12/27/06--Middle of my holiday vacation

First of all, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a happy holidays....pick out whichever one you observe....and I'll wish you a happy one.

So, I'm in the middle of a two week vacation--which is so sweet I can't even begin to tell you--and I've been taking in a few movies and other assorted DVD's.  Here's what I've looked at, so far:

1) The Matador:  Wow!  What a surprise!  This was a terrific little movie with a really bold and fun performance by Pierce Brosnan.  He knows how to finally rid himself of the James Bond stereotype by playing--an international assassin!  Seriously, what's great about the movie is that he's everyone that James Bond isn't:  He's having a crisis of confidence, he's been living for years on booze & sex ("I have no home address" he admits early in the movie) and in a great shot at his Bond legacy, suffers from a slight
(only slight mind you) case of perversion.  It seems that Julian Noble, the character that Brosnan portrays....well....let's just say he likes his women......young.  Really young.
But amazingly, his little perversion is done so boldly, that its not a repugnant feature here.  It makes him more fascinating and it helps flesh out (no pun intended) a terrific character made more interesting by a terrific performance.  Who knew Brosnan had it in him?  Anyway, the basic plotline is that international assassin meets regular guy (Greg Kinnear--also in fine form) in a bar one night and begins to re-examine his life and profession.  Its a very interesting story and I recommend it.   ****
2) Hostage--Let's see, tell me if this sounds familar.  Bruce Willis plays the proverbial "seen it all" cop who's a step away from being totally burned out and is put in that one final situation that tests his mettle.  Eh.  The best part of this movie is the performances by the young teenagers, who are very believeable punks.  Seriously, I see kids just like this at the mall every weekend.  And Bruce casts his daughter "Rumor" (pretentious name alert) as----HIS DAUGHTER!!  Hey, how'd ya guess?  Problem is, he picks the ugliest daughter he has and her entire dialogue consists of:   "Aaaaahhh!"  Seriously, this all seems like something we've seen before.   **1/2
3) Saw II--Here's the thing.  Beneath all the sick, gory torture scenes....there is a really interesting compelling morality play going on here.  The character of "Jigsaw", who once again has trapped a group of people in a house full of deadly traps, forces his prisoners to examine and look inside themselves and realize the mistakes they've made.  The trick is simple:  you can escape, but you'll pay a price---is the price worth it?  That's the ultimate decision that has to be made.   ***1/2  interesting.


Later,
Jeff

12/20/06--A proud moment as a father

Sometimes, its the little things that strike you as meaningful as a parent.  The other night, Kim & I are driving home--and Andy is laying around in the backseat of the car (Kellie was over at a friends house).  And we're playing a little of the Led Zep on the stereo.
Double shot.
1) Nobody's Fault But Mine--Robert Plant wailing the electrified blues.   And....
2) Whole Lotta Love--Way down inside.....woman.....you neeeeeeeeeed me......

And so I'm humming along....and from the backseat....Andy, who shows zero--and I mean ZERO interest in anything music related--says:

"Hey, this is a pretty cool song."

My heart sang.  My son....getting into Led Zepplin.  (Sniff, sniff)
I get a little choked up, just thinkin about it.


And then...two days later....I'm out shopping with Kellie Poe-Bowdren (the original little Miss Hip Hop) for her mom, and stopped in to pick up a gift card for a friend.  Kellie tells me that she's going to wait in the car.  Now, I have the radio on the 80's station when I get out.  I get back in the car....and.....

The hard rock station is on.

"What's up with that?" I asked.
"Huh?  Oh, uh...I've been, uh...sorta...ya know, listening to the rock stations lately."

My heart SOARED to the heavens!  I wanted to leap thru fields of barley!

That phase---that phase of really crappy music my daughter has been listening too?
She may be coming out of it!  Can the Jim Morrison & Robert Plant posters be far behind???

Later,
Jeff

12/16/06--Tales of Andy Poe-Bowdren

So the other day, Kim & I ventured over to our local high school--the public one--to have a meeting with some of the school administrative types regarding Andy.
We were trying to get him some assistance for school---and primarily we were doing this with an eye towards him in college more than high school--because one of the main identifiers of Aspergers is a problem multitasking.  So, in Andy's case, he can sit and listen to a lecture in class, but if the teacher wanted him to listen AND take notes, he runs into problems.  So even though Andy is in a private school, to get some sort of public assistance for him we have to go through the public high school who we live nearest too.  So we get there early in the morning at the lovely Taravella High School being interviewed about Andy.
And the staff there (counselors, the school psycologist, etc) reviewed Andy's transcripts, a psycological profile on Andy....took a call from one of Andy's teachers for her impressions, and then told us.....uh....basically.......

That Andy's just too smart and we've done too good a job as parents.

Nice.

So essentially, if Andy was flunking....and if as parents we let him, ya know, run wild....
we probably would've gotten the assistance.  Uh, thanks for asking folks, but.....nope.

Later,
Jeff

3 dogs + Christmas tree=Angry phone call from wife

So I decided that this year I wanted a REAL tree--we had a few years worth the plastic kind, and I just felt like it was time to go back to the old real mccoy.  So Kim picked it up at the old Home Depot--since it was a rare day that I was actually working to, ya know, the end of the day and all--and when I got home, there it was, propped up against the garage door.  Kim informed me that the base of the tree needed to be trimmed up and made even.  It was at that point that I ruggedly threw off my shirt, worked up a good sweat, put on a headband, popped a little chaw in the side of my mouth--just a pinch tween my cheek and gum--and started up the old chainsaw.

The electric chainsaw, but that doesn't really matter, does it?

Yep, there's nothing to make you feel quite so manly as a deadly object in your hands while your sawing wood.  I tell ya what, I felt like I had just took some steriods or something....felt like maybe I should start ordering Kim to get me a beer and have my dinner on the table, hot and waiting for me when I was done!  But, I digress.

So I straightened out the tree with a limited amount of cursing involved (no--really, its true) and we took it into the house.  We positioned the tree in the corner by our front window and Kim of course had to straighten it "just so" (woman thing) and then the various insundry lights---and then of course remembered that someone had to go under the tree and plug it in.  Guess who "someone" was?  I gotta tell ya, "back in the day" I was quite the limber one at getting under trees come holiday time, but time has, uh....hmm...made me just a little less limber.

Okay, fatter!  There, I said it--are you happy?

Anyway, I'm dragging my fat ass across the tile floor (thank God we got rid of those carpets or I would've had a nasty burn!) trying to stick the freakin plug in the socket, while branches are smacking me across the face and that miserable tree sap--you know, the kind that NEVER ever comes off--is dripping on my arms and mixing with the hair and....yeech.  Anyway, I got the damn thing plugged in.  Shockingly, the wife was satisfied, which is amazing because usually, as stated before, it has to be "just this way" or "just that way" and I have to adjust here or there.  I'm confident that at least 63% of all divorces are a result of women finding some inperfection in their husband not putting something--lamps,trees, curtains--in "just the right spot".

The wife is worried about the dogs smelling the "live" tree and thinking that....ya know, I got a little business to transact and here's a real live bush right here in the house!  I'm more worried about the dogs running to the window the first time another dog comes, oh, I dunno....within 3/4 of a mile from our house and they run to the window to let that dog know that by God, this is our house!  Its OUR territory!  Get your miserable purebred behind away from our yard!  These are the things I imagine my dogs are saying to the other dogs as they pass by.  I'm worried, but I bluff the wife by telling her that everything will be okay.

Hmm.

So the beloved Midnight, as I may have mentioned, has this unusual habit of rubbing his butt up against the bushes in the back yard.  God knows why, its just his thing.  Which is what may have been the reason for the phone call I got about 3pm yesterday afternoon at work.

"Hello."
"Well, I just got home," Kim said.  "Guess what's all over the floor?"

I don't know exactly why, but the first thing I thought of was that Midnight had gotten sick or something.  Other guys think about their wives, or the children--I think about what might be wrong with my dog.  Hey, its who I am, its what I do.

"I dunno....what?"
"The CHRISTMAS TREE!  Its all over the floor and the ornaments and balls are broken and scattered everywhere!"

She was kind of upset...not a "mad" type of upset...more of a "distressed" type.  I couldn't help wonder if I should prepare myself for the "I told you we shouldn't get a real Christmas tree" speech.

"Uh, honey....I'm really sorry.  We'll go out tonight and get a fake tree and some new ornaments if you want.  I shouldn't have suggested the real tree."
"No, I'll clean up here and see what's still okay to use."

So I hung up with her, and imagined the carnage that the dogs had wrought at home.
Of course, no one was suspecting that it could've been those damn cats....but that's another story for another time.  I got home and you couldn't even tell there had been an incident.  Kim had pretty much calmed down.  Lord knows if it had been me that discovered it, the mess would've still been there, I'd still been screaming or complaining
and the dogs would've been hiding somewhere in the house.

But luckily for them, and me....Kim got home first....and handled it calmly.

Marriage....its all about keeping that fine balance.  The calm one, and the emotional one.
Its who we are----its what we do.

Later,
Jeff

12/2/06---See if you can match 48 hrs with me....UGH

So check this out and see if you can match it.  Friday morning "the wife" and Kellie caught a flight to Ohio for a baby shower.  I'm trying to figure out what her response would've been if I had caught a flight somewhere for a bachelor party....but I digress.

Now she's flying up there to see some of the kids relatives on the kid's fathers side.
I would never begrudge the kids from staying in contact with anyone from their father's side of the family---but, uh---it'd be nice if they would do the same, ya know?  I've been with Kim and the kids since mid '99, and let's just say that considering their father came from a VERY large family (like 12 kids), its pretty amazing that no one remembers to send them a birthday card.....a Christmas card.....anything.  No birthday phone calls...nothing.  The only reason there is any contact whatsoever is because of Kim.  God bless her for that, but I'd like to see someone--ANYONE--from that family attempt to stay in contact with the kids.

There...that's enough venting on THAT subject.

So Kim is flying up to Ohio, with a layover in Tampa.  The night before she leaves, she checks out the weather.  Well, if you've been following this weekends weather up in the midwest...I don't need to tell you what the forecast looked like.  Can you say "50 mph wind"?  So I was a little worried as she left (I tried not to show TOO much emotion--I wouldn't want her to think I like her or anything like that), and a couple hours later I got a phone call from her from her stop in Tampa.  She was originally scheduled for a layover of like 1 1/2 hours.

"Well," she says, "I got off the plane and I looked up at the board to see what was going on with my flight to Columbus."
"Yeah."
"We were originally supposed to leave around 11am."
"And?  Has it changed?"
"Well, the board now says we're going to leave at 5pm."

Ouch.  An 8 hour layover.  Talk about cruel and unusual punishment.  I have to be honest with you.  I would've caught a plane back to Ft Lauderdale.

So she tells me that she's going to keep me updated.  Surprisingly, she called me an hour later to tell me that the flight was going to leave as scheduled afterall.  I'm sitting there trying to figure out how in God's name they were going to land a plane with 50 mph winds, but I digress.  Around 3pm....I get a phone call.

"Well, we're on the ground,"  she says.
"They landed the plane in those wind conditions??"
"Well, uh....no.  They tried twice but apparently the WINDSHEAR (a word that polite people do not mention when flying) was too severe."
"So what happened?"
"So, uh....we're in Louisville, KY."
"Okay...how far is that from Columbus?"
"About 4 hours.....hey, I was wondering....what do you think if I rent a car and drive the rest of the way?"
"If that's what you want to do....how are the roads up there?"
"Oh, their fine...its just cold.  But, I have to tell you....after that last flight, I'm not in any big hurry to get back on an airplane."
"I understand.....go ahead and see what you can do....and call me back.  I'll call your Dad and let him know what's going on."

I let her Dad know and the phone rings about an hour later.

"Well, we're on the way to Ohio in a car."
"Alright....should I call your Dad an update him?"
"No...he already called me."

Why did I even BOTHER to ask that question.  UGH.

So Kim and Kellie are on their way to Ohio, and its me & Andy for the weekend.
Now, the next day (Saturday), Andy is set to take the SAT's.  Kim had left me a fairly detailed list of instructions as to what exactly he needed to bring with him for the testing:
calculator, pencils, photo i.d., etc etc.  So I told Andy before he went to bed that I wanted him to make sure and have everything that he needed out on the table so that we wouldn't have to go searching for anything on Saturday morning.

Famous last words.  But stay with me here while the story sidetracks slightly.

Now the test started at 7:45am on Saturday morning, so Kim told me that I needed to be up no later than 6:45am, to ensure that Andy had something eat and was there with plenty of time to spare.  My wife--the original anal retentive person when it comes to ANYTHING....and I mean ANYTHING "time related".  Hey, its all part of what makes her so special.  (Just don't tell her I said that)

So around 3am, Midnight the Wonder Dog starts a barking.  At what, I didn't know.
So I very politely (I swear!) told him to be a little bit quieter.  Then, around 5am, he comes to me on the side of the bed (as only he can do), and lets me know that, uh--ya know--he needed to use the facilites.  Alright, alright.  A quick hey-how-do-ya-do, and I'm back in bed for another hour, right?  Uh....again, famous last words.

The boy (I call him that cuz, ya know, he's my boy) goes into the corner of the yard and spends around 10 minutes there....uh...."gently straining"....if ya know what I mean and I think ya do.  So I'm a little concerned...but nothing major.  I end up staying up the rest of the morning (and do I need to tell you that there is not much on at 5:30 on a Saturday morning?  What's that Springsteen line:  '500 channels and nothing on?')  So around 6:45ish I go in and wake up young Andrew, and get him started on his big day.
So its about 5 minutes before we're scheduled to go, and I'm washing dishes (Aren't I domesticated?  Its so humiliating) when Andy comes in and lets me know that he's ready.  I mention to Andy that in his pile of things to take to the testing I noticed that he hadn't put his calculator in there, and to go and get it so he doesn't forget it.  And he says...in words that absolutely make me mental:

"Uh, Jeff....I looked for my calculator last night and I couldn't find it."
"You what?"
"I couldn't find my calculator."
"Um, Andy...do you remember our conversation last night where I told you that you needed to have everything in one place so that you wouldn't forget anything?  Do you remember when I told you this?"
"Uh...yes."
"And when were you planning on telling me that you couldn't find your calculator?"

Mental.  Absolutely mental.  That's what I get when he does things like this---but I also know that part of it (or most of it) is do to the Aspergers.

"Do you have to have a calculator for the test?"
"Um, they recommend it, but its not required."

So I make a quick phone call to the wife and inquire (again, ever so gently) whether or not our daughter might have a calculator handy.  She does and Andy goes and gets it.
We drive over to the test site where Andy joins the other hundreds of high school kids preparing to test.

When I get back home I call the vet's and ask if they can recommend anything to, um..."loosen the boy up" if ya get my drift.  They recommend---no lie here---pumpkin.
Not pie filling---full on pumpkin in a can.  So I figure after I pick up Andy I'll swing by the store and get some pumpkin.

So the rest of the morning crawls by as Andy is taking his test...and I'm noticing that the boy is looking just a tad on the "loggey" side.  Just a bit under the weather-esque.

So around 11:30am I still haven't heard from Andy...sort of wondering what's going on, since the last time he tested he was done by 9:30am.  Noon comes and goes, and I call his Mom and ask her why Andy wouldn't have called me.  She tells me that he should have been done by now and that I should go up to the school.  Which I do.  I had this mental picture that I would get there and Andy would be standing there by himself and then he would say that he "forgot to call me".  Instead, the parking lot was still full with cars of kids taking the test.  I figured that it had to be almost over, so I got out and stood by the school entrance and waited for him.

And I noticed something.  All these high school kids....they all dress the way that kids did when I was in high school.  Bell bottom jeans for the girls---Led Zepplin t-shirts for the boys (and how cool is THAT?).  It was really amazing.  So Andy finally comes out and we head home.  I pick up the pumpkin and make a nice little presentation for Midnight and his food....and he promptly turns his nose up at it.  Now just that is a cause of concern, because Midnight is anything but a picky eater.  Especially after I give a touch to his brother and sister and they gobble it up like there's no tomorrow.

So towards the late afternoon I'm noticing that Midnight is still looking a little bit not-so-right...so I give the hospital a call and ask what they think...they suggest I bring him in as a pre-caution and let the doctor take a look.  I get there about 5pm and get to see the doctor...at about 6:15.  UGH.  Anyway, she gives me some stuff to settle his stomach and we're on our way---with the proviso from her that if there are any problems later with Midnight that I can bring him back (remember that for the purposes of our story).

All is fine and I get ready to hit the sack around 11:30ish, with a few minutes of t.v. before.....when Midnight comes over to my side of the bed and "informs me" that he needs to go outside.  He goes outside and I hear him throwing up.   He comes back in and as I turn out the lights....about 15 minutes later I have him breathing in my face, letting me know that he needs to go out.  Things are not going well at this point.  He goes outside and it sounds like....um....let's just say that things have apparently taken a 180 degree turn with my boy.   I think I let him out approximately 3 more times before 3am.  Now, remember here....I had been woken up around 5am the morning before, so by this point I had been up almost 22 hours and I think I was starting to hallucinate--that's how tired I was.  I called up the hospital and spoke to the doctor, who suggested I bring him in--which isn't a huge deal because we live about 40 seconds from the animal hospital...literally.  So I walk him over and leave him there for the night---for his health and my sanity at this point, because if I didn't get to sleep I may have lost my mind.  It had gotten to the point where I was so tired that I couldn't fall asleep---and trust me, that has NEVER been a problem for me.  The nurse shows me the prospective bill---which gives me a "lowball" and a "highball" amount for what the bill should end up at.

Let's just say....Midnight got his Christmas gift a wee bit early this year.

I think I'll go take a nap.

Later,
Jeff