So more on my amazing Aunt and her life. My aunt got divorced in the mid 40's, right after the end of WW2--when that sort of thing wasn't done, and when that sort of thing DEFINITELY wasn't done in rural South Carolina....but I digress. So she's got two kids, she's like....maybe 20 yrs old and she meets a man who has two kids of his own and they get married. Sort of a "Yours, Mine & Ours" but without an annoying appearance by Lucille Ball. Anyway, the man she marries was my Uncle Louis. She and my uncle would end up having three more children--all boys. That would be my cousins Larry, Chris & Mike. The two oldest boys, Larry & Chris have either physical or emotional disabilities and still--in their 50's--live at home with my aunt in the same house for over 40 years. Here she is 83 yrs old, and she's still caring for my two cousins...and don't kid yourself....I'm sure its a struggle. So my sister tells me a story about when our cousin Chris was born, and this was straight from Aunt Ruby. So she's carrying Chris, and she's about 7 mos into her pregnancy when complications develop (SERIOUS complications) and is told by at least one doctor that Chris has died in her womb. She goes to a local man and asks him to make a special casket for her unborn child--and the man refuses, saying that he can't possibly make a coffin for a child that hasn't been born yet! The day comes for Chris to be delivered, and lo & behold he's alive but with obvious physical difficulties. For one thing, he weighs like 2 lbs. He's in intensive care for like 6 mos and its apparent that he has zero muscle coordination and when he is held, is essentially like a limp body. After 6 mos, my aunt and uncle LIE to the doctor about the baby's correct weight (the doctor wanted Chris to be a minimum of 4 lbs before he would allow him to be released) so that they could take the baby home. The two of them cared and nurtured Chris along (and this was the late 40's or early 50's so its not like you could run down to the local Healthsouth and consult with a physical therapist regarding the situation). He was about 3 years old and still hadn't even started to walk---until that is, his younger brother Michael (and the fact that after two disabled children to deal with that they wanted to have more children tells you a lot about their character) begins to learn how to walk. Chris learns towalk by Mimicking his younger brother! Incredible. I have to write a book about this woman.
Later,
Jeff
Friday, June 30, 2006
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Readers beginning to get cranky.......
First of all....I probably need to acknowledge with a great big "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" the fact that yesterday (my family---always a day late and a dollar short) was my sister's birthday. Don't worry....I remembered to call her. At 10:15pm. And, uh....after my wife screams out from the bedroom:
"Did you remember to call your sister for her birthday?"
Part of the reason I keep my wife around is that she's good at reminding me about stuff.
Before I get into the family news......I have to give you a quick "tales of the courthouse" blurb that was on the news tonight. Only in my hometown of Broward County, Florida.
Check out the headline......
MiamiHerald.com | 06/28/2006 | Man who shot off cat's head shows jury how he did it
Amazing. Makes me feel all proud and stuff.
So next week the family....the entire family (including ME--but not the dogs, so maybe its not really the ENTIRE family) will be heading to Badstreet, USA....Hotlanta....for the junior Olympics, where Andy & Kellie will be competing in Tae Kwon Do! The kids are thrilled with the possibilities of facing martial artists from around the country, Kim can't wait to hit all the hot tourist spots around Atlanta...and me?
Its gonna be BBQ nirvana baby. I'm already planning out which BBQ joints we're going to be hitting in the greater metropolitan area. One definite?
Dreamland BBQ. Best ribs in the country....good lord, so much for losing weight before the big family reunion in September, huh?
So when I was speaking to my sister on the phone she tells me that she just got back from spending a weekend in South Carolina visiting my beloved Aunt Ruby. Now, let me explain something to you. My aunt lives in town called "Varnville". It might as well be called "Hooterville" because its like something right out of the old t.v. show "Green Acres". But every year the small town has something called the "Watermelon Festival" where, you guessed it.....the townspeople pretty much....eat a whole bunch of watermelons. Oh, and I guess there's a street dance and its pretty much a chance for everyone to see and be seen. Its essentially the social event of the season, and don't kid yourself---my aunt wouldn't miss it for the world. So the take my aunt to the festival and then come home and my sister says that she set up to like 3am doing what my family does best---gossiping and talking about the family! WOOHOO! Here's what's great about this....their sharing family history and stories, updating each other on the news in the family--the good and the bad....and ya know what? Its about family!
So sure, you'll probably roll your eyes about this story or that....and you'll think to yourself about what a social outcast this person or that person is to the family....but ya know what? Ya only got one family ladies and gentlemen! So while the gossip was shared, and mud may have been flung....in the end, it was about keeping the family legacy and sense of history alive. My aunt seems to know a lot of the family history, and I've always said that her life.....good lord, her life....would make a guaranteed best seller, because you wouldn't believe some of the stuff that she's gone through in her life.
Its an amazing story and she's an amazing woman.
As a matter of fact....in my next installment (oh quit bitching....I'll try and do it tomorrow)....I'll tell you one of her amazing stories---and don't worry Mom, its not going to be one of those "Oh God please, don't embarrass the family" type of stories.
It'll be one that shows what an amazing person my aunt is.
Because its all about family.
Later,
Jeff
"Did you remember to call your sister for her birthday?"
Part of the reason I keep my wife around is that she's good at reminding me about stuff.
Before I get into the family news......I have to give you a quick "tales of the courthouse" blurb that was on the news tonight. Only in my hometown of Broward County, Florida.
Check out the headline......
MiamiHerald.com | 06/28/2006 | Man who shot off cat's head shows jury how he did it
Amazing. Makes me feel all proud and stuff.
So next week the family....the entire family (including ME--but not the dogs, so maybe its not really the ENTIRE family) will be heading to Badstreet, USA....Hotlanta....for the junior Olympics, where Andy & Kellie will be competing in Tae Kwon Do! The kids are thrilled with the possibilities of facing martial artists from around the country, Kim can't wait to hit all the hot tourist spots around Atlanta...and me?
Its gonna be BBQ nirvana baby. I'm already planning out which BBQ joints we're going to be hitting in the greater metropolitan area. One definite?
Dreamland BBQ. Best ribs in the country....good lord, so much for losing weight before the big family reunion in September, huh?
So when I was speaking to my sister on the phone she tells me that she just got back from spending a weekend in South Carolina visiting my beloved Aunt Ruby. Now, let me explain something to you. My aunt lives in town called "Varnville". It might as well be called "Hooterville" because its like something right out of the old t.v. show "Green Acres". But every year the small town has something called the "Watermelon Festival" where, you guessed it.....the townspeople pretty much....eat a whole bunch of watermelons. Oh, and I guess there's a street dance and its pretty much a chance for everyone to see and be seen. Its essentially the social event of the season, and don't kid yourself---my aunt wouldn't miss it for the world. So the take my aunt to the festival and then come home and my sister says that she set up to like 3am doing what my family does best---gossiping and talking about the family! WOOHOO! Here's what's great about this....their sharing family history and stories, updating each other on the news in the family--the good and the bad....and ya know what? Its about family!
So sure, you'll probably roll your eyes about this story or that....and you'll think to yourself about what a social outcast this person or that person is to the family....but ya know what? Ya only got one family ladies and gentlemen! So while the gossip was shared, and mud may have been flung....in the end, it was about keeping the family legacy and sense of history alive. My aunt seems to know a lot of the family history, and I've always said that her life.....good lord, her life....would make a guaranteed best seller, because you wouldn't believe some of the stuff that she's gone through in her life.
Its an amazing story and she's an amazing woman.
As a matter of fact....in my next installment (oh quit bitching....I'll try and do it tomorrow)....I'll tell you one of her amazing stories---and don't worry Mom, its not going to be one of those "Oh God please, don't embarrass the family" type of stories.
It'll be one that shows what an amazing person my aunt is.
Because its all about family.
Later,
Jeff
Thursday, June 22, 2006
6/22/06--I don't want to say the Cubs are having a bad year, but......
Remember, this was a guy that Dusty Baker and Jim Hendry told us would be "ready to pitch" come spring training....I mean spring training this year. Not next year. And people wonder why Cub fans don't want Dusty to remain as our manager. UGH.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
6/20/06--Tales of the Courthouse....Volume 138
So a delightfully bizarre day in court today. We go to trial on an in-custody defendant, so of course we have a deputy in with us besides our normal baliff. So in a pre-trial hearing, the defense attorney claims that there is no way his defendant could've done any roadside exercises (they are not "tests"!!) because his leg is so messed up. Upon further review, we are told that his right leg was originally injured in combat by a flamethrower (EEEWWW!). So he gets a skingraft, and then....gets in a motorcycle accident a few years later that results in...you guessed it, his right leg meeting the pavement in a rather nasty case of road rash. Result? More skingrafts! So the guy does an in-court visual of his leg--I guess for "demonstrative" purposes....and his leg looks like Freddy Krueger's face. I mean it is seriously nasty looking. And the guy tells the judge that since he is "in-custody", that the jail hasn't been giving him the medicine that he requires for his leg. The judge is told that he needs something like Lubri-derm or vasoline for the damaged skin on his leg. So, are you with me so far? Cuz here comes the grizzly part. Put your food down.
He tells the baliff right before lunch....that his leg....the injured one.....is "leaking".
I guess when the skin dries, it cracks and then.....ugh. Just use your imagination.
My baliff, who's a total germophobe, totally wigs out and begins spraying everything in the courtroom that the guy might have touched.
So I'm thinking it can't get any better than that. Then, after lunch, I talk to the guy's attorney, and we're just making idle chitchat and I start talking about the defendant's leg, and how it was injured...and that's where I heard that it was injured for the first time when the guy was in Vietnam. And then the defense attorney tells me:
"Yeah, while he was over there....the guy had like 70 confirmed kills."
And I have to read a verdict tomorrow that this guy might be guilty? If the verdict is guilty, and the defendant starts looking like he might be upset....its every man for himself!
Later,
Jeff
He tells the baliff right before lunch....that his leg....the injured one.....is "leaking".
I guess when the skin dries, it cracks and then.....ugh. Just use your imagination.
My baliff, who's a total germophobe, totally wigs out and begins spraying everything in the courtroom that the guy might have touched.
So I'm thinking it can't get any better than that. Then, after lunch, I talk to the guy's attorney, and we're just making idle chitchat and I start talking about the defendant's leg, and how it was injured...and that's where I heard that it was injured for the first time when the guy was in Vietnam. And then the defense attorney tells me:
"Yeah, while he was over there....the guy had like 70 confirmed kills."
And I have to read a verdict tomorrow that this guy might be guilty? If the verdict is guilty, and the defendant starts looking like he might be upset....its every man for himself!
Later,
Jeff
Friday, June 16, 2006
6/16/06---The return of.....ECW
So last weekend, in the words of my man RPM, I decided to..."spend a little time with the fellas", and I headed over to Professor Pete's house for a little PPV wrestling.
Now, mind you....this used to be an almost monthly at the worst occurence within my wrestling circle of friends--and now, as someone pointed out, it was the first time that we had gotten together in almost a year for a wrestling PPV. I don't know if that says more about how crappy wrestling has been lately or whether we've all evolved into mature, thoughtful adults who have no need for pro wrestling--but I doubt the latter.
The return of ECW brought hope for the longterm wrestling fan....the hope that Vince McMahon would get away from some of the garbage that he's tried to pass off as wrestling over the past year or so.....don't get me started. So we thought we'd give it a shot. Your main event? John Cena--who for reasons unknown to me (since I don't watch the shows anymore) is absolutely hated with a passion by the average wrestling fan--vs. Rob Van Dam--carrying the banner for ECW. I loved the sign hanging from the rafters: "Cena loses the belt or we riot". Next on the main event course was a weird matchup between Sabu and Rey Misterio Jr. I thought it might be a clash of styles...and it was, except for a fantastic spot at the end. The final matchup of the trio of main events was the tag match between Cactus Jack & Edge vs. Terry Funk & Tommy Dreamer. Cactus did some great and creative interviews leading up to the card.
Prior to the main events was the usual assortment of freakshow items. There was a battle royal featuring Big Show & Kurt Angle--who are all of a sudden catergorized as "ECW" guys, which really ticks off the hardcore fans....well, at least, having Big Show ticks off the ECW fans. They seem to love Angle being part of ECW, which is ironic on a lot of levels, chief among them the fact that Angle HATED the original product and specifically turned down an opportunity to join the promotion before ever joining the WWE. Sandman made his traditional intro--but without the Metallica song. And let me tell you....wow, is the difference noticeable. All of a sudden....no one seemed to care.
The three main events offered a little something for everyone. The Sabu-Misterio match was, oh, I dunno....."okay"....but the finishing sequence was really fantastic. Sabu puts a table up between the retaining gate and the ring apron, and lays Misterio on top of it.
Sabu go to do the springboard from the chair--to the ropes--to the table......except, Misterio stands up at the last minute. Sabu grabs Rey in a front face lock on the flight down and scores with an awesome looking DDT through the table and onto the floor.
Wow! Spectacular stuff reminding everyone of Sabu's glory days in the mid 90's.
The heat on Cena was truly something to behold. He'd take his shirt off at the beginning of the match and do the spot where he throws it to the crowd. Except, ala Wrigley Field where the fans of the Cubs throw the opponents home run balls back, the crowd kept throwing Cena's t-shirt back at him. It went on for almost 5 minutes and was really funny. In an expected move, RVD took the pin on Cena when ECW "official" Paul Heyman came in the ring after a ref bump and counted the fall. I really do wonder what would've happened if they screwed RVD and kept the belt on Cena. I think the building would've been burned to the ground to be honest with you. Finally, there was the tag match, which was wrestled under anything goes rules. Jack had gotten a black eye hardway from Funk...and truthfully Edge and Dreamer could've just stood back and let the other two do the work....since that's what everyone wanted to see. Another amazing finish....as Funk is bloodied up, goes to the back for a bit o' the medical attention and returns with a bat wrapped in barbed wire. As he's getting into the ring, he has someone at ringside set the bat on fire! (Can't you just imagine trying to local fire inspector to sign off on that one?) Funk hits Jack on the back with the bat, which causes Jack's shirt to catch fire (I'm not sure if that was a planned spot or not)....Jack falls onto the floor on top of a piece of plywood with barbed wire laid across it. Funk is then knocked off the ring apron....and he and Jack lay there bleeding their asses off, skin being torn by the barbed wire. The funny thing (not ha-ha funny, but you know what I mean) is that a few days before the match, in a column in the Wrestling Observer, Funk was quoted regarding the death of longtime Hawaii fan favorite Sam Steamboat. Funk commented on how all the matches over the years and the shots to the head must've lead to the dimentia and on set of Alzheimer's that Steamboat had in his last year or so. Mind you.....that's Terry Funk making that comment. The same Terry Funk who was 61 years old....setting a baseball bat on fire and then taking a fall onto a piece of plywood that had barbed wire on top of it.
To quote Jim Morrison: "....strange days indeed."
Later,
Jeff
Now, mind you....this used to be an almost monthly at the worst occurence within my wrestling circle of friends--and now, as someone pointed out, it was the first time that we had gotten together in almost a year for a wrestling PPV. I don't know if that says more about how crappy wrestling has been lately or whether we've all evolved into mature, thoughtful adults who have no need for pro wrestling--but I doubt the latter.
The return of ECW brought hope for the longterm wrestling fan....the hope that Vince McMahon would get away from some of the garbage that he's tried to pass off as wrestling over the past year or so.....don't get me started. So we thought we'd give it a shot. Your main event? John Cena--who for reasons unknown to me (since I don't watch the shows anymore) is absolutely hated with a passion by the average wrestling fan--vs. Rob Van Dam--carrying the banner for ECW. I loved the sign hanging from the rafters: "Cena loses the belt or we riot". Next on the main event course was a weird matchup between Sabu and Rey Misterio Jr. I thought it might be a clash of styles...and it was, except for a fantastic spot at the end. The final matchup of the trio of main events was the tag match between Cactus Jack & Edge vs. Terry Funk & Tommy Dreamer. Cactus did some great and creative interviews leading up to the card.
Prior to the main events was the usual assortment of freakshow items. There was a battle royal featuring Big Show & Kurt Angle--who are all of a sudden catergorized as "ECW" guys, which really ticks off the hardcore fans....well, at least, having Big Show ticks off the ECW fans. They seem to love Angle being part of ECW, which is ironic on a lot of levels, chief among them the fact that Angle HATED the original product and specifically turned down an opportunity to join the promotion before ever joining the WWE. Sandman made his traditional intro--but without the Metallica song. And let me tell you....wow, is the difference noticeable. All of a sudden....no one seemed to care.
The three main events offered a little something for everyone. The Sabu-Misterio match was, oh, I dunno....."okay"....but the finishing sequence was really fantastic. Sabu puts a table up between the retaining gate and the ring apron, and lays Misterio on top of it.
Sabu go to do the springboard from the chair--to the ropes--to the table......except, Misterio stands up at the last minute. Sabu grabs Rey in a front face lock on the flight down and scores with an awesome looking DDT through the table and onto the floor.
Wow! Spectacular stuff reminding everyone of Sabu's glory days in the mid 90's.
The heat on Cena was truly something to behold. He'd take his shirt off at the beginning of the match and do the spot where he throws it to the crowd. Except, ala Wrigley Field where the fans of the Cubs throw the opponents home run balls back, the crowd kept throwing Cena's t-shirt back at him. It went on for almost 5 minutes and was really funny. In an expected move, RVD took the pin on Cena when ECW "official" Paul Heyman came in the ring after a ref bump and counted the fall. I really do wonder what would've happened if they screwed RVD and kept the belt on Cena. I think the building would've been burned to the ground to be honest with you. Finally, there was the tag match, which was wrestled under anything goes rules. Jack had gotten a black eye hardway from Funk...and truthfully Edge and Dreamer could've just stood back and let the other two do the work....since that's what everyone wanted to see. Another amazing finish....as Funk is bloodied up, goes to the back for a bit o' the medical attention and returns with a bat wrapped in barbed wire. As he's getting into the ring, he has someone at ringside set the bat on fire! (Can't you just imagine trying to local fire inspector to sign off on that one?) Funk hits Jack on the back with the bat, which causes Jack's shirt to catch fire (I'm not sure if that was a planned spot or not)....Jack falls onto the floor on top of a piece of plywood with barbed wire laid across it. Funk is then knocked off the ring apron....and he and Jack lay there bleeding their asses off, skin being torn by the barbed wire. The funny thing (not ha-ha funny, but you know what I mean) is that a few days before the match, in a column in the Wrestling Observer, Funk was quoted regarding the death of longtime Hawaii fan favorite Sam Steamboat. Funk commented on how all the matches over the years and the shots to the head must've lead to the dimentia and on set of Alzheimer's that Steamboat had in his last year or so. Mind you.....that's Terry Funk making that comment. The same Terry Funk who was 61 years old....setting a baseball bat on fire and then taking a fall onto a piece of plywood that had barbed wire on top of it.
To quote Jim Morrison: "....strange days indeed."
Later,
Jeff
Saturday, June 10, 2006
6/10/06--The great one returns with a "bit o' the family news"
Yes, I know...it seems as though a month of Sunday's has passed since my last entry.
Hey, sue me. Its not like I'm getting paid for this crap.
Now then....some huge news on the home front! It seems our very own Kellie P-B has acquired....her very own boyfriend! The young lad's name is Greg, but I call him Gary or Gomer...ya know, pretending to not remember his name. The interesting thing about him is that he is YOUNGER than Kellie. By a full grade! And don't think for a minute that I haven't been giving Kellie grief about that! What a cradle robber! Kellie seems very excited about the whole thing....and has confessed that (brace yourself folks) they have exchanged their first kiss! Ah yes, young love. I can remember my first kiss also.
6th grade. Miss Francis' class. Her name was Kim Dwyer. As I recall, she.....whoops, I forgot we were talking about Kellie here (but I assure you that my story would've been FAR more interesting). Greg is a local boy--meaning that he does not go to Kellie's school, which is not necessarily a bad thing....because at least we don't have to drive her halfway around the county to see her boyfriend. Recent reports from Kellie seem to indicate that he has already drawn his conclusions about Kim & I.
Kim? "The cool parent".
Me? "He's afraid of you."
That's good. I like that. I told Kellie that I know a lot of places to bury bodies--and don't let Greg ever forget that.
Were any of us really ever young enough to live through the joy and pain of our first summer romance? Geez, sometimes I feel so old.
Well, the old report cards came out recently, and I'm happy to announce that Andy did really, really well on his grades. We treated him to an evening at a local arcade, complete with video games & miniature golf. Andy is truly a sight to behold on the goony golf course. You would think he's playing for money or something. He will fight over every shot, every placement of the ball---its truly amazing. At least once every game we have to remind him that its a game and he needs to relax. Seriously, I worry the kid is going to stroke out or something over a stupid game of golf.
Later,
Jeff
Hey, sue me. Its not like I'm getting paid for this crap.
Now then....some huge news on the home front! It seems our very own Kellie P-B has acquired....her very own boyfriend! The young lad's name is Greg, but I call him Gary or Gomer...ya know, pretending to not remember his name. The interesting thing about him is that he is YOUNGER than Kellie. By a full grade! And don't think for a minute that I haven't been giving Kellie grief about that! What a cradle robber! Kellie seems very excited about the whole thing....and has confessed that (brace yourself folks) they have exchanged their first kiss! Ah yes, young love. I can remember my first kiss also.
6th grade. Miss Francis' class. Her name was Kim Dwyer. As I recall, she.....whoops, I forgot we were talking about Kellie here (but I assure you that my story would've been FAR more interesting). Greg is a local boy--meaning that he does not go to Kellie's school, which is not necessarily a bad thing....because at least we don't have to drive her halfway around the county to see her boyfriend. Recent reports from Kellie seem to indicate that he has already drawn his conclusions about Kim & I.
Kim? "The cool parent".
Me? "He's afraid of you."
That's good. I like that. I told Kellie that I know a lot of places to bury bodies--and don't let Greg ever forget that.
Were any of us really ever young enough to live through the joy and pain of our first summer romance? Geez, sometimes I feel so old.
Well, the old report cards came out recently, and I'm happy to announce that Andy did really, really well on his grades. We treated him to an evening at a local arcade, complete with video games & miniature golf. Andy is truly a sight to behold on the goony golf course. You would think he's playing for money or something. He will fight over every shot, every placement of the ball---its truly amazing. At least once every game we have to remind him that its a game and he needs to relax. Seriously, I worry the kid is going to stroke out or something over a stupid game of golf.
Later,
Jeff
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