6/29/05---Green Eyed Monster makes an appearence

So over the weekend, the wife asks me to participate in a "honey dew" project.
You know what that is, don't you?  Ya know...."honey, do this for me....honey, do that for me".  Honey dew.  Anyway, the particular project in question was to reorganize our spare bedroom, and especially the closet, which had become sort of a universal dumping ground for things that we didn't have a specific spot for.
Anyway, we're in there, throwing away just tons of stuff we didn't need---One of the true character traits I acquired from my father?  Packrat.  Anyway, we're making all this space in the closet and then I find out what the REAL reason is that we're doing all this work.  Kim wants to do away with my bookcase that holds all my videos.
She casually begins to mention that the closet would be a TERRIFIC spot for the bookcase and all those videos.  Women!  They've always got the alterior motive, ya know?  Anyway, so we're unloading stuff off of the bookcase and a whole pile of what can best be described as....um.....stuff (no not drugs stupid) falls onto the bed.
Primary of which were a number of photos.  (cough, cough) 
Now, allow me to backtrack for a second here.  When I moved in with Kim, lo about 5 years ago (Five years!!), I told her that when I got married to the lovely former Mrs Me #2, she had me throw out all the former photos of the lovely former Mrs Me #1.  I did so, and now have about a 5 year gap of my life that I have zero photos of.  So I told Kim, look....I have about three photos of #2, and I'd like to keep them--not because I have any romantic feelings regarding my former, but just because--ya know---they're my memories, ya know?  And she was totally cool with it, maybe because there are still photos of her former husband--the kids father--around the house, and I'm okay with that...and think the kids SHOULD have photos of their father to remember him by.  Okay....are you with me?  Now...back to the other day.....
So the photos fall out onto the bed, and Kim starts looking through them.  There are a couple of photos of #2 on top...one with her and my beloved--gone but not forgotten--Misty, and I think maybe one more.  And Kim says:
"Oh, here's some photos of (the former Mrs Me #2)...."
No problem.  She's cool with it.
And she keeps on looking.......(oh boy).
"Who's this?"
"Oh.....ah......that's Kimberly and her two daughters."  (aka FORMER GIRLFRIEND---YIKES!)
The eyebrow raises just a smig...but I saw it.
"And who's this?"
"Oh...that's Kynda."  (online buddy--non-romantic)
"Why is she standing that way?" (Kynda has her hand on her butt)
"How should I know?  I think she's just posing."
Eyebrow...ever so slightly...raising just a bit.

Then, she finds another photo of Kimberly....more specifically....me and Kimberly.
Again, let me digress here.  I don't know about you folks, but I take HORRIBLE photos.  I figure, if you're one of those people like me....you go through you're whole life....you're maybe....MAYBE going to be happy with 5 photos.  The one she's looking at....was from Kimberly & I on a cruise.....I was post-divorce from #2....I was looking pretty slim....the hair didn't have any gray....I thought I looked about as good as I'm ever going to look in a photo.  But all Kim saw....ya know....was Kimberly.  Oh boy.

"Well, I don't have a problem with you keeping the photos of (former Mrs. Me #2), but I wouldn't care at all if you got rid of the other photos."

It always intrigued me that my wife....and I love her....a woman who is totally NOT jealous about anything (and I have given her no cause to be--just for the record), feels not one bit of jealously about either of my ex-wives.....but the former girlfriend who lives 200 miles away....and the green eyed monster shows up.

(sigh)
Women.

Later,
Jeff

6/28/05---A top 10 list....just for shits & giggles

I check up on the Letterman top 10 list every once in awhile.   They used to really have some good ones on a regular basis...now its strictly hit or miss, with a lot more misses than hits....however....this one really struck me as hilarious.  Enjoy.

Top Ten Rejected Titles For Saddam Hussein's New Novel

10. "The Da Vinci Goat"

9. "Of Lice and Men"

8. "I'm Okay, You're Uday"

7. "20,000 Leagues Under the Sand"

6. "Inspectors Turn up no Evidence that Herbie was Ever Fully Loaded"

5. "Mahmoud Potter and the Goblet of Hummus"

4. "Kuwaiting for Godot"

3. "Along Came a Spider Hole"

2. "Sunnis are from Mars, Shiites are from Venus, Americans are Infidel Pig Dogs"

1. "The Brotherhood of the Traveling

6/26/05---Shawshank Friggin Redemption

    Ya know, whenever I make up a list of my personal top 10 films of alltime, I usually squeeze Shawshank in at either #9 or #10....and I may have placed it too low.  I watched the new 10th anniversary version of the film, which has some great extra's, including commentary by director Frank Darabont and interviews with stars Tim Robbins (never better) & Morgan Freeman (ditto).
    But, as I sat and watched the film, I was struck by all the religious symbolism in the movie.  Now, some of you may have heard about various studies done on films like "The Matrix" and all the religious symbolism found in that film (Hello!  Keanu's character is called "NEO"--an anagram for "ONE".  Ya know, as in "the One".
Anyway, I'm watching Shawshank...and its LOADED with religious symbolism.
Check out some of the comments from the website---"Hollywood Jesus"---which examines religious symbolism in modern film.  (I know at this point a lot of you who know me are going...."Jeff???  Religion????"  Yeah, yeah....I know...but look:

The warden painfully abuses Andy through torture, solitary confinement and the murder of a friend. Andy realizes he needs to choose life. "Get busy livin' Or, get busy dying."

I call heaven and earth to witness against you today that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Choose life so that you and your descendants may live.
-Deut. 30:19 NRSV Secretly, behind a large pin up girl poster in his cell, Andy over the course of two decades tunnels his way out. It is as though he re-enters a woman (the pin-up girl) to be born again. Freedom comes at a cost, he must go through a human waste sewage pipe. The way up is sometimes down. Sometimes we must confront our own dung (and of others), and work through it to be truly free.

He drew me up from the desolate pit,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
Psalm 40:2 NRSV
There is a lot of symbolism in this film. The warden learns of his fate, his last judgement, through the Bugle newspaper. Sort of a last trump, as it is called in scripture.

in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.
-1 Cor. 15:52 NRSV

In time, Red is released from prison. He is reunited with Andy, but only after learning the importance of hope.

Proverbs 23:18 NRSV
Surely there is a future,
and your hope will not be cut off.

Romans 8:24-25 NRSV
For in hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what is seen? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Review by
Steven Michael
zxcv123@pop3free.com

The reviews of most films nowadays are filled with meaningless hyperbole: "The greatest ever…", "awesome", "unbelievable". In the case of The Shawshank Redemption, it is only now, in the fullness of time, that the greatness of this film is finally coming into public consciousness as it takes its rightful place as one of the greatest films of all time.

Based on the screen adaptation of Stephen King's story Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption.the theatrical release (1994) starring Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman, is a powerful portrayal of the triumph of the human spirit in the face of utterly impossible odds.

Nominated for seven Academy Awards® including Best Picture--two Golden Globe nominations and one nomination for Screen Actors Guild Award in 1995. Nominated for best music, original score by Thomas Newman. Shawshank has found redemption in the court of public opinion.

According to an April 30, 1999 article by Stephen Schurr, Staff Reporter of The Wall Street Journal, [t]he hugely popular site [Internet Movie Database], acquired by Amazon.com last year, is visited by more than three million separate visitors every month, according to Colin Needham, imdb's founder and managing editor.."Shawshank" has been among the top ten ever since its release in 1994, and has been No. 1 for nearly two years, save for a brief surge by "Star Wars" after its re-release and an occasional eclipse by "The Godfather."

The film's writer and director, Frank Darabont, has made superb use of double entendre--there are several scenes in the film where the audience is left pondering the obvious outcome when in fact, the director has something entirely different in mind. As such, the director has made use of his dramatic license and provided the audience with an artistic touch that borders on sheer brilliancy.

If there is one scene that captures the spirit, grandeur and majesty of the Shawshank Redemption, it is the scene were Andy Dufresne has fallen out of the sewer pipe and stumbles in the drainage ditch in the rain. Amid heavy lightning and thunder, removes his shirt, then undershirt and raises his hands and arms to the heavens. It is as if God himself has given sanction and ordained the event. The music itself crescendos to a majestic fever pitch and the audience is witnessing, if for only a very brief moment, a divine event wrought by the hand of God.

It is possible, that no single scene in the entire history ofcinema so completely captures the spirit and essence of an entire film, as this one did.

.

Pretty interesting stuff, huh?  Think about some of the stuff that the writer talked about the next time you watch the film---which should be pretty soon.  And remember the movie's tagline:

"Fear can hold you prisoner....
 Hope can set you free."

Later,
Jeff

6/25/05---Ladies & Gentlemen....Rod Stewart!

So I picked up a Rod Stewart DVD today.  Its called "Live at the Royal Albert Hall" and when I purchased it, I did so with a bit of trepedation.  I've been a fan of Stewart's since the mid 70's, purchased pretty much every album he ever did (even the truly bad ones) but I really didn't care for his recent stuff, where he did a CD of old standards.  Now.....I'm a huge Stewart fan....don't get me wrong....but, when I think of Rod Stewart.....here's what I think:
Maggie May
Stay With Me
Reason to Believe
Every Picture Tells a Story

Ya know.....the young Rod.....the Rod w/the Faces....not that disco shit.  I mean:


I mean Rod Stewart dammit!   Now, I certainly don't have any problem with your standards--your, oldtime favorites.  The thing is though, when I hear an old standard, I want it to be song by someone like.....oh, maybe:
 

I think they call him "The Chairman of the Board" people.  Francis Albert Sinatra.
Nuff said.

Now then, back to my Rod DVD.  So I begin to watch it, and ya know, old Rod isn't the young punk he was back in the day....he's actually 60 now!  And I couldn't help but wonder if Rod's voice---for so long the one thing that seperated him from so many others--was finally gone.  I had seen Rod back in the late 80's at the old Miami Arena--even managed to score primo 3rd seats (and got hit in the head with a pair of panties by an amorous fan)--and he was great.  So the concert begins, and Rod truthfully, finally appears to be having a little age settle in his face....opens up with "You Wear it Well".  And the voice.....eh.  It wasn't sounding up to par.  Then Rod goes into "Some Guys Have all the Luck" and again, I'm thinking that the voice is not sounding like it used to, and I'm thinking how sad this DVD is going to be, watching one of the really great voices of the rock era finally "hit the wall".  Rod then did a nice little tribute to the late Robert Palmer, and ripped into a cover of Palmer's classic "Addicted to Love".  Problem was, the band backing Stewart sounded great, but Rod's voice was straining noticeably.  I thought the tribute was a nice idea, but only ended up showing how great Palmer had been during his heyday.
And then...a funny thing happened.  Rod slowed it down a bit, by going into one of his old classics "Handbags & Gladrags", and I noticed.....I noticed that his voice suddenly began to hit the notes they weren't hitting in the previous song.  I thought perhaps it was due to the choice of songs.  He followed it up with Tim Hardin's "Reason to Believe" (one of my personal fave's) and sure as hell.....Rod's voice was suddenly sounding good! Next up Rod gave the crowd a nice surpise by announcing that he would be joined by friends from time to time during the show and asked his old friend Ron Wood to join him on stage.  Wood & Stewart of course, were the two most famous members of the Faces back in the early 70's, before Rod went solo and Woody joined another band---um....oh yeah, the Stones...something like that.  They ripped into "Stay with Me", and Rod & Ron sounded great on the old song about a girl named "Rita"......."who's perfume, smelled 'sweeta', than when I saw her down on the floor"....ahem...sorry, momentary digress.  Next up,  Rod offered a nice little toast to all the soldiers in Iraq and serving all over the world and dedicated "Rhythm of my Heart" to them--again, his voice served him well.  He then tore the joint down with "Hot Legs", discussing how the song was done back in his "wilder, younger days".  Next up on the plate was Cat Stevens' "The First Cut is the Deepest" (done recently--and horribly--by Cheryl Crow) and Rod's voice--whiskey soaked & raw as an open wound--was absolutely perfect.  This is a song that has to be song by someone who's LIVED the pain, and as I listened, I couldn't help think of the stories of how miserable Stewart was a few years back after being left by then wife Rachel Hunter.  The 'first cut is the deepest' indeed.  Finally Rod finished up the first portion of the show (a "one night only" performance the fall of 2004) with "Your in my Heart", wearing the jersey of his beloved Celtic United football club.
Following a brief intermission (obviously skipped on the DVD), Rod came out dressed in tux complete with tails and began to sang some of the old standards.
Here was the point I was worried about.  He lead off this portion of his performance with "They Can't Take that Away from Me"--nicely done, nothing stupendous, but I managed to avoid the button that would've skipped me ahead in the show.  He followed that up with "Blue Moon", again, done nicely.  Then the show really heated up as Stewart sang "What a Wonderful World", which was made famous by Louis Armstrong (and featured of course in the film "Good Morning Vietnam").  He starts to sing, and is maybe about 4 seconds into the performance when my wife says:
"I like the other guy's version better."
"Well, that's nice....since you've listened to all of 5 seconds of Rod's version."

Wife leaves room in a slight huff.

Ahem....anyway, I thought Rod really did a great job on the song.  Is it the new "definitive" version of the song?  Maybe not, but its damn good.  The song was especially poignant as Rod sang the line about:

"....I hear babies cry....I watch them grow.....they'll learn much more...than I'll ever know....and I think to myself...what a wonderful world...."

As Stewart was singing the line, the camera cut away to a shot of two young women in the balcony at the concert, who may have been Stewart's daughters...and it was a nice moment.  Next up Rod introduced Chrissie Hynde, who joined him in singing "As Time Goes By"--honestly, on this song, Chrissie sounded better.  Before the concert Chrissie remarked in an interview what a huge influence Stewart had been on the Pretenders during his days with the Faces.  Rod closed out the 2nd portion of the concert with a nice cover of Sam Cooke's "For Sentimental Reasons".
The 3rd and final segment of the evening featured Rod coming out in a bright yellow jacket and tie, introducing a young singer named Amy Belle, who sings like a young Chrissie Hynde and joined Rod in singing "I Don't Want to Talk About It" and did a very nice job, despite looking legitimately nervous at her first big performance.  Ron Wood rejoined Stewart on stage for a double shot of "Maggie May" and "Gasoline Alley".  Earlier, Rod got off a great line about how whenever he and Wood appeared on stage that they fight over who's going to stand on the right side, giving them their best profile.  Rod then stated that when he & Wood stand next to one another they "looked like a giant pick axe".  Finally, Rod closed the evening out being joined by a gospel choir and sending everyone home happy with a soaring rendition of "Sailing".
A few months back, I went to a concert and laughed when a fan in the front row asked the lead singer to "play the old stuff"--at which point the singertold the guy that they would get to that "after you hear our new songs".  Luckily for Rod, his new songs were the old songs....and after a rough start....they both sounded just fine.

Later,
Jeff

6/22/05---Movies, movies, movies.....

I've been checking out a lot of movies over the past 4 or 5 days....let's take a look:
1) Ray--Jaime Foxx got a ton of positive reviews for his performance as legendary blues//jazz//pop singer Ray Charles, and he really is very good, but I wonder if his performance isn't more someone doing an impression of Ray Charles rather than a performance.  The movie itself is quite good, with the expected terrific soundtrack and a number of good supporting performances (and how about Curtis "Booger" Armstrong as Ray's first record producer?  He's almost unrecognizable in a bald wig).  What I really liked about the film was its "warts and all" approach, which I suppose must be credited to Ray himself, who was heavily involved in the production before his death.  Fact is, Ray apparently could be quite the s.o.b.
Besides his heroin addiction, there was the constant womanizing and the children born out of wedlock to other women--all the while with his wife knowing all about it.
There's a terrific scene where, when his mistress tells Ray that their affair finally over, he has her use the rage inside of her into the backing vocals on "Hit the Road, Jack".
Now THAT is great trivia.   ****  very good movie
2) Visionquest--yeah, I know.  Huge timewarp, huh?  This one was on cable the other night and I realized it was one of those movies that I've seen bits and pieces of here and there--but never actually had sat and watched in its entirety.  This is actually a step above the usual "teen coming of age" flick, primarily because of lead star Matthew Modine, who has made a lot of good movies come to think of it, the sexiness of Linda Fiorentino, and the usual solid supporting work by Ronny Cox, playing Modine's single father.  If you're a fan of 80's music, there's also some really good stuff on the soundtrack, including Journey, Sammy Hagar, Red Ryder & (gasp!) a pre-Madonna...um....Madonna.  The story is of course, fairly standard Rocky stuff, but the cast raises it up above the ordinary.  ***
3) The Aviator--here's one of the movies that I almost went out of my way avoiding the past few months, since I had heard from various sources that it was this bloated, overrated old style Hollywood epic.  Wrong!  And the scary thing is.....(brace yourself here people)....Leonardo Dicaprio actually ACTS.  He EMOTES.  He's, he's...(gulp)....pretty darn good!  (Wow, I never thought I'd be writing that)  Leo plays the legendary Howard Hughes, legendary filmmaker//aeronautical innovater//Lothario//weirdo//recluse//germ-a-phobe.  The film is a pretty good history lesson for early Hollywood, with the petty political mechanizations (another producer refuses to lend Hughes an extra camera, considering him an outsider) and wooing of this month's hot starlets.  Cate Blanchett portrays Kate Hepburn as a strong willed woman trying to get away from the  upper class eastern snobbiness
that runs through her family.  Kate Beckinsdale is Ava Gardner, legendary beauty.
Jude Law, who apparently IS in just about every film made, has a cute minor role as Errol Flynn....who would make a great subject for a film on that era.  But primarily, the movie is a look at the impact that Hughes had on aviation in the United States--most of which I had no idea about.  I mean, I knew about the Spruce Goose and other things of that nature, but I wasn't aware of some of the incredible innovations that Hughes helped develop, most of which sped up the development of the airline industry in this country.  Though it may not seem like it, that aspect of the story is really interesting with Dicaprio exchanging acting chops with the likes of Alec Baldwin & Alan Alda--both of whom are really good.  This is a long movie....bring a lunch....and enjoy an oldstyle Hollywood epic.   ****1/4
4) The Incredibles--an enjoyable look at the everyday lives of superheroes.  What sort of problems are they confronted with?  What about their kids?  How do they react as parents when their children start displaying.....um....superhero characteristics?  Your basic "cartoon that's not just for kids", ala Shrek & Toy Story, this film uses the vocal talents of Craig T. Nelson, Samuel L Jackson and, best of all, Holly Hunter as the matriarch of the family (formerly "Elasti-girl").  Hunter is really quite funny in a snotty, sarcastic way in the scenes with Nelson, who plays her husband (Mr Incredible), who's a vain, if not also slightly dimwitted superhero.
A very good movie for the whole family, with enough adult humor to keep everyone happy.  ****
5) Wayne's World--so lately my kids are getting into the music of Queen, and especially the song Bohemian Rhapsody.  I thought they might get a huge kick out of the famous "headbanging" scene from Wayne's World and sat them down to watch what was at the time, one of my favorite comedies.  Guess what?  It hasn't aged well.  A new generation of kids doesn't get a lot of the jokes in the movie (the whole scene where they spoofed Laverne & Shirley had my kids wondering what in the hell they were doing) and has me delivering a harsh verdict for the movie.  (Sigh)......
For fans only.  **1/2

Later,
Jeff

6/20/05---Putting faces with the names

On the left.....we have--my sister Rene (in the pink outfit), Moi, the wife, sis in law Angie (in the blue), niece Tannis & the dreaded....yep, its her!!  Kellie Poe-Bowdren.....

On the right....bro in law Johnny, Mary & Larry....and Andy Poe-Bowdren in the background...

My brother very carefully avoided having his photo taken in this shot.

Later,
Jeff

6/19/05---Reflections on my father

    Today was Father's Day....and on the drive back from Orlando I was thinking about my dad.  I have a terrific relationship with my father, as do my brother and sister.  That's important, because I think when the three of us were younger, we may have viewed my father as a somewhat distant figure.  Not that he didn't love us or anything like that--far from it.  My father was like a lot of men from his generation, having to work long hours to provide for his family, and doing a great job.  My parents had their 50th anniversary celebration a few years ago, and we made sort of a family scrapbook to commemorate the occasion.  Here's what I wrote about my father:
    "I remember growing up that I didn't see my father a lot.  I can recall playing little league baseball and feeling a huge sense of disappointment that my father didn't get to go to many of my games.  I recall thinking how lucky my friends were that their father's always somehow managed to make it to the the games.  'How lucky they are,' I thought, 'that their fathers are home at the end of the day.'  Their fathers were there to show them the proper way to field a grounder, the right way to hold a bat when you want to go to the opposite field.  Most importantly, their fathers were there.
    Boy, Dad, was I ever wrong.  I was wrong because, in my youth, I failed to realize that you were doing what millions of other fathers were doing, with little or no appreciation.  You were going that extra mile at work to make sure that your children had everything they wanted.  You were coming home from work, usually when it was already dark, so the woman you chose to spend your life with would want for nothing.  You did just a little bit more so that people who worked for you could understand that excellence was a standard, not an expectation.
    That standard of excellence could be a hard thing to live up too.  It wasn't easy when the bar has been set so high.  There are only two people who understand just how high.  Sorry Rene, but when you're the SON of Larry Bowdren, the highest level of expectation are those that you set for yourself.  One thing I can say about my father is that he never told my brother and I that he expected us to acheive goals in life that were equal to his.  He even went out of his way to tell us that we should be ourown men, set our own goals.  However, I believe that my brother and I, of our own volition, decided to ourselves that we needed to each be within grasping distance of that so highly placed bar.
    I recall a moment in my life when I had to give my father some bad news.  It was a moment in which I had failed.  My father struggled to understand why I had been unable to succeed and was looking for an explaination.  How difficult it was to look into his face and see, not a look of anger, but a look of disappointment at my personal failure.  As I grasped for an excuse, I finally was able to tell my father something that I had waited a lifetime to say.

    "I can't be you.  You have set the standard too high."

    Now at this point I'm sure that many fathers would have berated their sons for personal failure or for seeking an excuse.  Instead, my father said:

    "I never asked you to be me.  I only asked you to be yourself.  You have many gifts.  I don't want you to set your standard too low."

    When I first was given the task to write my thoughts on my father, I thought that I could have a lot of fun telling you some funny stories of his adventures with my mother.  The places they've been, the funny way they seem to understand each other and what the other is thinking.  The way that my brother and sister laugh when I tell a story about the way my parents can bicker without ever really having an arguement.
The way that my father is so totally dependent on my mother, and she in her own way on he.  But instead, I'll tell you in two brief stories that describe him to me.

    I was in the garage one day and happened to come across my father's old high school yearbook.  Now, you have to understand that I was maybe 20 or 21 years old at the time, and in my eyes my father seemed to pretty square to me.  I started reading the yearbook and discovered, much to my eternal shock and surprise, that not only was my father quite and athlete...but appeared to be something of a ladies man.  You have no idea just how appalling this ist to a young man who thought his father was about as hip as Ward Cleaver.  But one comment that was written in the book always stuck with me, and caused me to re-evaluate my father.

    "To Larry--not just a card, the whole deck."

     It was about that time that I began to look at my father in a different light.  He had pretty much retired at that point, and our relationship became much closer.  It continues to do so.  I remember when I used to call my parents that after an inital hello my father would hand the phone to my mother and any information that would be gained would be done through her.  Now, as they say, the worm has turned.
She answeres the phone and quickly hands the phone to my father when she discovers its me.  ("Hey Mom!  I want to talk to you too, ya know!")
    The 2nd story is about something I already mentioned.  Somewhere along the line over the last ten years or so, I've come up with the stories of two people who have almost become characters in a movie.  I began to call them "Mare & Lair".  I would tell my brother and sister about something funny that happened during a visit and might mention something about it at work.  The stories have taken on a life of their own.  Now, after a weekend with my parents, I actually have people from work who will approach me and ask me if I have any new "Mare & Lair" stories!  The great thing about my parents is that they'll sit and laugh along with us while I tell the stories (usually with one or two corrections by my mother).  They realize the laughter comes from years of knowing, understanding, and appreciating all that life can be.
I was told, as a child, that I was "my father's son".  I am told, as an adult, that people look at me and see my father as a younger man.  I can think of no greater compliment that can be paid to me.  For you see, my father, Laurence Bowdren.....
is the finest man that I know.
    He is, and always will be, everything that I want to be."


    And so...on the drive home today, I was thinking about which stories from the weekend I could write about....or more specifically, which ones that dad was sitting there praying I did NOT write about.  I love it when something comes up on a visit and he'll say to me:
    "That's not for the journal!"
    Well that's just the motivation I need to do exactly that.  I think that my father, in his own mind, thinks that when I hear, or my brother and sister hear, a story about him....that he worries that it might somehow "lessen him" in our eyes.  What it really does is HUMANIZE him.  So for now, I'll sit on a story or two....or maybe I'll let my dad worry that I'll tell the one about......

    Now that is going to drive him CRAZY.

Later,
Jeff

6/18/05--Fun w/Mare & Lair

Well, I'm in the midst of a visit with America's couple, Mary & Larry (otherwise known as Mom & Dad).  Certainly there should be the virtual plethora of stories to come from the visit....so stand by America!  I've have remembered to bring the digital camera as well....so guess what? Actual photos of family members will follow!
I know, I know--how can one man bring so much excitement into your life, right?
The ride up this morning was fine....Kim drove, and I brought the portable television/VCR and watched last season's Boise State-Louisville bowl game (and hey, it was one hell of a game!)  Boy its nice having an accomadating wife!  (The proceeding statement was written with full knowledge that my wife READS this blog--ahem).  Anyway, my sister & her husband have just arrived....and in what can only be described as a "fashion faux pas".....my sister is wearing the SAME OUTFIT that she wore the last time I was up here!  (Hey,I have photographic proof)  My brother and his family are out at Wal-Mart (or as Mare is quick to point out---"Now, that's a SUPER WAL-MART...don't forget") but are expected home directly.  Tonight is dinner at Outback, which should be could for a few laughs.
Mom has already called to check into the possibility of getting a reservation.....and said....

"Mom, did you get the name of the person you spoke with?"
"Oh yeah...I always get names.  I got names...."

Just a little intense.  She really seems to care.....about WHAT I have no idea.

Later,
Jeff

6/14/05--Learning to hate Linksys

Living in the computer age, is there a worse feeling than trying to go online and getting the old..."this page cannot be displayed" thing?  UGH!
Then, you have to turn around, and call your provider, in my case....Bellsouth.
And you spend around an hour online...usually with someone who sounds like the guy who runs the QuickieMart on The Simpson's.  And you don't get a squeeshie, either.  Then of course, they tell you that it is NOT A BELLSOUTH problem.
So then you call Linksys....and you spend about an hour online with them....again, talking to the guy from the QuickieMart.....and what happens?  You hear the following statement from your wife:

"Um, is the cord supposed to be plugged into the hold marked "INTERNET"?"

(Cue the Homer Simpson soundbyte)
DOH!

Anyway, I'm back online....and has anything interesting happened since I've been gone?


WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?????

It's like I told the wife last night.....Tom Cruise could cut Katie Holmes' head off tomorrow...and wouldn't have to sweat it.  Its all about celebrity folks.

Later,
Jeff

6/11/05---The Canine Mutiny

So its been sort of a "shitty" week at the Bowdren house.  By that I mean, that our new dog....Jazzy Doodle...had come down with some sort of stomach virus//Montezuma's Revenge//Hershey Squirts//Dixie Trots//bowel irregularity//bad case of the "run's".  And it twerent pretty there folks.  It started like late Tuesday, and continuted through today, when we were going to be taking the dogs to the vet's anyway...for their once every couple of month "day spa" treatment where they get bathed, brushed, checked over and under and get their nails clipped.  Its like Jiffy Lube for dogs, only a little pricier.  So naturally, this is the day that Jazz picks to start getting regular.  So the doctor's learned opinion? 

"Uh....she's got an upset stomach."

8 years of college will earn ya the right to hit the diagnosis right on the head.

So she's doing good now, Beezer--our orally fixated dog--has been having a problem with dry skin, so now he has to take some sort of medicine for that....and meanwhile old Midnight just keeps rolling along.  The girl at the vet's who does the dog bath's now knows all the dogs...and when we walk in goes:

"Hey, here come the Bowdren dogs!!"

Makes me a proud parent, ya know?  Anyway, she tells us this story about how the dogs, since they come to this place on such a regular basis for a bath....and since they know the routine.....that when she brings Midnight in the room, she says:

"Okay Midnight....you know the drill."

And she swears that he walks over to the scale, sits himself down to get weighed and then walks over to the little rampway that leads to the tub where they get washed.  My Bubba is the world's smartest dog.

Later,
Jeff....proud papa of "The Bowdren dogs".

6/7/05---Why do some women marry idiots?

So yesterday I'm out on break with a couple of friends of mine from work, MC D Blay & MoMo....and as we were talking we happened to see a lady who works in the building with us who about a year ago married one of the Wackenhut guys who works as security for the building.  The ladies were discussing what a huge idiot this woman's husband is, mentioning (among other things) how he has a stud in his tongue that he loves to flash at the ladies for his own amusement.  While we were talking about this, one of the ladies remembered that I had once considered going out with the woman in question.  I hadn't remembered that (how can I keep track?) and didn't think it was correct, but no....the other lady remembered it also, telling me about how I had said that years ago I thought she would be a nice person to date.
I was searching my memory trying to remember when exactly I had said that......and I was thinking about her husband, the security guard, and how totally opposite they seemed for one another.  Now, I understand the old theory of "opposites attract" and all that....but this guy is pretty much universally thought of as a real clod....and so I sat there and thought to myself....'just what was it that she saw in the guy?'
And I realize....that sometimes, there just isn't a reason that can be explained.  I can recall going back to high school, that one of my best friends was a girl who lived down the street....sweet as sweet could be....cute as a button....and the guy she was dating was a complete a-hole.  And no one, including her own mother, could understand what the attraction was.  Was it..."the bad boy" thing that attracted her?
And through the years....I've seen women that I've known...women that I used to be involved with....that date guys who treat them like absolute shit.  And I just don't get it.  When a guy treats you like that....is the theory that, once you marry him, that he's going to change and suddenly become Mr. Wonderful?   Uh....no.   There was a girl I used to work with who ended up marrying a police officer (The WORST) and we never EVER saw the guy say as much as a nice word to the girl when they were together.  And yet, they're still together....couple of kids.....so go figure.  And it makes me wonder....what exactly is the attraction there?  I can actually remember a woman that I was involved with telling me.....that I treated her "too nice" andthat she wasn't used to that.
Just a second.

WHAAAA?

I was "too nice"?  What the hell does that mean?  Excuse me while I change my ways and start treating you like dogshit!  Here's a theory of mine that I've gone by for going on almost 20 years now.....ready?

Chicks are weird.

Later,
Jeff

6/6/05--Movie reviews---AGAIN!

I had a full weekend of movie viewing to update you on.  Quite a good group also.

1) Meet the Fockers--I didn't think it was nearly as funny as the first one (Meet the Parents).  Some of the same old stuff tried once again...and the inclusion of a baby into the storyline just didn't work for me.  That being said, there were definitely some very funny scenes, mainly involving new characters played by Greg Focker's  (Ben Stiller) parents, played by Dusting Hoffman & Barbara Streisand.  Cute, but nothing special.  **1/2
2) Hotel Rwanda--a grim retelling of the ethnic genocide that took place in Africa in the mid-90's.  Don Cheadle, one of America's finest and most underrated actors, plays a man in charge of a hotel who gives refuge to over 1,000 people by bribing, conniving, lieing, cheating and doing anything in his power to keep the seemingly doomed political prisoners safe in a time of chaos.  This is strong, powerful moviemaking....not the kind of film that you sit down and eat a tub of popcorn watching.  Its a grim topic, but well told and excellently acted.  ****
3) Boogie Nights--I can't believe that after all these years I had never actually seen this film all the way through.  What the hell was I waiting for?  This was unquestionably one of the best movies not only of 1997, but of the entire decade of the 90's.  A stylish look back at the pornography industry in the late 70's, as it began to change to an industry driven not by film, but by video and the effects of stardom and the toll it can take through the eyes of Dirk Diggler (a remarkably effective Mark Wahlberg).  Diggler is a man of....hmmm....a rather unique talent that fits right in with the rest of the porno industry and is discovered by adult film director Jack Horner (Burt Reynolds, who hasn't been this good in maybe....forever).  Diggler is then made part of Horner's "family" of actors, who include Julianne Moore, John O'Reilly, Don Cheadle, Luis Guzman, Heather Graham & William H Macy.  All the actors are terrific, and the soundtrack is awesome.  You will laugh a little, be scared a little, be intrigued a little.  This is one hell of a great film and a MUST SEE.   *****
4) Identity--Agatha Christie's classic tale of "Ten Little Indians" is retold yet again as John Cusack (solid as always) & Ray Liotta are among the ten people with seemingly zero connection who find themselves stranded during a violent storm at a small hotel in Nevada.  One by one....people start dieing.  Its all pretty creepy, but the problem that most movies like this have is that the payoff is horrible.  This one however, has a really intriguing, almost "trippy" ending.  There's another storyline involving a prisoner on deathrow about to be executed that doesn't pay off until the very end of the movie.  I really liked this movie a lot more than I thought I would.
Good solid mystery with a real twist ending.   ****
5) The Girl Next Door--now this one....I went into with almost ZERO expectations.
It was almost my bedtime, I thought I'd watch about 1/2 hour of some stupid teenagers-trying-to-get-laid comedy and that would be the end of it.  WRONG!
This is a wonderful surprise.  One half Risky Business and one half Boogie Nights, this movie tells us about a young boy, slightly nerdy and president of the student council (Emile Hirsch) who discovers one evening that he has a new neighbor--and she is a knockout (Elisha Cuthbert from television's "24").  Only, turns out that she is a porno star (there's that word again) who has moved into her aunt's house for a brief break from her....cough, cough....career to spend a few days on vacation.
Things begin to spiral out of control, just like in Risky Business, and its load of fun---in a slightly sleazy kind of manner.  Fun stuff and terrific support work by among others,  Timothy Olyphant (from televison's "Deadwood").  He plays Kelly, the dishonorable film director who comes looking for Cuthbert---and he is hilarious, practically stealing the film dead away from the rest of the kll.  **** very funny.

Later,
Jeff

6/5/05---Its all about teaching the children

So last night we take the kids over to the dreaded Applebee's for a little dinner.
We get there and our waitress is a little cutie named Sam who is talking a mile a minute.  She gives us the dinner specials for the evening, takes our order and leaves.

A few minutes later, at the table next to us, another waitress, named Danielle, comes over....reads the dinner specials to them...takes their order, and leaves.

When Sam comes back with our meals, I motioned for her to come over.  She leans over and I said:

"Ya know, I couldn't help overhearing Danielle give the dinner specials to the next table, and I must say....you did a MUCH better job of it."
"Really?"
"Oh totally."
"Well that is too funny, because Danielle is actually my best friend and now I can just go and throw this into her face."

She walks away and Kim rolls her eyes.  Kellie mentions to her mom how she has gone and married someone who is very weird....and Andy....well, he's just watching.
I look up and see that Sam has stopped Danielle not to far from our table and is telling her the story.  Danielle turns around towards us, a look of horror on her face.

"What?  I didn't say nothing!" I say..."It was him (I point to Andy)....he said it!"
"I don't like your table!" Danielle says in mock protest.

Later, as we're paying the bill....and I have my order in the "to go" box (the ribs really weren't that good to be honest with you)......I remind Sam that I asked for some sauce to go with my order---and that a mistake like that is just the sort of thing that can impact how big a tip she's going to get.

"But I put the sauce in there....I know I did." she says.
"I don't think so....let me check....."

And of course, it was already in there....and I got a lot of grief.  So we leave, and we're walking out to the car.....I pull Andy close to me and say....just loud enough for Kim and Kellie to hear of course....

"Son...I want you to realize what a valuable lesson I taught you tonite.  What I was doing in there is what is called...'flirting'.  Let me tell you...if I hadn't had the old ball and chain with me here tonight.....I would have gotten Sam's phone number.....
GUARANTEED."

So we get into the car....and Kim asks the kids if they knew what a ball and chain was.  Andy said it was a weapon that they used to use in the old days.

"And sometimes," I said...slightly sarcastically, "it had red hair."

Wife rolls her eyes, Kellie says I'm weird.......Andy learns how to flirt.  Maybe it will help him down the road.

But I could've gotten that phone number.  I swear.

Later,
Jeff

6/3/05--More tales of the courthouse

Since its been awhile since my last posting, I'd thought I'd give you a little bit of that voodoo that I do....so well.  Today we'll look back at one of my favorite former judge's, who really was half crazy.  Hilarious, but half crazy none the less.

The judge in question liked to think of herself as a bit of an amateur psychologist.
Everytime a defendant would come into court and mention that they were on some sort of anti-depressant or mind altering medication....look out because the PDR was coming out and she was going to be giving out the instant diagnosis (just add water).
Since she had people coming into her courtroom who were charged with either DUI's or minor drug offenses, she had her very own "experts" who were there almost everyday.  George & Bernie, who could've starred in the movie adaption of the "ambigiously gay duo".  They were wildly effeminate and thought nothing of giving the judge their instant analysis of someone's condition.  Their only training appeared to be the fact that they were (were??) drug addicts in the past who felt they could help (help??) people who were currently having problems.  Someone the drug use also made them experts in alcohol recovery as well, which lead to some pretty funny moments in court.  The judge would call someone up who was charged with a DUI, and if the person happened to plead "not guilty" and also happened to be without counsel.....it went something like this.

"Sir have you had anything to drink today?" the judge would ask.
"No maam."
"Bernie, would you smell his breath?"

Bernie would step up to the defendant, put his nose almost INSIDE the defendant's mouth and inhale deeply.

"I smell alcohol judge!" Bernie would announce triumphantly.
"I haven't drank any alcohol." the defendant would reply.
"DENIAL!! DENIAL!!  The defendant is in denial judge!" Bernie would scream.

The judge would then order the defendant into an alcohol or substance abuse program....taught be.....guess who?  Yep, no conflict there.

Or heaven help the person who was charged with domestic violence.  The person (almost always a guy) would walk up and be asked how he pleads.  If he plead not guilty...it went something like this.

"I plead not guilty judge." the defendant would say.
"Okay...is the victim here?" Judge says.
"She's right back there judge."
"Step up here maam.  Deputy, please escortthe defendant into the back into the jury room."  (Only slightly illegal by the way)

At this point the victim would walk up in front of the judge.

"HOW CAN YOU LET HIM DO THIS TO YOU??" she would scream at the victim.
"He didn't do it," the victim would say.  "That's why he's pleading not guilty."
"Oh fine...just leave."

Then there were the guys who were charged with....ahem....the occasional crime involving a lewd act....for example....a lewd act in which only one person was involved--if ya get my drift and I think ya do.

"Step forward please sir.  I'm telling you here today that you've been charged with (leans into her microphone) LEWD CONDUCT.  It says here that you were observed MASTURBATING in your car."

By the time the plea was taken, all the defendant wanted to do was run out the side door of the courtroom.

She also had a vaguely disturbing personal habit.  She used to wear dresses a lot to work, but when she sat down on the bench she would put one foot underneath her, which resulted in...after awhile of just sitting there....her dress would begin to ride up on her.  And I don't mean just a little bit.  By the end of the docket, attorney's would be coming up to the bench and having to divert their gaze, or they would be getting just a little bit more of the judge than they probably wanted to see.

Once again...true story.

Later,
Jeff