Its been awhile since I've been able to some movie reviews, so let me throw you some thoughts about a few I've watched recently:
1) From Dusk Till Dawn---what a great twisted movie. Here's a movie that starts off as a brutal robbery film as a George Clooney you've never seen before robs and brutally kills several patrons at a roadside store with the help of his (just slightly) quirky brother Quentin Tarantino. The two of them are essentially, in the famous words of Taco Bell, making a run for the border. They stop at a dive hotel, where circumstances and fate have them colliding with fallen preacher (!!) Harvey Keitel and his two kids. Now, just as this film draws you into the story of how the family is going to escape from these two sociopaths as they cross into Mexico.......well, let's just say that at a certain point in the film the mood changes 180 degrees. That's the point in the movie when the two criminals and the family realize that they've stumbled into a den of vampires. That's right---vampires. And the film then becomes an over-the-top film about a group of people fighting the undead. Its like getting two films for the price of one! The movie gets 3 stars (***), plus an extra 1/2 star for the speech Cheech Marin does in front of the club they stumble upon.....and then another 1/2 star for the unbelieveable (and I do mean UNBELIEVEABLE) dance performance by Satanico Pandemonium. Salma Hayek. What a woman. ****
2) The Cooler---here's a movie that sneaks up and bites you right in the ass. The fantastic William H. Macy, truly one of our finest actors, is Bernie. His job, quite literally, is to walk up to customers at the casino he works at and "cool down" their luck. Bernie is such a loser in life that he the ability to change the luck of people just by coming into contact with them. He walks around with a perpetual black cloud following him around. He lives in a room in a seedy motel in "old Vegas", where people come to gamble....not walk around and go shopping. His room is right next to a prostitute, so every night Bernie gets to hear her & her customers loudly go about their business. He's right next to the pool, which is half filled with water that's sort of a dark green color. Clearly Bernie is having a run of bad luck. He works in a casino in old Las Vegas that's run by his old friend Shelly, played by Alec Baldwin, who quite honestly hasn't been this good in so long that its like discovering a new actor. Into Bernie's life stumbles Natalie (Monica Bello), who is losing at her life also. Seemingly in this relationship, two wrongs do make a right. Bernie's luck begins to change, and its not what Shelly wants to see. Plus, Shelly has trouble of his own. He desperately wants Vegas to stay the way it was, but new Vegas is coming in the form of young college minds who have new ideas on how to present the city and its casino to a new generation of gamblers. Its nothing personal, as someone says during the film, their only trying to protect their investments. Anyone investing two hours into watching this superior character study of losers trying to become winners will be richly rewarded. This is a terrific film. If it had been made 50 years ago, it might have been film noir. Its that dark. But its powerful stuff, and highly recommended--one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. *****
Later,
Jeff
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Friday, February 25, 2005
2/25/05---"Hip-Hop is my life"
One thing I've learned since becoming a parent is that your kids become a never ending supply of stories. Last night Kim came home and informed me that the dance studio that Kellie goes too was closing. Kellie has been going to dance class for over 5 years and it was pretty upsetting to her. Just to show you the difference in the way two people react to the same story, when Kim first told me the first thing that I thought of was that I wouldn't have to go to that lousy dance recital this year.
Men....we are a shallow lot, aren't we?
So anyway, Kellie....the original Ms. Melodrama....immediately began to try and explain the personal impact that the school's closing would have on her life.
"But Mom...you don't understand! Hip-hop is my life!"
"Oh Kellie....don't be so dramatic.....it is NOT the most important thing in your life."
"Well....okay....maybe family and church are more important....but its in the top 5!!"
Its all about the hip-hop baby. Hizzle my foshnizzle.
Later,
Jeff
Men....we are a shallow lot, aren't we?
So anyway, Kellie....the original Ms. Melodrama....immediately began to try and explain the personal impact that the school's closing would have on her life.
"But Mom...you don't understand! Hip-hop is my life!"
"Oh Kellie....don't be so dramatic.....it is NOT the most important thing in your life."
"Well....okay....maybe family and church are more important....but its in the top 5!!"
Its all about the hip-hop baby. Hizzle my foshnizzle.
Later,
Jeff
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
2/23/05--Randy...we hardly knew ye
Well, I heard the news on the radio on the way home. Randy Moss--the FREAK--had been traded. And too the Raiders for God's sake! Now RPM is going to have to root for him! It wasn't a huge surprise. Randy had pretty much let himself get traded by some of the shit he pulled at the end of the season. I'm sure a lot of people are wondering if the Vikes got taken in the trade, getting a #1 pick and LB Napolean Harris--a former #1 pick of the Raiders from 2002. However, essentially this was a Vikes attempt at addition by subtraction. They've lost on the field, but perhaps gained in the clubhouse. There really was no chance in hell they were ever going to get real value for what he's worth as a player--but of course you have to factor in what a handful Randy can be off the field. All these people saying how Terrell Owens turned into a model citizen this year in Philly and how he's a lot different than Moss. Bullshit. Terrell is a huge asshole--albeit a very talented one.
So is Moss. I have to wonder if he's not going to take it upon himself to have one monster season for the silver & black. The possibility is certainly there. And the Vikes? Well....certainly with the #7 pick in the draft they better come up with a sure thing. They simply cannot afford to have the player they choose turn out to be a stiff.
And what's Randy's legacy in Minnesota? Man....say what you will....but between the yard markers he was one super player. I think Cris Carter was a better overall WR, but Moss may have been the greatest deep threat in the history of the franchise and perhaps in the history of the NFL. No lie. And he still might be, and if anyone is going to give him the chance to prove this, its the Raiders.
Later,
Jeff
Sunday, February 20, 2005
2/20/05---"Off"....and "On" the record....ahem
Well our weekend visit by Larry & Mary (aka Mare & Lair) has come and gone. As always, it was full of drama and if I was on stage, I'd have a whole new performance worth of material.
Apparently the weekend didn't start off all that well, as Dad started off by going NORTH from Orlando rather than south. As he himself told me.....
"It was a rather tight jawed couple of miles before I was able to turn around."
Then they ran into the approximately 30 plus miles of construction on Florida's turnpike, which prompted dad....no doubt in another tight jawed tone, to say....
"I'm about 2 seconds away from turning this car around and going home!"
Oh, and by the way, before they hit the turnpike they were looking for some gas and dad turned into the station that had the most expensive prices around. I'm positive at this point that mom had the good sense not to mention it to him. Ahem.
So they finally get down to south Florida and pull up to the hotel that we had booked them a reservation in. For reasons not entirely clear to me, this weekend there were ZERO hotel rooms available in south Florida. There was a big boat show down here....and of course it was a holiday weekend...but geez, you woulda thought the Super Bowl was in town or something. (Sorry, didn't mean to remind the Jacksonville family members about the SB.)
Anyway, they were booked into a hotel called "Studio 6", which is sort of an extended stay sort of place. So Mare & Lair walk into the lobby and go to check in....only to find that.......
There is no reservation in their name.
Suffice to say, immediate panic sets in. The person at the front desk tells them that they have a room to give them for Thursday night, but there are no rooms available for Friday.
(They were already booked into the Diplomat on the ocean for Saturday night) Dad begins leaving messages on my cell phone, but of course I'm working late that particular night and don't get the message until after 5pm. And I am beyond livid. So when I get home I call the hotel and ask what in the Sam Hill is going on. They ask me if I have the confirmation number from when I made the reservation. Uh, no....I was under the assumption that you would have put the reservation in YOUR computer and I wouldn't need to keep ahold of my confirmation number (a silly mistake on my part, I understand). Luckily, the woman I spoke to was very nice and told me that there had been a few cancellations and that there would be a room available for two nights for mom & dad. Relief city!
So I finally get to the hotel, and its nice enough. Well.....so I thought. I get to the room and make our greetings and ask mom how everything is. She says the room is fine....except....
"Its a smoking room. But that's fine....don't worry about it."
I ask them if other than that its okay.
"Oh, its fine....the bed is only a queen size.....but don't worry about it."
Everything else okay mom?
"Oh, absolutely. Of course....we would have rather been on the first floor..but don't worry."
I love having a mother who never complains.
So we go out to dinner....and dad starts telling me about what's been going on and says.....
"Hey, is this conversation on the record?? I don't wanna be reading this stuff on your journal."
WHAT UP?
So we have a very nice dinner and mom asks if we can go next door to the restaurant and go into the drug store to pick up a few things.
"They don't have Kleenex or soap in the hotel room......but don't worry about it."
So while we head to the drug store, dad decides to wait in the car....which is parked right in front of a closed bank.
So Mom & I come out a couple of minutes later, and mom asks dad if he had to wait long.
"Well, while I was sitting here....in front of the bank....in the dark...in my Cadillac...alone....a police car drove past me very slowly. I think he passed me twice. I wonder if he thought I was casing the place."
(By the way....wait until you see my impression of dad telling this story.)
And we return to the hotel for the evening.
The next day was Friday, and mom & dad got up and went over to the hospital that dad had been the administrator of, where he had a look at how the hospital had grown over the years.
We met them late in the afternoon for a nice dinner at Carrabas, where unfortunately they did not have their spicey chicken soup.....but I digress. Afterwards, we went to my old stomping grounds--Plantation High School--where the beautiful and vivacious Kellie Jean Poe-Bowdren was competing in the all county band competition (she plays the flute). Mom & Dad were very impressed with the performance, with mom proudly getting Kellie's autograph on the program. Kellie was glowing like......um......well, sorta like her cousin "Scar".
Saturday morning mom & dad got up and traveled down to the Westin Diplomat, where the 30th anniversary celebration for Westside Regional//Bennett Community Hospital was being held. Rene & Scarlett can tell you how fancy this place is. Its about a 40 story hotel right on the Atlantic and the room go for $400 to $500 a night------off season. Its like a hotel you'd find in Vegas. Fortunately my buddy John "Rat Bastard" Foley works as a concierge at the hotel, and did a fantastic job of taking care of the two of them. They got V.I.P. access to the executive club, which is the restaurant on the top floor of the hotel. Later that evening, the two of them went down to the evening's event, where they were seated at the table of honor and pretty much made to feel like royalty!! Dad was honored as one of the founders of the hospital and even called upon to give a speech!! What good luck that he always has one on standby---hehehe. Dad says that he was very fortunate to be joined that evening by the most gorgeous looking woman in the place.....I told him that came as no surprise to me, because any woman that has such good looking kids had to be a knockout!
But I think Dad was geniunely touched by the display of good will and good feelings from the doctors and staff members who still remembered him. Afterwards they had a good night's sleep in what Scarlett called the "$350 a night mattress".
This morning as they headed back home, we met them for a great breakfast at CrackerBarrel. It was great visiting with them and we were able to give them a couple of new photos of the kids to take home. It was worth the hour long wait we had to sit down.
There were of course.....other stories.....but as Dad requested.....they remain.....
OFF THE RECORD!!!
Later,
Jeff
Apparently the weekend didn't start off all that well, as Dad started off by going NORTH from Orlando rather than south. As he himself told me.....
"It was a rather tight jawed couple of miles before I was able to turn around."
Then they ran into the approximately 30 plus miles of construction on Florida's turnpike, which prompted dad....no doubt in another tight jawed tone, to say....
"I'm about 2 seconds away from turning this car around and going home!"
Oh, and by the way, before they hit the turnpike they were looking for some gas and dad turned into the station that had the most expensive prices around. I'm positive at this point that mom had the good sense not to mention it to him. Ahem.
So they finally get down to south Florida and pull up to the hotel that we had booked them a reservation in. For reasons not entirely clear to me, this weekend there were ZERO hotel rooms available in south Florida. There was a big boat show down here....and of course it was a holiday weekend...but geez, you woulda thought the Super Bowl was in town or something. (Sorry, didn't mean to remind the Jacksonville family members about the SB.)
Anyway, they were booked into a hotel called "Studio 6", which is sort of an extended stay sort of place. So Mare & Lair walk into the lobby and go to check in....only to find that.......
There is no reservation in their name.
Suffice to say, immediate panic sets in. The person at the front desk tells them that they have a room to give them for Thursday night, but there are no rooms available for Friday.
(They were already booked into the Diplomat on the ocean for Saturday night) Dad begins leaving messages on my cell phone, but of course I'm working late that particular night and don't get the message until after 5pm. And I am beyond livid. So when I get home I call the hotel and ask what in the Sam Hill is going on. They ask me if I have the confirmation number from when I made the reservation. Uh, no....I was under the assumption that you would have put the reservation in YOUR computer and I wouldn't need to keep ahold of my confirmation number (a silly mistake on my part, I understand). Luckily, the woman I spoke to was very nice and told me that there had been a few cancellations and that there would be a room available for two nights for mom & dad. Relief city!
So I finally get to the hotel, and its nice enough. Well.....so I thought. I get to the room and make our greetings and ask mom how everything is. She says the room is fine....except....
"Its a smoking room. But that's fine....don't worry about it."
I ask them if other than that its okay.
"Oh, its fine....the bed is only a queen size.....but don't worry about it."
Everything else okay mom?
"Oh, absolutely. Of course....we would have rather been on the first floor..but don't worry."
I love having a mother who never complains.
So we go out to dinner....and dad starts telling me about what's been going on and says.....
"Hey, is this conversation on the record?? I don't wanna be reading this stuff on your journal."
WHAT UP?
So we have a very nice dinner and mom asks if we can go next door to the restaurant and go into the drug store to pick up a few things.
"They don't have Kleenex or soap in the hotel room......but don't worry about it."
So while we head to the drug store, dad decides to wait in the car....which is parked right in front of a closed bank.
So Mom & I come out a couple of minutes later, and mom asks dad if he had to wait long.
"Well, while I was sitting here....in front of the bank....in the dark...in my Cadillac...alone....a police car drove past me very slowly. I think he passed me twice. I wonder if he thought I was casing the place."
(By the way....wait until you see my impression of dad telling this story.
)And we return to the hotel for the evening.
The next day was Friday, and mom & dad got up and went over to the hospital that dad had been the administrator of, where he had a look at how the hospital had grown over the years.
We met them late in the afternoon for a nice dinner at Carrabas, where unfortunately they did not have their spicey chicken soup.....but I digress. Afterwards, we went to my old stomping grounds--Plantation High School--where the beautiful and vivacious Kellie Jean Poe-Bowdren was competing in the all county band competition (she plays the flute). Mom & Dad were very impressed with the performance, with mom proudly getting Kellie's autograph on the program. Kellie was glowing like......um......well, sorta like her cousin "Scar".
Saturday morning mom & dad got up and traveled down to the Westin Diplomat, where the 30th anniversary celebration for Westside Regional//Bennett Community Hospital was being held. Rene & Scarlett can tell you how fancy this place is. Its about a 40 story hotel right on the Atlantic and the room go for $400 to $500 a night------off season. Its like a hotel you'd find in Vegas. Fortunately my buddy John "Rat Bastard" Foley works as a concierge at the hotel, and did a fantastic job of taking care of the two of them. They got V.I.P. access to the executive club, which is the restaurant on the top floor of the hotel. Later that evening, the two of them went down to the evening's event, where they were seated at the table of honor and pretty much made to feel like royalty!! Dad was honored as one of the founders of the hospital and even called upon to give a speech!! What good luck that he always has one on standby---hehehe. Dad says that he was very fortunate to be joined that evening by the most gorgeous looking woman in the place.....I told him that came as no surprise to me, because any woman that has such good looking kids had to be a knockout!
But I think Dad was geniunely touched by the display of good will and good feelings from the doctors and staff members who still remembered him. Afterwards they had a good night's sleep in what Scarlett called the "$350 a night mattress". This morning as they headed back home, we met them for a great breakfast at CrackerBarrel. It was great visiting with them and we were able to give them a couple of new photos of the kids to take home. It was worth the hour long wait we had to sit down.
There were of course.....other stories.....but as Dad requested.....they remain.....
OFF THE RECORD!!!
Later,
Jeff
Friday, February 18, 2005
2/18/05--Football is over--Part Deux
So when I left you...beloved coach Ty was being made aware that there was trouble afoot in South Bend and, well, he might want to rethink any "longterm" real estate ventures he had been considering. Unbeknownst to Ty, the Notre Dame board of trustees had met sort of on the sly (meaning that the heirarchy of the board met--not the entire board) with current ND president Monk Malloy and incoming ND president Father Jenkins. Suddenly, during the meeting, an epiphany occurs.
The curtains are opened, the shelves are dusted, the room is vacuumed......and.....it suddenly dawns on the CORRECT people (i.e....someone other than Monk) that the Notre Dame football program has become the complete shits. Thank the Lord and pass the gravy the incoming president appears to be in favor of our football team kicking ass old school style because he was one of the people who voted to show Ty the door along with a "thanks an awful lot, but see ya later".
So with all of the speed of a Rocket Ismail kick return, Ty Willingham is out....Notre Dame is eviserated in the national media as racist pigs who hate the blacks and only care about winning, and....well, its a tough week to be a Notre Dame fan. That is if you give one crap about what the idiots on ESPN have to say. I personally love how the reporters on ESPN---oh hell, I'll say it--the BLACK reporters on ESPN suddenly began crying their eyes out that "poor old Ty" wasn't give a fair shake because he wasn't given 5 years like every other coach. This is true. Of course, every other coach hadn't lost more than 6 games by 25 points either, but none of those media giants saw fit to mention that little blurb. So Ty hits the highway.
Thoughts on Ty? Hmm....nice guy, very decent man.....not a great coach. A better
"man" than "coach". He certainly appears to be a molder of young men. Which is great, except he wasn't also a molder of winning football teams---which always looks better on a resume, no matter what Michael Wilbon wants you to believe.
So the search for a new coach begins yet again, and the usual fantasy candidates are brought forth....guys like Jon Gruden & Bob Stoops....who really wouldn't consider the job for a variety of reasons, but it sure sounds fun to think about it. Mike Shanahan may or may not have been interested, but honestly John Elway is out of eligibility and may be too old at this point to make a Shanahan team interesting. So we are left with essentially two candidates (there were a few interviews are inquires of minority candidates....but lets be serious...we've already been down that road and should be exempt from interviewing a minority just to save face. I mean, we hired one for God's sake.). Those two names are Tom Clements--former Notre Dame QB and personal alltime favorite Irish player ever...currently the offensive coordinater for the Buffalo Bills and Charlie Weis--a former Notre Dame STUDENT (not player) and offensive coordinater of the defending Super Bowl champion New England Patriots. Both are held in high regard are the NFL but have the stigma of never having been a head coach before. I'm rooting for Weis. Despite the fact that Clements was my boyhood hero, I've heard he has a rather surly personality and I'm trying to figure that personality out on the road trying to convince an 18 yr old to come to South Bend. Weis on the other hand, is sort of a friendlier Bill Parcells, with a quick wit and an air of cockiness about him. Multiple Super Bowl wins will do that for a guy.
Finally, Weis gets the nod. A new problem begins with the reality being that Weis won't be able to fully asume the position until after the end of the NFL season. I figure at this point that even that is worth it to rid the team of the Willingham stench.
Charlie begins working double shifts, with part of the day spent on preparing the NE Pats for another Super Bowl run and the other part spent hiring a staff of assistants and making initial contacts with prospective recruits. He truly must be burning the midnight oil because he comes out of it with a very impressive staff of assitants, including David Cutcliffe--former Ole Miss head coach and Tennessee assistant and the man generally credited with developing both Eli & Peyton Manning--Rick Minter, who was the defensive coodinater under Holtz in the early 90's before an almost 10 year stint as head coach for the Cincinnati Bearcats--and Bill Lewis, former head coach of East Carolina & defensive backfield coach of the Miami Dolphins. Those three plus a number of very capable younger assistants who are regarded as being real go getters in recruiting. It looks like the best group of assistants the Irish have had since the first few years of the Holtz years. Recruiting ends up being a somewhat mixed bag, as the double duty work of Weis doesn't give the chance to establish a lot of facetime with some potential recruits. Consequently, some potential recruits are lost, including one now infamous recruit who told Weis that he hoped he would lose a playoff game so that they could meet face to face.
Weis told him that he doesn't want anyone who hopes he loses and pulled the kids scholarship offer.
The Patriots go on to win their amazing 3rd Super Bowl in 4 years, do in large part to the success of the offense that Weis has created, which is lauded as being one of the most sophisticated and varied as any the game has seen in years. I think it would be a pretty safe bet that next year's Notre Dame squad will be improved offensively, going from the malignant tumor that was Bill Diedrick's offense under Willingham to the innovative offense that Weis and his crew of assistants will bring to the school.
The start of the offseason has been another breath of fresh air. Recruiting pundits have openly applauded the new coaching staffs approach to recruiting...calling it light years ahead of the rather lazy approach that Willingham and his staff took to that rather necessary evil. Strength & conditioning programs have been started with an eye towards spring football in April. Coach Weis has begun to hit the rubber chicken circuit, making speeches at coaching clinics and to the media. It is almost hilarious the difference between the close to the vest approach of Ty, who almost never showed his cards or allowed his mood to be expressed, and that of Charlie, who not only talks a lot....but who talks a lot of shit, openly talking about a personal rivalry that he has with USC coach Pete "The Poodle" Carroll. Is ND as good as USC right now? No, and Weis admits that. But they will be.
And it sure is nice to hear someone speak with an air of confidence about the Irish.
As someone posted on one of the message boards.....if all these other schools are going to hate us for being Notre Dame.....we might as well give them a reason to hate us.
Later,
Jeff
PS.....Next.....the Minnesota Vikings, 2004. And you thought ND had drama????
The curtains are opened, the shelves are dusted, the room is vacuumed......and.....it suddenly dawns on the CORRECT people (i.e....someone other than Monk) that the Notre Dame football program has become the complete shits. Thank the Lord and pass the gravy the incoming president appears to be in favor of our football team kicking ass old school style because he was one of the people who voted to show Ty the door along with a "thanks an awful lot, but see ya later".
So with all of the speed of a Rocket Ismail kick return, Ty Willingham is out....Notre Dame is eviserated in the national media as racist pigs who hate the blacks and only care about winning, and....well, its a tough week to be a Notre Dame fan. That is if you give one crap about what the idiots on ESPN have to say. I personally love how the reporters on ESPN---oh hell, I'll say it--the BLACK reporters on ESPN suddenly began crying their eyes out that "poor old Ty" wasn't give a fair shake because he wasn't given 5 years like every other coach. This is true. Of course, every other coach hadn't lost more than 6 games by 25 points either, but none of those media giants saw fit to mention that little blurb. So Ty hits the highway.
Thoughts on Ty? Hmm....nice guy, very decent man.....not a great coach. A better
"man" than "coach". He certainly appears to be a molder of young men. Which is great, except he wasn't also a molder of winning football teams---which always looks better on a resume, no matter what Michael Wilbon wants you to believe.
So the search for a new coach begins yet again, and the usual fantasy candidates are brought forth....guys like Jon Gruden & Bob Stoops....who really wouldn't consider the job for a variety of reasons, but it sure sounds fun to think about it. Mike Shanahan may or may not have been interested, but honestly John Elway is out of eligibility and may be too old at this point to make a Shanahan team interesting. So we are left with essentially two candidates (there were a few interviews are inquires of minority candidates....but lets be serious...we've already been down that road and should be exempt from interviewing a minority just to save face. I mean, we hired one for God's sake.). Those two names are Tom Clements--former Notre Dame QB and personal alltime favorite Irish player ever...currently the offensive coordinater for the Buffalo Bills and Charlie Weis--a former Notre Dame STUDENT (not player) and offensive coordinater of the defending Super Bowl champion New England Patriots. Both are held in high regard are the NFL but have the stigma of never having been a head coach before. I'm rooting for Weis. Despite the fact that Clements was my boyhood hero, I've heard he has a rather surly personality and I'm trying to figure that personality out on the road trying to convince an 18 yr old to come to South Bend. Weis on the other hand, is sort of a friendlier Bill Parcells, with a quick wit and an air of cockiness about him. Multiple Super Bowl wins will do that for a guy.
Finally, Weis gets the nod. A new problem begins with the reality being that Weis won't be able to fully asume the position until after the end of the NFL season. I figure at this point that even that is worth it to rid the team of the Willingham stench.
Charlie begins working double shifts, with part of the day spent on preparing the NE Pats for another Super Bowl run and the other part spent hiring a staff of assistants and making initial contacts with prospective recruits. He truly must be burning the midnight oil because he comes out of it with a very impressive staff of assitants, including David Cutcliffe--former Ole Miss head coach and Tennessee assistant and the man generally credited with developing both Eli & Peyton Manning--Rick Minter, who was the defensive coodinater under Holtz in the early 90's before an almost 10 year stint as head coach for the Cincinnati Bearcats--and Bill Lewis, former head coach of East Carolina & defensive backfield coach of the Miami Dolphins. Those three plus a number of very capable younger assistants who are regarded as being real go getters in recruiting. It looks like the best group of assistants the Irish have had since the first few years of the Holtz years. Recruiting ends up being a somewhat mixed bag, as the double duty work of Weis doesn't give the chance to establish a lot of facetime with some potential recruits. Consequently, some potential recruits are lost, including one now infamous recruit who told Weis that he hoped he would lose a playoff game so that they could meet face to face.
Weis told him that he doesn't want anyone who hopes he loses and pulled the kids scholarship offer.
The Patriots go on to win their amazing 3rd Super Bowl in 4 years, do in large part to the success of the offense that Weis has created, which is lauded as being one of the most sophisticated and varied as any the game has seen in years. I think it would be a pretty safe bet that next year's Notre Dame squad will be improved offensively, going from the malignant tumor that was Bill Diedrick's offense under Willingham to the innovative offense that Weis and his crew of assistants will bring to the school.
The start of the offseason has been another breath of fresh air. Recruiting pundits have openly applauded the new coaching staffs approach to recruiting...calling it light years ahead of the rather lazy approach that Willingham and his staff took to that rather necessary evil. Strength & conditioning programs have been started with an eye towards spring football in April. Coach Weis has begun to hit the rubber chicken circuit, making speeches at coaching clinics and to the media. It is almost hilarious the difference between the close to the vest approach of Ty, who almost never showed his cards or allowed his mood to be expressed, and that of Charlie, who not only talks a lot....but who talks a lot of shit, openly talking about a personal rivalry that he has with USC coach Pete "The Poodle" Carroll. Is ND as good as USC right now? No, and Weis admits that. But they will be.
And it sure is nice to hear someone speak with an air of confidence about the Irish.
As someone posted on one of the message boards.....if all these other schools are going to hate us for being Notre Dame.....we might as well give them a reason to hate us.
Later,
Jeff
PS.....Next.....the Minnesota Vikings, 2004. And you thought ND had drama????
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
2/16/05--Finally....football is over....a review
Naturally since my two football teams are Notre Dame & the Vikings, this report will look primarily at them, but....what the hell....just for shits & giggles I'll throw out a few more commentaries also. All this....and its a free site! I think at the very least you should offer to buy me a Mountain Dew if you see me in the hallway.
NOTRE DAME: Well, the season was nothing if not interesting. It was Ty Willingham's 3rd season going in, which whether you realize it or not, is a HUGE season within the walls and fanbases of the Fighting Irish. Do you know what names like Rockne, Leahy, Paraseghian, Devine & Holtz have in common....besides being Notre Dame coaches (and successful ones at that). 3rd season at Notre Dame=national champion. Look it up. Likewise, the one thing that names like Brennan, Layden, Faust, Davie & Willingham were all successful to a degree in South Bend....but none of whom won the national title. The 3rd year is the one that is the tale of the tape. You've had enough time to establish yourself with the program, to bring in your "type of player" (whatever that means). I think going into this season even the most optimistic Irish fan didn't figure on Willingham winning a national title. However, I think that if there were improvement shown in some significant areas (offense & special teams) and we finished with a record that at least let the fans see the light at the end of the tunnel (8-3 anyone?) Willingham would've been as safe as in his mama's arms.
The decision was made in the offseason to move the BYU game from October to the first week in September. The basic reason was essentially (although no one in South Bend would've ever admitted to it) to give us a tune-up before the always important Michigan game. Afterall, last year we pretty much took the Cougars to the woodshed and they didn't seem to be significantly improved.
Uh....wrong.
The final score was 20-17, but don't be fooled. We got our asses handed to us.
By a bunch of Mormons for heaven's sake. This wasn't USC, Miami, FSU or Oklahoma. It was BY-freakin-U. We rushed for like 20 yards the whole damn game, as in a HUGE surprise, Ryan Grant was injured yet again before the game (the guy is going to end up needing better insurance than Bubble Boy on Seinfeld).
Ty then made the not-so-intelligent decision to sit freshman phenom DariusWalker the ENTIRE game. Oh, he traveled with the team. He was there in Provo. Suited up. Ready to go. But Ty let him sit on the bench while our "#1 RB" was hurt and our #2 RB fumbled 3 times in the same game. Um....good coaching Ty.
So the next week is Michigan and I'm thinking the worse by this point. Somehow, Ty pulls a rabbit out of his hat, maybe by starting Darius Walker--who promptly runs for over 100 yds against a solid defense--and we upset the Wolverines.
This of course prompts the question. How in God's name did that numbnuts Lloyd Carr ever win a national title? The guy lost to Willingham 2 out of 3 times!! Do you know just how crappy you have to be to be outcoached by Ty? So now our hope is restored, and then we go and have a nice game against Michigan State and we absolutely massacre Washington--who appear to be in need of a good coach (ahem), as Brady Quinn looks for one game like the 2nd coming of Peyton Manning.
All of this raised our hopes (a continuing theme--the "raising of hope") for the next game vs. visiting Purdue. The Boilermakers were off to their best start in forever, and QB Kyle Orton was getting some press with the words "Heisman" in it. Of course, that didn't matter because...ya know....Purdue hadn't won at South Bend since 1974 for God's sake.
41-16 Purdue.
Oh man, was it ugly. What made it worse is that Purdue coach Joe Tiller makes no bones about his dislike for all things Notre Dame, and takes a particular delight in beating the Irish....and here he was pissing in our yard. Not a pretty sight and it also was yet another 25 point loss by a Willingham coached Irish squad. That particular stat was beginning to get noticed. The next week we beat Ty's old squad in Stanford, coached--if possible--by an even more inept head coach in Buddy Teevans. And still, the Irish really didn't take the Cardinal to the woodshed, like they had the seeming capability to do. The following week they took on a vastly (and I mean VASTLY) improved Navy squad, coached by Paul Johnson, who if the Middies don't lock up longterm very soon will be coaching somewhere else. He is that good. Good lord, if the Irish were coached by Paul Johnson, they may have gone 9-2. Anyway, big surprise time again, as the Irish thrash Navy 27-9. Next up is Boston College, who over the last 10 years may have become one ofour 3 biggest rivals. Notre Dame fans like to refer to BC as "Fredo"...and if you've ever seen the Godfather 1 & 2, you'll understand the reference. Specifically, this is NOT the team you want to lose to at home. Ever. And you certainly don't want to lose by one point on a prayer of a pass with a minute in the game after you've given up a 9 point lead in the 4th quarter. Nope, you certainly don't want to do any of those things. But they did. Suddenly....the bitching and moaning of the fanbase was getting louder.
And just as suddenly it was silenced. The Irish go down to Knoxville, Tennessee and defeat the Volunteers by 17-13 in a game that wasn't nearly that close. The defense absolutely played their best game and were dominant. The Irish had 6 wins, were bowl eligible and if they played their cards right....might be able to manuever into a very nice bowl game.
Pitt had been one of ND's whipping boys for the better part of 15 years and last year they featured Larry Fitzgerald, perhaps their greatest offensive threat since Tony Dorsett--and lost convincingly to the Irish. Surely this lesser Panther team would present no big threat to the Irish. Uh.......
41-38 Pitt. In overtime. Someone named Tyler Palko. TYLER PALKO--throws 5 touchdown passes in a winning effort. The Irish have been playing football for over 100 years and never---EVER---allowed a QB to throw 5 touchdown passes against them (much less at HOME). Those alumni grumblings got louder again.
Then...we had to travel to the west coast. USC, and boy don't we hate to admit it, was looking like a dominant team. Stallions at every position. A dominanting defense. An explosive offense with the leading candidate for the Heisman at QB.
I was worried. I was worried because I wondered what the leading Heisman candidate might do after what had happened the previous week vs. TYLER PALKO. And we got killed. Again. By more than 25 points. Ty had now lost more games by 25 points in 3 years than Notre Dame had lost--under ANY coach since 1964. Think about that and defend Ty Willingham and his strong moral values.
By all accounts, when the Irish got home the next day, athletic director Kevin White, long Ty's biggest defender, came to Ty and told him there may be trouble.
Tomorrow---ND '04--Part 2.....Ty is shown the door, and the shit hits the fan.
NOTRE DAME: Well, the season was nothing if not interesting. It was Ty Willingham's 3rd season going in, which whether you realize it or not, is a HUGE season within the walls and fanbases of the Fighting Irish. Do you know what names like Rockne, Leahy, Paraseghian, Devine & Holtz have in common....besides being Notre Dame coaches (and successful ones at that). 3rd season at Notre Dame=national champion. Look it up. Likewise, the one thing that names like Brennan, Layden, Faust, Davie & Willingham were all successful to a degree in South Bend....but none of whom won the national title. The 3rd year is the one that is the tale of the tape. You've had enough time to establish yourself with the program, to bring in your "type of player" (whatever that means). I think going into this season even the most optimistic Irish fan didn't figure on Willingham winning a national title. However, I think that if there were improvement shown in some significant areas (offense & special teams) and we finished with a record that at least let the fans see the light at the end of the tunnel (8-3 anyone?) Willingham would've been as safe as in his mama's arms.
The decision was made in the offseason to move the BYU game from October to the first week in September. The basic reason was essentially (although no one in South Bend would've ever admitted to it) to give us a tune-up before the always important Michigan game. Afterall, last year we pretty much took the Cougars to the woodshed and they didn't seem to be significantly improved.
Uh....wrong.
The final score was 20-17, but don't be fooled. We got our asses handed to us.
By a bunch of Mormons for heaven's sake. This wasn't USC, Miami, FSU or Oklahoma. It was BY-freakin-U. We rushed for like 20 yards the whole damn game, as in a HUGE surprise, Ryan Grant was injured yet again before the game (the guy is going to end up needing better insurance than Bubble Boy on Seinfeld).
Ty then made the not-so-intelligent decision to sit freshman phenom DariusWalker the ENTIRE game. Oh, he traveled with the team. He was there in Provo. Suited up. Ready to go. But Ty let him sit on the bench while our "#1 RB" was hurt and our #2 RB fumbled 3 times in the same game. Um....good coaching Ty.
So the next week is Michigan and I'm thinking the worse by this point. Somehow, Ty pulls a rabbit out of his hat, maybe by starting Darius Walker--who promptly runs for over 100 yds against a solid defense--and we upset the Wolverines.
This of course prompts the question. How in God's name did that numbnuts Lloyd Carr ever win a national title? The guy lost to Willingham 2 out of 3 times!! Do you know just how crappy you have to be to be outcoached by Ty? So now our hope is restored, and then we go and have a nice game against Michigan State and we absolutely massacre Washington--who appear to be in need of a good coach (ahem), as Brady Quinn looks for one game like the 2nd coming of Peyton Manning.
All of this raised our hopes (a continuing theme--the "raising of hope") for the next game vs. visiting Purdue. The Boilermakers were off to their best start in forever, and QB Kyle Orton was getting some press with the words "Heisman" in it. Of course, that didn't matter because...ya know....Purdue hadn't won at South Bend since 1974 for God's sake.
41-16 Purdue.
Oh man, was it ugly. What made it worse is that Purdue coach Joe Tiller makes no bones about his dislike for all things Notre Dame, and takes a particular delight in beating the Irish....and here he was pissing in our yard. Not a pretty sight and it also was yet another 25 point loss by a Willingham coached Irish squad. That particular stat was beginning to get noticed. The next week we beat Ty's old squad in Stanford, coached--if possible--by an even more inept head coach in Buddy Teevans. And still, the Irish really didn't take the Cardinal to the woodshed, like they had the seeming capability to do. The following week they took on a vastly (and I mean VASTLY) improved Navy squad, coached by Paul Johnson, who if the Middies don't lock up longterm very soon will be coaching somewhere else. He is that good. Good lord, if the Irish were coached by Paul Johnson, they may have gone 9-2. Anyway, big surprise time again, as the Irish thrash Navy 27-9. Next up is Boston College, who over the last 10 years may have become one ofour 3 biggest rivals. Notre Dame fans like to refer to BC as "Fredo"...and if you've ever seen the Godfather 1 & 2, you'll understand the reference. Specifically, this is NOT the team you want to lose to at home. Ever. And you certainly don't want to lose by one point on a prayer of a pass with a minute in the game after you've given up a 9 point lead in the 4th quarter. Nope, you certainly don't want to do any of those things. But they did. Suddenly....the bitching and moaning of the fanbase was getting louder.
And just as suddenly it was silenced. The Irish go down to Knoxville, Tennessee and defeat the Volunteers by 17-13 in a game that wasn't nearly that close. The defense absolutely played their best game and were dominant. The Irish had 6 wins, were bowl eligible and if they played their cards right....might be able to manuever into a very nice bowl game.
Pitt had been one of ND's whipping boys for the better part of 15 years and last year they featured Larry Fitzgerald, perhaps their greatest offensive threat since Tony Dorsett--and lost convincingly to the Irish. Surely this lesser Panther team would present no big threat to the Irish. Uh.......
41-38 Pitt. In overtime. Someone named Tyler Palko. TYLER PALKO--throws 5 touchdown passes in a winning effort. The Irish have been playing football for over 100 years and never---EVER---allowed a QB to throw 5 touchdown passes against them (much less at HOME). Those alumni grumblings got louder again.
Then...we had to travel to the west coast. USC, and boy don't we hate to admit it, was looking like a dominant team. Stallions at every position. A dominanting defense. An explosive offense with the leading candidate for the Heisman at QB.
I was worried. I was worried because I wondered what the leading Heisman candidate might do after what had happened the previous week vs. TYLER PALKO. And we got killed. Again. By more than 25 points. Ty had now lost more games by 25 points in 3 years than Notre Dame had lost--under ANY coach since 1964. Think about that and defend Ty Willingham and his strong moral values.
By all accounts, when the Irish got home the next day, athletic director Kevin White, long Ty's biggest defender, came to Ty and told him there may be trouble.
Tomorrow---ND '04--Part 2.....Ty is shown the door, and the shit hits the fan.
Monday, February 14, 2005
2/14/05---Happy Freakin Valentine's Day!
So my lovely bride and celebrated Valentine's Day in total style!
That's right.....Steak & Shake baby.....keeping the love alive! Not only was the food good, the kid at the table next to us almost had to have the Heimlach manuever performed on him. Now that's some big ass entertainment!
From the pages of Entertainment Weekly I proudly present.....the 10 greatest love songs ever written: (remember....their list...not mine)
10) In Your Eyes--Peter Gabriel.....great song....no arguement from me.
9) All I Want is You--U2......don't agree....better U2 songs available
8) Sweet Child O' Mine--Guns N Roses....good song, way too high on list
7) Wild Horses--Rolling Stones...great song
6) I Will Always Love You--Whitney Houston....like Dolly's version better
5) Let's Stay Together--Al Green....great song
4) (You Make Me Feel) Like a Natural Woman--Aretha......nuff said
3) Something--Beatles....great song, not my first Beatles choice, but not bad
2) Can't Help Falling in Love...Elvis...great song.....had to have an Elvis song, right?
1) God Only Knows--Beach Boys...interesting # 1 choice....great song though.
Thoughts?
Later,
Jeff
And just to be fair to all the miserable people out there......I present:
The top 10 breakup songs of alltime....as presented in Entertainment Weekly:
10) Tainted Love--Soft Cell......great dance song......belong here? Hmmm....
9) Love Will Always Tear Us Apart--Joy Division....never heard of it
8) Love Hurts--Nazareth....great song...and who woulda figured....NAZARETH?
7) I Can't Make You Love Me--Bonnie Raitt....great song....heartbreaking
6) Nothing Compares 2 U--Sinead O'Connor...another great song....(sniff)....sad
5) Crying--Roy Orbison....no complaints....a classic
4) Its Too Late--Carole King....great song....I think its too high on the list though
3) He Stopped Loving Her Today--George Jones....not into country & western
2) Without You--Nilsson.....NILSSON? John Lennon's drinking buddy?
1) Crazy--Patsy Cline...one of the great tortured voices of alltime
Thoughts?
Later,
Jeff
Sunday, February 13, 2005
2/13/05--two? In one day? Geez, I must be recovering
Well, except for that whole throwing up thing tonight....I've been feeling better. (And don't ya love when I start the column out on a high note??) So most of the night I sat and watched Butch Cassiday & the Sundance Kid. Geez, what a great freaking movie. How many great lines and scenes have become engrained in your memory from this film?
"Didja...use enough dynamite there Butch?"
"First, let's go over the rules."
"RULES? In a knife fight?"
Great chemistry between Newman & Redford....and Katherine Ross looks great.
Interesting in watching the "making of" featurette, it appears that director George Roy Hill really got pissed off at something Ross did very early in the making of the movie and essentially found herself banned from the movie set if she wasn't filming.
Whether the movie is a semi-documentary or not may be debateable, but its a terrific story with enough really good things in it, on it, and about it to make it a surefire must-see. ****1/2
Hopefully tomorrow I will finally have enough gas in my tank to write my special end-of-the-season spectacular on the football season. That would be the one I had planned on writing sometime last weekend. Like I said....getting sick really sucks.
Later,
Jeff
"Didja...use enough dynamite there Butch?"
"First, let's go over the rules."
"RULES? In a knife fight?"
Great chemistry between Newman & Redford....and Katherine Ross looks great.
Interesting in watching the "making of" featurette, it appears that director George Roy Hill really got pissed off at something Ross did very early in the making of the movie and essentially found herself banned from the movie set if she wasn't filming.
Whether the movie is a semi-documentary or not may be debateable, but its a terrific story with enough really good things in it, on it, and about it to make it a surefire must-see. ****1/2
Hopefully tomorrow I will finally have enough gas in my tank to write my special end-of-the-season spectacular on the football season. That would be the one I had planned on writing sometime last weekend. Like I said....getting sick really sucks.
Later,
Jeff
2/13/05---Great old SNL skit recalled
So last night, my bride and I sat down and watched "Master & Commander--The Other Side of the World". Besides being a "ripping good yarn" (as some old sea salt might call it) it reminded me of a great old Saturday Night Live skit that I hadn't thought about in ages.
"Miles Copperthwaite" starred Michael Palin (of Monty Python fame) as a young cabin boy who finds himself as the young steward of a ship full of "manly men" aboard her majesty's ship...."The Raging Queen"....captained by John Belushi.
OMG....you wanna talk about laughing your ass off. Belushi is in full homo mode,
and all the women who are on board (Gilda, Jane & Lorraine) are absolutely desperate for love because none of the ship's crew seems to have much of an interest in them....
"Perhaps....perhaps....we could ALL comfort Miles!"
What a classic moment.
I'll review Master & Commander at a later date.....a solid **** film though, with that bastard Russell Crowe, love him or hate him, delivering another solid performance. I'm still....(STILL)...trying to recover from this upper respitory business. I may have to perform a sacrifice to appease the God's!
Later,
Jeff
Saturday, February 12, 2005
2/12/05--Posting photos with the Cable Guy
Kevin Nash examines the real cause of the downfall of WCW.....or, as Michael Jackson once said....its all about "The Man in the Mirror".
Thursday, February 10, 2005
2/10/05---15 rounds with an upper respitory infection
My wife. I love her. Ya know that part about "for better or worse"? Well I guess it also includes when your lovely bride gives you a cold that turns into an upper respitory infection--one that flatout knocked me for a loop. I went to work on Monday, wasn't feeling really good...but nothing horrible...with the plan being that if we washed out of trial that I would ask to go home early. Well naturally, we not only went to trial but ended up staying until after 6pm. So I was just exhausted when I got home. Woke up Tuesday, again not really feeling great, but not bad enough to where I had to stay home. That morning we did end up washing out of trial (thank God!) and afterwards I went home about 10am. I went home, rested up and took my medicine dutifully.....and then I woke up yesterday. During the night I had been up coughing and had slept really bad. When I woke up I told Kim that I wasn't going into work because I felt like complete shit. Not only that, I had the schmootz all over my eye. I hadn't had that happen in like 30 years and it stayed like that pretty much the whole day. Well, about 3pm Kim called (ain't she a peach?) and I told her that I was sorta worried about my eye, and she told me that I should see if the doctor could squeeze me in for an appointment. The doctor, totally to his credit, squeezed me in to his schedule and looked at me. He told me that I had the upper respitory thing that has been going around, that it would probably have to just run its course. He also told me that I had a "mild" case of pinkeye.
What does that mean? Do I have pinkeye? I mean, I hear the word "pinkeye" and I associate with this contagious disease that means your supposed to stay the hell away from people because it can spread so easily. So he explains that pinkeye is just an offshoot of any flu or heacold and that I have a mild case of it--that I have to use the Visine and make sure and keep washing my hands regularly, etc etc.
So when I got home, I called work and told them that they should probably make plans for me not to be there on Thursday.
So I wake up on Thursday and called in, telling them basically the truth. Wednesday I felt like complete shit, and Thursday morning I just felt like regular shit--but better than Wednesday. Thankfully, my eye looked better too. I had also switched from Robitussin (Chris Rock's favorite medicine---"Leg hurts? Take some Robitussin!")
to Tylenol and that seemed to be helping. The freakin Robitussin totally knocks you for a loop after a day or two. I mean, I was walking around like a zombie.
So anyway, that's where I stand right now. I think that I should be able to go back to work tomorrow--just in time to work a calendar call. UGH.
That is, unless my wife gives me another cold.
Later,
Jeff
What does that mean? Do I have pinkeye? I mean, I hear the word "pinkeye" and I associate with this contagious disease that means your supposed to stay the hell away from people because it can spread so easily. So he explains that pinkeye is just an offshoot of any flu or heacold and that I have a mild case of it--that I have to use the Visine and make sure and keep washing my hands regularly, etc etc.
So when I got home, I called work and told them that they should probably make plans for me not to be there on Thursday.
So I wake up on Thursday and called in, telling them basically the truth. Wednesday I felt like complete shit, and Thursday morning I just felt like regular shit--but better than Wednesday. Thankfully, my eye looked better too. I had also switched from Robitussin (Chris Rock's favorite medicine---"Leg hurts? Take some Robitussin!")
to Tylenol and that seemed to be helping. The freakin Robitussin totally knocks you for a loop after a day or two. I mean, I was walking around like a zombie.
So anyway, that's where I stand right now. I think that I should be able to go back to work tomorrow--just in time to work a calendar call. UGH.
That is, unless my wife gives me another cold.
Later,
Jeff
Sunday, February 6, 2005
2/6/05--Oh yeah, there's a game today!
I totally forgot that there's a rather big game being played today.
My pick:
New England-24
Philadelphia-13
Charlie Weis heads to Notre Dame with another Super Bowl ring. I really don't have a dog in the fight, but I have to figure if Philadelphia wins, their fans will be even more insufferable than usual.
Later,
Jeff
My pick:
New England-24
Philadelphia-13
Charlie Weis heads to Notre Dame with another Super Bowl ring. I really don't have a dog in the fight, but I have to figure if Philadelphia wins, their fans will be even more insufferable than usual.
Later,
Jeff
2/6/05--24...my own personal reality show
So ya know that show "24", starring my one-time-before-I-got-fat-look-a-like Keifer Sutherland? Well I got to experience one of those type of days beginning Friday. I woke up Friday morning and began to realize that my wife, and I love her, had passed her cold onto me. I had the body aches, my throat was scratchy...and I was pissed off. I admit it. I'm the world's worst patient when I'm sick. I'm cranky, moody...just probably not a lot of fun to be around. So after work we dropped Andy off at tae-kwon-do class, do the grocery shopping and then go to dinner.
We decided to head to DiSalvo's for some Eye-talian food. We get there, and I see the hostess, the same one who about 4 weeks ago told us our wait would be "about 15 minutes"--even though we already had a reservation. I seriously thought I was in the middle of that Seinfeld episode where they go to the Chinese restaurant. So tonight, while we're waiting, the owner//manager comes over with a carafe of wine and some garlic rolls. Nice gesture. Well, right ahead of us on the waiting list is an older couple who apparently were from Germany. So we start watching as they very slowly start to totally mooch not only the garlic rolls, but the carafe of wine!!
They were getting three sheets to the wind, and it was perked! And then, AFTER they had been seated, the guy gets up and goes to the front of the restaurant---where he proceeds to grab even MORE garlic rolls and finishes off the carafe. It was hilarious. Since we were waiting to be seated, we were watching them. They ordered a medium pizza and coffee. So let's review here. They come out for dinner, get a carafe of wine...garlic rolls...coffee...and a pizza.....and walk out spending maybe $10. Old people--they know how to live baby.
So while we were waiting--and while we weren't watching the old couple--the hostess started chatting with us. Naturally Kellie was little Miss Chatty, talking about the school she goes too, etc. We had our neighbor James with us, and he was playing it fairly cool...and then there was Andy. We watched him "attempt" to interact in this scenario and realized that he was the same age as the hostess. They might as well have been from other planets.
Then we wake up Saturday morning at 6:45am (aahh!) to take Andy to the taekwondo school so they could drive him to his tournament. We got to the Broward County Convention Center for the tournament. Now mind you, I'm still battling the effects of the cold, right? So we walk into the building and it has to be...tops....65 degrees in the building. I mean I am freezing my ass off--and needless to say I know its not helping my cold. When we arrive we find out that the tournament is being run by the dreaded Master Park, who was the kids first taekwondo teacher. That lasted a little over a year, when we discovered that the level of teaching was in line with the amount of $$$$ that you gave to the school.
He told us how much he wanted us to let Andy & Kellie join his "exclusive" black belt club. Yeah, if we coughed up like $3,000. So then we took the kids over to the YMCA school, and have been very satisfied. One thing that always bugged me about Park's school. I brought the kids there because I wanted them to be prepared if they were ever faced with a situation where they were challenged to a fight. I didn't want them to run like a coward, or get destroyed because they didn't know how....and yet, after ONE YEAR at Park's school, they had not been in one sparring session. Oh sure, they did a lot of exercising....and they work hard on the various forms and techniques...but they didn't work at all on actual combat. Why?
Ooooohhh. That's reserved for members of the "exclusive" black belt school.
So, back to the tournament....I found out it was run by Master Park. I knew right away this thing had to be slightly screwed up---it was just inevitable. So the "9a.m."
starting time turned into a 10:15am starting time. Figures. So when Andy's turn finally comes....Kim and I were very proud during the forms and techniques round of the tournament that Andy took the GOLD MEDAL in his weight and age grouping!
We were waiting for the next round of competition, which would be the sparring, and as lunch time came closer, we found out that there would be a lunch break. And we are still freezing. So then the sparring starts again. And its moving along, and we're getting and idea of how much longer the competition is going to last--and then---one of the girls breaks her ankle. And there's a weight for the paramedics and all of that.....and we're still freezing. Finally Andy comes out with his group of 3 guys. Their on the mat, waiting to be next, Andy puts on his sparring equipment, and then---they bring a group of kids over from another mat to go before him. And we're still freezing. Then, about 2:45pm.....FINALLY....Andy is called onto the mat with is opponent....who I named..."Eric the Hugger". They fight two 2 minute rounds, and there are three judges scoring. In order for a point to be scored, two of the three judges have to have ruled a clean shot. Before the match, Kim had told Andy that she had seen the Hugger warming up practicing shots to the head (legal for over 15 kids wearing headgear). So the match starts and surprisingly, I'm fairly calm about the whole situation--which is unusual for me because those who know me know that I'm an avid heckler--and Andy just looks sort of tenative. Eric is connecting with some body shots and builds a lead of around 4 to 1. His mother is walking around the mat and is talking all sort of shit....and I'm starting to get a tad agitated. The 2nd round starts and I think that Eric is starting to....in the words of man RPM---"get blowed up". You can see that he's really getting tired....and then he starts with the grabbing and clutching. Now, that's bad enough, but while he's doing that....he starts punching Andy. Apparently its allowable to throw body shots, but old Eric the Hugger was throwing some very borderline punches. Then, off a break he throws a headshot kick that clips Andy right on the chin. Eric's mom is still talking lots of shit, and the heckler in me let's go:
"Come on Andy....this kid don't wanna fight. He wants to hug you!" (angry glance by Eric's mom)
"Come on Andy...this kid wants to give you a kiss!" (another angry glance)
After the match while Andy was packing his gear away, the mom made a point of walking past us--brushing against me slightly saying "oh, excuse me"--and walking on. It was hilarious.
I pulled Andy aside and told him that I was proud of him. He had competed....he hadn't quit....he had taken a solid shot to the chin and hadn't gone down. One of his coaches from the school was standing next to us and said that every competition like this is a learning experience. He was right. Andy had sparred a kid he had never seen before and will learn from it. He lost 6-2 on points, but still was a winner.
I told him that he now knew what it was like to be in a real fight, so thatprospect would no longer scare him. He had fought someone who was borderline dirty--with all the punches--and would learn from it.
Andy learned something yesterday. Did I? Probably not. So who's the one who's slightly immature anyway?
Later,
Jeff
Thursday, February 3, 2005
2/3/05--Eva & the arms--sorry for the delay
So for those of you who've been patiently waiting....here's the tale:
It was over 10 years ago, and the Broward County courthouse was abuzz with the sordid details of the sickest murder case in quite awhile. It seems there was this man, who I believe was a Miami cop, who came up to Ft Lauderdale and picked up a prostitute. I guess part of the role-playing that he intended to do was to have the hooker handcuffed and then drive her back to his place. Well, apparently at some point during the ride back with him she got scared (or so the story went) and actually jumped out of the vehicle. Her timing could not have been worse. Apparently just as she lept from the car, she hit a guardrail and was killed. And just to make matters worse, her handcuffed arms were severed from her body after catching on the guardrail (look, I know the story so far hasn't been a million laughs, okay?). It was just a horrible crime. So the clerk who was in court with the case, the lovely and vivacious Ana (at that point in our office--hands down the best looking woman in the place), who would come in and give us the latest update on the sensational case.
So she's in the middle of the description when up walks Eva. Now Eva, very nice woman--but not the sharpest tool in the shed. Eva had moved from Germany as a teenager and had retained that Ahnuld-esque accent. So up walks Eva, who asks what we are talking about. It was at this moment that the stars aligned, the heavens parted....and the stage was set for one of the greatest practical jokes (albeit one about a sick topic) in the history of my office.
"You didn't hear about the trial?" I asked Eva.
"Vat trial?" she replies.
"The murder trial that poor Ana is doing." (I look at Ana, who quickly takes on a very serious looking expression)
"Is it bad?"
"Bad? Didn't you hear?"
"No...vat happened."
"Well, in this case, the murder victim was thrown out of a car and had her arms torn off. It was horrible."
"Oh mein Got! Tat's terrible!"
"Yep....and did you hear the worst part?"
(I should mention that at this point--all the people standing around us, for reasons that I couldn't tell you, take on a very solemn expression, jumping right in on it.)
"Vat?"
"Well....apparently the state attorney was having trouble getting the witness to identify the victim. So they had to bring in......the arms."
"Da arms? They had to bring in da arms?"
"Yep....and what was worse...in order to identify the women, they had to admit the arms into evidence.....so that meant....Ana (lowering my eyes, shaking my head), had to.....mark the arms into evidence."
"SHE HAD TO MAK DA ARMS! SHE HAD TO MAK DA ARMS! Oh mein Got! Dat's horrible! Oh no, I can't believe it......"
At this point, poor Eva walks (no, actually RUNS) out of the office while the rest of us are looking at one another, really not believing that she had bought the story.
So later that afternoon, my boss Dino tells me that since Eva could sometimes be a tad (just a tad) naive....that I needed to tell her that it was all a joke. So later that day, Eva comes down to the office and I go over to her. Now, part of the magic of this story is that Eva learned the language (English I mean), by watching television as a kid--so sometimes she'll say something that seemingly makes no sense, or come up with a combination that doesn't quite belong together, because she has to recall something that she saw on television. So I go up to her:
"Eva...did you hear what happened?"
"Vat?"
"In Ana's trial.....the evidence was stolen!"
"It was vat? Stolen?"
"Yep....they stole the arms!"
"THEY STOLE DA ARMS!! THEY STOLE DA ARMS!"
"That's right....and do you know what they're calling it?"
"Vat?"
"And.....armed robbery."
Okay, first of all...it was a bad joke. But you had to see the expression on her face as she looked around the office and realized that she had been duped. She looks back at me...a little mad....a little embarassed....and says...
"Oh you.....you....are....a.....MONKEY!"
I'm not sure what I did that makes me a monkey, but it was funny. Eva still works there. Maybe one day I'll give my story about going to her wedding, which in its own way was quite the experience. A groom wearing boots---with spurs. No lie.
Later,
Jeff
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