2/19/07--More things change...more they stay the same

So the other day, I was at the vet's picking the dogs up (nothing serious, just the old bath and day-spa treatment) and had brought the kids with me.  As we were waiting to checkout, I see a man pass by Kellie and try to hand her something.  After he had left, she came over to me and handed it to me....it was about the size of a business card and it said:

"I am deaf...please give me what you can."

Kellie told me that she felt bad for the man....and it was about that moment that I was transported back in time.....it was 1978....and I was at the dreaded Fairview Heights Mall with my mother.  I was browsing in a Walden's when I was approached by a man who handed me a card very similar to the one that would be handed to my daughter almost 30 years later.  I didn't have anything, and when I got home I spoke to my Dad.
He had been raised by two parents who were both deaf...and I suppose I also felt some sense of guilt...some sense that I had an obligation to help out someone who was in a situation somehow (in my mind at least) similar to my grandparents.  My Dad's reaction really surprised me.

"Do you want to know what your Grandmother would have done if she had been there?
She would have immediately started giving him what-for and told him to go out and get a job.  Its people like that who cause the deaf and handicapped to get bad names.
Your grandmother would've told him that there was no reason he couldn't be working."

And as I stood there with Kellie, I retold the story.  Of how indignant my grandmother would've been at the man--because she and my grandfather had raised five boys, despite both of them being deaf....and my grandfather had worked his entire life to make their lives better.

And to quote Yogi Berra.....it was deja vu all over again.

Later,
Jeff

2/17/07--Temporary crisis in the Bowdren house

So yesterday, I'm at work....just back from lunch around 1:15pm, and I get a phone call from Kim.  Apparently, and no one seems to no how, the back gate to our yard was left open and our dog Jazz had gone missing.

Kellie had let Jazz & Midnight (ya know, the "good dog") out into the backyard for a little bit of the old lunchtime constitutional and had come back a few minutes later and discovered the gate was open....and both dogs were out.

Kellie then proceeds to run screaming through the house, yelling to her brother that the dogs were out and to come help her find them.  They both run out front and discover that Midnight--remember, he's the good dog--was pretty much hanging around out front, greeting the occasional passerby and pretty much waiting for some of the neighborhood females to wander by.  He came back into the house as soon as he was called.  Kellie and Andy both then took off looking for Jazz--in the same direction.
Kellie then advised her brother that, ya know, things might get done a lot faster if we try looking in DIFFERENT directions.  So Andy takes off the opposite way and the search is on.  While this is going on, Kellie calls her Mom to tell her what happened.
Kim tells me that when she picked up the phone at work, she heard....

"Mom, the dogs got out and wwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....."

The rest of the call was pretty much Kellie crying hysterically.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure she was very upset and rightfully so.  But Kim is standing there trying to grasp what in the hell is going on and only managed (barely) to understand that something had happened and the dogs were out.  So Kim runs out of her job and tells them there is an emergency at home and she is leaving.

She calls me at work and tells me what she thinks has happened and I also make plans on the fly to leave work and help with the search for the now missing Jazz.  (Apparently Beezer was inside sleeping on the couch the entire time--he only responds to TRUE emergencies)  So now, I'm heading home, Kim is heading home...and the two kids are scouring the neighborhood looking for the missing dog.

The culprits....laying in the grass....waiting to cause consternation:

So as Kellie is walking around, a guy pulls up in a car and asks her if she is looking for a dog.  She breathlessly tells her that is.  He tells her that he saw a black dog earlier.
She says she is looking for a white dog.  He says that he will be on the lookout and drives away. 

Meanwhile, Andy is searching just north of our house and sees an employee of our animal hospital (which is less than a block away) who advises him that Jazz, our little runaway (little Bon Jovi quote for your morning coffee) is at the animal hospital.
Andy goes over there, sees the little piece of (cough, cough) and takes her home.
Kellie calls Kim, who calls me....and the crisis has been averted.

Apparently someone saw Jazz wondering around in one of the parking lots across from our house and figured that she might have been from the animal hospital and took her back over there.  Jazz, like a lot of the young girls these days, has her own tattoo (I think it says "Lynrd Skynrd") and it shows the vet where she belongs.  So all the dogs are back home and the meltdown has subsided.  We went out to dinner last night and talked about it with the kids.  Kellie was sure that she would be yelled out for being the one that had let the dogs out, but it wasn't her that left the gate open so there was really nothing that was anyone's fault.  I told them that I was proud of the way that both of them had handled themselves during our family crisis.  Kim mentioned that Andy, who is totally non-emotional about ANYTHING (having mainly to do with his Asperger's) was crying when he told her about Jazz being gone.
And then I asked Kellie a question that had been bothering me the whole rest of the day.  I wondered if, in the midst of the situation, at the height of all the drama, when she was at her most emotionally distraught....what she would have done, in her uppermost concern for the missing dog......if the guy in the car had told her to get in and he would help her look for the dog.

Without missing a beat she shook her head and said no.

And I was glad.  I was glad that she knew, as I told her right afterwards, that no matter how much I love the dogs, even Midnight.....that no dog is worth finding if it means something had happened to her.

Sometimes those kids are listening when you talk to them afterall.

Later,
Jeff

2/10/07---Getting to know my doctor just a little more than I wanted....

So I paid a visit to my doctor a couple of weeks ago, and he gave me a delightful bit o' news.  It was time for me to, ya know, get 'er done.  By " 'er", I mean of course, that most wonderful of procedures that most-to-all of us will get done in their mid to late 40's....the colonoscopy.  Ah yes, I just tell as you read this....you're jealous.

So I made the decision (after originally trying to talk my way out of it) to go ahead and schedule the appointment to see a doctor who specializes in the old GI.  I went there, and told the doctor why my primary had recommended I go see him (there are some things that I just won't share with you---deal with it).  He asked me some fairly general questions and then...yep, it was time to...as they say in the business....

Drop trou.

You've heard the jokes. 
"Hey doc...you don't happen to see any car keys back there, do ya?"
"Doc, you're about to go where no man has gone before..."

And you know what?  They are all true.  There's just no getting around it.  But, on the other hand, he told me that based on my family's medical history, and....ya know, a preliminary search...it didn't seem like there was anything to worry about....but still, the original recommendation was not necessarily a bad one.

I had already emotionally prepared myself for the event--after some lovely private counseling sessions with others that have experienced it--and so a date was set for....

"the procedure".

Anyone who has been in my situation will tell you that the worst part of it is the day before.  That's when you are given this vile concoction that at best tastes like a bad Alka Seltzer and at worst tastes like....you don't wanna know. 

12pm--the day before.  I had a pretty light breakfast, ya know, some toast...that sorta thing and began to take the prescribed 4 pills.  One every 15 minutes.  After that, I slurped down a bowl of chicken broth (it actually says on the box--"to help things along"--OH MY!!).  About an hour later....time for the really rough part.  Time to drink the mixture.  And ya know....its not completely horrible....just mostly.  The real problem is that you have to drink 8 oz ever 10 minutes.  And its a whole pitcher full.  Which means that you are drinking 48 to 64 oz of this over the course of an hour...now that is disgusting.  To quotea co-worker:

I swelled up like a tick.

Which is probably why I threw up about 45 minutes into it.  But I digress.

Eventually you find yourself clean-as-the-proverbial-whistle.  (You really didn't expect me to go into even MORE detail, did you?)  But it is one nasty feeling.  The wife took the kids out to dinner that night (Outback--DOH!) so I wouldn't be tempted.  Yeah right.  Depriving me of my God-given right to cheese fries!  Ahem.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel as empty as I obviously was.  After midnight, the order is that you cannot drink or eat anything....I was actually pretty lucky that my procedure was scheduled for early in the morning so I could get it out of the way.  Kim and I got to the hospital and did the check-in and we were quickly processed up to the out patient area.
My nurse was Diana, who was very pleasant and who had been doing her job for just over 25 years--at least I was in the hands of a veteran.  The clothes came off and the lovely and oh-so-discreet hospital gown came on.  Diana went over the procedure with me and answered my questions ("When can I eat?") with lots of patience.  She assured me that what I had gone through the day before (the "concoction") was far worse than anything that would happen that day.  After a short wait, I was wheeled towards the operating room where the procedure would take place--at this point, the wife pretty much deserted me (hey, I gotta tell it like it is)....but she had too.  It was just me, the doctor and....my friend to "the rear".
I get into the room and go over some items with the anesthesiologist as he begins the IV.
I complain about the crappy music playing on the hospital's radio.
"Got any suggestions?" I'm asked.
"Yeah...how about some U2, Springsteen or maybe some Bob Seger?"
"Ya know, one of our nurses is a big Bob Seger fan."
"Oh yeah?  Well you tell her that I said...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

Yep, it takes about that long for you to be out like a light.

The next thing I knew I was being wheeled into my recovery room where my wife was sitting.  All I remember was yelling....

"WHERE'S THE FREAKIN BOB SEGER MUSIC I ASKED FOR????"

Kim said I talked about some other things regarding....well, let's just say that's a story best told....at another time....suffice to say, if I had been coherent, I'd have been embarrassed.  So there I am, laying on my side (yep) and half in the bag from the IV and I hear the doctor say two very wonderful things.
1) Everything is A-okay....no problems.
2) Because of your anesthesia.....I don't want you to work tomorrow.

Looks like no work tomorrow!!

Later,
Jeff

2/6/07---Me & my friends at Best Buy

I thought I'd tell you about what happened last weekend with my good friends at Best Buy.  The following story, while amazing and seemingly unbelieveable, is actually what happened.

Sometime early last week, I noticed that I was having trouble acessing my laptop and going online.  My wife looked at it, and ended up calling our internet provider (Bellsouth) to see if the problem was coming from their end.  They assured us that, not only were they not the problem, but that our modem was outdated and that they would be sending us a new one.  We continued to work at the problem, and I even managed to go online for about 5 minutes before I got dumped.  We decided at this point that we really couldn't figure out what the heck was happening and that maybe we would be better off calling in someone who knew what the heck they were doing.

Enter:  The Geek Squad.

Well, sorta.

My wife informed me that I needed to go to the local Best Buy and make an appointment to have someone come out and figure out what our problem was accessing the internet on my laptop--I say it that way because whatever was happening was not effecting my wife's computer.  So I'm at work the next day (that would be this past Thursday---2/1/06), and I'm planning on leaving work about an hour early so we could go see our accountant and get our taxes done early.  I had mentioned that what I hoped to do was to hit the Best Buy on the way, and then see the accountant afterwards.
Well, while I was at work, I came across the bright idea to call the store and see if it was possible to make the appointment over the phone.  Quite the concept, huh?
So I began to try and contact the Geek Squad at the local Best Buy---and while you're reading this, key in on the word "try".  I attempted to reach them at the phone number that was in the local white pages.  Three times.  No answer.  Finally, and somewhat amazingly, I somehow connected with the store operator.  She wasn't the person I needed to speak too, but I figured she could at least help me reach someone in the department I was trying to reach.  There's that word again---"try".  She promptly put me on hold and told me that she would be right back.  This was the beginning of what I called "the Yanni music".  You know, that new age garbage that is supposed to be "soothing" and relaxing, which is why they must play it for their customers on hold---because otherwise they would be losing their respective minds.  The operator came back on, announced to me that she was transferring me to the department....and promptly disconnected me.
Well, at this point I was about ready to leave work, so I just figured that I'd probably have to make the appointment in person.  Traffic was heavy and so I was running a little late for the appointment with our accountant.  Before I got to the accountant's, I decided to make one last try at making the Geek Squad appointment by phone.  I tried again, and the phone continued to ring....and ring....and ring....and ring---and then as if by some miracle, the phone was picked up---by a live person.  It turned out to be the same operator I had spoken to an hour or so before--and she was getting ready to transfer me to the Geek Squad.
"Wait!" I said, "please...please don't transfer me.  I'll get disconnected.  All I want to do is to ask you a single question.  Do I have to come in and make the appointment for a home visit by the Geek Squad or can I do it over the phone?"

She was very polite and told me that she would be happy to make the appointment for me.  A minute or so later, someone else actually came on the phone and helped me make the appointment for that Saturday (2/3/07).

Hey!  I got me an appointment to get my computer fixed!

Not so fast there Slick.

Saturday afternoon came, and it was around 2:20pm and my wife and I were just sitting there.  I told her that I would go and get our kids from their Tae Kwon Do class, since if the technician showed up, she had a better idea of what specifically was wrong with my laptop--and perhaps more importantly, the router.

I go and picked up the kids, got home and walked in to find my wife exactly where I left her.

"I'm assuming they didn't come," I asked.
"Nope. No phone calls either." she said.  "Do you want to call them?"

I then began what can best be described as.....round 2.

I called the store again, trying to find out why the technician was so late.  So I called.
And I got the ringing...and ringing....and ringing.  Finally, I managed to get through to someone in the Geek Squad and told them what the situation was.  They put me on hold.  More Yanni music.  Then I got disconnected.  Again.
I called again....wrong department.  Let me transfer you--'no, don't do that'---I'm not making this up...I got disconnected again.  So I called again, and this time I actually got through to the Geek Squad on the first try!  I explained that at this point (3:15pm-ish) that all I wanted to do was to reschedule the appointment that I had, as my wife and I had made plans to go out late in the afternoon.  The person I spoke to (I believe his name was Oscar) was very nice and told me that the person scheduled to come to my house--"Lewis"--had tried to call me and let me know that he was running late.

"Uh, no...." I said, "that is absolutely false.  My wife or I have been here the entire day and no one has called us."

I even told Oscar that I understood that things came up from time to time, people get delayed for reasons beyond their control--but at the very least I should have received a phone call either from the store or from the technician who was supposed to come to my home--he agreed.  The appointment for that day was canceled.

(Here's where it starts to get fun)

I then told Oscar that I wanted to reschedule the appointment for some time the next day (that would be Sunday, 2/4/07).  I was told that the person who "did the scheduling" for the Geek Squad home service calls---I believe her name was Natalie--was not do to come in for another 15 or 20 minutes, but that he was going to tape a note to her desk to have her call me "first thing she came in" and schedule a new appointment with me.  So my wife & I, with our kids, went out.  This would have been a little after 3:30 pm.

5pm and I haven't heard from anyone....I decide to be pro-active and call them myself, knowing that I would once again be facing what had almost become, to me at least, a "force of nature"---I refer of course, to the phone system at the Best Buy.  So once again, I call...and once again, I get no answer.  So I call back--no answer.  I call back again--and lo & behold, I get ahold of "Ray", who identifies himself as the manager of the Geek Squad area.  Tears of joy stream down my face as I have a feeling of geniune empowerment---I may actually be close to getting something done!!!  Ray says that he can help me....and then he puts me on hold.  More Yanni music....empowerment gone.
But shockingly enough...Ray comes back on the line!  It is the same person that I spoke to originally!!!  This is the first time this has happened to me the entire weekend of dealing with Best Buy.  I explain, almost tearfully, my situation to Ray---beginning with my incredible frustration at the phone system that Best Buy is currently using.
And then, Ray said the most incredible thing:

"You're not the first person who has complained about our phone system," he says.
"Ray," I said, "do you know how many times I've called in the last few days and haven't been able to get ahold of ANYONE in your department??"
"Oh," he says, "I can explain that.  The way that our phone system works is that, when you call, if one of our employees is on the phone with a customer, your call won't ring as a 'busy signal'.  It will just keep on ringing."
"You mean, it'll keep on ringing....as if no one is there to answer it?"
"Yes."
"Ray," I said, "I have to tell you....that may be the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my 45 years on earth.  Do you realize how much business your store is losing because people are calling and thinking that no one is picking the phone up??"
"Uh," he said, "truthfully....this is something that I've brought up before."

I continued to be amazed by what I had been told.  Then, it actually got better.

"Okay Ray," I said, "This has been a really amazing experience.  But, ultimately, all I want to do is to reschedule my appointment for tomorrow."
"Oh," he said, "you see...here's the problem.  The person who does the scheduling for us---Natalie---called in sick today.  That's why she didn't call you."
"Well, okay," I said, "I understand that--its a legitimate reason....maybe I can just talk to the store manager and he can give me a date and time."
"Uh," Ray responded, "no...he can't.  He doesn't have access to set up an appointment."
"The store manager?"
"Yep."
"Well Ray," I said, "your the department manager.  Maybe YOU can reschedule me."
"Um, no....I don't have the access code to do that either."
"Your telling me that NO ONE there has the access to reschedule me????"
"Nope."

By this time, I had gone past amazed and directly to incredulous.

"Okay Ray, how about when someone who does have the access comes in, they call me and schedule me an appointment?"
"Okay," Ray says, "I'll give the message first thing tomorrow (2/4/07) and have them call you."

Now, the store opens at 10am onSundays.  At my home, 10am came and went.  I was out and about....and at 2pm, my phone rang.  It was Natalie, the absentee access holder, ready to set me up with a visit from the Geek Squad.

Only one problem.  My wife and I got home....and fixed the problem ourselves.
We installed the modem ourselves, and my wife called Linksy's, our router company, and after about 15 minutes on the phone....we resolved the problem.

Aggravation from dealing with Best Buy retail store in Plantation, Florida:  Incredible.
Amount of money paid to Best Buy Corporation for service call:  ZERO
Satisfaction at telling Best Buy employee that we didn't need a service call:  PRICELESS



Sincerely,
Jeffrey Bowdren