So this morning, its about 8:45am and I get a call from my friend Pat, who's the director of the jury room in the courthouse I work in. She tells me that I need to get to the courtroom right away, and she has a pretty serious tone to her voice. Guilty me, I'm figuring I somehow had screwed up one of the jury forms I turn in after a trial or something and head down there. I walk into the office and Pat looks at me with a very serious look on her face. My mind is racing as I try to figure exactly what it is that I've done or might have done that has me in a world of trouble.
She motions for me to go into the back room of the jury office.
I don't know what it is, but I gotta be in some sort of deep shit.
She opens the door and I see three people sitting in chairs. My first thought is that there's some sort of party for somebody (but not me) and she decided to invite me.
The guy on the left is pretty ordinary....the woman on the right is pretty hot, and looks vaguely familar...but I can't place her. And then I look to the guy in the middle. And my friend Pat is standing there with her arm around:
The Rock....wrestling champion, action film star and (from Pat's point of view) all around hunk.
And I realize that Pat had been pulling my leg---damn, she ought to play poker. The little s.o.b. would make a lot of money. And its there that she introduced me to the Rock. Former pro wrestling star---for the most part successful Hollywood film star.
He was totally gracious and nice. Pat put me over by saying that "Jeff used to write for a bunch of wrestling magazines I think". He asked which one, and I told him that I used to do some writing for Dave Meltzer years before---he even smiled when I mentioned Dave's name! (Go figure) I told him that I had been a fan since around 1971 and that it was the legacy that my grandmother had left me with. I told her that my grandmother used to watch his father when he was in Mid-Atlantic wrestling as Sweet Ebony Diamond. He sorta laughed and said:
"Oh yeah....the old Carolina territory."
Totally nice guy....the woman was his (ex?) wife Dani--very nice looking. And get this, the guy comes to the courthouse for stinkin jury duty!!! (He didn't get picked) I thought that was pretty cool that he didn't just try and blow it off, ya know?
So I go back to my courtroom, and my judge does the daily calendar call. We get a break in the action and I tell her that I had a brush with greatness in the jury room.
"Whatta ya mean?" she asks me.
"Down in the jury room judge," I said, "on jury duty today...I got to meet.....The Rock."
"Who's that?" (Big letdown for me)
"Ya know....The Rock...the guy that was the wrestler and now he's a movie star....does all the action movies and stuff."
"But I don't watch wrestling."
"Yeah, I know....but come on...judge! The Rock!"
"Um...yeah....uh..."
She had ZERO idea who he was. I can understand not being a wrestling fan....but she obviously pays no attention to pop culture. I mean, I can't stand Paris Hilton...but I know who she is, ya know?
Later,
Jeff
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
7/22/07--The return of Andy
So the last two weeks, my son Andy traveled up to New Jersey for a summer internship at Stevens Institute. Andy was studying "robotics", and his parents were studying whether or not our son could handle being away from home for a significant period of time. Mom was especially worried, as Andy had really never been away from home before and she was concerned that he wouldn't remember the little things during the day--ya know...like eating, answering an alarm clock on his own....remembering that every day you are supposed to get yourself prepared for school or going to work.
Trust me, teenagers---they don't think like you and me.
The other reason that we were happy that he would be home is that we hadn't realized what a deterrent he is to his sister getting herself in trouble. I'm going to be nice here and say.....it was a rough couple of weeks for his sister. She must have been lectured a good five times by her parents. Hopefully she'll get her act together.....and soon.
Andy was doing a project with two other guys and we were very proud to find out that his group finished in 2nd place in a competition they were having at the school to find out who could get their robot to walk up and down a flight of stairs.
Me? When I was getting ready to be a senior in high school I was worrying about things like who was going to replace Joe Montana at quarterback for Notre Dame. Obviously we have two different ways of thinking---but I could be wrong.
Anyway, by all accounts, he had a great time while he was up there...and somewhat surprisingly he managed to survive (I have no doubt that his Grandfather Hank was betting that some crazed street gang from the mean streets of New Jersey was going to storm the campus and pillage the students that were there specifically for the internship) and seemed to really do well. We went to pick him up at the airport the other night (where naturally his flight from Newark--on JetBlue--was delayed. Who woulda thunk it?) and as he got off the plane and walked toward us.....I saw something I hadn't seen before.
My son? The sorta geeky kid who went to New Jersey?
He was looking a little...just a flash in the corner of my eye mind you.......like a young man.
Later,
Jeff
Trust me, teenagers---they don't think like you and me.
The other reason that we were happy that he would be home is that we hadn't realized what a deterrent he is to his sister getting herself in trouble. I'm going to be nice here and say.....it was a rough couple of weeks for his sister. She must have been lectured a good five times by her parents. Hopefully she'll get her act together.....and soon.
Andy was doing a project with two other guys and we were very proud to find out that his group finished in 2nd place in a competition they were having at the school to find out who could get their robot to walk up and down a flight of stairs.
Me? When I was getting ready to be a senior in high school I was worrying about things like who was going to replace Joe Montana at quarterback for Notre Dame. Obviously we have two different ways of thinking---but I could be wrong.
Anyway, by all accounts, he had a great time while he was up there...and somewhat surprisingly he managed to survive (I have no doubt that his Grandfather Hank was betting that some crazed street gang from the mean streets of New Jersey was going to storm the campus and pillage the students that were there specifically for the internship) and seemed to really do well. We went to pick him up at the airport the other night (where naturally his flight from Newark--on JetBlue--was delayed. Who woulda thunk it?) and as he got off the plane and walked toward us.....I saw something I hadn't seen before.
My son? The sorta geeky kid who went to New Jersey?
He was looking a little...just a flash in the corner of my eye mind you.......like a young man.
Later,
Jeff
Sunday, July 15, 2007
7/15/07---Movie reviews....how long has it been??
I think I did my last movie review in like...1994 or something....but I've recently caught a few so I thought I'd give my opinion---free of charge!! Hey, ya can't beat the price.
1) Live Free--Die Hard: Its the 4th installment of the Bruce Willis blockbuster series, and if you are a fan, you'll like it. He's back yet again as John McClane, hard boiled detective for the NYPD, ready to just get the bejezus knocked out of him but a ruthless gang of...um...thieves? I guess that's what they are. The best of the Die Hard series are always the ones with the best villians. Every great hero needs a great bad guy to play off of. That's why the first Die Hard was the best--who's going to be better than Alan Rickman? Here they offer us Timothy Olyphant, who's the star of the HBO series "Deadwood" (one of my personal favorites)--although on that show he's the hero. Here he's some sort of super-uber computer whiz who's upset that the U.S. government didn't listen to him regarding certain warning signs before 9/11....so now he's going to essentially bring the government to its knees....literally and metaphorically. But the real reason the movie is so much fun is the verbal interplay between Willis and Justin Long, who plays a young hacker that is forced to help the good guys--ya know--beat the bad guys. Best Die Hard ever? Naaah. Worst? Nope. I'd place it as 3rd best. Not quite as good as Die Hard 3 (Jeremy Irons was terrific) but better than Die Hard 2 (weak villian with the "rogue" U.S. general plot). ***3/4
2) Transformers--who knew? Who knew when I was taking the family to the movie, and was goofing on my son that this was probably going to be the WORST movie I would watch all summer (hang on...I'm getting to that one)....that this movie would be so much freakin fun?!!? An absolutely terrific thrill ride of a movie. Plot? Oh, come on!
Giant robots come to earth--some to help us, some to ENSLAVE us. Who cares about the plot? What makes the movie so much fun is that it doesn't take itself too seriously, has tons of action...and a star making turn by young Shia LeBouf was the film's lead.
Seriously--the kid is in the next Indiana Jones movie--he's going to be a big star.
****1/2
3) Devil Wears Prada--Should I officially turn in my man-card for even watching this?
Does it count if I only watched it on cable and didn't actually pay to watch it? Cuz I figure that's my only chance. Hey, Meryl Streep is fantastic in the role of the royal bitch supreme of a boss, and Anne Hathaway has....um, huge teeth. Good chick flick. Hey, I recommended it to my mom, okay? ***1/2
4) Crank--okay, let me just say that Jason Statham has done some really good work in The Transporter and is one of those guys that I thought would've made a great replacement for Pierce Brosnan as the new James Bond. Okay? I just wanted to say that because, this.....this movie....is a real piece of crap. I mean, very little redeeming social value. The plot (as it were) has Statham as a assassin-for-hire who awakes to find that he's been poisoned and has about an hour and a half to live (coinicidentally the running time of the movie--amazing, huh?). He wants desperately to get revenge on the guy who has poisoned him (another gangster) and begins to basically mow down anyone and everyone in his path to get there. This plot has been done a couple of times as "D.O.A." with Edmond O'Brien in the 50's and Dennis Quaid in the 80's--the twist here is that Statham can extend his time above ground by raising his adreneline level to extreme levels---which is, I guess---why things are so wild and out of control. Basically though, the film is just a mess. * 1/2
So the other night, one of the channels was having a Jack Webb marathon and I taped (I do not have a TIVO, thank you very much) about 3 hours worth of old Dragnet shows from the late 60's. They are an absolute hoot of over-the-top propaganda about the evils of drug use and just about anything associated with being under the age of 30.
There's one episode in particular, where Webb is lecturing this couple on how marijuana leads to essentially EVERYTHING, and will leave you a helpless quivering addict.
Mind you, he's saying all of this as he chains smokes his way through a pack of cigarettes. Addiction indeed.
Mr. Webb, uh....was a lifelong suffering of asthma and died of a massive heart attack.
Maybe it was do to that 3-pack a day cigarette habit that he couldn't shake.
Later,
Jeff
1) Live Free--Die Hard: Its the 4th installment of the Bruce Willis blockbuster series, and if you are a fan, you'll like it. He's back yet again as John McClane, hard boiled detective for the NYPD, ready to just get the bejezus knocked out of him but a ruthless gang of...um...thieves? I guess that's what they are. The best of the Die Hard series are always the ones with the best villians. Every great hero needs a great bad guy to play off of. That's why the first Die Hard was the best--who's going to be better than Alan Rickman? Here they offer us Timothy Olyphant, who's the star of the HBO series "Deadwood" (one of my personal favorites)--although on that show he's the hero. Here he's some sort of super-uber computer whiz who's upset that the U.S. government didn't listen to him regarding certain warning signs before 9/11....so now he's going to essentially bring the government to its knees....literally and metaphorically. But the real reason the movie is so much fun is the verbal interplay between Willis and Justin Long, who plays a young hacker that is forced to help the good guys--ya know--beat the bad guys. Best Die Hard ever? Naaah. Worst? Nope. I'd place it as 3rd best. Not quite as good as Die Hard 3 (Jeremy Irons was terrific) but better than Die Hard 2 (weak villian with the "rogue" U.S. general plot). ***3/4
2) Transformers--who knew? Who knew when I was taking the family to the movie, and was goofing on my son that this was probably going to be the WORST movie I would watch all summer (hang on...I'm getting to that one)....that this movie would be so much freakin fun?!!? An absolutely terrific thrill ride of a movie. Plot? Oh, come on!
Giant robots come to earth--some to help us, some to ENSLAVE us. Who cares about the plot? What makes the movie so much fun is that it doesn't take itself too seriously, has tons of action...and a star making turn by young Shia LeBouf was the film's lead.
Seriously--the kid is in the next Indiana Jones movie--he's going to be a big star.
****1/2
3) Devil Wears Prada--Should I officially turn in my man-card for even watching this?
Does it count if I only watched it on cable and didn't actually pay to watch it? Cuz I figure that's my only chance. Hey, Meryl Streep is fantastic in the role of the royal bitch supreme of a boss, and Anne Hathaway has....um, huge teeth. Good chick flick. Hey, I recommended it to my mom, okay? ***1/2
4) Crank--okay, let me just say that Jason Statham has done some really good work in The Transporter and is one of those guys that I thought would've made a great replacement for Pierce Brosnan as the new James Bond. Okay? I just wanted to say that because, this.....this movie....is a real piece of crap. I mean, very little redeeming social value. The plot (as it were) has Statham as a assassin-for-hire who awakes to find that he's been poisoned and has about an hour and a half to live (coinicidentally the running time of the movie--amazing, huh?). He wants desperately to get revenge on the guy who has poisoned him (another gangster) and begins to basically mow down anyone and everyone in his path to get there. This plot has been done a couple of times as "D.O.A." with Edmond O'Brien in the 50's and Dennis Quaid in the 80's--the twist here is that Statham can extend his time above ground by raising his adreneline level to extreme levels---which is, I guess---why things are so wild and out of control. Basically though, the film is just a mess. * 1/2
So the other night, one of the channels was having a Jack Webb marathon and I taped (I do not have a TIVO, thank you very much) about 3 hours worth of old Dragnet shows from the late 60's. They are an absolute hoot of over-the-top propaganda about the evils of drug use and just about anything associated with being under the age of 30.
There's one episode in particular, where Webb is lecturing this couple on how marijuana leads to essentially EVERYTHING, and will leave you a helpless quivering addict.
Mind you, he's saying all of this as he chains smokes his way through a pack of cigarettes. Addiction indeed.
Mr. Webb, uh....was a lifelong suffering of asthma and died of a massive heart attack.
Maybe it was do to that 3-pack a day cigarette habit that he couldn't shake.
Later,
Jeff
Friday, July 13, 2007
7/11/07--Heroes...and where you find them
I talk to my sister and brother on average of about once a week or so....and as we talk about our kids and raising them, inevitably I find that I will remark that I did something that "reminded me of Dad". Its amazing how much you find yourself behaving and doing things like your parents as you grow older....which is of course the ultimate irony, considering when you are busy growing up, the last thing you want to do is be like your parents. And yet, it happens....
Yesterday I got an interesting email from my Dad and at first I didn't quite understand why he was sending it to me. You see, yesterday was the 60th anniversary of my father's enlistment in the U.S. Navy. I sat there and continued to read what he had written, the pride that was evident in his words and realized....as I finished reading...that sometimes our greatest heroes are the ones that are closest to our hearts. Enjoy the read....and Dad, your kids are rightfully very proud.
Later,
Jeff
Yesterday I got an interesting email from my Dad and at first I didn't quite understand why he was sending it to me. You see, yesterday was the 60th anniversary of my father's enlistment in the U.S. Navy. I sat there and continued to read what he had written, the pride that was evident in his words and realized....as I finished reading...that sometimes our greatest heroes are the ones that are closest to our hearts. Enjoy the read....and Dad, your kids are rightfully very proud.
Today, sixty years ago, I raised my right hand and took the oath to enlist in the U.S. NAVY. I was placed aboard a troop train and transported to USNTC, Great Lakes, ILL
I was placed in Company 260 and could not wait for the 13 weeks to graduation. I wish I saved my issue "ditty bag" (that we had to pay for !!). Also my "flat hat" with the ship's name on the ribbon.
My pay grade was as a Seaman Recruit, SR 1. Pay was $95 a month.
*Please download the attachment below...
I was then stationed aboard the USS W.T. POWELL (DER-213) as a
Seaman Apprentice, pay grade SA 2. I chipped paint & spread "red lead" until someone discovered I could type. I then was assigned to the Supply Office and three days later, the NIS team swarmed aboard and all Storekeepers were handcuffed and taken away. That left me, a Seaman Apprentice , as senior enlisted person in the Supply Dept. We departed for GTMO three days later. Somehow, the ship survived...we arrived back to NavShipyard, Phil., Pa. The CO gave me a Commendatory Captain's Mast and told me to expect a set of orders to Supply School in Red Hook, NJ.
During the waiting time for the orders, I developed a Sulfa reaction from a dental extraction. The dental surgeon, a Captain, found out I had prosthetic experience while working in high school. He had me sign a request to transfer to The Medical Dept. of The Navy. Zap my transfer orders back to Great Lakes were on the ship the next day.
From there, my Navy progression continues thru the enlisted pay grades to where, as stationed aboard the USS NEWPORT NEWS, CA 148 (a heavy cruiser), I was fortunate to be selected for commission in a newly formed Corps within the USN....The Medical Service Corps...
I retired after 25 years of active duty (and three additional years of Guard service) (another story, another time) as a Commander, (pay grade 05), MSC, USN as the Administrative Officer, US Naval Hospital, GTMO BAY, CUBA.
During the 25 years of naval service, I spent 15 great years with the Navy and 10 wonderful years with The US Marine Corps. "SEMPER FI"
I Thank God for a wonderful life, with a wonderful wife and family. The adventure continues with "fire in my belly!!!
Later,
Jeff
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
7/11/07--The Police concert....last night in Miami
So last evening my wife and I joined our friends Jason & Kim Olivia as we went to the stadium formerly known as Joe Robbie to see the reunion tour of The Police. Here, my own unique review of last evening's show:
The concert itself was due to start at around 7pm. However, since we knew that there were going to be two "opening acts" (including one that featured the 19 yr old son of Sting--uh, no thanks) we all figured that we would just show up in time for the headline act to come on stage. Well, since my wife wasn't going to be home until around 6:30 to 6:45ish anyway, I thought that would work out fine. So she gets home and we even decided to stop and get a quick bite to eat at the old Steak & Shake. Good Lord, in the parking lot we even saw a car with a license plate that read:
Jeff & Kim
I kid you not. Anyway, we head down to the stadium and we're making nice time and figure that we'll get into our seats with approximately 30 minutes to spare before the main event would start....so much for planning. Well it just so happened that some major roadwork was starting on the turnpike right after the concert, and because of that, and for I suppose reasons having to do with the way the stadium was being configured for the concert...the entire east parking lot--ya know, the one that has the DIRECT access to the turnpike--is not open. Nope, instead we have to exit onto University Drive. What a terrific idea. In hell. So the wait to get off the exit ramp onto University took maybe.....35 minutes. Now all of a sudden our window of extra time has been reduced to almost nothing...but finally we are able to make our way into the stadium parking lot....that is, the parking lot that is being used. The one that, naturally, is furtherest away from the stadium. So as we're making our way in, along with all the rest of the cars....I'm thinking that I'm glad I remembered and stopped at an ATM on the way, because I know that for baseball games the parking is usually around $10....and its maybe $20 for Dolphins games. Tonight?
$30 for parking. I kid you not.
And then....to make it even more sweet....we're so late at this point that our parking spot? About 15 yards from the afore-mentioned University Drive. The night is young, but I'm getting a bad vibe.
So we hastily make our way to the stadium sowe can at least be in our seats before the show starts. Well....that was until we heard the opening chords of "Message in a Bottle".
DOH!!
Kim says..."hey, I think the show is starting". Naaah, says I...I'm sure its just them playing and old CD or something to warm up the crowd before the show starts.
Yeah...that's the ticket. So as we're into the stadium we realize that our seats, the ones that our friends Jason & Kim are in....are, ya know....on the OTHER SIDE of the stadium. Perfect. So we walk quickly through the mass of humanity and drunken idiots (and why are they in line when the concert has JUST started??) and make our way to our seats...upper deck mind you....we see our friends waving at us and we take a seat.
And the wave of heat and stifling humidity suddenly hit us. And we look down at the stage....which seems to be located approximately 2 miles from where we are sitting.
I knew it should've been a tipoff when I saw the guy selling binoculars as we were getting to our seats. And hey....that guy Sting looks just like an ant! Or maybe its an ant on the seat in front of me...I can't tell.
So now we're seated and we're ready to be entertained....well, at least I'M ready to be entertained...as I suspect that Kim is only along for the ride, and may not be the biggest Police fan in the world ("Ya know, I have never liked that song 'Roxanne'."). And about every 3rd song or so, Kim would lean over and go..."what song is this?".....and I'd wait for a couple of notes to kick in--hey, it has been over 20 years since they were in concert--and then tell her whether it was a really big song ("Don't Stand So Close to Me") or maybe one that wasn't so big ("Walking in Your Footsteps"). And of course, the first thing that everyone notices is that the acoustics....well....let's just say they are not good. We're in an open air stadium....but since the Dolphins have a couple of jumbotrons in either endzone at the top of the stadium, the music is bouncing off the giant screens and reverbing back.....so, during "Roxanne", Sting would sing out "Rox....anne"
and before he could get to the next line...about two seconds later you would hear the echo coming off the jumbotron ("Rox...anne"). It was tremendously annoying, especially as we considered what we paid for our seats--but of course, we were made slightly happier by the knowledge that we at least hadn't paid what the idiots who were on the stadium floor had supposedly paid for their seats (south Florida rumor: $1,000).
Let's get back to the intolerable heat. Now mind you, this is during the evening. I don't even want to think how anyone managed to enjoy either of the two opening acts who played while the sun was still in the sky. Good lord, the EMT's must have been working overtime. Oh, and the genius who was sitting right behind Jason? The one who kept talking on his cellphone and screaming at his son?
"STAY OFF THE PHONE BRIAN!! I MEAN IT!!"
Yeah, good times alright. Oh, and then there was the fact that, despite the horrible accoustics and all.....was the fact that you could understand none of the mindless patter that Sting would interject between songs. He seriously sounded like a guy having a conversation with someone in the drive-thru line at Burger King. That is one kick ass sound system ladies and gentlemen. Oh, and the trio of guys in the next row over who sparked up a cheeb? I thought I was going to get a freakin contact high. Dude, you're like 50 yrs old...get the monkey off your back, ya know?
Don't get me wrong...there were a few highlights. They did a really nice "Invisible Sun", and "King of Pain" sounded great...but on the 2nd encore as they launched into an extended dance version of "Every Breath You Take"....we all headed for the exits.
Only good thing about being parked so close to the road? We got out of the stadium area in like 5 minutes...back in our car...and the blessed-as-if-by-God-himself air conditioning. Now, my wife....I love her for a lot of reasons. The woman is a saint, and not just because she puts up with me. She almost NEVER curses. But as we got into the car, she looks at me and says:
"Start the car and put on the f'n air conditioning."
Yeah, it was a little warm.
Tickets for The Police in Miami at Joe Robbie Stadium: $100
Parking a mile away: $30
Escaping the end of the show and starting the car up (with air conditioning): Priceless
In the immortal words of Comic Book Guy:
Worst concert....ever.
Later,
Jeff
The concert itself was due to start at around 7pm. However, since we knew that there were going to be two "opening acts" (including one that featured the 19 yr old son of Sting--uh, no thanks) we all figured that we would just show up in time for the headline act to come on stage. Well, since my wife wasn't going to be home until around 6:30 to 6:45ish anyway, I thought that would work out fine. So she gets home and we even decided to stop and get a quick bite to eat at the old Steak & Shake. Good Lord, in the parking lot we even saw a car with a license plate that read:
Jeff & Kim
I kid you not. Anyway, we head down to the stadium and we're making nice time and figure that we'll get into our seats with approximately 30 minutes to spare before the main event would start....so much for planning. Well it just so happened that some major roadwork was starting on the turnpike right after the concert, and because of that, and for I suppose reasons having to do with the way the stadium was being configured for the concert...the entire east parking lot--ya know, the one that has the DIRECT access to the turnpike--is not open. Nope, instead we have to exit onto University Drive. What a terrific idea. In hell. So the wait to get off the exit ramp onto University took maybe.....35 minutes. Now all of a sudden our window of extra time has been reduced to almost nothing...but finally we are able to make our way into the stadium parking lot....that is, the parking lot that is being used. The one that, naturally, is furtherest away from the stadium. So as we're making our way in, along with all the rest of the cars....I'm thinking that I'm glad I remembered and stopped at an ATM on the way, because I know that for baseball games the parking is usually around $10....and its maybe $20 for Dolphins games. Tonight?
$30 for parking. I kid you not.
And then....to make it even more sweet....we're so late at this point that our parking spot? About 15 yards from the afore-mentioned University Drive. The night is young, but I'm getting a bad vibe.
So we hastily make our way to the stadium sowe can at least be in our seats before the show starts. Well....that was until we heard the opening chords of "Message in a Bottle".
DOH!!
Kim says..."hey, I think the show is starting". Naaah, says I...I'm sure its just them playing and old CD or something to warm up the crowd before the show starts.
Yeah...that's the ticket. So as we're into the stadium we realize that our seats, the ones that our friends Jason & Kim are in....are, ya know....on the OTHER SIDE of the stadium. Perfect. So we walk quickly through the mass of humanity and drunken idiots (and why are they in line when the concert has JUST started??) and make our way to our seats...upper deck mind you....we see our friends waving at us and we take a seat.
And the wave of heat and stifling humidity suddenly hit us. And we look down at the stage....which seems to be located approximately 2 miles from where we are sitting.
I knew it should've been a tipoff when I saw the guy selling binoculars as we were getting to our seats. And hey....that guy Sting looks just like an ant! Or maybe its an ant on the seat in front of me...I can't tell.
So now we're seated and we're ready to be entertained....well, at least I'M ready to be entertained...as I suspect that Kim is only along for the ride, and may not be the biggest Police fan in the world ("Ya know, I have never liked that song 'Roxanne'."). And about every 3rd song or so, Kim would lean over and go..."what song is this?".....and I'd wait for a couple of notes to kick in--hey, it has been over 20 years since they were in concert--and then tell her whether it was a really big song ("Don't Stand So Close to Me") or maybe one that wasn't so big ("Walking in Your Footsteps"). And of course, the first thing that everyone notices is that the acoustics....well....let's just say they are not good. We're in an open air stadium....but since the Dolphins have a couple of jumbotrons in either endzone at the top of the stadium, the music is bouncing off the giant screens and reverbing back.....so, during "Roxanne", Sting would sing out "Rox....anne"
and before he could get to the next line...about two seconds later you would hear the echo coming off the jumbotron ("Rox...anne"). It was tremendously annoying, especially as we considered what we paid for our seats--but of course, we were made slightly happier by the knowledge that we at least hadn't paid what the idiots who were on the stadium floor had supposedly paid for their seats (south Florida rumor: $1,000).
Let's get back to the intolerable heat. Now mind you, this is during the evening. I don't even want to think how anyone managed to enjoy either of the two opening acts who played while the sun was still in the sky. Good lord, the EMT's must have been working overtime. Oh, and the genius who was sitting right behind Jason? The one who kept talking on his cellphone and screaming at his son?
"STAY OFF THE PHONE BRIAN!! I MEAN IT!!"
Yeah, good times alright. Oh, and then there was the fact that, despite the horrible accoustics and all.....was the fact that you could understand none of the mindless patter that Sting would interject between songs. He seriously sounded like a guy having a conversation with someone in the drive-thru line at Burger King. That is one kick ass sound system ladies and gentlemen. Oh, and the trio of guys in the next row over who sparked up a cheeb? I thought I was going to get a freakin contact high. Dude, you're like 50 yrs old...get the monkey off your back, ya know?
Don't get me wrong...there were a few highlights. They did a really nice "Invisible Sun", and "King of Pain" sounded great...but on the 2nd encore as they launched into an extended dance version of "Every Breath You Take"....we all headed for the exits.
Only good thing about being parked so close to the road? We got out of the stadium area in like 5 minutes...back in our car...and the blessed-as-if-by-God-himself air conditioning. Now, my wife....I love her for a lot of reasons. The woman is a saint, and not just because she puts up with me. She almost NEVER curses. But as we got into the car, she looks at me and says:
"Start the car and put on the f'n air conditioning."
Yeah, it was a little warm.
Tickets for The Police in Miami at Joe Robbie Stadium: $100
Parking a mile away: $30
Escaping the end of the show and starting the car up (with air conditioning): Priceless
In the immortal words of Comic Book Guy:
Worst concert....ever.
Later,
Jeff
Saturday, July 7, 2007
7/7/07---Daddy's Little Ass Kicker
So this past Wednesday, ya know....the 4th of July....we ventured down to the area around "fabulous" (well, formerly at least) Ft Lauderdale beach. That's where the Convention Center is located and where this year's NATIONAL AAU competiton in Tae Kwon Do was taking place. Kellie was entered in the event, primarily because our schedules this summer would not allow us to travel with the rest of the team out to San Jose, Calif (damn the luck) for the Junior Olympics. Trust me, I would have lost my mind.
So unluck some tournaments, this one actually featured some people who were, ya know, in Kellie's actual weight and skill level. There is nothing worse than paying to enter a tournment and having your daughter fight someone from her own school.
This one actually was scheduled to feature up to 10 girls in Kellie's classification, which meant that Kellie would finally get to have some new opponents. After some checking, we discovered that Kellie's first match would take place at 6:30pm. That meant that we were still able to have our 4th of July cookout, featuring a delicious meal prepared by----you got it....yours truly. Kellie survived anyway.
So we get down to the convention center, and shockingly.....and I do totally mean....SHOCKINGLY....the event seems to be running on time!!! Trust me, the words "event running on time" usually does not coincide with any tae kwon do event.
So were there, and its finally time for Kellie's match. This is a special occasion, not only because its a national event...but because its the first time that Kellie's current boytoy, Kyle, will be seeing his main babe....uh.....trying to destroy the girl in front of her.
It can be a disturbing experience. So Kellie hits the mat, and promptly begins to LOSE to her opponent. I was reminded of that classic quote from Strother Martin in the alltime great film, Slapshot.
"We're.....LOSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Her Mom quickly reassures me that the match has a 2nd round to it, and Kellie is losing by something like 7-2 as it starts. She eventually overtakes her opponent to lead 9-8 when, you're not going to believe it...her opponent....
Vomits.
No, really. Puke City. Blew chunks. Lost her lunch. Tossed her cookies. Ya know.
The match ended. Kellie advances to round 2 by....ahem...making her opponent quit.
All I know is, after Kyle reports this back at school, Kellie is going to have an awesome rep.
Now, before I get to the 2nd round....and I know I should have mentioned this before, but...Kellie had been having problems with her hip in the weeks leading up to the event.
We took her to see a physical therapist friend of Kim's who told Kim that it should be okay for the tournament, but if the pain continued that a doctor should really look at it.
So the 2nd match starts....and her opponent was like Dennis Rodman. Seriously, the girl must have been 6'5". How the hell does a 13 yr old get to be that tall? It looked like Kellie was fighting a praying mantis. She was losing 7-4 in the 2nd round of the match when her hip began bothering her too much.....she conceded the match....but finished in 3rd place in her classification....ahem....that would be....IN THE NATION!!!
Let's give the lady a little hand....not to be confused with the one that Kyle was holding most of the day. I'll deal with that situation....eventually....before I stroke out.
Later,
Jeff
So unluck some tournaments, this one actually featured some people who were, ya know, in Kellie's actual weight and skill level. There is nothing worse than paying to enter a tournment and having your daughter fight someone from her own school.
This one actually was scheduled to feature up to 10 girls in Kellie's classification, which meant that Kellie would finally get to have some new opponents. After some checking, we discovered that Kellie's first match would take place at 6:30pm. That meant that we were still able to have our 4th of July cookout, featuring a delicious meal prepared by----you got it....yours truly. Kellie survived anyway.
So we get down to the convention center, and shockingly.....and I do totally mean....SHOCKINGLY....the event seems to be running on time!!! Trust me, the words "event running on time" usually does not coincide with any tae kwon do event.
So were there, and its finally time for Kellie's match. This is a special occasion, not only because its a national event...but because its the first time that Kellie's current boytoy, Kyle, will be seeing his main babe....uh.....trying to destroy the girl in front of her.
It can be a disturbing experience. So Kellie hits the mat, and promptly begins to LOSE to her opponent. I was reminded of that classic quote from Strother Martin in the alltime great film, Slapshot.
"We're.....LOSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Her Mom quickly reassures me that the match has a 2nd round to it, and Kellie is losing by something like 7-2 as it starts. She eventually overtakes her opponent to lead 9-8 when, you're not going to believe it...her opponent....
Vomits.
No, really. Puke City. Blew chunks. Lost her lunch. Tossed her cookies. Ya know.
The match ended. Kellie advances to round 2 by....ahem...making her opponent quit.
All I know is, after Kyle reports this back at school, Kellie is going to have an awesome rep.
Now, before I get to the 2nd round....and I know I should have mentioned this before, but...Kellie had been having problems with her hip in the weeks leading up to the event.
We took her to see a physical therapist friend of Kim's who told Kim that it should be okay for the tournament, but if the pain continued that a doctor should really look at it.
So the 2nd match starts....and her opponent was like Dennis Rodman. Seriously, the girl must have been 6'5". How the hell does a 13 yr old get to be that tall? It looked like Kellie was fighting a praying mantis. She was losing 7-4 in the 2nd round of the match when her hip began bothering her too much.....she conceded the match....but finished in 3rd place in her classification....ahem....that would be....IN THE NATION!!!
Let's give the lady a little hand....not to be confused with the one that Kyle was holding most of the day. I'll deal with that situation....eventually....before I stroke out.
Later,
Jeff
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)