurant and the door was still open.....I just went in and had me something to eat."
"Well," the judge said, "to be honest with you....I'd find your story a lot more believeable if it was a Kentucky Fried Chicken."

The prisoner laughed, the judge got reprimanded for inappropriate comments.
True story.

Later,
Jeff

5/23/05---movie reviews

So I had the chance to catch a couple of movies over the weekend....one I had seen before but was catching the DVD, and the other that's relatively new.

1) Saving Private Ryan--so the other day Andy comes home and starts talking about how in class that day they had discussed D-Day and the invasion of Normandy.  He was asking me some questions about various things regarding that day so that night I sat he & Kellie in front of the television and showed them the first 30 minutes of Private Ryan.  I've always heard that the first 30 minutes of this movie truly depicts the insanity of being at war...the confusion, the blood, the danger, the fear....that at one point or another grips every soldier.  The truth is that not every soldier can be John Wayne in Sands of Iwo Jima or Robert Duvall in Apocalypse Now.  Sometimes the fear and sense of dread take awhile to manifest themselves, as is displayed in Private Ryan by the way that Tom Hanks character of Captain Miller slowly begins to develop an uncontrollable shake in his left hand.  Director Steven Spielberg has made his tribute to the "Greatest Generation" based on stories that his father told him about his experiences during WW2.  He is not only done that generation proud, but made what can argueably called the greatest war film ever made.  Great performances abound, from Hanks--doing his usual standout work, to Tom Sizemore as the gruff sargeant and Matt Damon as the title character.  One of the other things that was interesting was the number of times a relatively known actor popped on the screen and I thought..."man, that guy is in this movie also?"  Watch closely for the likes of Dennis Farina, Ted Danson (?!!?) & Paul Giamatti in smaller roles.  A tremendous movie, grueling, with some grim battle scenes.....but so well made and told that its impossible to not watch.  *****
2) Sideways--I don't really like wine.  Never really got into the whole "clarity, texture" nonsense that some wine conisseurs throw out there.  That being said, this is probably the greatest movie ever made about the wine industry--that's also a very funny and pointed look at failed relationships and the effect they can have on people.
Paul Giamatti--back from WW2--plays a struggling writer and sometime wine snob who takes his best friend, Thomas Hayden Church, on a weeklong bachelor party before the latter's wedding day.  Their experiences in California's wine country during their week of discovery are the basis of the film which also features a very fine performance by Virgina Madsen--and where they dragged her up from I don't know
because I haven't seen hide nor hare of her in ages.  Anyway, this film is a little slow in the beginning but at some point the train sort of hits the top of the hill and starts going downhill at a much faster pace, to the point where at the end of the film I really didn't want it to end--because the characters had really started to grow on me.  There are some very touching scenes in the film and one flatout laugh out loud hilarious scene--I will only say that it involves one of the characters going back for a misplaced wallet--that will stay with you for a long time.  Good film.  ***3/4

Later,
Jeff

5/21/05---Tales of the courthouse

So yesterday, on the last day of the week, the judge had set a plea conference for after her magistrate docket at around 11am.  I talked to Marc, our state attorney, who told me that I should expect some fireworks.  It left me wondering, because all it was was a dumb trespassing charge--how much excitement could there be in a plea to a trespassing charge?  Au contraire mon fraire.


"I AM A BLIND VIETNAM VETERAN"

So the hearing gets started and here's the Reader's Digest version of what happened:
Girl comes home, walks into her bedroom and finds the defendant, who apparently is a friend of her brother's, laying in her bed--naked and drunk as a skunk.  That part of the story pretty much everyone agreed upon.  So the girls father--the BLIND VIETNAM VETERAN (I only capitalize it because the guy must have uttered those words 20 times in 15 minutes)--tells the judge that the defendant is a "predator" and he has "heard stories in the neighborhood" about the defendant.  He tells the judge that he has raised 3 children, including his daughter--the victim, who has just finished high school and all of his kids are straight arrows and he once won the father of the year award, and the defendant has sent an email virus to his computer and the defendant tried to cut his daughter off in traffic one day and....well, you get the idea.
So the judge turns to the victim, who looks like she could be Angelina Jolie's sister, and asks her if she's afraid of the defendant.  She says....."no, not really" and then looks back at her father and replies..."well, I don't know".  The father then goes on to say how when his daughter realized that someone was in her bed, she "smacked him in the face, screamed and told him to get out", whereupon the defendant, who was "holding his package", got up and ran "naked out of the house".  He went on & on until finally the judge stopped him and asked the defendant to give his side of the story.
Well, he starts, I'm a student at UCF and was coming down for the weekend with a friend.  I wanted to see Jason, a friend of mine since 4th grade who is his son (points to the BLIND VIETNAM VETERAN).  When I got into town I called Jason on his cellphone and he told me that he was about 10 minutes from his house and to meet him there.  Well, Jason had been kicked out of his house a few months earlier by his father, but was secretly living in the garage.
"Secretly living in the garage?" the judge asked.
Yeah, he and his sister had opened a window in the garage just a little ways so he could get in and out without his father knowing about it.  (Embarassed look by victim)  So at night, he would crawl in through the window and spend the night in the garage without his father knowing about it.  Well, I knew about this window and so when I got to his house and no one was there, I decided to wait in the garage and crawled through the window.
"You decided to crawl through the window?" the judge asked.
I was really drunk, the defendant says.  I mean, really, really drunk.  So I was waiting in the garage and it was really hot, so I went into the house to cool down a little bit.  I took off my shirt because I was still hot and then went to find a place to lay down.
"He knew exactly where my daughter's room was judge.  He's a predator!" says Dad, the BLIND VIETNAM VETERAN.
The judge tells Dad to remain quiet and let the defendant finish.
So I layed down, and I guess I took my clothes off and the next thing I know she (points to the victim) is tapping me on my head and telling me that I had to leave.
"Did she slap you and then scream?" the judge asked.
No, she tapped me on the head and said I had to leave.
"Didn't you run out of the house naked?" the judge asked.
No, she drove me home.  (Shaking head, denial by the victim)  Meanwhile, Dad is making this huffing and puffing noises.
That's what happened judge.  I've tried to apologize to her and her brother a few times, but I guess they don't want to hear it.  I got really drunk, did something really stupid...but that was it.
"What about this part about you 'holding your package'?" the judge asked.
I was trying to cover myself up with the bedsheet....I wasn't grabbing onto anything.
"And did you make any sexual advances towards the victim?" the judge asked.
"No."
"Would you remember if you had?" the judge asked.
"Yes."
There was a pause as the judge sat back and then Dad began talking again.
"Judge, this man is a predator, he's a drugdealer.  He came down here that weekend to pick up drugs to sell in Orlando at his college.  I know I'm blind judge, but what I'd really like here is to get 5 minutes alone with this young man.  I know I'm blind, but I can still move around."
"I think you are very disturbed sir," the judge says to Dad.
"Excuse me?"
"I said I think you are very disturbed."
"Well if I am its because serving my country made me that way."
The judge had the deputy sit the father down and passed sentence on the defendant.
Part of the sentence was no contact with the family.  Any kind.  No smoke signals, no emails, no phone calls.....nothing.  Understand?
"Yes maam."
"Okay, that's it.  Court is over.  Clear my courtroom."
"GOD BLESS AMERICA!" says the father as he's lead out of the courtroom.

There's a couple of moments of silence as now its just me, the judge and the prosecutor in the courtroom.

"You have no idea how glad I am that this case is over," says the prosecutor.
"Why's that?" I asked.
"This guy...the father...must call me 3 times a day, repeating the story over and over to me.  I know I'm going to get a complaint about this one."
"Why do you think he was so outraged?" the judge asked.
"I think I know why," I said.
"Why's that?"
"Because he has this image in his mind of his daughter....and there's the image of what she is--and there's what she is.  She's an 18 year old girl, with no mother, hormones raging....and she and that defendant used to have something going on between them--I guarantee it.  He came over, drunk....looking for some sort of a happy ending....and she knew her dad was there and told him to leave.  Dad got wind of it.....and thus you have the outraged BLIND VIETNAM VETERAN."

Just call me Perry Mason baby.

Later,
Jeff

5/17/05--Because you asked

Andy fought on Sunday morning....and took home the gold baby!!  Ahem....he was the only participant in his weight class and belt catergory--but that's beside the point!
He fought an exhibition against a kid with the same degree belt, who weighed about 10 lbs less than him.  The match started....its two rounds of either one minute or a minute and a half....and the first round, I think Andy sort of underestimated the kid.
He was losing by 10-6.  He comes back over to his corner and sits down in the chair....his instructer...Master Timothy Baldwin.....got off a great line to shake him up.  The kid Andy was fighting....was named....no lie here......"Bonaparte".
Can't remember his last name....might have been Bonaparte Jones or something.
So Andy sits down...and proceeds to get his ass chewed by his instructer as we watched on.

"BOY!  What are doing out there?  What are you waiting for?  You need to quit fooling around and go out there and beat this kid....and win.  You are not going to come over to me at the end of this match and tell me....that you were beaten...by a kid named BONAPARTE.  Now get yer ass out there and win the match."

It was hilarious.  So Andy goes out and wins the 2nd round 11-3......and thus won the match by a total of 17-13.  He needed the experience and I was happy that he was able to at least compete.  The kids were both "technically" eligible to go to the junior Olympics by their showing...but I told Kim that I wanted them to...you know, do the old John Houseman thing...I want them to "EARN IT".  I just felt like, if they had been in a tournament and had gone against 5 opponents in a round robin thing, and had finished first or 2nd.....hell, I woulda drove them both to San Antonio for the junior Olympics.  But they qualified just by showing up.  That's not a qualification in my book.  So, maybe next year they'll come back and get to prove it to themselves and to me & Kim that they deserve to go.
We'll happily take them if they prove it.
Afterwards we did a little Sunday morning brunch down on the intracoastal, getting a bite to eat at the Bahia Cabana....where I ran into my old buddy Craig Hallick, who I hadn't seen in approximately 127 years.  Craiger was my contact at the courthouse when I first got hired there, but he's been at the Cabana for around 12 or 13 years now.  So we get home....and Kim's pretty wornout from the whole tournament deal and decides that the usual big Sunday dinner just isn't going to be happening.  She tells me that she's just going to head over to Publix and get some chicken from the deli or something.  I ask her to pick up a couple pieces of the delicious FRIED chicken that they offer there.....just cuz I got a hankerin.
So she comes home with the rotisserie kind....and about 8 pieces o' the fried.
And she puts both kind on the table.  Now mind you, our children.....fussbudgets about anything they don't knowingly recognize on the dinner table....eye the "new" chicken with object suspicion.  Finally, they both pick it up and begin taking ever so small bites out of it.....here's what follows.

"Ya know," Kellie says....."this isn't bad.  Not at all."
"Well there ya go," I said.
"As a matter of fact," Kellie says...."this is really good."
"Want me to tell you why its so good?"

(At this point she immediately drops the chicken and gets a horrible look on her face, as if I'm about to tell her that she's really eating--I dunno---possum or something)

"Wanna know why its so good?"
"Why?"
"Because its BAD for you.  Of course that's why you like it.  Its the worst kind of chicken you can eat!"
"Oh really?"

I'm gonna guess that the trips to KFC or gonna increase here real soon.

The good news is....that with the whole fried chicken thing....their finally beginning to show signs that they may actually be turning into MY kids.

Later,
Jeff

5/14/05---Kellie Poe-Bowdren//Musician...Asskicker?

Well its been a pretty big week for my little pisspot.  Thursday evening we went down to the Signature Grand for the annual fine arts awards banquet as presented by the good folks at American Heritage...in other words...it sure wasn't free, that's for sure.  Kellie was among the band kids being honored for being "all-county" in band....and....for receiving a grade of "superior" on the flute.  It was a virtual yenta-fest as all the high school girls were out, doing the whole kiss on the cheek--fake show of friendship thing.  What was interesting was some of the outfits.  Holy cripes, I haven't seen that much skin since the last Adult Video Awards.  Let's just say that when I was in high school, I didn't see that sort of skin from the likes of Sherri Spilseth, Kari Beyer & Debbie Layman.  But I digress.
The big surprise of the evening, and no it wasn't how lame the chicken marsala was, would've been Kellie being presented with the award as "Most Improved" band member.  She was glowing with pride and it was pretty good stuff---ya know, proud mom and dad...that whole thing.  Andy told me that he was bored out of his mind, to which I told him that he needed to be checking out all the talent in the room.
Man!  Will I be happy when he finally starts getting into women!

Today....we went back to the Broward County Convention Center (where the room temperature wasn't 50 degrees this time) for the regional tae kwon do tournament.
Andy competes tomorrow, but today was Kellie's first appearence in the sparring competition.  She lost 7-2, but she was awesome.  I told her that the important thing was that she:
1) Didn't cry
2) Wasn't shut out.

I told her that I didn't care if she won or not.  She tried really hard against a girl that was a full head taller than her and gave it her all.  She also managed to score two points in the last 30 seconds of the match, so she wasn't shut out totally.  I felt this was important because it wouldn't leave her feeling that she had done horrible.
This gives her something to build on and will help her in the next tournament.
Amazingly, she finished 2nd out of 3 girls, which made her "technically" eligible for the junior Olympics.  (No, really!  The JUNIOR OLYMPICS!)  That tournament will take place in June in San Antonio, Texas.  We told her afterwards that even though she was technically eligible that she wouldn't be going.  She has only been on her school's traveling squad for about a month, and this was her first tournament.
I told her that if she had entered a tournament that had 10 girls in it, and had finished in 2nd place, then I would've figured out a way for her to go.  I just don't think that showing up is a reason to get an invitation to the junior Olympics, which is basically what would've happened. 
That being said, she was totally awesome and I was very proud of her.  What a pisser she is.  This whole parenting thing does have its moments.

Later,
Jeff

5/11/05---December 1983---oh what a night

So it was the month between Thanksgiving & Christmas of 1983 when I was assigned to the TRU in Hollywood as a manager trainee.  This would of course end up being a fateful move on my part, as I would eventually meet my first two wives there as well as some of the people who would play a fairly significant role in my life over the next 15 years.
One of the things that I was told right from the start was.....do not fraternize with the employees (famous last words).  I was put in the operations section, which meant that I worked in the service area doing refunds, special orders and daily tallies from each registar in the store.  That may not sound bad, but during the Christmas season, TRU would have anywhere between 20 & 24 registers.....and the Christmas season, that one month.....probably accounted for more than 1/2 of the retail sales for TRU back in 1983.  So I was usually pretty busy, because one of my other jobs was to watch the cashiers, almost all of whom were seasonal, and to take the money out on an hourly basis.  I got to know the cashiers pretty well---one of them ended up being my first wife and my "lead" cashier ended up being my sister-in-law.....for a time at least.  Before I ended up hooking up with the former Mrs Me # 1....I was chasing another skirt though.  It was kind of a store secret.  It had to be.  I didn't want to get called onto the carpet about dating a store employee, but....c'mon!
Where else was I going to meet women for God's sake?  That....and....well....it was like a smorgasbord.  I used to joke that Hollywood, Florida is the unmarried mother capital of the world.  90% of the cashiers that worked for me were unmarried, had kids...and were looking.  And they didn't mind letting you know that they were looking either.
So, the Hollywood store was an interesting place to work.  It was a miniturized version of Peyton Place, because there were all sort of storylines going on.....some with the managers and some with the employees.  We had a great crew of managers, and by that I mean great people--not necessarily great managers.  Our merchandise manager quit like 2 days after I got there so the assistants on the sales floor were basically given the job of running the store...whether they were ready for the job or not.  Most of the heat fell on a great guy who's nickname was "Dirtbag"
(there's the kind of nickname you don't want).  He was ably assisted by a guy that we called "Eddie Munster"---mainly because he sort of looked like Eddie Munster.
Dirtbag didn't just call him Eddie Munster though.....he called him FUCKING Eddie Munster.  The guy would actually page him over the store intercom....

"Fucking Eddie Munster.....come to aisle 204 please.....Fucking Eddie Munster."

It was a riot.  Then there was Nancy B....our female merchandise assistant.  Nancy was sort of a free spirit, and used to come to work dressed a tad like Cindy Lauper.
Make that Cindy Lauper with a pack a day cigarette habit.  But she ended up being my best friend and closest confidant.  I think about her every once in awhile, along with the crazy crew that we had....and wonder what ever became of them.

Anyway, back to December of 1983......I was chasing a skirt, but no one else in the store knew about it.  Believe it or not....(brace yourself here).....I was being subtle and secretive about my business (a stunner to anyone who knows me).  One day Dirtbag comes up to and says that he wants to talk with me privately.  He tells me that he's been invited to an employee Christmas party and wants to know if I wanted to come with him.  I was still the new guy basically, so I was looking to fit in, so I said sure....no problemo.  I go over to the skirt and ask her if she's into going to the party.  She was up to it--plans were now made.  I would pick her up that night and we would meet Dirtbag at the party.

So I go home, get myself primped for the party and head over to the skirts house.
Now....before we go on....I need to fill in a couple of details.  My car....my beautiful 1967 Pontiac Firebird.....had been stolen a few months before that.  The police got my car back....but the sons of bitches who stole my car stole one of my bucket seats.  Specifically, my front seat.  So I'm driving here.....with a car that only has one front seat.  More importantly....I'm going to pick up MY DATE in a car that only has one front seat......EEEEEWWWWW.   Is that romantic or WHAT?  I pick her up and we head over to the party....which was being held at my future in-laws house.  Yep, it was the first time I met the family of the future Mrs Me # 2.
So I'm driving over to the party....talking to my date in the rearview mirror....(no, seriously) and we get there and walk inside.  And my lead cashier walks up and looks at me and my date and says....

"Carolyn Barber!  I forgot about Carolyn Barber!  That's who you've been after!"

She really was quite helpful, wasn't she?  Anyway, the party was lots of fun, with a lot of incredibly drunk young people---including two very unlikely ones.  Our TRU store had these two girls.....Tina & Suzette....who were Pentacostal.  These were not exactly the two people I had expected at the party.  They weren't just Pentacostal.  They were HARDCORE Pentacostal.  You know, long dresses, long hair with ribbons and no interest in alcohol or sex.  And yet...here they were.  At a party with TONS of drinking, slinky outfits and lots of loose morals.  Go figure.
Now, believe it or not, I was actually in pretty damn good shape back then, weighing in at.....ah, shit....I'm not even going to tell you because you wouldn't believe me.  Suffice to say, I was much lighter.  And, if I do say so myself, I was looking....uh....dead sexy baby.  So at one point....during the middle of this party, some song comes on that was popular at the time....and Suzette the Pentacostal comes running across the room--where I was standing with my date-for-the-night Carolyn and insists, in a more than just slightly slurred voice, that I had to dance with her that very moment.  Well, you know me....Mr. Nice Guy.....I sort of smiled weakly at Carolyn and walked over and began dancing with Suzette the Pentacostal.
I glanced back over at Carolyn, who was being a good sport and sort of laughing at me dancing with Suzette the Pentacostal.....and then I turned back to look at Suzette the Pentacostal---and suddenly realized that I was being kissed---by Suzette.  And I mean kissed the way that nice girls don't kiss.  Hard, wet and nasty.  It was everything that a nice Pentacostal boy could ever hope for from his date.  Except of course...I wasn't Pentacostal and Suzette wasn't my date.  Suffice to say the rest of the partygoers were enjoying the moment though.  Well....maybe not....ALL the partygoers.  I'm not real sure that Carolyn was impressed.  Because later that night, when I drove her home....her in the back seat, me in the front.....she said thanks for a fun night, gave me a quick peck--side of the mouth, approaching the cheek area---and was inside her house in a flash.

The next week, I began to focus on the woman who would become the former Mrs Me # 1.  Damn that Carolyn Barber!  Damn that Suzette the Pentacostal and her drunken, over eager tongue!  Think of what COULD have happened.  I could have ended up marrying Carolyn Barber, a perfectly nice looking blonde--and one without any babies by the way---and avoided the formers all together!
Such is fate and the cruel way it plays with our lives.

Later,
Jeff

A couple of video reviews

So I've watched a couple of movie reviews from over the weekend.

l) American Me--I watched this one last week on STARZ and holy crap....what a great movie.  Edward James Olmos, one of the really great character actors, proves his ability to play the lead role in this study of Mexican gangs and the role they played in the lives of a group of friends starting in the early 60's through their release from prison almost 20 years later.  Olmos is his usual stellar self in the role of the leader of the gang, and is ably assisted by William Forsythe, who plays sort of a white guy who's in the gang.  This is kind of a "warts and all" look at ganglife, so its not like it glamorizes gang life.  I read that the real Mexican mafia that was portrayed here had some issues with the film--not as an entirety, but with a few specific scenes.
Not for everyone, but some terrific acting.......as well as more than just a few references to......"ese"....."vato"...."odelay".....ya know.    ***3/4
2) Platoon--Winner as Best Film in 1987, this is a really gripping, terrifically acted, pretty much depressing look at the early part of the Vietnam War, reportedly based on director Oliver Stone's own experiences as a soldier.  There are some truly great performances here, with the really showy pieces being Charlie Sheen (never better) as Stone's alter-ego, Willem Dafoe in a career making role as a sympathetic sargeant
& Tom Berenger--who truly was robbed out of an Academy Award in the role of the hateful, bigoted, mean spirited Sgt Barnes.  Berenger's character is scarred on the outside--the right side of his face is horribly disfigured and its obvious that he's dead on the inside, without sympathy for either his own troops or the enemy.  He's become a man who's entire being has become consumed with war and the fighting that it involves.  He has to be praying for the release that will only come with death.
Its an incredible performance, because his character is a total S.O.B., but you can't take your eyes off of him.  That being said.....as tremendous as Berenger is....in a smaller role, he almost manages to be eclipsed by young Kevin Dillon, as a bigoted young soldier desperate to prove his manhood.  There's a scene in the middle of the film, and its really a very disturbing scene, where the squad comes onto a village after having had one of their unit killed.  Like a pack of wolves in search of a fresh kill, the young soldiers hit the village and prey on the old, the sick and the weak.
Its brutal to watch and shows the true hell that war is.
This is a tremendous film.   ****3/4

Later,
Jeff

5/8/05---Happy Mother's Day!

Ya know...some people have good mothers, some people have not so good mothers.  Me?  I'm one of the really lucky ones.  I hit the motherhood lotto because I have an absolutely super mom.  There was a 7 year difference between my brother and I....so not only was I the baby, I was the last child.  The baby (trust me, my brother and sister do NOT let me forget this little fact).  My mom & I really formed a tight relationship.  My last year of high school, my father got a job offer that he couldn't afford to refuse and ended up moving to Houston.  They could've very easily taken me down to Texas, where God knows I would've been caught in that God forsaken Gilley's explosion because of Urban Cowboy---but I digress, although think of how awful it could've been to have me be one of those KISS country type of guys.  YIKES!  Anyway, my parents made the decision to have my mom and I stay in the St Louis area, where the schools were...oh, about 400% better than in Houston.  So while I finished my senior year, my parents lived apart and got to see one another about once per month.  It was a pretty huge sacrifice, just an example of the type of things that my parents did for their children.  So during that senior year, I made a decision of my own.  Rather than end up in a year of drunken friviolity and stupid behavior, I gave my mom a break and avoided all that.
I waited until the next year to start doing all those stupid things.  When mom & dad had been reunited and could attack my stupidity as a united front.
That's just one example of the sort of things that my mom did for me...and for my brother and sister.  She's the best!  I love ya Ma!  Happy Mom's Day!

Love,

The Apple of Your Eye

5/6/05--Visiting Publix with the wife

So the wife and I drop the kids off at TaeKwon Do tonight, and head over to Publix for our Friday night shopping spree--wow, if that ain't the kind of an evening that single people dream of......anyway, this was a little different than most Fridays.
Jim Morrison said it best---"Strange Days".
It started first with the lady on the soup aisle....the one with her major league cans hanging out of her blouse.  All of a sudden I was wide awake, I don't mind telling ya.
Then Kim runs into a lady that works in the office of the school the kids used to go too.  She's just chitchatting away, bringing her up to date on Andy & Kellie and I come strolling over....and I'm standing there....waiting....waiting....waiting....and Kim doesn't introduce me.  At first I was a tad peeved, thinking....'what's with her not introducing me?'...and then it hit me.  She couldn't remember the lady's name.
And after the conversation Kim walks up to me and I said....
"So who was that?"
"I totally forgot her name!  That's why I didn't introduce you."

And you don't think I know my wife.  Then Kim sends me over to the deli for some lunchmeat.  To say the counter lady was a little intense would be putting it mildly.

"53!  Yes sir...what can I get you?"
"1/2 pound of the Boars Head chicken breast."
"Yes sir...here...try this sample."
"That's okay....I don't want any."
"I insist...here try this."  (Pushes lunch meat at me)  "Would you like anything else?"
"Uh..nope, that'll do it."
"Are you sure?  How about some roast beef?  Maybe some turkey?"
"No, that's okay."
"How about some ham?  Some cheese?"
"No...nothing, really."

She really seemed to care.  About WHAT I have no idea.  (You can never go wrong stealing a Rodney Dangerfield line)

Then...the fun really began.  We're walking down the petfood aisle and on the opposite side is various cleaning products.  Kim is looking for a new mop.
Kim looks at the different ones for sale and puts one in our cart.  And then.....she walked over.  There had been three ladies at the end of the aisle, talking about cats.
The youngest one (and don't kid yourself--that's doesn't mean she was young) walks up to Kim and started in:

"You...do NOT want to buy that mop."
"Uh....why?"
"Because I bought that mop one time and it wasn't very good."
"That's okay....its really notthat expensive."
"No...wait...you have to buy the good one.  Oh geez....which one is it?  Lemme ask my mother...she'll know which one it is.

Now, mind you....by this time her mother and the other lady had gone all the way to the end of the aisle by the frozen foods and were chatting.  That didn't stop our new friend.

"Mom!  Mom!  Which mop is the one that we like?"

Quizzical look from Mom.

"The mop!  Which mop is it that we like?  (screaming)  Which MOP DO WE LIKE?"  (Mom still not quite hearing her) I'm sorry (speaking to Kim).  God, she is a dumb bitch.  MOM!  Which mop do we like??"

Mom points to the one they like.

"This one?  Yeah, that's what I thought.  My mom and I have used this one and it works so much better than the one you picked out."
"Oh," Kim says, "I tried that one and I didn't like it."
"You didn't?  Oh my God...we loved this mop."
"Well, there's only a $5 difference....I"ll just try this one."
"Well, alrighty.  Time to find Mom.  MOM!  HELLO!  VIRGINIA!"

And then she walks off.  Kim looks over at me.
"I couldn't get away from her!"

The other part of the story that made it fun was....well....her slight infirmity.  You've probably had the chance to, in your lifetime, come across someone who has either a glass eye or perhaps some malfunction that causes one eye to sort of look in another direction than the other eye.  However, in THAT case, you still have the one eye that looks at you.  Not our new friend.  BOTH her eyes were looking in the opposite direction.  I couldn't figure out how she was even able to see us.

So then we head over to the vegetable section and there's our new buddy with her mom.  Quickly Kim & I spring into action.

"Go down the other aisle so we won't have to talk with her," I said.
We zoomed past her just as I saw her looking (in both directions) pleadingly, trying to make some sort of eye contact (she had a huge advantag there) with one of us so we could continue our fascinating conversation about mops.

Why couldn't the lady with the huge cans have an interest in mops?

Later,
Jeff

5/4/05--Is it Saturday yet?

Good lord almighty....its been a long week.  I work until 8pm on Monday....and the jury ends up being hung.  Mistrial!  I barely made it home in time for 24!  I mean, looking forward to Jack Bauer kicking a little Arabic ass gets me through the week people!  Tuesday, we're in trial all day....and 5 minutes before the jury starts to deliberate....mistrial!  Then I go home, I'm home for all of 5 minutes and its back to the kids school for the spring concert.  It was really great when I wasn't falling asleep, ya know what I mean?  Kellie got to do her own little solo during one of the songs....Kim & I were your proverbial proud parents.  So I get home around 9:45pm....and I've missed American Idol....man....is this what my life has come too?
Finally today, our trial ended up getting continued....so I got a chance at lunch to watch the episode of DEADWOOD that I missed.  Oh man.  What a great freakin show.  Just such a solid overall cast.  What I love about it is the way that every little seemingly minute character ends up grabbing you somehow....and making you care.
That's a combination of great writing (no doubt) and great acting also.  In the meantime, I'm going to figure out a way to get through a couple of days of work and then SLEEP.  Even tonight....I get home, its early (other than the approximately 104 inches of rain that we got between 4pm & 6pm---just perfect for the drive home) and then Kim announces that the chicken she took out for dinner is still frozen!
Out we go again for dinner....and don't get home until right before 8pm!  People, can I just get home around 6pm....and vegatate once per week????

Later,
Jeff

5/1/05--Movie review

There's nothing I hate worse than a movie that insults your intelligence.  Well, that's not really true.  Stomach flu....now that's something I hate more than a movie that insults your intelligence.  So okay, let's just say that not a lot of things out there bother me more than a movie that insults your intelligence.

So last night the wife and kids want to go to a movie and they come up with the idea to see the new XXX movie.  No, not some new porno flick (what are they?).  If you recall a few years ago Vin Diesel debuted a potential new movie franchise with XXX, the story of some skateboarding, car racing, stunt guy who ends up being recruited by the government for a James Bond-esque operation.  It made tons of money despite being a pretty crappy movie and it looked like Vin had a franchise to fall back on.  In a move that sounds pretty stupid, apparently Vin couldn't come to terms with the films producers.  So the films producers....now searching for a leading man that could fill the role....a tough looking guy who could fill Vin's shoes....chose:
Ice Cube.
No...seriously.  Ice Cube.  He's cast (try not to laugh) as the former special forces operative who's a master in weapons, martial arts, stealth tactics.....all that sort of stuff that you associate with guys like Stallone, Schwarzeneggar, Seagal....Van Damme....and now......Ice Cube?
Okay....now you see the first problem the movie has.  I'm sorry, but when I think of ass kicking hero types, I usually don't think of former rap stars.  Samuel L Jackson has returned....for reasons that aren't entirely clear to me other than a quick payday.
Willem Dafoe & Peter Strauss (!!?--Good God, when's the last time his name meant anything on a marquee?) round out the supporting cast--both been just a little bit hammy in their roles, with Dafoe especially morphing into his Green Goblin character from the Spiderman movie.  Here's the other problem with the film.
Black guy=good
White guy=bad

I mean....its so blatant that I really couldn't help but notice.  There are a couple of white guys who are on the "good" side, but they're mainly there to play the dufus or the guy who watches Cube do the heavy work.  I tried to explain to my kids that in the same scenario, if all the bad guys were black....or Jewish....or Latin....that it would be just as bad.  So what this movie gives us is....the president ofthe U.S. is about to be killed....and the only people that can save him are.....one special forces guy and some of his friends from the hood.  No, really.  And amazingly...all the guys from the hood drive around in cars that would probably retail for around $75,000.
Maybe they cashed in their 401K, I dunno.  And during the movie, they actually
carjack a tank.  Or as its called....a "tankjacking".  Are you starting to get an idea of what sort of movie we have here?  Now mind you, there are some nice explosions, a few car chases....but the lead character is a really miserable unpleasant guy, and that sure doesn't help matters.  Ice Cube has lead a pretty interesting life, going from gang member in L.A. to recording artist to actor to producer of some very successful movies aimed directly at a black audience (Friday, Barbershop, etc).
Those movies had him cast as a regular guy trying to make it through the day with the same sort of problems that a lot of us have.  Somehow, those roles didn't prepare him to play Rambo, the Terminator or anything like that.   * star for the explosions and for somehow digging up Peter Strauss out of the acting morgue.

Later,
Jeff

5/1/05---Finally.....THE RETURN I've been waiting for!

Family Guy Quotes - The Funniest Quotes from the Griffin Family