And finally....it was time for me to settle my debt. During Saturday's autograph session, some of the legends who had already signed for one day were put up on the stage to allow a great access to them. All of them---even Dusty--were very gracious about signing and posing for photos. It was during this time that I looked over and saw Ricky & Robert signing. I approached Ricky and told him that I needed to tell him something. He graciously leaned forward.
"I've waited since 1987 to say this Ricky. My grandmother died in '87 and the last couple of years of her life were probably pretty tough on her. But the one thing that made her happy was when she could turn on that television and watch Ricky & Robert. She loved the Rock N Roll Express man. You guys kept her going and probably gave her more good feelings than anything else towards the end. And I just wanted to shake your hand and say thanks. I appreciate it man."
Ricky grasped my hand.
"Hey your welcome. Where did your grandmother live?"
"Beaufort, South Carolina."
"Really? Geez, I've wrestled there before. I know Beaufort."
Not as well as Beaufort knew you Ricky Morton.
Debt repaid---and good night Corene.
Later,
Jeff
Monday, January 31, 2005
1/31/05--A debt repaid--Wrestlereunion
So for some of you, this may be your first visit to the site. For others, who are regular visiters, I will confess something you may not know. I have been a wrestling fan for over 34 years now (holy crap!). It all started for me when I was 10 years old and my maternal grandmother, Corene Bunton, took me & my cousin to the Savannah, Georgia Civic Center for a night of action. She had no way of knowing the profound and unique impact that she was making on my life that night. My grandmother was an incredible woman. She was almost a force of nature. She could enter a room and dominant the conversation. I mean that quite literally. If you were having a conversation about something that she either did not know about, or wasn't interested in--she had no problem asking you to change the subject. She died in October of 1987, and for the last few years of her life, after having lost my grandfather--the only man she ever loved--in 1979, wrestling was one of the things that I have no doubt kept her going. She was a real lady, but had no trouble on Saturday evenings at 6pm watching wrestling and cursing at the television (within reason naturally). The last two years of her life were spent supporting her two favorite wrestlers--Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson, the Rock N Roll Express.
She had a life sized poster of them on the back of her front door. No lie. I can remember calling her and talking wrestling, with her asking me when Ricky & Robert were finally going to give it to that no good Jim Cornette....or what about what that Ric Flair did to Ricky? By this point, I had been smartened up to the business, but there was no way I would have ever ruined the fantasy for Corene. She believed by God---and probably wouldn't have believed me even if I told her.
So this past weekend, I took a journey back to my younger days. I had the chance to renew some old friendships, tell some old stories, share a couple of laughs, make some new friends, and maybe get a chance to settle an old debt long, long overdue. So on Friday morning, I headed to Tampa with my friends Greg "Cable Guy" Goode, Bob "Lil B.A." McKeon & Robert "Mr Sexay RPM" Mitchell for Wrestlereunion. The trip began with Greg somehow slamming a car door into his head and opening a nice little gash across his forehead--we told him he was just trying to look like one of the boys. After a quick couple of hours, we arrived at the Doubletree Hotel in Tampa and began to see a slew of old faces--some friends some wrestlers. I ran into guys like Harry White, Shannon Rose and Barry Rose--who I hadn't seen in over 10 years. We both have a little less hair, but he still weighs the same as he did 10 years ago, the no good son of a bitch. After finally getting to check in, I went into the main room for the first autograph signing. The first afternoon? Huge clusterfuck. The lines were hours long, people were cutting in and out of line, the event sponsors didn't want people snapping photos because they had a booth set up for portraits, and then there were the fucking idiots who wouldn't honor the "two items autographed per person" limit that had been set. Man do I hate the assholes that hand some guy 25 items to be signed so they can run out and try and make a living on EBAY. Every damn thing I got signed over the weekend I had personalized and if I was one of the boys and someone handed me a stack of shit to get signed, I would've probably blown them off. Anyway, it was pretty cool to see some of the old legends and what time had done to them. There was Dusty Rhodes, Tully Blanchard, Harley Race, Mick Foley, Terry Funk & Rick Steamboat, another of my grandmother's old favorites. There were merchandise tables set up by Highspots.com, wrestlingclassic.com (featuring our favorite webmaster Mark Nulty), a table selling replica belts, a table with lots of memorablia from the old Los Angeles territory and even one that featured some rather pathetic merchandise with Lex Luger on it. Luger even made a fairly underwhelming appearence at the event, although as usual, he appeared to not really want to be there---that Lex, he's consistent. Always hated the business that probably made him a millionaire, always will. What a piece of dogshit. We then followed that with a great Q&A session with Ted Dibiase & Rick Steamboat. Really good stuff. I hadn't heard that Steamboat was back working with WWE and truthfully, his stuff wasn't good as Dibiase's, although it wasn't bad. After that session was over they had one with Diamond Dallas Page & Jake Roberts--uh, no thanks, I'll pass. I happened to be hanging off to the side when Dibiase came walking by. I stopped him for a moment and called RPM over. I explained to Ted that RPM was the world's biggest mark for the late Terry Gordy, and that it would make his whole weekend if Ted would share a story from the road about Bam Bam. Ted was totally gracious and said sure. He then told us a great story from Japan where (here's a stunner) Gordy got drunk, broke the key off in his hotel door and ended up getting literally thrown into another room. He wakes up the next morning, calls Dibiase and asks if he did something wrong the night before.
"Why do you ask?" Dibiase questions.
"Because I woke up and all my clothes are gone. Am I in the wrong room?"
What made it even better was listening to Dibiase do a dead on Gordy impression.
RPM was suitably impressed. We stopped by the hotel bar, which for some God forsaken reason was closing at midnight on a Friday night when your hotel is at 100% capacity. Go figure. Anyway, we went in and got to enjoy what I suppose could be called the "Chavo Guerraro Experience". Poor Chavo, he was such a mess in Vegas last April and things weren't looking up this weekend either. What was hilarious was when a half in the bag Chavo came up to RPM & myself and asked if he was really that bad in Vegas. I finally told him that I didn't really think he was in that bad of shape until he went over to Danny Hodge and told him that he really wasn't all that tough.
The expression on the face was priceless.
"I didn't REALLY do that, did I?"
After a short while some of the gentlemen I was with--no names naturally--decided to visit some of Tampa's finer....hmm...."adult" establishments. Now mind you, I'm no prude, and truth be told during the course of THREE bachelor parties before each of my marriages, I have even visited these places (shocking, I know). However, I really didn't feel like being brow beaten into going to a nudie joint by someone telling me that I was a typical married guy, whipped and afraid to go.
So almost out of spite I stayed in. Those that went out (again--no names) spent far too much money, let's just say that.
The next morning we got up for another autograph session that featured Sir Oliver Humperdink, Jimmy Garvin w/Precious, Dory & Terry Funk & Roddy Piper--amongst others. The lines were slightly were more organized than the day before but were still way too long. I think if there's one thing the coordinaters figured out too lateis that they just had too many damn guys booked for the event. It made long lines and ended up pissing people off. The afternoon started with a Q&A session with Bruno Sammartino, who, other than a shaved head, looks to be in great shape for a guy his age---or mine. He had his usual bitches about Vince Jr but also told some good stories about working with Gorilla Monsoon & Bill Watts. It was a really cool moment later that afternoon to see Bruno & Watts see each other for the first time in what must have been forever. These guys had a huge program in the northeast in the mid part of the 60's and seemed genuinely happy to see each other.
I was able to get a snapshot taken with Watts in the lobby, which was pretty cool because I was always sort of a mark for Watts & Mid-South wrestling. Later that afternoon we sat in for another Q&A session featuring a rather eclectic crew of
Dusty Rhodes, Terry Funk, Mick Foley & Kevin Von Erich. Hmmm....lessee here.
We have Dusty, the Funker & Foley---legitimately three of the greatest promo guys in the history of the industry---and KEVIN VON ERICH??? I mean, no offense to Kevin--who certainly has his place in wrestling history along with his family---but what in the blue hell was he doing on the stage with three of the greatest talkers ever? Was this some cruel joke? However, to his credit.....Kevin made sense--some of the time. During a discussion of Flair's book, KVE addressed the comments that were made about Kerry. He said that he wanted to say something about what was said:
"You know, my brother did take drugs.....he even enjoyed taking them. He wasn't an addict though." Huh? His only moment of lucidity was when he told the crowd that he didn't want anyone in the crowd to feel sorry for him. He said that even with his brothers deaths that he been blessed with a great life, and that his brothers had also. I had to give him props for saying that. Of course, it was funny when he began talking about his son, who he said was 16 yrs old, ripped to the bone, played RB for the state champion football team and ran like a 4.4 forty. Its good to see that the sins of the father haven't been visited on the son. (Cough, cough) At this point Bill Apter points out Steve Dr Death Williams sitting in the audience and there was a very emotional pop from the crowd as Doc made his way up to the stage. I talked to Doc later (he speaks with the assistance of a voice enhancer) about his throat cancer and told him that my mother and sister were both cancer survivors and that he shouldn't stop thinking positive. Doc said it was all about the man upstairs.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch--Dusty, Mick & Terry were hilarious. Someone asked Mick what would happen when Vince turned the company over to the children. Mick says---"Well, I think you'll probably see a few more HHH title runs."
Later in the afternoon there was another autograph session, again better run than the first one, that featured Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Magnum TA (and I can't begin to tell you how sad it is to see Magnum), Barry Windham (looked bloated and heavy), Playboy Buddy Rose (looked EE-normous), Bob & Brad Armstrong (and by the way these two guys were just as nice as you could be--I went up to Bob and told him that I had never forgotten that "a jackass can't run with a racehorse" and "that its like mind over matter.....I don't mind, cuz you don't matter". Brad really popped when I repeated his dad's old catchphrases. We ran into Bill Eadie as he was walking in--real pleasant guy. And ya know, its funny. We're standing over by Nulty's wrestlingclassics.com table ("We are wrestlingclassics.com......." Man oh man---Mark Nulty is the Herb Tarleck of the hardcores. That man could sell ice to eskimos) and this guy is looking at some of Nulty's merch. I swear to God, we all thought it was Bob Armstrong. So we're like....let's go over and meet the Bullet.
So I walk over, and ask Mark to introduce us. He starts looking around asking where he is. I'm like--he's right in front of you dipshit. Nulty busts out laughing and tells me that its Gene Ligon, who was one of the Thunderfoots for Crockett. I'm totally thinking that its a rib, and that Nulty is trying to put one over on me. Then he calls out Ligon's name and introduces us. Here's the neat part of the story (did I just say "neat"?).....I sat and shot the breeze with Gene Ligon for almost 30 minutes, and the guy couldn't have been any nicer or fun to talk with. Turns out he's a big Packers fan and since I've followed the Vikings for over 30 years it gave us something to talk about--plus wrestling. I just found it interesting that here I had a great time talking with a guy that I probably wouldn't have spent 10 seconds with otherwise. Funny how that works. We then had a break before the evenings legends matches.
That night, the evening started with us finding out that Lance Russell (who it was great to see by the way) & Jimmy Hart were there to call the matches. Jimmy was another guy who came off as a real good guy, going out of his way to thank everyone for showing up. The ice storm in the Atlanta area had apparently kept some people from getting to the convention, and it was announced that AJ Styles would not be appearing. Nulty was working the ring announcing duty, and we did our best to give him a rash of shit. There were some presentations made to the daughter of Gordon Solie, Mike Graham on behalf of his dad and finally to Bill Apter for all his years of pushing the business. Then they dragged up Roddy Piper and Jimmy Snuka to rehash the coconut angle for what must have been the 600th time....couldn't they have invited Don Muraco and rehashed an old Georgia angle instead? Anyway, the first match had Piper, Snuka (replacing Rocky Johnson--don't know the story there) & Jimmy "Maybe those tattoo's weren't such a good idea" Valiant taking on Buddy Rose, Derek Draper (looks like he could go to work for a promotion today and wouldn't look out of place) & Bob Orton Jr (who may have been the grumpiest guy around all weekend--just had this look like he didn't really want to be there). Good fun all around. Next up was Lanny Poffo taking on Adam Windsor. There is only one thing to talk about in this match, and it wasn't how high up Poffo's tights were. He took a monkey flip during the match, and lets just say that Jeff Jarrett's old expression of "slapnuts" could certainly apply. The 3rd match was Missing Link vs. George South. Okay, so George supposedly provided the ring so I can understand using him based on that--although apparently the idea of using a LOCAL ring must have slipped the event coordinaters mind. And you know what I love? George South comes to the ring...plays the heel, starts to give the fans some grief and all the while is sporting the "John 3:16" on his trunks. Man oh man, nothing makes me boo a guy like scripture. The Link appeared to be trying to start some crap with someone just about everytime we saw him. He came up to Dusty during his autograph signing and asked him where he got that body. Then he asked him if his hair was natural. It didn't look like it was a rib. Then during the last Q&A of the event with Bill Watts, Jim Cornette & the Midnight Express he came up again and looked like he was trying to get Bill Apter to ask an embarassing question. And for all around weirdness---how about the fact that the Link brought his own chair with him to the show. I don't mean from the hotel room. I mean he brought a chair on the PLANE with him. Cue the Norman Bates music. Next up was a 6 women's tag match, and truth be told....the women all busted their collective behinds. Wendi Richter (not looking too bad), Malia Hosaka (as RPM would say--"beefing up for the winter") & Bambi took on Sherri Martel & Team Blondage managed by longtime women's veteran Joyce Grable. No kidding, Joyce was tremendous at ringside. I was giving her heat during the whole match, and finally she turns around and gives me....uh....the slightly lewd gesture. The crowd just exploded. I asked my old friend Pete Lederberg to look for her after the show and later when I saw her Joyce gave me a big hug and I thanked her for making my night. Seriously. It was an absolute blast. After that we had Jim Duggan taking on the equally old and washed up Kamala--who did provide a couple of moments of real fun. During one spot Duggan called Kamala "yellow" and Kamala says....."no I'm not. I'm black."
A couple rows in front of us even got the crowd to chant "UGANDA, UGANDA".
Wow. The look on both guy's faces was good stuff. Next up was Barry Windham & Mike Rotounda taking on Ron Bass & Larry Zybysko. Let's just say there was not much similarity between this match and the Bass-Windham match I saw in 9/86.
Time marches on folks. I heard an unconfirmed rumor that Blackjack Mulligan was put in the hospital on Saturday, but I'm not positive about that. The 7th match was the mask vs. mask match, with Masked Superstar unmasking the Grappler--who of course no one knew. The Superstar's mask still looked awesome though.
8th on the show was the tag match between America's Most Wanted & the Funk's.
Wow, how sad is this. I didn't even know who AMW was. That's how much I watch wrestling on television now. Dory LOOKED terrible, but man oh man, when the bell rang he could still go--just at about 1/4th thespeed. His legs look awful and he needs to get the leggin's. 9th match was Marty Jannetty vs. Gary Royal. They went 9 minutes--which was about 8 1/2 minutes too long. Royal looked like a cross between Liberace & former Greensboro hardcore Obin Johnson (sorry Obin!).
Next up was what could well have been one of the worst battle royals in history, with the unbelieveable result of Greg Valentine going over. What made it amazing was that I was told that a week before the show Greg was still trying to get booked on the show. Then he wins the battle royal and is declared the promotion's world champion? What up? That was followed by the reason that we came to the matches, as we got to see one more match between the Rock N Roll Express & the Fantastics taking on Jim Cornette and all the members of his Midnight Express.
Cornette saw me in the autograph line and says......"Jeff Bowdren? Damn son....its been years! And....you've put on a little bit of a gut since then Jeff." He said it so honestly even I had to laugh--even though all the while I wanted to strangle him.
Bobby Fulton looks like an accountant. Bobby Eaton could still work for Titan if he wanted too. He's still in great shape and his timing looked good also. The only disappointing aspect was that I didn't get to see the trademark moment during the match with Morton & Eaton are punching it out in the corner. Next up was Christopher Daniels taking on Pat Tanaka--replacing AJ Styles. Honestly at this point I went looking for Cornette and the Midnights so I couldn't tell you much about this match. This was followed by the Jeff Jarrett vs. Tully Blanchard match with the big surprise being the appearence of Baby Doll, perhaps no longer a perfect 10. I'm not sure about her booking appearence, but she literally showed up for the show and was gone right after. Kevin Von Erich was the referee and it looked like he sorta screwed up the finish (whatta the odds of THAT happening?) with Jarrett going over. The final match of the evening was Dusty, Mike Graham & Dustin taking on Kevin Sullivan, CM Punk & Abdullah the Butcher. Couple of hilites. First of all, Abby has new tights! Mark Nulty introed the match and called it originally (since it was supposed to be a tag match in a cage) as being a "Double Surprise Partner" match--with Dustin & Abby beingthe surprises. Dustin hit a huge gusher and needed something like 8 stiches afterwards. All in all though, it was a whole lot of fun.
Amazingly, afterwards the hotel decided that it might be an intelligent idea to keep the bar open until 2am, since it was packed with people. We hung out and ran into our old friend Alex Marvez from the south Florida Sun-Sentinel, who was making a pitstop before the Super Bowl in Jacksonville next weekend. A group of us ended up doing the midnight run to Denny's, which is always a great idea until the next morning, when you go reaching for the Prilosec. We're joined by Norman Smiley (that's pronounced Smile-LAY) and have a great time swapping stories and watching the drunks come stumbling in. We literally got to see a couple passed out in the doorway--too funny. Man oh man, I bet working the late shift at a Denny's leaves you with a lifetime of stories. Anyway, after we get back, there is yet another run to one of the seedier establishments in the Tampa area, where my sources indicate that one person (names? Well of course not) dropped almost $500 over the course of two evenings. If I had done that, I would've been so pissed at myself.
But hey, I'm not judging. I'm sure those guilty parties had reason to enjoy the company of someone named Ambrosia or Fantasia or Champale or something like that. Ah, a "rose" by any other name. Ahem. And then there was the moment earlier in the evening, before the matches, when the Cable Guy and myself were sitting outside on a balcony while he fed his nicotine habit and I see him looking off into the distance. I asked him what he was looking at and when I turned, we both laughed as we got to see one of the boys enjoying a little of the evil weed--right there on the balcony. I also need to mention that for the first time in forever I got to see my old friend Jim Berkley, former WCW troubleshooting referee. Jim came over on Saturday morning and left early Sunday--I wish we could've hung out more because Jim's a great guy and its always good to see him.
So finally it was Sunday morning, the last day of the event. The crowds on Sunday were probably the smallest of the weekend but there were still new legends appearing even then. Buddy Colt, Bugsy McGraw & Brian Blair were among the names that showed up to sign. The unquestioned highlight of the day, and perhaps the weekend even, was the Q&A with Bill Watts & Jim Cornette...joined by all the members of the Midnight Express (okay, there was no Norvell Austin or Randy Rose for you really picky folks). Let me just say that at the end of the conversation in which nearly everything you can think of was touched on, I turned to RPM and told him that I would've spent $250 just to sit in on that Q&A. That wasn't me being a mark (well, I suppose it was) as much as it was me just showing an appreciation for how much I enjoyed it. Its obvious that, petty b.s. aside, the guys who worked in Mid-South have a real respect for Watts. Now, I'm sure that the legendary Cowboy was blowing some smoke up some derriere on some things....but I tell you what....when he talks to you, he has a way of making you believe it. I made some purchases the final day also. Picked up a trio of DVD's on St Louis wrestling which the Cable Guy had recommended, the JJ Dillon shoot interview, the Tommy Young shoot interview, the DVD that Kevin Von Erich had and finally, the Gordon Solie book that his daughter was selling there. I probably should make mention of this.
I really don't think that his family fully grasped the impact that Gordon had on so many lives, and I think she really was touched by the outpouring of emotion and support that the fans gave her. When RPM and I went up to purchase our copies of the book "Something Left Behind", we both told her that literally a day does not go by that we do not in some way reference Gordon, whether in casual conversation with each other, or in thought or gesture. He was such a part of the fabric of Florida wrestling that it was impossible to grow up in this state as a fan and not be affected by the guy.
She had a life sized poster of them on the back of her front door. No lie. I can remember calling her and talking wrestling, with her asking me when Ricky & Robert were finally going to give it to that no good Jim Cornette....or what about what that Ric Flair did to Ricky? By this point, I had been smartened up to the business, but there was no way I would have ever ruined the fantasy for Corene. She believed by God---and probably wouldn't have believed me even if I told her.
So this past weekend, I took a journey back to my younger days. I had the chance to renew some old friendships, tell some old stories, share a couple of laughs, make some new friends, and maybe get a chance to settle an old debt long, long overdue. So on Friday morning, I headed to Tampa with my friends Greg "Cable Guy" Goode, Bob "Lil B.A." McKeon & Robert "Mr Sexay RPM" Mitchell for Wrestlereunion. The trip began with Greg somehow slamming a car door into his head and opening a nice little gash across his forehead--we told him he was just trying to look like one of the boys. After a quick couple of hours, we arrived at the Doubletree Hotel in Tampa and began to see a slew of old faces--some friends some wrestlers. I ran into guys like Harry White, Shannon Rose and Barry Rose--who I hadn't seen in over 10 years. We both have a little less hair, but he still weighs the same as he did 10 years ago, the no good son of a bitch. After finally getting to check in, I went into the main room for the first autograph signing. The first afternoon? Huge clusterfuck. The lines were hours long, people were cutting in and out of line, the event sponsors didn't want people snapping photos because they had a booth set up for portraits, and then there were the fucking idiots who wouldn't honor the "two items autographed per person" limit that had been set. Man do I hate the assholes that hand some guy 25 items to be signed so they can run out and try and make a living on EBAY. Every damn thing I got signed over the weekend I had personalized and if I was one of the boys and someone handed me a stack of shit to get signed, I would've probably blown them off. Anyway, it was pretty cool to see some of the old legends and what time had done to them. There was Dusty Rhodes, Tully Blanchard, Harley Race, Mick Foley, Terry Funk & Rick Steamboat, another of my grandmother's old favorites. There were merchandise tables set up by Highspots.com, wrestlingclassic.com (featuring our favorite webmaster Mark Nulty), a table selling replica belts, a table with lots of memorablia from the old Los Angeles territory and even one that featured some rather pathetic merchandise with Lex Luger on it. Luger even made a fairly underwhelming appearence at the event, although as usual, he appeared to not really want to be there---that Lex, he's consistent. Always hated the business that probably made him a millionaire, always will. What a piece of dogshit. We then followed that with a great Q&A session with Ted Dibiase & Rick Steamboat. Really good stuff. I hadn't heard that Steamboat was back working with WWE and truthfully, his stuff wasn't good as Dibiase's, although it wasn't bad. After that session was over they had one with Diamond Dallas Page & Jake Roberts--uh, no thanks, I'll pass. I happened to be hanging off to the side when Dibiase came walking by. I stopped him for a moment and called RPM over. I explained to Ted that RPM was the world's biggest mark for the late Terry Gordy, and that it would make his whole weekend if Ted would share a story from the road about Bam Bam. Ted was totally gracious and said sure. He then told us a great story from Japan where (here's a stunner) Gordy got drunk, broke the key off in his hotel door and ended up getting literally thrown into another room. He wakes up the next morning, calls Dibiase and asks if he did something wrong the night before.
"Why do you ask?" Dibiase questions.
"Because I woke up and all my clothes are gone. Am I in the wrong room?"
What made it even better was listening to Dibiase do a dead on Gordy impression.
RPM was suitably impressed. We stopped by the hotel bar, which for some God forsaken reason was closing at midnight on a Friday night when your hotel is at 100% capacity. Go figure. Anyway, we went in and got to enjoy what I suppose could be called the "Chavo Guerraro Experience". Poor Chavo, he was such a mess in Vegas last April and things weren't looking up this weekend either. What was hilarious was when a half in the bag Chavo came up to RPM & myself and asked if he was really that bad in Vegas. I finally told him that I didn't really think he was in that bad of shape until he went over to Danny Hodge and told him that he really wasn't all that tough.
The expression on the face was priceless.
"I didn't REALLY do that, did I?"
After a short while some of the gentlemen I was with--no names naturally--decided to visit some of Tampa's finer....hmm...."adult" establishments. Now mind you, I'm no prude, and truth be told during the course of THREE bachelor parties before each of my marriages, I have even visited these places (shocking, I know). However, I really didn't feel like being brow beaten into going to a nudie joint by someone telling me that I was a typical married guy, whipped and afraid to go.
So almost out of spite I stayed in. Those that went out (again--no names) spent far too much money, let's just say that.
The next morning we got up for another autograph session that featured Sir Oliver Humperdink, Jimmy Garvin w/Precious, Dory & Terry Funk & Roddy Piper--amongst others. The lines were slightly were more organized than the day before but were still way too long. I think if there's one thing the coordinaters figured out too lateis that they just had too many damn guys booked for the event. It made long lines and ended up pissing people off. The afternoon started with a Q&A session with Bruno Sammartino, who, other than a shaved head, looks to be in great shape for a guy his age---or mine. He had his usual bitches about Vince Jr but also told some good stories about working with Gorilla Monsoon & Bill Watts. It was a really cool moment later that afternoon to see Bruno & Watts see each other for the first time in what must have been forever. These guys had a huge program in the northeast in the mid part of the 60's and seemed genuinely happy to see each other.
I was able to get a snapshot taken with Watts in the lobby, which was pretty cool because I was always sort of a mark for Watts & Mid-South wrestling. Later that afternoon we sat in for another Q&A session featuring a rather eclectic crew of
Dusty Rhodes, Terry Funk, Mick Foley & Kevin Von Erich. Hmmm....lessee here.
We have Dusty, the Funker & Foley---legitimately three of the greatest promo guys in the history of the industry---and KEVIN VON ERICH??? I mean, no offense to Kevin--who certainly has his place in wrestling history along with his family---but what in the blue hell was he doing on the stage with three of the greatest talkers ever? Was this some cruel joke? However, to his credit.....Kevin made sense--some of the time. During a discussion of Flair's book, KVE addressed the comments that were made about Kerry. He said that he wanted to say something about what was said:
"You know, my brother did take drugs.....he even enjoyed taking them. He wasn't an addict though." Huh? His only moment of lucidity was when he told the crowd that he didn't want anyone in the crowd to feel sorry for him. He said that even with his brothers deaths that he been blessed with a great life, and that his brothers had also. I had to give him props for saying that. Of course, it was funny when he began talking about his son, who he said was 16 yrs old, ripped to the bone, played RB for the state champion football team and ran like a 4.4 forty. Its good to see that the sins of the father haven't been visited on the son. (Cough, cough) At this point Bill Apter points out Steve Dr Death Williams sitting in the audience and there was a very emotional pop from the crowd as Doc made his way up to the stage. I talked to Doc later (he speaks with the assistance of a voice enhancer) about his throat cancer and told him that my mother and sister were both cancer survivors and that he shouldn't stop thinking positive. Doc said it was all about the man upstairs.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch--Dusty, Mick & Terry were hilarious. Someone asked Mick what would happen when Vince turned the company over to the children. Mick says---"Well, I think you'll probably see a few more HHH title runs."
Later in the afternoon there was another autograph session, again better run than the first one, that featured Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Magnum TA (and I can't begin to tell you how sad it is to see Magnum), Barry Windham (looked bloated and heavy), Playboy Buddy Rose (looked EE-normous), Bob & Brad Armstrong (and by the way these two guys were just as nice as you could be--I went up to Bob and told him that I had never forgotten that "a jackass can't run with a racehorse" and "that its like mind over matter.....I don't mind, cuz you don't matter". Brad really popped when I repeated his dad's old catchphrases. We ran into Bill Eadie as he was walking in--real pleasant guy. And ya know, its funny. We're standing over by Nulty's wrestlingclassics.com table ("We are wrestlingclassics.com......." Man oh man---Mark Nulty is the Herb Tarleck of the hardcores. That man could sell ice to eskimos) and this guy is looking at some of Nulty's merch. I swear to God, we all thought it was Bob Armstrong. So we're like....let's go over and meet the Bullet.
So I walk over, and ask Mark to introduce us. He starts looking around asking where he is. I'm like--he's right in front of you dipshit. Nulty busts out laughing and tells me that its Gene Ligon, who was one of the Thunderfoots for Crockett. I'm totally thinking that its a rib, and that Nulty is trying to put one over on me. Then he calls out Ligon's name and introduces us. Here's the neat part of the story (did I just say "neat"?).....I sat and shot the breeze with Gene Ligon for almost 30 minutes, and the guy couldn't have been any nicer or fun to talk with. Turns out he's a big Packers fan and since I've followed the Vikings for over 30 years it gave us something to talk about--plus wrestling. I just found it interesting that here I had a great time talking with a guy that I probably wouldn't have spent 10 seconds with otherwise. Funny how that works. We then had a break before the evenings legends matches.
That night, the evening started with us finding out that Lance Russell (who it was great to see by the way) & Jimmy Hart were there to call the matches. Jimmy was another guy who came off as a real good guy, going out of his way to thank everyone for showing up. The ice storm in the Atlanta area had apparently kept some people from getting to the convention, and it was announced that AJ Styles would not be appearing. Nulty was working the ring announcing duty, and we did our best to give him a rash of shit. There were some presentations made to the daughter of Gordon Solie, Mike Graham on behalf of his dad and finally to Bill Apter for all his years of pushing the business. Then they dragged up Roddy Piper and Jimmy Snuka to rehash the coconut angle for what must have been the 600th time....couldn't they have invited Don Muraco and rehashed an old Georgia angle instead? Anyway, the first match had Piper, Snuka (replacing Rocky Johnson--don't know the story there) & Jimmy "Maybe those tattoo's weren't such a good idea" Valiant taking on Buddy Rose, Derek Draper (looks like he could go to work for a promotion today and wouldn't look out of place) & Bob Orton Jr (who may have been the grumpiest guy around all weekend--just had this look like he didn't really want to be there). Good fun all around. Next up was Lanny Poffo taking on Adam Windsor. There is only one thing to talk about in this match, and it wasn't how high up Poffo's tights were. He took a monkey flip during the match, and lets just say that Jeff Jarrett's old expression of "slapnuts" could certainly apply. The 3rd match was Missing Link vs. George South. Okay, so George supposedly provided the ring so I can understand using him based on that--although apparently the idea of using a LOCAL ring must have slipped the event coordinaters mind. And you know what I love? George South comes to the ring...plays the heel, starts to give the fans some grief and all the while is sporting the "John 3:16" on his trunks. Man oh man, nothing makes me boo a guy like scripture. The Link appeared to be trying to start some crap with someone just about everytime we saw him. He came up to Dusty during his autograph signing and asked him where he got that body. Then he asked him if his hair was natural. It didn't look like it was a rib. Then during the last Q&A of the event with Bill Watts, Jim Cornette & the Midnight Express he came up again and looked like he was trying to get Bill Apter to ask an embarassing question. And for all around weirdness---how about the fact that the Link brought his own chair with him to the show. I don't mean from the hotel room. I mean he brought a chair on the PLANE with him. Cue the Norman Bates music. Next up was a 6 women's tag match, and truth be told....the women all busted their collective behinds. Wendi Richter (not looking too bad), Malia Hosaka (as RPM would say--"beefing up for the winter") & Bambi took on Sherri Martel & Team Blondage managed by longtime women's veteran Joyce Grable. No kidding, Joyce was tremendous at ringside. I was giving her heat during the whole match, and finally she turns around and gives me....uh....the slightly lewd gesture. The crowd just exploded. I asked my old friend Pete Lederberg to look for her after the show and later when I saw her Joyce gave me a big hug and I thanked her for making my night. Seriously. It was an absolute blast. After that we had Jim Duggan taking on the equally old and washed up Kamala--who did provide a couple of moments of real fun. During one spot Duggan called Kamala "yellow" and Kamala says....."no I'm not. I'm black."
A couple rows in front of us even got the crowd to chant "UGANDA, UGANDA".
Wow. The look on both guy's faces was good stuff. Next up was Barry Windham & Mike Rotounda taking on Ron Bass & Larry Zybysko. Let's just say there was not much similarity between this match and the Bass-Windham match I saw in 9/86.
Time marches on folks. I heard an unconfirmed rumor that Blackjack Mulligan was put in the hospital on Saturday, but I'm not positive about that. The 7th match was the mask vs. mask match, with Masked Superstar unmasking the Grappler--who of course no one knew. The Superstar's mask still looked awesome though.
8th on the show was the tag match between America's Most Wanted & the Funk's.
Wow, how sad is this. I didn't even know who AMW was. That's how much I watch wrestling on television now. Dory LOOKED terrible, but man oh man, when the bell rang he could still go--just at about 1/4th thespeed. His legs look awful and he needs to get the leggin's. 9th match was Marty Jannetty vs. Gary Royal. They went 9 minutes--which was about 8 1/2 minutes too long. Royal looked like a cross between Liberace & former Greensboro hardcore Obin Johnson (sorry Obin!).
Next up was what could well have been one of the worst battle royals in history, with the unbelieveable result of Greg Valentine going over. What made it amazing was that I was told that a week before the show Greg was still trying to get booked on the show. Then he wins the battle royal and is declared the promotion's world champion? What up? That was followed by the reason that we came to the matches, as we got to see one more match between the Rock N Roll Express & the Fantastics taking on Jim Cornette and all the members of his Midnight Express.
Cornette saw me in the autograph line and says......"Jeff Bowdren? Damn son....its been years! And....you've put on a little bit of a gut since then Jeff." He said it so honestly even I had to laugh--even though all the while I wanted to strangle him.
Bobby Fulton looks like an accountant. Bobby Eaton could still work for Titan if he wanted too. He's still in great shape and his timing looked good also. The only disappointing aspect was that I didn't get to see the trademark moment during the match with Morton & Eaton are punching it out in the corner. Next up was Christopher Daniels taking on Pat Tanaka--replacing AJ Styles. Honestly at this point I went looking for Cornette and the Midnights so I couldn't tell you much about this match. This was followed by the Jeff Jarrett vs. Tully Blanchard match with the big surprise being the appearence of Baby Doll, perhaps no longer a perfect 10. I'm not sure about her booking appearence, but she literally showed up for the show and was gone right after. Kevin Von Erich was the referee and it looked like he sorta screwed up the finish (whatta the odds of THAT happening?) with Jarrett going over. The final match of the evening was Dusty, Mike Graham & Dustin taking on Kevin Sullivan, CM Punk & Abdullah the Butcher. Couple of hilites. First of all, Abby has new tights! Mark Nulty introed the match and called it originally (since it was supposed to be a tag match in a cage) as being a "Double Surprise Partner" match--with Dustin & Abby beingthe surprises. Dustin hit a huge gusher and needed something like 8 stiches afterwards. All in all though, it was a whole lot of fun.
Amazingly, afterwards the hotel decided that it might be an intelligent idea to keep the bar open until 2am, since it was packed with people. We hung out and ran into our old friend Alex Marvez from the south Florida Sun-Sentinel, who was making a pitstop before the Super Bowl in Jacksonville next weekend. A group of us ended up doing the midnight run to Denny's, which is always a great idea until the next morning, when you go reaching for the Prilosec. We're joined by Norman Smiley (that's pronounced Smile-LAY) and have a great time swapping stories and watching the drunks come stumbling in. We literally got to see a couple passed out in the doorway--too funny. Man oh man, I bet working the late shift at a Denny's leaves you with a lifetime of stories. Anyway, after we get back, there is yet another run to one of the seedier establishments in the Tampa area, where my sources indicate that one person (names? Well of course not) dropped almost $500 over the course of two evenings. If I had done that, I would've been so pissed at myself.
But hey, I'm not judging. I'm sure those guilty parties had reason to enjoy the company of someone named Ambrosia or Fantasia or Champale or something like that. Ah, a "rose" by any other name. Ahem. And then there was the moment earlier in the evening, before the matches, when the Cable Guy and myself were sitting outside on a balcony while he fed his nicotine habit and I see him looking off into the distance. I asked him what he was looking at and when I turned, we both laughed as we got to see one of the boys enjoying a little of the evil weed--right there on the balcony. I also need to mention that for the first time in forever I got to see my old friend Jim Berkley, former WCW troubleshooting referee. Jim came over on Saturday morning and left early Sunday--I wish we could've hung out more because Jim's a great guy and its always good to see him.
So finally it was Sunday morning, the last day of the event. The crowds on Sunday were probably the smallest of the weekend but there were still new legends appearing even then. Buddy Colt, Bugsy McGraw & Brian Blair were among the names that showed up to sign. The unquestioned highlight of the day, and perhaps the weekend even, was the Q&A with Bill Watts & Jim Cornette...joined by all the members of the Midnight Express (okay, there was no Norvell Austin or Randy Rose for you really picky folks). Let me just say that at the end of the conversation in which nearly everything you can think of was touched on, I turned to RPM and told him that I would've spent $250 just to sit in on that Q&A. That wasn't me being a mark (well, I suppose it was) as much as it was me just showing an appreciation for how much I enjoyed it. Its obvious that, petty b.s. aside, the guys who worked in Mid-South have a real respect for Watts. Now, I'm sure that the legendary Cowboy was blowing some smoke up some derriere on some things....but I tell you what....when he talks to you, he has a way of making you believe it. I made some purchases the final day also. Picked up a trio of DVD's on St Louis wrestling which the Cable Guy had recommended, the JJ Dillon shoot interview, the Tommy Young shoot interview, the DVD that Kevin Von Erich had and finally, the Gordon Solie book that his daughter was selling there. I probably should make mention of this.
I really don't think that his family fully grasped the impact that Gordon had on so many lives, and I think she really was touched by the outpouring of emotion and support that the fans gave her. When RPM and I went up to purchase our copies of the book "Something Left Behind", we both told her that literally a day does not go by that we do not in some way reference Gordon, whether in casual conversation with each other, or in thought or gesture. He was such a part of the fabric of Florida wrestling that it was impossible to grow up in this state as a fan and not be affected by the guy.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
1/27/05--Heading towards St Pete
Tomorrow I'm heading to St Pete for the weekend with the fellas for the big Wrestle-reunion event. I'm pretty stoked for it, as I will be writing an article that I will actually be getting PAID for regarding the event. Big showcase with literally tons of oldtimers coming in for the weekend. Consequently, I will be away for the next few days, returning late Sunday afternoon or early Sunday evening.
No doubt I will have tons of stories about the weekend, so stay tuned. See ya at the end of the weekend.
Later,
Jeff
PS...on our next tales of the courthouse....Eva & the case of the missing arms....possibly the single greatest story in the history of the courthouse.
No doubt I will have tons of stories about the weekend, so stay tuned. See ya at the end of the weekend.
Later,
Jeff
PS...on our next tales of the courthouse....Eva & the case of the missing arms....possibly the single greatest story in the history of the courthouse.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
1/25/05--More tales of the courthouse---volume 38
So believe it or not, every day in a courtroom isn't an episode of Law & Order. It gets flatout boring believe it or not. That's, of course, after the 1000th trial for the same charge, with the same essential fact pattern. (I'm yawning just thinking about it). So every once in a great while, you hear stories involving....hmm....ya know, someone getting a tad drowsy in court. There was the time that a clerk named Joel drifted off during trial, only to wake up--um, if you could call it that---when he fell over backwards in his chair. I mean, as in ass over teakettle all the way to the floor with a huge noise. Gee, I'm sure that wasn't just a tad embarassing. Then there was my boy Dennis who happened to nod off right when two supervisors walked into the courtroom--and remained that way during the entire ten minutes that they sat there.
But, without question the ultimate story along these lines was the story of Julie, a former clerk, who during a rather long trial happened to doze off. She awoke with a bit of a start, and then rather carefully looked around to see if anyone had noticed her brief nap. Well, she looked at the judge and he didn't appear to have noticed.
She checked the attornies and neither one was looking in her direction. Okay there.
She then looked over towards the witness stand and that's when.....WHOOPS!....she noticed there was a NEW WITNESS on the stand.
Then there was the story of the ultimate psychotic episode in clerks history. It involved two clerks, one named Debbie & the other named John. Now, Debbie was what you might call....hmmm....a bit of a "chatty" gal. The only thing that kept her from expressing a viewpoint--I mean ANY sort of viewpoint--was a case of larangytis. John was the proverbial quiet type. A tall man from the state of Massachusetts, John had announced a few days earlier that he would be leaving the office and had given his two weeks notice. Well, apparently John had a few things festering deep within his subconscious that just felt the need to come forth.
So Debbie is at her desk in a mainly empty office, yacking her brains out (per usual)
when John got up from his desk and walked over towards her.
He politely asked Debbie if he could speak to her. She turned to him and he said:
"I just wanted to know if I could ask you to do me a small favor."
"Yes?"
"I was wondering.......if you......COULD (growing louder)......SHUT (louder)....THE (still louder).......FUCK (screaming).....UP! (loudest of all)
Now, at this point, John quietly turns around and walks back to his desk as Debbie sits there with her mouth wide open. It was shortly after this that the management team asked John to join them in the office and asked him if maybe it wouldn't be a good idea for him to forgo his two week notice and just go ahead and resign right then and there. And John left.......never to be heard from again. But for almost 6 mos afterwards, we used to torment Debbie by telling her....
"Hey, I just saw John in the stairwell. Did he run into you yet?"
Later,
Jeff
But, without question the ultimate story along these lines was the story of Julie, a former clerk, who during a rather long trial happened to doze off. She awoke with a bit of a start, and then rather carefully looked around to see if anyone had noticed her brief nap. Well, she looked at the judge and he didn't appear to have noticed.
She checked the attornies and neither one was looking in her direction. Okay there.
She then looked over towards the witness stand and that's when.....WHOOPS!....she noticed there was a NEW WITNESS on the stand.
Then there was the story of the ultimate psychotic episode in clerks history. It involved two clerks, one named Debbie & the other named John. Now, Debbie was what you might call....hmmm....a bit of a "chatty" gal. The only thing that kept her from expressing a viewpoint--I mean ANY sort of viewpoint--was a case of larangytis. John was the proverbial quiet type. A tall man from the state of Massachusetts, John had announced a few days earlier that he would be leaving the office and had given his two weeks notice. Well, apparently John had a few things festering deep within his subconscious that just felt the need to come forth.
So Debbie is at her desk in a mainly empty office, yacking her brains out (per usual)
when John got up from his desk and walked over towards her.
He politely asked Debbie if he could speak to her. She turned to him and he said:
"I just wanted to know if I could ask you to do me a small favor."
"Yes?"
"I was wondering.......if you......COULD (growing louder)......SHUT (louder)....THE (still louder).......FUCK (screaming).....UP! (loudest of all)
Now, at this point, John quietly turns around and walks back to his desk as Debbie sits there with her mouth wide open. It was shortly after this that the management team asked John to join them in the office and asked him if maybe it wouldn't be a good idea for him to forgo his two week notice and just go ahead and resign right then and there. And John left.......never to be heard from again. But for almost 6 mos afterwards, we used to torment Debbie by telling her....
"Hey, I just saw John in the stairwell. Did he run into you yet?"
Later,
Jeff
Sunday, January 23, 2005
1/23/05--A little movie watching
So while I was up at Mare & Lair's, we watched a few movies--here's what I thought....
1) The Hunted--Here we have an interesting combination. No, not the Benecio Del Toro//Tommy Lee Jones deal, I'm referring to the Rambo: First Blood//Deliverance//Deerhunter images that clearly influence this film. Jones plays a "civilian advisor" to the military who has been secretly training soldiers for years in the art of survival and killing. Del Toro has become, unbeknownest to Jones, his best student. One day, Benecio cracks and goes, pretty much apeshit--if you'll excuse the expression (and you know, you rarely read the word "apeshit" in a good movie review these days). He's up in the woods of Oregon and kills a couple of hunters who he feels have just a little bit too much of an advantage on the wildlife, what with the huge scope that could spot a tick on a dog at 300 yards. So he reacts, granted, a little bit harshly and....um......disembowels both of them. (That could be classified as "a little bit harshly") So his old mentor Jones is sent in after him, and the chase is in on between teacher and student. There's a couple of references here about the environment, protecting nature interspersed with a few knifefights--I love a good dichotemy as much as the next guy, ya know? Anyway, Del Toro is good as the Rambo guy (which I suppose would make Jones the Richard Crenna of the story). Naturally the local police and the FBI don't understand--how could they? There's a scene at the end of the movie where one of the characters sees a wolf running through the snow into the forest that brought to my mind the scene where Robert DeNiro, in the aforementioned Deerhunter, realized that he could no longer kill for sport anymore. There's a lot of heavyhanded morality that this film wants you to notice, but if you take it strictly at face value, with man vs man vs nature---its pretty good stuff. ***1/2
2) The Road to Wellville--do you know what's about as uncomfortable as uncomfortable can get? Watching a movie that has a few too many sex & nudity scenes....while your parents are sitting there next too you! EEEEWWW!
This somewhat strange film purportedly tells the story of John Kellogg (Anthony Hopkins), who's claim to fame was that he invented the cornflake--supposedly with the idea that it would help "clean the customer out" or something like that. He also has people, especially rich people, who come to his sanitarium for a purification.
These rich people include Matthew Broderick & his wife Bridget Fonda, who both discover what is good for what ails them--and its not necessarily corn flakes, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Suffice to say, there's some nudity, we have Lara Flynn Boyle & Bridget getting the beejezus screwed out of them, Matthew Broderick walking around wearing this device that---um---artifically provides him stimulation, we have Dana Carvey (DANA CARVEY???) walking around as Hopkins crazy son who was emotionally abused as a child. And meanwhile, John Cusack is married to some old broad and trying to get someone to help him finance the mass production of cereal. Whew. There's a lot going on here. It reminded me a little of the farcical A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, in the sense that there is just so much going on that you have to keep track of. That being said, some of the stuff works and is pretty funny, and some of the stuff falls flat (sort of like the movie I compared it too). **1/2
3) Stuck on You--here's an example of why you shouldn't listen to other people's opinions of movies (wait a minute! What am I saying?)--when this movie first came out I saw the trailers and thought it look very funny, then I read a few reviews that absolutely lambasted the film as utter trash.....and I ended up not going to see it.
So this afternoon, after I got home, I had a few hours to kill before the playoff games started and stumbled upon this movie. Here's what I love about Farrelly Bros movies--they will unquestionably offend someone at somepoint--and they will always have moments that will have you laughing out loud. Matt Damon & Greg Kinnear play conjoined twins ("We're not Siamese twins--we're american.") who live on the east coast in a small town in Massachusetts. Bob (Damon) is happy working as a cook at a burger joint, while Walt (Kinnear) dreams of a move to Hollywood that will allow him to pursue his acting career. Mind you, all this goes on while their conjoined, which leads to some very funny sight gags. Also, in keeping with most of the other Farrelly Bros movies, there are some wonderful cameos, including Tom Brady & Lawyer Milloy from the NE Patriots, Frankie Muniz & a wonderful extended cameo by Meryl Streep. Excellent support is also offered by, believe it or not, Cher--playing a bitter and rapidly aging actress named "Cher" (go figure). There's a very funny sequence with her and her agent where they argue about her current value to the public:
"You were one step from being the corner square before you hired me."
"Center square. They told me that I could be the CENTER SQUARE."
Very good scene. The movie isn't as good as the very best of the Farrelly Bros (my personal fave is Me, Myself & Irene)...but that's not necessarily a disclaimer. There are some very, very funny scenes in this film. ***3/4
Later,
Jeff
Saturday, January 22, 2005
1/22/05--Dad visits a "doctor"
So I'm up here in Orlando, visiting Mare & Lair--ya know, America's couple. So last night we're eating a fairly mediocre Mexican dinner when Mom asks me if I watched the GW's innuagral address to the country (as if). She proceeds to tell me that dad didn't get to watch it, because he had...ahem...an appointment.
Well, at this point I turned my head to dad for his version of the story and it goes.....
apparently he had an appointment with his podiatrist. Now, my father has a condition called naropathy, which affects the nerve endings in his feet. So he's at the doctors office, for his scheduled visit. Now mind you, dad is a died in the wool republican, and I know he had to be timing this visit down to the last second so that he could get home and watch the speech. So natually the doctor has him sitting in the waiting room (no pun intended here) cooling his heels. Finally he gets called in to the examination room and is looked at "by an assistant". He then proceeds to sit for awhile longer, trying to decide if he's going to report the guy to the AMA or the FBI.
Finally the doctor walks into the room, unaware that he's about to be hit by one profoundly upset republican, who by this time had to realize that he had missed the speech. Then, to compound his error, the doctor asks my dad how his day is going.
Big mistake. Dad says, not word for word, but essentially:
"How's my day? I'll tell you. The president of the United States and the chief justice of the supreme court--who by the way is battling thyroid cancer--had an appointment today with the entire country, and they managed to make it on time, but I was the only appointment you had at this time today---and you were late."
Well, after a whole lot of stammering, the doctor assures my father that nothing of this sort will never, ever happen again. Once more, a mistake. Dad replies:
"Well, I've decided that I'm going to help you on my next visit. You see, I'm going to make an appointment, and then not show up. That way, you'll be able to make up any time that you may have lost on another patient--so you'll be on time for the rest of your patients."
Touche' dad. Fight the power baby.
Later,
Jeff
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
1/19/05--Tales of the Courthouse--Volume 37
One of the great things about where I work is that, inevitably perhaps, every wackjob in the tri-county area ends up walking past me in the courthouse. You work somewhere for almost 20 years, that sort of thing is bound to happen. So today we were sitting around in the office talking, when an old story from the past came up...one of our personal favorites....it involved:
The Baliff//Gynocologist
It was about 1989 or so as I remember, when the tale of L.N. came to our attention.
Now, this person had been my court baliff for about a year or so, and then the judge we both worked for got promoted, he went with the judge, I stayed with the division, so I didn't get much of a chance to interact with the guy. I remember him as being....politely here...slightly odd, which truthfully makes him rather normal at the courthouse, but I digress. Anyway, it seems that this guy had a rather odd habit of asking women if they would like to be....um...how shall I put this...EXAMINED.
Ya know...as in...CLINICALLY. Strictly professional, you understand. And for reasons that totally escape me, the women who were approached--court reporters, the occasional attorney, maybe even a clerk or two--professional women mind you, apparently decided not to mention it to the judge he was working for. This particular judge was and is known as quite the stickler for formality and professionalism, and I'm sure at the very LEAST would've had the guy in question taken out of his courtroom. Now this guy was so freakin bold about it that he would actually get into a discussion with these women about the importance of having annual checkups, etc and then drop this little number on them.....no kidding either...
"Ya know....if you needed one....I could perform a mammogram on you. I was a medic in the army."
Talk about your bedside manner, huh? But it got worse. Soon the guy was actually offering his services to perform PAPSMEARS. Hey, that's a subject you bring up in everyday conversations, ya know?? So, dear reader, you must be wondering how this all ended? Well, truly it ended in the only way it could--being that it occured in the mondo//bizaarro world of the courthouse. It seems one day, the judge in question was ready to go to trial, and asked his clerk to go and get a jury panel from the jury room. So when the jurors are brought into the courtroom and are seated, one of the standard preliminary questions that every person is asked is:
"Do you know anyone in the courtroom? Are we your friends, neighbors, etc?"
So one woman on the prospective panel looks to the back of the courtroom and asks---hand to God here folks:
"What's my doctor doing dressed up like a baliff?"
Well, let's just say that his career in medicine ended right about there.
And so concludes.....another.....TALE OF THE COURTHOUSE......
Later,
Jeff
The Baliff//Gynocologist
It was about 1989 or so as I remember, when the tale of L.N. came to our attention.
Now, this person had been my court baliff for about a year or so, and then the judge we both worked for got promoted, he went with the judge, I stayed with the division, so I didn't get much of a chance to interact with the guy. I remember him as being....politely here...slightly odd, which truthfully makes him rather normal at the courthouse, but I digress. Anyway, it seems that this guy had a rather odd habit of asking women if they would like to be....um...how shall I put this...EXAMINED.
Ya know...as in...CLINICALLY. Strictly professional, you understand. And for reasons that totally escape me, the women who were approached--court reporters, the occasional attorney, maybe even a clerk or two--professional women mind you, apparently decided not to mention it to the judge he was working for. This particular judge was and is known as quite the stickler for formality and professionalism, and I'm sure at the very LEAST would've had the guy in question taken out of his courtroom. Now this guy was so freakin bold about it that he would actually get into a discussion with these women about the importance of having annual checkups, etc and then drop this little number on them.....no kidding either...
"Ya know....if you needed one....I could perform a mammogram on you. I was a medic in the army."
Talk about your bedside manner, huh? But it got worse. Soon the guy was actually offering his services to perform PAPSMEARS. Hey, that's a subject you bring up in everyday conversations, ya know?? So, dear reader, you must be wondering how this all ended? Well, truly it ended in the only way it could--being that it occured in the mondo//bizaarro world of the courthouse. It seems one day, the judge in question was ready to go to trial, and asked his clerk to go and get a jury panel from the jury room. So when the jurors are brought into the courtroom and are seated, one of the standard preliminary questions that every person is asked is:
"Do you know anyone in the courtroom? Are we your friends, neighbors, etc?"
So one woman on the prospective panel looks to the back of the courtroom and asks---hand to God here folks:
"What's my doctor doing dressed up like a baliff?"
Well, let's just say that his career in medicine ended right about there.
And so concludes.....another.....TALE OF THE COURTHOUSE......
Later,
Jeff
Sunday, January 16, 2005
1/16/05--First, the philosphical crap
So the other day, I was having an interesting conversation with a friend. (Oh puh-leeze dear friends...you know me better than that--no names of course) This person is in a rather delicate personal situation. They're married, but not really. Their in the middle of a seperation, one that their spouse wants...not them. And of course, there are children involved, which always makes it even more complicated. The problem is that their spouse can't decide...for lack of a more tasteful way of putting it, whether to shit or get off the pot. This person really loves their spouse (obviously), but is frustrated by what is perceived as the proverbial "hamster on a wheel" syndrome--spinning round and round, all the while really going nowhere.
So I went deep into the recesses of my marital counseling skills (oh c'mon--what subject would I know better than problems in a marriage?? I mean, really!) and asked them a question that I always felt worked in this situation. It goes like this:
Many years ago, I was watching a movie starring the great James Stewart called "Shenandoah". There's a terrific scene where a young man comes to ask for his daughter's hand in marriage. And Stewart asks:
"Let me ask you a question. Do you LIKE her?"
"Well of course I love her...I want to marry her."
"I didn't ask you that...I said....do you LIKE her?"
"I'm afraid I don't understand."
"Well you see, when I married her mother...I didn't really LOVE her. I liked her a lot. And over time, I grew to love her. But first, I LIKED her. So, do you like her?"
You get the general idea. So I asked this friend of mine about their spouse.
Do you like them? I hope it gave them food for thought.
Because while I was talking to them, I was thinking of those last dark days with the former Mrs Me # 2 (not to be confused with the former Mrs Me # 1, who we discussed last week. Try and keep up people!). I had been truly miserable for almost a year, and since I was the one who was doing most of the work to keep the marriage going (and I realize that's strictly my own opinion) you could safely say that it wasn't the most love filled household on the block. As laughable as it may be to say, I really was sticking around because of the dog--maybe I was trying to figure out a way to leave and take her with me. One valuable lesson was learned. Always have an escape route! (I say that only slightly sarcastically) Anyway, here I was trying to come up with a reason to leave, and complications of some sort kept coming up. Her father became very ill (sadly, he would eventually die of cancer), and then there was the matter of his will and his estate, which were an absolute mess. I kept thinking that if I left her now, no matter how desperate I was to get out, that I would feel like a total heel. Now, as some of you may know, there was this other problem that I was in the middle of....but, let's just say that discretion perhaps prevents me from discussing it now. Anyway, so things are taking a real dumper in her life, I'm miserable and trying to get advice on what I should do, when we came to the episode I like to delicately call....."the Mr. Bunny episode".
We had, or I should say.....SHE HAD recently acquired a rabbit. A more useless animal I have never seen. Now I know why they make furs out of their coats, because they just sit there like a lump of shit. Worthless. So we've had this thing for a couple of weeks, and we would put it into a room and close the door so that our cats wouldn't mess with it. Except, when we got home we would find that the damn thing had eaten just about anything that was located on or near the floor--which included any books that might be on a bookcase on the bottom shelf. UGH!
Well needless to say, this was causing me a touch of consternation, so we eventually started leaving the rabbit in the guest bathroom--figuring that he couldn't get into much trouble there, ya know? So (hold onto your hats)....one day, we get home from work....she lets the rabbit out to---ah hell, do whatever rabbits do when their not sitting there doing nothing---and I decided to, ya know....make a pitstop in the guest bathroom (don't ya love reading about this stuff?? Its so compelling!). So, I'm in there.....well.....sitting down....and there's a knock on the door. It was then, that I heard my lovely bride speak to me....with what would later become one of the defining moments of our marriage.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Um...what do you THINK I'm doing." I replied.
"I know what your doing...I mean why are you doing it in there?"
"Um...because its a BATHROOM."
"No, I mean why are you in Mr. Bunny's room."
I swear to God. That's how far I had fallen. I was now in the fucking BUNNY'S room. I realized pretty much which step of the ladder I was now on in that condo.
I mean, it was one thing for me to be less important to her than the dog--I mean, I loved the dog too (that was one great dog). I realized that I was probably on about an even keel with the two cats, which didn't make me happy, but at least they weren't ABOVE me. But I will be DAMNED if I was going to be below a rabbit.
I suddenly had a craving for rabbit stew.
And then I recalled a conversation with my brother (wise sage that he be), who once had told me:
"When the pain of staying is worse than the pain of leaving.....you will leave."
And I knew it was time to leave. Unfortunately, I didn't have a lot of times to make my escape because of other complications--but it was time to leave. One of my neighbors told me that the day I left, I was going to be driving out of the parking lot of our condo with all my stuff, and I was going to hit the main road, and probably take the sweetest breath I had taken in over 5 years--the breath of freedom.
And so, looking back....I realized that when I married her, old Mrs Me # 2, that I really did love her very much.
I just didn't like her. And it took me 6 years to realize it.
Later,
Jeff
Saturday, January 15, 2005
1/15/05--A visit to the doctor--postscript
So yesterday, I ventured with my lovely bride to the doctors office. As in....the dermatologist. Now mind you, the last time I had gone to the dermatologist was when I was like 16 years old because of the dreaded.....acne. A couple of months of tetracyclin and I was done with the skin doctor. A few months ago I noticed that I had something on the side of my nose, up around my left eye. At first, I was thinking that I was WAY too old to be getting a zit but the darn thing just wouldn't go away and gradually started getting bigger. Well, the wife goes about once per year to the skin doctor cause of the whole freckles thing--ya know, wanting to make sure she doesn't have one there that's not really a freckle--so she told me that I should go with her.
First of all....if I come back and have a 2nd life, I'm coming back as a dermatologist.
What a racket. The guy we saw, not that he wasn't very nice and totally professional, but....he shared an office with like 10 or 12 other doctors. They have like 15 to 20 patient rooms at the location we were at, and a lobby filled with patients. And then you notice on the receipt--they have like 8 other locations all over the tri-county area. Do you know what sort of cash these people have to be pulling in? Holy crap. We were in the office for all of 20 minutes, the guy did about 5 procedures, and Kim told me that if we didn't have insurance it would've cost us about $1,100. 20 minutes work--$1,100. Dad was right. I should've taken school more seriously.
Anyway, so we're back in the patient room and they're looking at every freckle that Kim has with intense focus, and then ask me why I'm there. I point to my, um....blemish. The doctor walks in, asks why I'm there, I point and he says:
"Oh yes! That's not a problem."
I told him that in the top 10 things you don't want to hear from your doctor, # 1 is:
"I've never seen anything like that in my entire life."
So he tells me that I have a lovely cyst, and then procedes to drain it and then lop it off. And yes, it felt just wonderful. He asked me if it hurt and I told him that it didn't, but that I shouldn't have any problem with nasal congestion the rest of the day. Then he asks me if I wanted him to look at anything else...now mind you, I really had only come about the cyst but I figured what the hell, ya know, I'm here.
So I take off the shirt, slight fainting spell by the nurse, and their giving me the old once over lightly....and then I hear:
"Hmmm."
That's not something you want to hear from a doctor. "Hmmm".
Hmmm? What does "hmmm" mean? Oh nothing, he says. Probably nothing.
"Probably" nothing doesn't mean nothing. So he says I've got a mole, or a beauty mark (not that I would be surprised by that--ahem) and that he's going to take it.
How the hell do I have a weird looking mole? I NEVER go out into the sun.
Geez, I'm as Irish looking as you can get! So then of course the doctor's assistant goes about telling me how this is all no big deal, that they just want to check it out, ya know--"better safe than sorry". Yeah, now in the meantime I'm going to be all paranoid.
But the point is....I wouldn't have even had him look at my back if it hadn't been suggested for me. You can't ever be too sure....if you go out into the sun on a regular basis--get that shit checked out. The good news is that I got the cyst off of my nose so I don't look like the only 43 yr old with an acne problem. So, ya know, I got that going for me.
Later,
Jeff
Thursday, January 13, 2005
1/13/05--Today's movie reviews
Still taking advantage of my new Blockbuster deal, and watched more movies.
1) Troy--a big, huge, mammoth (is that enough adjectives?) of a film, detailing the story first told by Homer in Greek mythology. Brad Pitt takes center stage as Achilles, and the guy obviously took some time to work out for the part--he's absolutely ripped to the bone. This is a pretty good "sword & sandal" epic (that's what they used to call them in the 60's) with some solid swordfights, couple of romances to distract you between battles and what must have been a cast of thousands. First and foremost, this is a great LOOKING film--which is not to say that its a "great movie"....just that it looks great. ***1/2
2) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind--Charlie Kaufman is the writer of such movies as Adaptation & Being John Malkovich. I mention this right from the old get go, because it helps you realize what you've stumbled upon when you watch this movie. In other words, you're going to be getting something that will be most easily defined as "quirky". Jim Carrey & Kate Winslet are Joel & Clementine, who's relationship (apparently) takes a wrong turn at some point. Clementine then contacts an agency that (get this one) will wipe out all memory of the ill fated romance from your brain (and if you think I've got a smart ass remark that I'm waiting to spring on you---you are CORRECT sir!). Its a cute story, and the two are an engaging couple, but.....the tale is told in flashbacks that pop in and out at weird times....which honestly makes the story hard to follow at points. This is not a film for everyone because of how it goes from present time to the past, and its hard to follow....but if you stick with it....there's a nice payoff in the end. ***3/4
3) Riding Giants--my old boss Dean Rusie has been a surfin nut from long ago. So I've sat down and had conversations with someone who has gotten bitten by the surfing bug. This film, by noted documentarian Stacy Peralta (Dogtown & Z-Boys), examines the culture of surfing from its very beginnings, focusing in specifically on three of the alltime greats, Greg Noll, the first of the "big wave" surfers in Hawaii, Jeff Clark, who discovered big waves just north of San Francisco and Laird Hamilton, rapidly becoming a household name through a series of American Express commercials and his skill as a surfer. I should offer onevery important note. You do not have to be a fan of surfing, a surfer, a beachgoer, a sunworshipper or even an owner of any form of Sunblock to appreciate this movie. This is a great, great movie on its own legs. I don't even care about surfing, and for a little over an hour and a half I was absolutely captivated by the history, legends & characters involved in surfing lore. Some absolutely STUNNING film footage of surfers taking on waves of over 20 feet. Tremendous movie. ***** (that's FIVE big stars!)
Later,
jeff
1) Troy--a big, huge, mammoth (is that enough adjectives?) of a film, detailing the story first told by Homer in Greek mythology. Brad Pitt takes center stage as Achilles, and the guy obviously took some time to work out for the part--he's absolutely ripped to the bone. This is a pretty good "sword & sandal" epic (that's what they used to call them in the 60's) with some solid swordfights, couple of romances to distract you between battles and what must have been a cast of thousands. First and foremost, this is a great LOOKING film--which is not to say that its a "great movie"....just that it looks great. ***1/2
2) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind--Charlie Kaufman is the writer of such movies as Adaptation & Being John Malkovich. I mention this right from the old get go, because it helps you realize what you've stumbled upon when you watch this movie. In other words, you're going to be getting something that will be most easily defined as "quirky". Jim Carrey & Kate Winslet are Joel & Clementine, who's relationship (apparently) takes a wrong turn at some point. Clementine then contacts an agency that (get this one) will wipe out all memory of the ill fated romance from your brain (and if you think I've got a smart ass remark that I'm waiting to spring on you---you are CORRECT sir!). Its a cute story, and the two are an engaging couple, but.....the tale is told in flashbacks that pop in and out at weird times....which honestly makes the story hard to follow at points. This is not a film for everyone because of how it goes from present time to the past, and its hard to follow....but if you stick with it....there's a nice payoff in the end. ***3/4
3) Riding Giants--my old boss Dean Rusie has been a surfin nut from long ago. So I've sat down and had conversations with someone who has gotten bitten by the surfing bug. This film, by noted documentarian Stacy Peralta (Dogtown & Z-Boys), examines the culture of surfing from its very beginnings, focusing in specifically on three of the alltime greats, Greg Noll, the first of the "big wave" surfers in Hawaii, Jeff Clark, who discovered big waves just north of San Francisco and Laird Hamilton, rapidly becoming a household name through a series of American Express commercials and his skill as a surfer. I should offer onevery important note. You do not have to be a fan of surfing, a surfer, a beachgoer, a sunworshipper or even an owner of any form of Sunblock to appreciate this movie. This is a great, great movie on its own legs. I don't even care about surfing, and for a little over an hour and a half I was absolutely captivated by the history, legends & characters involved in surfing lore. Some absolutely STUNNING film footage of surfers taking on waves of over 20 feet. Tremendous movie. ***** (that's FIVE big stars!)
Later,
jeff
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
posted 01-12-2005 03:26 PM 
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
The "P" word---potential
So the kids report cards arrived the other day. This was pretty important stuff, because we've been trying to emphasize to Andy the importance of keeping his grades up now that he's in high school, and Kellie's progress reports have been--to say the least--very disappointing. She had already lost her phone privileges and this would be the day of reckoning, to say nothing of the fact that I told her if her grades continued to be so poor that we wouldn't pay for her to go to a private school anymore.
So I opened Andy's report card first, and he had all A's and two C's. One of the classes that had a C was biology, which is a class that Andy just hates. We had already told him earlier in the year--just get through it and next year you can start taking chemistry (which he loves...go figure). So, he got the C and we were....satisfied if not happy. However, the troubling thing was the C in the other class and what the teacher wrote in her comments.
"Does not work to full potential."
That one really stuck me. I asked Andy if he thought it were true. He sort of hemmed and hawed and really couldn't come up with an answer.
"Does this report card reflect the best work and effort that you are capable of?"
And he thought some more...and then finally admitted......no.
I told him that if it did, he could tell me. But he again said that the answer was no.
And I reread to him the teachers comment. And I told him there was a reason that reading this about him bothered me so much.
"Who here tonight did not work to their full potential?"
Andy thought I was talking about Kellie. But then, ever so slowly, I turned to....
Myself.
I told Andy how that when I was his age there was nothing more that I wanted to do in my life than to be a sportscaster. Nothing was going to stop me from getting there. And that somewhere along the line, I missed it. That while I could sit there and think that if only I had been pushed more by my parents, or if I had gotten help from the school, or if.....what's the old saying? If "if's and but's were candy and nuts"....and so ultimately what I had planned for myself didn't work out. Instead, I got a fine job in the clerk's office, making pretty good money, co-workers that I really like....all the while knowing that I had failed myself. And that I had no one else to blame but myself. That Ihad more potential than that, but that I "settled" for the career that I had. And I told Andy that if he ended up working a 9-5 job, with the gift that he's been given from God in his brain....that if didn't end up as a chemist, or an astronomer, or a video games designer...or any one of the many jobs that he thinks he would like to do...ones that would take advantage of his talents.....that he would not be living up to his potential. And that the day would come when he realized that he had failed himself.....and he would be faced with the saddest two words in the English language.
"What if?"
Kellie's report card was....better. She didn't get her phone back. She still has work to do. We took her out of her two honors classes to see if that will get her back on track. I told her if her next progress report indicated an improvement--she would get her phone back.
Its all about the tough love folks, tough love.
Later,
Jeff
So I opened Andy's report card first, and he had all A's and two C's. One of the classes that had a C was biology, which is a class that Andy just hates. We had already told him earlier in the year--just get through it and next year you can start taking chemistry (which he loves...go figure). So, he got the C and we were....satisfied if not happy. However, the troubling thing was the C in the other class and what the teacher wrote in her comments.
"Does not work to full potential."
That one really stuck me. I asked Andy if he thought it were true. He sort of hemmed and hawed and really couldn't come up with an answer.
"Does this report card reflect the best work and effort that you are capable of?"
And he thought some more...and then finally admitted......no.
I told him that if it did, he could tell me. But he again said that the answer was no.
And I reread to him the teachers comment. And I told him there was a reason that reading this about him bothered me so much.
"Who here tonight did not work to their full potential?"
Andy thought I was talking about Kellie. But then, ever so slowly, I turned to....
Myself.
I told Andy how that when I was his age there was nothing more that I wanted to do in my life than to be a sportscaster. Nothing was going to stop me from getting there. And that somewhere along the line, I missed it. That while I could sit there and think that if only I had been pushed more by my parents, or if I had gotten help from the school, or if.....what's the old saying? If "if's and but's were candy and nuts"....and so ultimately what I had planned for myself didn't work out. Instead, I got a fine job in the clerk's office, making pretty good money, co-workers that I really like....all the while knowing that I had failed myself. And that I had no one else to blame but myself. That Ihad more potential than that, but that I "settled" for the career that I had. And I told Andy that if he ended up working a 9-5 job, with the gift that he's been given from God in his brain....that if didn't end up as a chemist, or an astronomer, or a video games designer...or any one of the many jobs that he thinks he would like to do...ones that would take advantage of his talents.....that he would not be living up to his potential. And that the day would come when he realized that he had failed himself.....and he would be faced with the saddest two words in the English language.
"What if?"
Kellie's report card was....better. She didn't get her phone back. She still has work to do. We took her out of her two honors classes to see if that will get her back on track. I told her if her next progress report indicated an improvement--she would get her phone back.
Its all about the tough love folks, tough love.
Later,
Jeff
Monday, January 10, 2005
1/10/04--Moon over Green Bay
So yesterday, in amongst the time that I received the bad news about Misty, my Vikings went to Green Bay to play a playoff game. The Vikes went into the game with a less than sterling 3-7 record over the last 10 games of the season, not unlike the season before when they...uh...pretty much did the same damn thing.
I was not confident. They were playing the Packers, who they had lost to twice already this season, both by scores of 34-31 on the last play of the game (AARRGH!!). Then you had the whole controversy from last weekend where Randy Moss decided to leave the playing field with 2 seconds left on the clock.
Well, in the immortal words of Gomer Pyle..."surprise, surprise, surprise!!"
Somehow head coach Mike Tice pulled a rabbit out of his hat and brought his team into Lambeau Field jacked up and ready to play. The Vikes jumped out to a 17-0 lead, which is just about the point that I started thinking about the news I had just gotten and really turned the game off. Well now, at some point, late in the game, with the score at 24-17, the Vikes made an impressive drive down the field towards the Green Bay goalline. About 30 yds out, QB Duante Culpepper throws a deep pass for Randy Moss, who pulls it in for the touchdown that essentially ended the game and sent the Vikes on to the 2nd round of the playoffs.
Here's where it gets fun: Moss, ever the petulant child, then goes over by the Green Bay goalpost and SIMULATES (key phrase) mooning the Packer faithful. There have been some reports that he was wiping his behind on the goalpost, but I really didn't see any evidence of that.
Now, its at about this point in the broadcast that the FOX announcers (that's right--FOX--can you believe it?) to show their outrage to the viewing audience. Play by play guy Joe Buck begins screaming about what a disgusting display it was by a thug WR (keep in mind this is the same Joe Buck who appears in the Budweiser commercials with egomaniacal football player "Leon"--but I digress). The guys in the FOX studio, lead by Terry Bradshaw--you remember, the guy who reportedly couldn't spell C..A..T...if you spotted him the "C" and the "A"---begin screaming about the "sanctity of the NFL" Again, this is the same Terry Bradshaw who up until 3 or 4 years ago wouldn't go to Pittsburgh for team events because he was still having a hissy about being booed by the fans during his career. And HE'S going to tell Moss to grow up? Uh....no thank you. And then my personal favorite:
Now I've heard everything...Dan Patrick was interviewing Mike Ditka & Michael Irvin about the Moss situation, Irvin actually said:
"No I wouldn't want Randy Moss for my teammate.
As great a player as he is on the field...I'd always have to be cleaning up his messes off the field."
![[Roll Eyes]](http://wrestlingclassics.com/.ubb/rolleyes.gif)
EXCUSE ME??? Michael "COCAINE" Irvin is worrying about a teammate's reputation off the field?
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!
This is the same guy who bought a house in Dallas next to the training facility in Dallas so he and his teammates could bang strippers after practice.
What an idiot. And he has the nerve to say that Moss "doesn't respect the NFL". I guess banging whores and snorting blow was part of the NFL's
"relaxed policy" when Irvin was playing.
And as far as respecting the NFL, I wonder if Iron Mike, total blowhard that he's always been,
thought he was respecting the NFL the 137th time the cameras caught him cursing at one of his players. Oh, I'm sorry--that was just his style.
Look....it was a pretty stupid gesture. Was it "obscene"? No. First of all...it was a "SIMULATED" gesture. He didn't actually drop trousers. And of course, then there were the stories that came out AFTERWARDS about the "quaint" little custom that the fans of Lambeau have with the visiting teams that lose in Green Bay: they wait by the dressing room of the opponents and then MOON the team bus to the losing team, showing the spoils of their "victory". These are the "respectful" and proud fans of the NFL's penultimate franchise, the Green Bay Packers. Loads of class, huh? So...with that knowledge....Moss? Stupid gesture. The national outrage? Way, WAAAAAY overblown. A better question would have been:
"What in God's name is with Randy's hair?" Holy cripes! It was like Sly Stone was out there playing receiver for the Vikes. And if it was Sly, whew....he was smoking Al Harris all day, wasn't he?
Later,
Jeff
I was not confident. They were playing the Packers, who they had lost to twice already this season, both by scores of 34-31 on the last play of the game (AARRGH!!). Then you had the whole controversy from last weekend where Randy Moss decided to leave the playing field with 2 seconds left on the clock.
Well, in the immortal words of Gomer Pyle..."surprise, surprise, surprise!!"
Somehow head coach Mike Tice pulled a rabbit out of his hat and brought his team into Lambeau Field jacked up and ready to play. The Vikes jumped out to a 17-0 lead, which is just about the point that I started thinking about the news I had just gotten and really turned the game off. Well now, at some point, late in the game, with the score at 24-17, the Vikes made an impressive drive down the field towards the Green Bay goalline. About 30 yds out, QB Duante Culpepper throws a deep pass for Randy Moss, who pulls it in for the touchdown that essentially ended the game and sent the Vikes on to the 2nd round of the playoffs.
Here's where it gets fun: Moss, ever the petulant child, then goes over by the Green Bay goalpost and SIMULATES (key phrase) mooning the Packer faithful. There have been some reports that he was wiping his behind on the goalpost, but I really didn't see any evidence of that.
Now, its at about this point in the broadcast that the FOX announcers (that's right--FOX--can you believe it?) to show their outrage to the viewing audience. Play by play guy Joe Buck begins screaming about what a disgusting display it was by a thug WR (keep in mind this is the same Joe Buck who appears in the Budweiser commercials with egomaniacal football player "Leon"--but I digress). The guys in the FOX studio, lead by Terry Bradshaw--you remember, the guy who reportedly couldn't spell C..A..T...if you spotted him the "C" and the "A"---begin screaming about the "sanctity of the NFL" Again, this is the same Terry Bradshaw who up until 3 or 4 years ago wouldn't go to Pittsburgh for team events because he was still having a hissy about being booed by the fans during his career. And HE'S going to tell Moss to grow up? Uh....no thank you. And then my personal favorite:
Now I've heard everything...Dan Patrick was interviewing Mike Ditka & Michael Irvin about the Moss situation, Irvin actually said:
"No I wouldn't want Randy Moss for my teammate.
As great a player as he is on the field...I'd always have to be cleaning up his messes off the field."
EXCUSE ME??? Michael "COCAINE" Irvin is worrying about a teammate's reputation off the field?
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!
This is the same guy who bought a house in Dallas next to the training facility in Dallas so he and his teammates could bang strippers after practice.
What an idiot. And he has the nerve to say that Moss "doesn't respect the NFL". I guess banging whores and snorting blow was part of the NFL's
"relaxed policy" when Irvin was playing.
And as far as respecting the NFL, I wonder if Iron Mike, total blowhard that he's always been,
thought he was respecting the NFL the 137th time the cameras caught him cursing at one of his players. Oh, I'm sorry--that was just his style.
Look....it was a pretty stupid gesture. Was it "obscene"? No. First of all...it was a "SIMULATED" gesture. He didn't actually drop trousers. And of course, then there were the stories that came out AFTERWARDS about the "quaint" little custom that the fans of Lambeau have with the visiting teams that lose in Green Bay: they wait by the dressing room of the opponents and then MOON the team bus to the losing team, showing the spoils of their "victory". These are the "respectful" and proud fans of the NFL's penultimate franchise, the Green Bay Packers. Loads of class, huh? So...with that knowledge....Moss? Stupid gesture. The national outrage? Way, WAAAAAY overblown. A better question would have been:
"What in God's name is with Randy's hair?" Holy cripes! It was like Sly Stone was out there playing receiver for the Vikes. And if it was Sly, whew....he was smoking Al Harris all day, wasn't he?
Later,
Jeff
Sunday, January 9, 2005
1/9/05--sad news
I got a phone call today with some sad news. It wasn't a call from who I thought it would be from. But I got the news.
My Misty girl...my beloved "daughter" for some 6 years is gone. My ex-wife, the beloved former Mrs Me # 2 faced what I'm sure was a horrible decision and put her down. I'm told that Misty, now aged 14 yrs, had gotten to the point where she couldn't walk anymore--a fact that made the decision somewhat easier for the ex, who lives in a 2nd floor condo.
Misty first came into my life in 1991, about 6 mos before we got married. A friend of my future wife's came over to the house holding a little puppy who had been left at the end of a country road with some a few of her brothers and sisters. Deserted.
The friend managed to get ahold of Misty before she ran away with her siblings, and took her to my ex, who was an easy mark for animals in need. I remember when she called me to tell me that it looked like we would have our first addition to the family--before we got married (somewhat scandalous I know). I went over to her house, and took a look at the dog that would play such an intergral part of my life over the next 6 years.
"Big paws," I said. "This is going to be a big dog."
She was an Australian Shepherd--a breed that I really didn't know that much about.
But what a breed. What a dog. Through the next 6 years, with many ups & downs in my personal life...Misty was the one constant in my life. I could have arguements with my wife...with her family....have a bad day at work....and yet, when I got home, Misty was always there. I blew off a lot of steam in those days walking Misty around the block. So Misty was my sounding board for a marriage that was beginning to have some problems. She heard my concerns, my worries, my frustration....and never once complained about listening to my gripes. And when I was gone....I'm sure my ex would give her a hug and air her complaints about me to Misty. And she never complained....and always listened.
My marriage to the former Mrs Me # 2 had its problems. Maybe we were "never meant to be". Maybe we should've never gotten together. But during our 6 years as a couple...we had one shining jewel.
Our gift to the world for those years was our girl...our daughter...our Misty.
Misty 1991-2005
My Misty girl...my beloved "daughter" for some 6 years is gone. My ex-wife, the beloved former Mrs Me # 2 faced what I'm sure was a horrible decision and put her down. I'm told that Misty, now aged 14 yrs, had gotten to the point where she couldn't walk anymore--a fact that made the decision somewhat easier for the ex, who lives in a 2nd floor condo.
Misty first came into my life in 1991, about 6 mos before we got married. A friend of my future wife's came over to the house holding a little puppy who had been left at the end of a country road with some a few of her brothers and sisters. Deserted.
The friend managed to get ahold of Misty before she ran away with her siblings, and took her to my ex, who was an easy mark for animals in need. I remember when she called me to tell me that it looked like we would have our first addition to the family--before we got married (somewhat scandalous I know). I went over to her house, and took a look at the dog that would play such an intergral part of my life over the next 6 years.
"Big paws," I said. "This is going to be a big dog."
She was an Australian Shepherd--a breed that I really didn't know that much about.
But what a breed. What a dog. Through the next 6 years, with many ups & downs in my personal life...Misty was the one constant in my life. I could have arguements with my wife...with her family....have a bad day at work....and yet, when I got home, Misty was always there. I blew off a lot of steam in those days walking Misty around the block. So Misty was my sounding board for a marriage that was beginning to have some problems. She heard my concerns, my worries, my frustration....and never once complained about listening to my gripes. And when I was gone....I'm sure my ex would give her a hug and air her complaints about me to Misty. And she never complained....and always listened.
My marriage to the former Mrs Me # 2 had its problems. Maybe we were "never meant to be". Maybe we should've never gotten together. But during our 6 years as a couple...we had one shining jewel.
Our gift to the world for those years was our girl...our daughter...our Misty.
Misty 1991-2005
1/9/05--movie intensive
So I've really been taking advantage of this new deal with Blockbuster--I watched like three movies over a 2 day period--then went and checked out 3 more. My eyes are beginning to blur.
1) Anchorman--The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Will Ferrell was a great character performer while he was on Saturday Night Live, and this movie is essentially a 90 minute skit. Now, that can be good (Blues Bros) or bad (The Coneheads). Fortunately, this is a good one. The movie reminds me somewhat of Airplane! in that there are literally so many jokes thrown at the screen over the 90 minutes that, quite honestly, some of them fall flat. The good news however, is that there are enough that hit the mark that this is a very funny movie. Ron Burgundy is a local news anchor in San Diego circa 1973, a time when the local news guy dominated the local scene and was a much higher profile gig than it his now. The problem is that Burgundy is essentially a nitwit, one of those guys who's entire understanding of news is what appears in front of them on the teleprompter (as is displayed in a very funny scene during the film). Ferrell is joined by Christina Applegate, who is proving her self a very nice little film comedienne, but the best scenes in the movie involve Ferrell and (don't laugh)...his dog. Its not necessarily a knock on the film to say that some of the funniest lines in the movie go to the dog. Trust me. ***3/4
2) Napoleon Dynamite--here's a weird little film. Napoleon is a nerdy high school kid who lives in a small town in Idaho and who, like a lot of nerdy kids, gets picked on by the bullies and popular kids at his school. He ends up befriending the new spanish kid in school and helps him in his run for class president. Along the way, Napoleon has to deal with his even nerdier older brother and his more than just a little strange Uncle Rico, who has an Al Bundy-esque obsession with his football glory days back in 1982. This film is not for everyone. There are some genuinely meanspirited characters here, and Napoleon himself isn't the most likeable guy around...but sort of like a fungus--this film kind of grows on you. Half way through the film I was asking myself why I was sitting through it...but at the end I found myself glad that I had. There's a really cute scene towards the end of the film where Napoleon has his sort of "coming out" and in its ownway its a really uplifting scene.
One of the things I really enjoyed about the film was the performance of Tina Manjarino, who plays the girl that Napoleon has a crush on. She is a very good young actress who's someone to watch in the future. *** (but not for everyone)
3) Shaun of the Dead--I gotta be honest with you. I'm not a huge fan of zombie films. Never got into the whole Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead craze.
I did see 28 Days Later, which I thought was a good horror film about zombies.
But I read about Shaun of the Dead and decided to take a chance...especially since it had been describes as a "Zom-Rom-Com", which means it was a "zombie-romantic-comedy". I figured anything that had those 3 things thrown together had to be at least worth a look. Some of the zombie stuff is a tad grisly, but the humor stuff is very funny in parts, such as the scene where Shaun and his best friend are trying to fend off the zombies by throwing old records at them--while Shaun is trying to decide which albums he doesn't want to throw:
"Purple Rain?"
"What...are you kidding? That's a great record!"
"Sign of the Times?"
"Yeah...that's better...throw that one."
Again, this is not a film for everyone. Some will see the whole zombie part and decide their not interested. But its a very black comedy about what happens when a virus that is "not of this earth" wipes out a large portion of the population.
"Do you think he'd mind if I took his Jaguar? I've always wanted to drive it."
In its own warped way, its a pretty good film with some very funny moments.
Especially stick around for the end of the film, which shows what society decided to do with the...um....living dead. (I wouldn't have guessed a game show, but who knows?) ***1/2
Later,
Jeff
Wednesday, January 5, 2005
1/5/05---Back to some movie reviews--briefly
Well, first of all.....I'd like to say thank you very kindly for the positive feedback on my recent article on the beginnings of my relationship with the former Mrs Me # 1.
And oh...don't worry...there is the proverbial "plethora" of information on that topic.
Geez...I was thinking about it today. All that we've talked about is like that iceberg.
You've only seen the very tip of that resource of storylines. And man alive---I haven't even started talking about wife # 2!!! I was wondering today which one of my delightful ex's had a weirder freakin family. Its a close call...may go down to the wire.
Anyway...I've had the chance recently, courteousy of Blockbuster ("NO MORE LATE FEES"--are you tired of those ad's yet?) to watch a couple of new DVD's.
1) Collateral--boy do I love it when an actor that I'm not particularly fond of takes a chance and hits one out of the park. Tom Cruise, for years nothing but a pretty boy with a smirk goes totally against type in his latest, by noted stylist//director Michael Mann. Cruise plays Vincent, who is picked up by cabbie Jamie Foxx one night.
Vincent will be in L.A. for only one evening, and asks Foxx to be his driver for the evening--for a very nice fee of course. A short while later, Foxx begins to realize that this is no ordinary fare. Cruise is a hired killer with 5 stops to make and he's going to have to insist that Foxx spends the entire night with him. Cruise is absolutely mesmirizing, in his greatest performance as Vincent. He's a coldblooded, nerves of steel killer--and I totally allowed myself to be drawn in. So many times when you watch Cruise, you watch a film and understand that you are watching "Tom Cruise--movie star" taking on various roles (Jerry Maguire, Vanilla Sky).
This role has him fully realizing the potential that he flashed in "A.I.". He perhaps has very intelligently come to realize that the pretty boy roles will one day dry up, but there will always be work for a solid actor. This is the role that shows Cruise reaching for that status, and he grabs it. Which is not to say that he's not ably supported by Foxx, who quickly is becoming an excellent actor (the recent "Ray").
But this movie is really all about Cruise. There's a scene in the middle of the film, in the middle of downtown L.A., where Foxx stops his cab. Bouncing across an intersection during the middle of the night comes a wolf, out looking for a kill.
The scene is classic Michael Mann, and the symbolism of the wolf (Cruise) searching for his victims is not lost on us. **** 1/2 terrific!
2) The Bourne Supremacy--I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I totally respect Matt Damon as an actor. He decided to take on the tougher roles and become an actor, while his old buddy Ben Affleck decided to become a movie star. Which one do you think will be around Hollywood longer, huh? Damon returns as former CIA agent Jason Bourne, still trying to put together the details of his past in the dreams that haunt him. The film opens with Bourne living on the coast of India, trying to find peace of mind with his girlfriend (Franka Potente) when his past comes back to find him--even in this remote location. Soon he is back on the run, trying to learn why his past and former employers won't leave him alone. A terrific spy thriller, worthy of the man who wrote it (Robert Ludlum), with Damon in top form and ably supported by the likes of Joan Allen, Brian Cox & Julia Stiles. You have to figure this franchise will continue--there's plenty of gold to made from it. ****1/2
Later,
Jeff
Monday, January 3, 2005
1/3/05--Happy Freakin New Year
Ya know...sometimes, this shit writes itself. Take tonight for example. I get home late from work, and the wife--huge surprise--asks if I feel like going out for dinner.
Remember that old joke? What's your wife make for dinner? RESERVATIONS!
Anyway, we go out to that ultra-ritzy, 5 star restaurant "Wings & Things". High class living...that's us. So we go in, to get the cholestral special of the day, and has we're digging into all things horrible for your health, a family of about 7 or 8 come in.
Now, what's funny right away is that....its a mom & dad, one son, and like 4 daughters....the girls are between the ages of 10 & 13. And shiver me timbers, the girls are giddy looking at......ANDY! I can safely say, this was a first. And the whole brood ends up at the table right next to ours (naturally). Well, the whole thing with the young girls takes a back seat as we listen (unavoidably), to the incredibly insipid and aggravating conversation between the mom & dad. The waitress comes over (let's remember: we're at a WINGS joint)....and the mom asks:
"Do the drinks come with our dinner?"
(What? You think your at a Morrison's here lady?)
Then, the husband tries to order wings, and is trying to order them plain.
"I want them mild."
"You mean the mild sauce?"
"No...ya know....dry."
"You mean plain?"
"That's what I said."
The actual ordering of the meal, no lie....took 15 minutes. It was like listening to an Abbott & Costello routine. I told Kim--this waitress better get a good tip.
So then we leave the restaurant...and we walk past the front window...right where the family is sitting. As I walk by, I turn and notice that all the young girls are burning a hole right through.....ANDY.....with huge smiles on their faces.
"Andy.." I said, "If I'm not mistaken....those young ladies are getting a look at your....bootay.!"
This of course, horrified Kellie, as the thought that ANY girl would find her brother in any way attractive had her gagging....totally.
So today, at work, I had a rather unpleasant run-in with the former Mrs. Me # 1.
I made the horrible mistake--how could I?--of wishing her a Happy New Year.
You woulda thought I told her that she had toilet paper hanging out of her ass for the look I got. So, at the time, I happened to be chatting with a mutual acquaintence, who I'm sure would rather remain "nameless" (let's call him "Deep Throat"). So she sees Deep talking with me...walks over and starts chatting it up with him, while ignoring me like I'm a zit on the end of her nose that she'd rather not think of.
Well, in the immortal words of Glenn Close....from Fatal Attraction.....
"You don't think.....that I will stand for.....being IGNORED.....do you????"
So, in her honor....I proudly (well, not if my parents are reading this...but otherwise I'm proud)......present a lovely STORY FROM THE FORMER MRS ME # 1.
It was the early months of 1984, and the former was ripe with child--the one from the assistant manager at K-Mart...but I digress---and I had been invited over for the very first dinner with her family.
Family. Hmm......."family" in the way that a pack of wolves is a "family".
So I get to meet her mother (on husband #4 or #8--depending on which way you chose to look at it) and her stepfather (one front tooth---5'1" and 300lbs and looking GOOD for the ladies), her older brother (the religious nut who always walked around in suits in hope that one day he would become a minister), her younger brother (15 years old and already having unprotected sex with the girl across the street) , her younger sister (the only NORMAL one--including my future wife by the way--in the family. I felt so bad for her) & her younger stepbrother (slowly developing a twitch from having been slapped around by her mom so much).
It was a good looking clan....sorta like the family from Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
So after dinner, the stepfather and I are sitting at the table....and he's eyeing me.
"So, uh.....lemme ask ya something. Why exactly are you dating my daughter?"
"Excuse me?"
"Ya know....she's 6 months pregnant. Why you dating her?"
"Well, obviously not for sex."
True story.
Later,
Jeff
Remember that old joke? What's your wife make for dinner? RESERVATIONS!
Anyway, we go out to that ultra-ritzy, 5 star restaurant "Wings & Things". High class living...that's us. So we go in, to get the cholestral special of the day, and has we're digging into all things horrible for your health, a family of about 7 or 8 come in.
Now, what's funny right away is that....its a mom & dad, one son, and like 4 daughters....the girls are between the ages of 10 & 13. And shiver me timbers, the girls are giddy looking at......ANDY! I can safely say, this was a first. And the whole brood ends up at the table right next to ours (naturally). Well, the whole thing with the young girls takes a back seat as we listen (unavoidably), to the incredibly insipid and aggravating conversation between the mom & dad. The waitress comes over (let's remember: we're at a WINGS joint)....and the mom asks:
"Do the drinks come with our dinner?"
(What? You think your at a Morrison's here lady?)
Then, the husband tries to order wings, and is trying to order them plain.
"I want them mild."
"You mean the mild sauce?"
"No...ya know....dry."
"You mean plain?"
"That's what I said."
The actual ordering of the meal, no lie....took 15 minutes. It was like listening to an Abbott & Costello routine. I told Kim--this waitress better get a good tip.
So then we leave the restaurant...and we walk past the front window...right where the family is sitting. As I walk by, I turn and notice that all the young girls are burning a hole right through.....ANDY.....with huge smiles on their faces.
"Andy.." I said, "If I'm not mistaken....those young ladies are getting a look at your....bootay.!"
This of course, horrified Kellie, as the thought that ANY girl would find her brother in any way attractive had her gagging....totally.
So today, at work, I had a rather unpleasant run-in with the former Mrs. Me # 1.
I made the horrible mistake--how could I?--of wishing her a Happy New Year.
You woulda thought I told her that she had toilet paper hanging out of her ass for the look I got. So, at the time, I happened to be chatting with a mutual acquaintence, who I'm sure would rather remain "nameless" (let's call him "Deep Throat"). So she sees Deep talking with me...walks over and starts chatting it up with him, while ignoring me like I'm a zit on the end of her nose that she'd rather not think of.
Well, in the immortal words of Glenn Close....from Fatal Attraction.....
"You don't think.....that I will stand for.....being IGNORED.....do you????"
So, in her honor....I proudly (well, not if my parents are reading this...but otherwise I'm proud)......present a lovely STORY FROM THE FORMER MRS ME # 1.
It was the early months of 1984, and the former was ripe with child--the one from the assistant manager at K-Mart...but I digress---and I had been invited over for the very first dinner with her family.
Family. Hmm......."family" in the way that a pack of wolves is a "family".
So I get to meet her mother (on husband #4 or #8--depending on which way you chose to look at it) and her stepfather (one front tooth---5'1" and 300lbs and looking GOOD for the ladies), her older brother (the religious nut who always walked around in suits in hope that one day he would become a minister), her younger brother (15 years old and already having unprotected sex with the girl across the street) , her younger sister (the only NORMAL one--including my future wife by the way--in the family. I felt so bad for her) & her younger stepbrother (slowly developing a twitch from having been slapped around by her mom so much).
It was a good looking clan....sorta like the family from Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
So after dinner, the stepfather and I are sitting at the table....and he's eyeing me.
"So, uh.....lemme ask ya something. Why exactly are you dating my daughter?"
"Excuse me?"
"Ya know....she's 6 months pregnant. Why you dating her?"
"Well, obviously not for sex."
True story.
Later,
Jeff
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